by Howard Buten
(Devil’s Night is the night before Halloween when you go out and soap windows and ring doorbells. You are supposed to be little goblins like. They are juvenile delinquents.)
“I don’t know,” I said.
Shrubs said, “Your mom gave my mom a book she is supposed to read to me. It’s called From Little Acorns.”
“It’s about how babies are born,” I told him.
Shrubs said he already knew. He said, “First Dad goes to the shopping center and buys a balloon. It is white. Then he brings it home and wraps it in aluminum foil so he can put it in the freezer for later. Then my mom gets in her pajamas and they go to bed. Then he takes out the balloon and shows it to her and she is so happy she has a baby.”
After school we decided to rake leaves. We have a company, the Shru-Bu Company, we rake leaves. Also we make things. We make houses, they are cardboard boxes with doors cut in them, and once we even made one out of wood with plastic bags for the roof. We had dinner in it, potato chips. Also we made a newspaper, the Shru-Bu News. I wrote it myself on carbon paper. I made five of them. Miss Moss bought all five, she lives two houses from Shrubs. Then Jeffrey took over and made himself the boss and I was supposed to be the reporter so he told me to go out and get news, so I went down Lauder and got the News off everybody’s front porch. Twenty-six of them. My mom had to take them all back. She was cross.
Shrubs has a good rake, it is wood, not like ours which is green metal and boings. First we raked Shrubs’ house and made piles in the street for a bonfire, then we raked my house. My mom paid us a quarter, we bought Nik-O-Nips at Nick’s. (Only it isn’t Nick anymore, he died. Now it is Steve, who is foreign. He is mean. He wouldn’t let me and Shrubs eat our peanut butter sandwiches in there when we ran away last time.)
After raking I went home for dinner. Mom said don’t track up the living room. Then she said what a good job I did raking and I was a big boy, and she said that for being a good boy, Daddy would take me out after dinner and make a bonfire to roast marshmallows.
“Oh no, Mommy,” I said. “Tonight is Devil’s Night, for all the little goblins.”
She said, “Oh my! I forgot!” But she said it like acting.
So after dinner Shrubs called for me and we went. It was dark. The streetlights were on. (I have never seen them go on, they are always just on.)
We rang doorbells. You run up real quiet and ring the doorbell and run away and when the person in the house answers the door there’s nobody there. Ha ha.
I rang one and Shrubs watched. We both ran. Then we both rang one. Then I told Shrubs to do one alone. He said no, but I made him. He did. He went up to the door. He rang the doorbell. But he didn’t run. He just stood there. I said run, but he stood there with his hands in his pockets, he was froze. The door opened and a man came out. He had a tie on. He said, “Yes, what is it?” Shrubs didn’t say anything. He stood just. “What can I do for you?” said the man, but Shrubs just looked at him. The man stood there for a minute, looking at Shrubs. “Who are you?” said the man. Shrubs went like this with his shoulders. “Are you the paper boy?” Shrubs said, “I don’t know.” Then the man went inside. He closed the door. Shrubs just stood there. Then the man opened the door and looked at Shrubs again. Then he closed the door again. Then Shrubs left.
I asked Shrubs why he didn’t run. He said he didn’t know why.
Mom made cookies for the Halloween party and put them in a shoebox and tied it with a string and left it on the yellow counter in the kitchen for me to take to school. That night I went to bed and the Superman suit was on the other bed in my room. My mom dyed long underwear and it had a cape and an S and everything. It looked like really Superman. I could hardly sleep.
The next morning I woke up all by myself, Mom didn’t wake me. I got up and washed and put on my Superman suit. I stood in front of the mirror and put my hands on my hips and made like the bullets bounced off. I made myself breakfast, it was orange juice and bread. I took the shoebox of cookies. I went. I didn’t even wear a coat because I was like Superman.
When I got to school there wasn’t anybody there yet, so I stood outside and waited for the bell. I held the cookies extra tight so I wouldn’t lose them. I stood and waited. Nobody came. I waited and waited. It was cold. I held my cookies. Nobody came, I didn’t know what to do.
Then the door of school opened and a man came out. He looked at me but I saw behind him inside, there were children in school, so I went in.
I went to Miss Iris’ room but there were all different children there, not from my class. They looked at me. Miss Iris wasn’t there. I stood next to her desk in my Superman suit and everybody looked at me and laughed.
Then Miss Iris came in. She said, “Why Burt, what are you doing here? The Halloween party was this morning. Your class is in Library now.”
I went to Library and everybody looked at me because I was in my Superman suit. I forgot to bring any other clothes. When I got home after school my mom said, “I’m sorry, Honey. I had an early beauty shop appointment this morning. I wrote a note for Jeffrey to wake you but I forgot to leave it. I found it in my purse at the beauty shop.”
[14]
I HAVE BEEN AT THE CHILDREN’S TRUST RESIDENCE Center for three weeks now. I haven’t been visited by my mommy and daddy because they aren’t allowed yet, it is the rules here. Dr Nevele says I’m not adjusted. I can’t control myself. I have tantrums. He says that I am a good little boy who unfortunately does bad things sometimes. Like what I did to Jessica.
I am here by myself. I don’t have any friends. I don’t know anybody hardly except Rudyard and Mrs Cochrane. No children. I have only been away from home once before (except for sleeping over at Shrubs’ house). When I was five I went to camp.
It was entitled Little Camp Atinaka, for little kids. It was far far away from our house, we drove, it took an hour. I sat on the hump all the way there. All the way there my mom told me how much fun it was going to be, just like on “Spin and Marty” on the Mickey Mouse Club. They have cowboy hats and ride horses. (I love “Spin and Marty,” man, they are swift, only I hate Mickey Mouse because he talks like a girl.)
Little Camp Atinaka lasted a week. They had cabins. Ours was Cabin Number One. We ate in the Arrowhead Lodge which was like school only no line. And every day at lunch we sang a song.
We are Cabin Number One
Number One, Number One
We are Cabin Number One
And we’re the best of all.
Except we weren’t. We stank at everything. Every morning somebody peed in their bed, except me. I never did.
Cabin Number One had two counselors, Miss Laurie and Miss Sherry. They had very short hair but they were girls. They slept in Cabin Number One with us and they saw us when we got dressed and when we put on our pajamas. I always got dressed under the covers because I was embarrassed.
One day was Gold Rush Day, it was a special activity at camp. For the whole day everybody pretended we looked for gold, which was rocks painted yellow. One of the counselors dressed up as Sneaky Pete, and went around shooting flour out of a gun at the campers, and if he hit you, you were supposed to be killed. I was scared of him, even though I knew he wasn’t real. He frightened me. And that night I woke up in bed, it was very cold and I had to make. But I was too afraid. I was afraid that Sneaky Pete was outside, and there wasn’t a bathroom in Cabin Number One. You had to go outside and walk down the hill. So I held it. I held it and held it until I couldn’t anymore, and I made in my bed. I covered it with the sheets and blanket, only it was very cold and it was wet and soaked through. I had to lay on top of it. And the next morning everyone woke up and I was the only one who wet. Miss Laurie said the blanket was ruined, she had to throw it out. I wanted to be dead.
Now I am at The Children’s Trust Residence Center, and I am all alone still. I don’t have any friends. I wish Shrubs was here or even Marty Polaski. Sometimes I get letters from my mom and dad. Today I even got one from Jeffrey.
&nb
sp; Dear Burt,
Hi Booger! How are you, I am fine. Mom told me I had to write you a letter so I am. (But I don’t want to.) (Just kidding, ha ha.)
Yesterday at school we had the Iowa Test. They gave it to us in Homeroom. It took the whole entire day. I don’t think you had it yet because you are still a pip squeak. They are to determine academic ability. They don’t have normal questions and answers, instead we are to fill in the slot next to the best answer with a soft lead pencil, next to a letter A, B, C, or D. Mr Lloyd told us how to cheat. You fill in all the slots because it’s checked by a machine, only he said we’d get caught. He is an ass hole. I don’t have to cheat anyway because I am an abnormally gifted pupil.
Mother told me I’m not supposed to tell anyone where you are. Everybody asks me. She told me to say you are visiting relatives. Bruce Binder said you are in jail. Now he thinks we have relatives in jail.
Where are you anyway? The day Mother and Dad took you away, Jessica Renton’s mother called here a hundred times, but I didn’t know what to say. I told her you were visiting relatives.
Anyway, since you’ve been gone I haven’t gone in your room even once, so don’t worry. Sophie said you left it in a mess anyway, but I saw her yesterday in the basement, she was holding your guitar you use to imitate Elvis and she was crying.
Once in a while Mother asks me if I have any idea why you did that to Jessica Renton. She gets all sad and I don’t know what to say. She says, “He’s your brother, you know him.” And I say, “But you had him, not me.” Also I remember when we were little you used to beat me up almost every day even though I was older than you. Why did you do that?
Last night Dad slapped me across the face at dinner for saying the veal chops tasted like vomit. He was in one of his moods, Mom said. He left the table and didn’t come back till after dinner. Remember last winter when he wouldn’t eat with us for a week and nobody ever found out why?
Even though I hate your guts I wish you would hurry up and come home, so you could help me take out the trash, and also I don’t have anybody to fool around with on Sunday morning before anybody gets up.
Your Brother,
Jeffrey Rembrandt, Esquire.
But I still haven’t got any letters from Jessica. Every day I ask Dr Nevele if they came and he doesn’t say anything.
Yesterday Dr Nevele said that he wanted me to see some of the other doctors at The Children’s Trust Residence Center, and that maybe if I went around with the other children I would make some new friends.
“We have many special rooms here,” he said. “Rooms for learning to speak correctly, and rooms for acting out our feelings using playthings, and rooms for singing and playing and even doing gymnastics or wrestling.”
I told him I wanted wrestling because I could pretend I am Dick the Bruiser. He is mean, man, but he has a flat top.
So I went.
First we had breakfast. It was eggs but it had like pieces of things in it, it was an omelet. I hated it. Also I had tomato juice which I think is blood when I drink it. But I didn’t have a tantrum. I ate it just. Then we went.
First we had the Music Room. Everyone sits on the floor and sings “She’ll Be Comin Round the Mountain When She Comes,” and they make you go like this with your hands and yell “Whoa Back!” after you sing it. I felt like an idiot.
Then we had the Play Therapy Room, where I have already been once, with Rudyard. This time I played in the play kitchen they have. It has wood refrigerators and a stove that is pretend. I made Beef Stroganoff. My mom made it once. I hated it.
Then we went to Speech Therapy. It is for children who can’t talk right, like Manny, he can’t say L. But during the whole time in the Speech Therapy Room somebody in the back of the room kept talking, and they couldn’t figure out who it was. It was me. I talked using ventriloquism which I learned out of a book in Library at school. It showed me how to make a puppet out of a paper bag. It was cool. Then I got my own dummy, I got him for Hanukah. I named him Bixby, which was stupid because I couldn’t say his name in ventriloquism. So I killed him. I operated on his stomach because he had pleurodynia and all the stuffing came out and my mom gave him to the Goodwill.
We got out of Speech Therapy. Then I saw someone in the hall, it was the postman, he had a bag he was taking letters into the office. I ran up to him and asked if there were any letters for me from Jessica. He didn’t know what I was talking about. I said, “Jessica Renton, she said she was going to write.” But he just looked at me and said, “Well, I don’t know anything about that.” So I asked him again, because he’s the postman, and he said, “Look, kid, I don’t really care who writes who, I just have my job to do, so leave me alone,” and then I lost control of myself. I screamed, “Give me some letters, give me some letters!” and I kicked him in the leg and started to hit him. I grabbed his bag away and it spilled all over the floor and I jumped on the letters and started throwing them, looking for one from Jessica, and then he tried to grab me and I bit his hand. Everyone came out of the office and Dr Nevele grabbed me and pulled my arms around me and pulled me away to the Quiet Room, and I kept screaming to give me letters.
He dragged me into the Quiet Room and pulled a chair in it from the hall and pushed me in the chair and took his belt off and put it around me. He left me there. He didn’t say even anything.
I sat by myself. I didn’t take the seatbelt off. I knew I couldn’t control myself, my tantrum. I sat and sat. Then I took it off and walked real good citizenship back to Dr Nevele’s office.
“I’m sorry,” I said and gave him his belt back. He looked at me funny, like he was embarrassed about something, and took his belt and said ok. I said, “I just wanted my letters, she said she was going to write them.” Dr Nevele turned red when I said it. I don’t know why. But he just nodded.
“I’m sorry, Burt,” he said. It was like he was going to cry.
I went back to my wing. I layed down on my bed. I stayed there until it got dark outside. I looked up at the ceiling, which has little holes in it, like at school. I missed dinner. Then I did something. I went over to the window and put my hands together and looked out and said
Star light star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.
And I said for Jessica to please write me letters so I would know that she was all right and that she remembered me.
Then I went to my bed and I layed down. I put my head inside the pillow. There weren’t any stars outside, it was cloudy. And it was dark in my wing and I was all alone. I heard thunder, it started to rain.
When I opened my eyes somebody was sitting next to me smoking a cigarette, I saw the fire part in the dark. I was frightened.
“Is anybody there?” I said.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” It was Rudyard. He blew out smoke.
“No,” I said.
“Where is everybody?”
“At Special Activities,” I said. “A movie.”
“Oh yeah.”
Rudyard sat on the bed next to mine. My eyes got used to the dark and I could see. He was bent over like he was hurt or something.
I watched him. He didn’t say anything. He got up and walked around the room. He looked at things in the dark. Then he went to the window and looked out, and the light from the parking lot came behind him and he was all black to me. He was an outline.
“You could say a wish upon a star, Rudyard,” I said. “You can order stuff.”
“There aren’t any stars.” It was raining.
“I know.”
He stood there looking anyway. Then he started to talk. He talked to himself.
“Sixteen years ago I was walking home from the grocery store down the alley behind my house. I used to go to the grocery store just to look around. I only had maybe fifteen cents but I’d shop all day, trying to decide what the very best thing I could buy for fifteen cents was. When I would finally decide and buy it,
I really enjoyed it after all that.
“I noticed that day at the grocery store they had a new display. It was for cookies. The kind that are chocolate on one side and chocolate stripes on the other. I hated them, actually, but they were good for dunking. They got just soggy enough without falling apart. This display had a picture of a boy on it, jumping. He was cut out of cardboard.
“That day I decided to buy a bar of soap because it would last longer than candy. I was going to carve it when I got home. But on the way home it started to storm, the wind blew and the rain came down. I started to run but it caught me. I was pretty scared. I ducked under a tree behind the grocery store, in the middle of some bushes, to get out of the downpour. Then I noticed that someone had thrown out one of those displays, thrown it in the alley. The little cardboard boy had come loose. He was blowing against the bushes in the wind. His legs and arms were flapping and twisted, like he was throwing a tantrum.
“I finally made it home. I just closed my eyes and ran. On the way I dropped the soap. But to this day when I walk along sometimes and look around, I think I see cardboard boys throwing tantrums in the bushes. It’s just that the night reminds me.”
He sat down again on the bed next to mine. I watched the end of his cigarette. He didn’t say anything for a long time. Then he said, “I think I’m going to get fired, Burt. The Board of Directors has asked me to leave.”
[15]
AFTER THE AIR RAID DRILL IT WAS ONLY A WEEK UNTIL Thanksgiving vacation, I couldn’t wait. I love Thanksgiving, it is a holiday but there isn’t any praying and you get to eat like crazy. I eat very much for my age. I eat and eat. I eat more than anybody except Shrubs. My dad says, “Even a train stops, Burt.”
The day after Air Raid Drill we had elections for Drinking Fountain Captain in Homeroom and I got nominated by Bobby Cohen who I hardly know, it surprised me. We put our heads down and raised our hands to vote, no peeking. I voted for Ruth Arnold because it is selfish to vote for yourself but Miss Iris said you should, it shows you have confidence, but I think it is bad manners.
