His fingers moved over my breasts, teasing my nipples, then moved down over my stomach until they reached my jeans. He unbuttoned them slowly, then traced his finger over the top of my panties, dipping his finger down just inside the waistband. His touch was setting me on fire.
My mind raced and whirled, not able to think of anything except how badly I needed him. I reached out and grabbed the top of his pants, my fingers fumbling with his belt as I tried to undo it.
He grabbed my wrists and turned me over, though, so that he was on top of me.
He held me there for a moment, my arms above my head, his eyes locked on mine. The air was charged with electricity and anticipation. I felt so close to being pushed over the edge that it was almost unbearable.
I tried to kiss him, but he was holding me so tightly that I couldn’t move.
“Please,” I begged. “Don’t tease me.”
His arms flexed as he held me down and I could see the want burning in his eyes.
My breath caught as I took in his long eyelashes, the strong line of his jaw, the broadness and strength of his shoulders.
“Lindsay,” he whispered, slowly lowering himself on top of me. “God, Lindsay.”
I wrapped my legs around him, and we started to kiss again. His hands found my breasts. They were completely loose from my bra now, and my nipples were hard. His hand slid down over my stomach and across my hips, his finger dipping under my jeans but over my panties.
“Touch me,” I whispered into his ear. “Please. I want you to touch me.”
His fingers slid down my hips and then across my leg to my thigh. He was so close to touching me there, in between my legs, that it was making me dizzy. I shifted slightly, trying to move myself into his fingers, but as soon as I did, he pulled back.
“No,” he whispered, then slid his hand back up to my face. He ran his thumb gently over my jaw line. “You don’t get to be in control.”
“I don’t want to be in control,” I said. “I just want you to take me.” I had never spoken any truer words. The emotions I was feeling right then were so overpowering.
I’d never experienced anything like it. I wanted to get caught up in the moment, to lose complete control for once in my life.
He began kissing me again, and this time, the intention behind it was clear. The kiss intensified, his hands roaming over my body, teasing my bare skin and making me shiver.
He pulled back for a moment, pushing my hair out of my face. “God,” he breathed. He pushed the straps of my bra down over my shoulders and kissed my collarbone softly. “You are so beautiful.”
I bit my lip to keep from moaning. How could this boy who I’d just met make me feel these wonderful, amazing things that I didn’t even know were possible? A wave of longing washed over me. It was the weirdest sensation – almost like I missed him.
Which was impossible, since he was right there with me, his body so close to mine that we almost felt like one.
But a part of me knew the closeness was fleeting. Emotionally I wondered if he would ever let me in. Goosebumps broke out on my arms, thinking about what it would feel like if he ever confided in me, if he ever broke down his walls and really just let me in. What would it be like? Would I find the reason he kept everyone at arm’s length?
Would I be shocked? Scared? I didn’t think so. Instead, I was sure that if Justin ever decided to confide in me completely, it would be even more amazing and wonderful than what I was feeling right now.
The longing for that kind of closeness overtook me, and I didn’t realize I was crying until Justin brushed a tear from my cheek.
“Hey, hey, hey,” he said, rolling off me and onto the other side of the bed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said. I needed him back, kissing me, touching me, making me forget.
“Something must be,” he said. He propped himself up on his elbow. “You’re crying.”
“No, I’m not.” I pushed the tears off my cheeks. “I’m fine.” I reached for him, but he moved back, keeping a distance between us. “What?” I demanded. “Now you don’t want me?”
He shook his head. “Not like this.”
“Not like what?”
“Not if you’re going to use it to hide whatever it is that’s really going on.”
I gaped at him. “There’s nothing really going on!” I said. “I want to have sex is what’s going on.”
I reached for him and kissed him, this time letting my hand slide down his pants and over his boxers.
“Jesus, Lindsay,” he said, and pulled my hand out. He intertwined his fingers with mine. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m trying to give you what you want.”
“I told you,” he said. “I don’t want it like that.” He pushed his hips up and buttoned his pants, but not before I got another long look at his washboard stomach.
“Is that what you told Brooklyn?” I muttered before I could stop myself. I knew I was being a baby, but I didn’t care.
“Are you kidding me right now?” He propped himself back up on his elbow and shook his head. “You give me shit about how you want sex to mean something, and then when I actually try to make it mean something, you give me crap about not doing it.” He shook his head. “I can’t figure you out sometimes.”
“Yeah, because I’m the one who’s a big mystery in this relationship,” I said sarcastically. “I’m the one who has the police showing up at their apartment out of nowhere and then not saying a word about why.” I put my shirt back on and then rolled over, turning my back to him. I couldn’t help it. I knew I was acting childish. But my feelings were hurt. I wanted him, and even though I knew he was right, that us having sex shouldn’t be motivated by me wanting to forget about my shitty day, it still felt like some kind of rejection.
“Hey,” he said softly. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close to him. “I’m sorry about this morning. I shouldn’t have kicked you out like that.”
“You’re right,” I said. “You shouldn’t have.”
He didn’t say anything else for a moment. We just laid there, him holding me close, our breathing falling into a soft rhythm.
“Who were those guys?” I asked finally.
“Nobody,” he said. But I could feel his shoulders tense. “They were just some guys asking questions about the gym.”
“What kind of questions?”
“Just questions.”
I turned around so that I was facing him. We looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment. It was a standoff. If I let him off the hook and didn’t make him answer me, I was setting a precedent that it was okay to keep things from me. If he answered, then he was letting me in.
I didn’t want to blink first. But I could tell he didn’t, either.
So I did a half-blink. “It’s just… I feel like every time you let me in just a little bit, I get shut out again. It’s like we take one step forward and then two steps back.”
“That’s not true.” He kissed me softly on the lips, his fingers sliding into my belt loops and pulling my hips against his. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you except forward.”
Then tell me why those men were at your apartment this morning.”
He sighed. “They were FBI agents.”
A pulse of fear rocketed through me. “Oh.” I kept my voice deliberately calm.
The last thing I wanted to do was freak out and act like I couldn’t handle the shit he was telling me. He’d never tell me anything again. “And?”
“They’re worried that The Slaughterhouse is involved in illegal drugs, so they want me to help them figure out if it’s true.”
My heart thumped in my chest. “What kind of illegal drugs?”
“Steroids.”
“Oh.” I swallowed. “You’re not…”
“I’m not what?”
“Doing them?”
“No, I’m not doing them. Jesus, Lindsay.”
&nb
sp; “Okay, okay.” I paused and thought about it for a second. “So are you going to help them?”
“I don’t know.”
“Justin, if there’s shady stuff going on at the gym, you shouldn’t be a part of it. It could hurt your career.”
“So could being a snitch.”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
But before I could figure it out, the door to my room opened.
The light flicked on.
“Oh!” Rachel said. She dropped her keys on her desk. “I didn’t think anyone was here.” She tilted her head and gave us a playful little smile. “Well, I guess it’s payback for you walking in on us the other morning. Although not really, since you two at least have your clothes on.” Adam stepped into the room behind her, and Rachel elbowed him, like the two of them were in on a private joke. When Adam saw me, his eyes darkened.
Justin looked at me questioningly. I hadn’t told him about Adam and Rachel.
And I’d certainly never told him about the flowers. Justin already hated Adam. If I told him Adam had sent me flowers, who knew what Justin would do? Guilt flashed through me as I realized I was expecting Justin to tell me everything, while at the same time choosing to deliberately keep things from him.
“What are you guys doing now?” Rachel asked. “Were you sleeping? ‘Cause we were going to go get dinner if you want to come with.”
“Um, no, that’s okay,” I said quickly. I couldn’t stand the thought of the four of us having dinner together. Talk about awkward.
“I have plans,” Justin said. Which was news to me.
Adam gave a snort. “What kind of plans?” He was talking to Justin, but his eyes were on me.
“Why don’t you just mind your own business, kid,” Justin said, not really looking at him.
“Or maybe you don’t have any real plans,” Adam said. Then he muttered,
“except maybe getting beat up again.”
Justin was out of bed and standing up in a flash. “What did you say?”
“Nothing.” Adam shrugged. “It’s just that you seemed like you got pretty beat up this past weekend, so I was hoping your plans didn’t involve any more fights.”
“My plans don’t involve a fight,” Justin said. He bent down and put his sneakers on and then stood back up. “But I’m willing to change that if I have to.” He took a step toward Adam and squared his shoulders. “And don’t worry -- this time I won’t lose.”
“Um, so where are you guys going to eat?” I said quickly and jumped off my bed.
I stood in front of Justin and tried to pretend nothing was happening. “Because I’m kind of hungry. You know, on second thought.” I was babbling, but I didn’t care. I needed to diffuse the situation before either a) Justin punched Adam, or b) Rachel somehow got wind of the fact that Adam was being weird and it might have something to do with me.
But it turned out I didn’t have to worry about either of those things.
Because at just that moment, Justin’s phone buzzed loudly.
He pulled it out of his pocket, looked down, and frowned at some text he’d gotten.
“I have to go,” he said.
“Oh.” I swallowed. “Um, okay. Should I … I mean, do you want me to go with you?”
“No.” He turned and walked out the door, pushing against Adam’s shoulder roughly as he went.
“Wow,” Rachel said as our room door closed behind him. “Where’s he off to in such a hurry?”
“I have no idea.” I sighed and threw myself back on my bed.
One step forward.
And two steps back.
JUSTIN
EMERGENCY MEETING. 911.
The text had come from Quarry’s number, and now, as I left the dorms, my insides were churning with confusion and frustration.
First, I was frustrated because Quarry was once again busting my balls to show up at the gym during non-practice hours. It was bad enough that the guy had us sparring every day—not to mention the trouble he’d gotten me into because of his shady tactics. I wondered what this 911 meeting was all about. It could be anything from a new recruit needing to be tested, to Quarry wanting me to take Brooklyn out on another date.
I still couldn’t decide what I was going to do about Quarry and The Slaughterhouse. Ever since hanging out with Gil, I’d been mulling it over and I just couldn’t make up my mind.
But my frustrations went beyond the stuff with Quarry.
I’d really wanted to be alone with Lindsay, and as usual, it had gotten messed up by the ridiculous people she was hanging out with. Stupid, entitled, privileged college kids like that idiot Adam who didn’t know the first thing about life, but seemed to think he knew better than everyone else.
And he was so obviously into Lindsay. As if she would ever give that clown the time of day. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to assume that Lindsay wouldn’t hook up with Adam. After all, he lived in her world. He was smart, and well-educated, and he’d leave and go out to make six figures off the bat.
I, on the other hand, was involved with cops and FBI agents, friends with drug problems, maybe even a trip to a federal prison if things kept going this way.
Maybe a dude like Adam would start to look pretty awesome in comparison.
As I made my way to the gym, all I could think about was Lindsay. The feel of her lips on mine, the way her eyes looked into mine as if she trusted me totally and completely. No one had ever looked at me like that before.
The thing was, she surprised me when I finally started to tell her what was going on in my life, and she could actually handle it. It hadn’t really crossed my mind that Lindsay could be someone that I could talk to about the things that I was dealing with.
And yet, now I’d seen another side of her. It made me want to see more.
But somehow, I knew I’d fuck it up.
***
When I arrived at the gym, Z was standing at the door to greet me. He wasn’t his normal friendly self. Just past his shoulder, I could see the other guys milling around, talking and laughing, but the conversation was quieter than usual. Something was off.
“Hey,” I said, giving Z a pound.
He barely touched knuckles with me. His eyes were heavy lidded, unmoving.
“Get inside,” he said, his voice deep and without the normal friendly tone I was used to.
“What’s going on?” I asked. “Quarry on the rampage?”
He didn’t smile. “Don’t know. I just know that motherfucker’s be straggling in late. Doesn’t anyone understand that 911 means emergency? Not take your sweet fucking time? And it don’t mean hang out and laugh like it’s nap time and we’re all in kindergarten?”
The rest of the guys inside heard Z raise his voice, and they quieted down.
I brushed past him, not exactly liking this new side of Z that I was seeing tonight.
Jimbo and Malcolm were standing next to each other, and I joined them.
“Hey,” Jimbo said, his normal humor noticeably absent.
“What’s going on?” I asked, keeping my voice low.
Malcolm shrugged. “Not sure, but people seem weird and edgy.”
Jimbo glanced at Z. “I’m starting to get sick of this shit. It never fucking ends around here.”
I nodded slightly, but didn’t say anything. There were too many people around, too many possible eavesdroppers to voice my agreement with his sentiment.
Quarry finally emerged from the locker rooms. He motioned to Z. “Hey, lock it up.”
“Not everyone’s here yet,” Z replied.
Quarry’s eyes grew cold. “That’s fine. I know who didn’t show. They’ll deal with me later.”
The door shut, but Z didn’t come inside. It seemed as though he was going to stand guard out front or something.
I looked around the room. Besides me, there were only about ten or eleven guys.
The wider group that came in and sparred and worked out at The Slaughterhouse weren’t her
e—whether it was because they hadn’t showed, or hadn’t been invited.
Either way, it just so happened that the guys that had shown up, were all the people I would have considered to be part of the inner circle. This was the core group that Quarry kept close to him.
I was the only guy who was new enough to not be considered an insider. I wasn’t truly part of The Slaughterhouse family yet.
Quarry was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. He looked somehow ruffled, unsteady in a way that I wasn’t used to. He was smiling a little bit, which was unusual.
Quarry didn’t smile very much.
“Thanks for coming here on short notice,” he said, looking at each of us in turn.
When his eyes met mine briefly, I went cold. It was like being looked at by a Great White Shark. I was glad when he moved on to the next person.
Everyone murmured something about being happy to come, even though I’m sure nobody really was.
“Here’s the thing, guys,” Quarry said. He walked closer to us, drawing us into him like a football huddle. “I heard some pretty strange news and I wanted to just have a little powwow with the team about it.” He looked down and smiled to himself. “I can hardly believe it, actually. But I’m pretty sure it’s true.” Quarry looked up again. “I got word back that there have been some government agents asking questions about me and specifically the Slaughterhouse organization.”
Everyone started talking at once.
“What kind of questions?” someone asked.
Quarry held up his hands for quiet. He was still smiling. “Listen, I’m not trying to alarm anybody. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all. The thing is, you all know I have an open door policy. Anybody who wants to can come right on in and just sit down and talk to me. So my question is, why hasn’t anybody come and talked to me yet?”
“Who have they talked to?” I said. Asking the question nearly made me want to puke, because I knew it was possible my name had come up. But I wanted to act as confused and clueless as possible.
Completely Consumed (Addicted To You, Book Eight) Page 4
