by Linda Ford
Her gaze held his, searching for what he could not say. But he longed to be the one to give her what she sought.
He trailed the back of his hand along Kate’s cheek. His fingers lingered at the corner of her mouth and his gaze dipped and then he caught her lips in a gentle-as-dawn kiss. If not for the baby between them, he would have held her close.
She pushed away. “How can you kiss me when you belong to Thelma?”
“Kate, it’s not what you think.” He pulled the baby closer as if it would anchor his thoughts.
It failed to do so. He wanted to explain about Thelma.
“I’m not interested in dillydallying with a man. I will be pursuing my studies in medical school as soon as it can be arranged.”
He wasn’t interested in dillydallying either. Nor was he interested in a relationship of any sort with a woman whose plans left no room for him.
But if she knew the truth about the baby and Thelma, would she be willing to consider a different option than the one she seemed committed to? He’d heard loneliness in her voice when she talked about the difference between the family next door and her own. Kate, he knew, wanted and needed family. But she fought it. He wanted her to see that even if there remained no room for him in her heart. But before he could say anything, Grandfather shuffled from his bedroom. “How is the patient this morning?”
Conner realized with a start that the night had flown by. Holding the baby, he told the older man of the improvement.
Grandfather patted her cheek.
Suddenly Conner held the baby away from him. “I believe our little girl’s kidneys are working just fine.”
Kate burst out laughing.
He narrowed his eyes. “You think it’s funny?”
“The look on your face is priceless.” She seemed to try to muffle her amusement as she found a dry diaper in the basket, then took the baby from his arms.
He was glad to have lightened the tension between them. He watched as she changed Ellie’s diaper.
Conner saw her spindly legs and thin thighs. “She’s gaunt.” He blurted out the words without thinking.
Kate finished pinning the dry diaper in place, then turned her serious gaze to him. “She’s been ill or neglected for a long time.”
Conner’s jaw muscles tightened. “I will find Thelma and get an answer as to why this baby is like this.” His heart thudded. Finding Thelma was likely going to make his life even more complicated than it was now.
Grandfather had gone to the kitchen.
Kate faced him. “I know you belong to another woman. We should not have kissed. It must not happen again.”
He had no response. What could he say?
Kate laid the baby in her basket and hurried away without a backward look.
Conner took his time going to the kitchen. How could he explain to Kate he didn’t belong to Thelma in any way? He looked at the baby snuggled in her blankets looking more content than she had since she’d arrived on his doorstep. It was more important to protect Ellie than anything else that he might want to do.
He joined the others for breakfast. Kate sat across the table from him and kept her attention on her plate. Would it make a difference to her to know Ellie wasn’t his daughter? He failed to see how it would. She had made it crystal clear that she would soon be going to medical school with plans to never marry. Imagine not wanting a family. He couldn’t understand it.
Would anything make her change her mind?
Someone banged on the outside door and Pa hurried to open it. He led the sheriff into the kitchen.
“Jesse. Good.” The man was practically a brother and would have helped even if his job didn’t require it.
Jesse greeted everyone.
“Did you get your business tended to?” Pa asked.
Jesse grabbed one of the hard chairs and plunked down, his hat dangling from his hands. “Turned my prisoner over to the marshal and rode home again. But what can I do for you?” He looked at Conner.
Before Conner could answer, Annie clattered into the house. She saw Jesse and Kate. “What’s going on? What did I miss?”
Conner got to his feet. “I’ll show you.” He led the way into the sitting room. Everyone followed. Conner scooped the baby from her basket.
“Ahh,” Annie said, her eyes full of tenderness toward the baby.
Jesse’s mouth fell open. He closed it, swallowed hard and stared. “It’s yours?”
Conner didn’t answer. Let his friend draw his own conclusions.
Jesse tried again. “You have a baby?”
“Thelma does.” He wondered if Kate would notice the distinction he made.
“Thelma is back?” Jesse glanced around. “Where is she?”
“She’s not here.” Everyone waited for him to continue. “I need you to find her for me.”
“Where do you suggest I look?”
“She was with the traveling show last I heard from her. But that was a year and a half ago.”
“I know the show you mean. I’ll make some inquiries,” Jesse said. “So this is your baby? A boy or girl?”
“Little girl. Elspeth, but we call her Ellie.”
Jesse watched the baby for several minutes, shook his head as if he still didn’t believe what he saw. “You sure you want me to find Thelma?”
Conner opened his mouth but could not utter a word. What did Jesse mean?
Jesse continued, “She could take the baby away and it’s obvious you’re very fond of her.”
Conner wondered how Jesse had come to that conclusion. From the look on Conner’s face, the way he held the baby close to his heart or had he seen some other indication?
Kate crowded to Conner’s side and stroked Ellie’s head. “Doesn’t he have as much right to keep the baby and care for her as Thelma?”
Grandfather harrumphed. Pa gave Conner a very pointed look.
“Not if I’m not the father.” He spoke quietly, knowing his news would shock her.
Silence followed his admission.
Jesse broke the silence. “Then why is the baby here?”
“I don’t know, and until we learn the reason, would you keep the fact she isn’t mine a secret?”
“Of course.” Jesse headed for the door. “I’ll start inquiries about Thelma.”
The others quietly slipped away, leaving Conner and Kate.
Kate came round to face Conner. “You’re not the father? Why would you lead me to think otherwise?”
“I didn’t know why Thelma sent her to me. I still don’t.”
Kate kept her head down so he couldn’t see her face. It left him floundering to guess how his announcement had affected her. “Does it make a difference?”
“It changes nothing.” Her head high, she returned to the kitchen, not once looking his direction.
He had his answer as to whether or not she would reconsider her decision regarding a family.
There was no reason he should feel a weight of disappointment pressing on his heart.
She’d never given him reason to think otherwise.
Nor had he changed his mind about protecting his heart against a woman like her.
Except could he really think she was the least bit like Thelma?
Chapter Four
He wasn’t Ellie’s father.
The words echoed in Kate’s head. It left him free of obligation to marry Thelma. Not that it changed anything for her. Her plans were the same as ever: see that Father was well enough to manage on his own and then go to medical school.
Another thought interrupted her insistence. Conner had grown very fond of Ellie. Would he marry Thelma in order to keep the baby?
She knew it was a possibility.
Annie started washing the breakfast dishes.
Kate grabbed a towel and began to dry them.
“You don’t need to do that,” Annie said. “I fully expected to have a mess to clean up when I returned. Instead, I find the kitchen clean except for a few breakfast things. Not that I
mind the work. It’s worth it to have a good visit with Carly.”
“I’ve always found it soothing to do housework.” No drama, no fears, no obligations.
“Pa said you didn’t know the baby wasn’t Conner’s. I’m guessing it surprised you to learn the truth.”
Kate nodded, her resolve returning. “It restores my belief that he is an honorable man, but apart from that, it changes very little for me. This is something he and your family have to sort out.” Her job here was about done. And none too soon. Several times she’d found herself forgetting her goal, attracted to a man in a way she could not allow.
They finished cleaning the kitchen. “Now that you’re home, I will show you how to feed Ellie.”
Looking apprehensive and eager at the same time, Annie accompanied her to the sitting room. Kate explained her plan to Conner. “The baby is going to need lots of care. Until you find Ellie’s mother, you’re going to need help. I’ll show Annie and your grandfather how to feed her.” Though the baby would soon need nothing more than someone to prepare a bottle for her.
Annie settled into a chair and Kate put the baby in her arms, noting that Annie seemed at ease with holding Ellie. No doubt she had held lots of babies, including her niece Mattie. “Okay, little Ellie, it’s time to eat. Show your auntie Annie what you can do.” Except Annie wasn’t her auntie. Kate needed to readjust her thinking.
Ellie looked at Annie, then found Kate. Her expression brightened with recognition and she started to drink the milk. Pleasure at knowing the baby sought her was laced with resolve to walk away from the situation. She had come as a medical person to help. Success meant she would no longer be needed.
Kate watched, satisfied the baby was doing well. “Excellent job. Now let’s give Grandfather a turn.” Kate placed the baby in the old man’s arms. “Sweetie, everyone calls this man Grandfather.”
Grandfather sighed. “It’s been far too long since I’ve had the pleasure of holding a little one.”
Kate bent over the baby. “Did you hear that? He likes you.”
But it was Kate the baby looked at as she sucked her milk. And it was Kate’s arms that ached to hold her close. She glanced toward Conner. He was watching her and smiled…a gentle, sad sort of smile as if he regretted the way she’d learned the truth. Or perhaps he’d guessed at her confused feelings. She tried to look away, to convince herself she handled this situation very well, but she couldn’t. Not any more than she could stop the sting of tears that she blinked away.
The smile in Conner’s eyes deepened as if he understood. How could he? He was surrounded by his family, all ready and willing to support him in caring for Ellie, while Kate would return home with empty arms.
And an empty heart?
No. Her thinking was clouded. She was returning to resume her own plans.
She forced her mind back to her rightful role.
“She’s stopped eating,” Grandfather said, and Kate turned back to Ellie. She checked the bottle.
“A good feeding. Excellent.” She was no longer needed here. She took the baby. There was no reason she couldn’t put the baby in her basket or give her to Conner, who watched her closely. But she wanted to hold her as long as she could.
The baby didn’t sleep but watched Kate with wide, deep brown eyes.
Ellie rumbled her lips. Her eyes widened. She did it again.
Kate laughed and shifted closer to Conner. “Look at this. Do it again, Ellie.”
Ellie looked at Conner, rumbled her lips and gave Conner a look that seemed to say, “Your turn.”
“I think she wants to play.” Conner rumbled his lips and waited. Ellie did it again. Back and forth they went until Kate started laughing.
They played with the baby until it was time to feed her again and then she slept. Kate put her in her basket. She smiled down at the sleeping baby, then turned to Conner.
Kate had promised herself she would leave the baby for the Marshalls to tend, but here she was, alone with Conner, sharing the care of Ellie and enjoying every minute of it.
She hurried into the kitchen, where Annie was busy cooking. “Can I help?”
“You could prepare the vegetables in the basin for dinner. I’m running late. It seems I always have more work than time.” She sighed. “But I suppose that’s what most women say.”
Kate washed the potatoes and carrots in the sink and put them on the stove to cook, watching them until they boiled.
Together, they prepared a meal.
“It’s nice having another woman in the kitchen with me,” Annie said.
“You’re very efficient.”
“I’ve had lots of practice.”
“I know.” She wondered if Annie ever wished she wasn’t responsible for her father, grandfather and brothers. Though only one brother remained at home. Perhaps soon Conner would establish his own home with Thelma and Ellie.
No matter what Conner’s future held, it would not include Kate.
Pain grabbed at her chest and she paused, her hands curled into fists, waiting for it to pass.
Grandfather and Bud came in from outside.
“Dinner will be ready shortly,” Annie said, and the men sat down to look at the newspaper they had gotten in town.
With a guilty start, Kate realized how long she’d been absent from the sitting room and hurried back to check on Ellie and Conner.
Conner held the baby. “I was about to call and see if she should eat again.”
“I’ll prepare a feed immediately.” She returned to the kitchen to do so.
She came back and handed him the bottle. “You and your family will soon be able to take care of her without my help.”
He got Ellie eating, then turned back to her. “You’re anxious to leave?”
It should have been easy to agree with him, but she could not be untruthful. “Leaving her is going to be difficult.”
Their gazes caught and held. The air seemed awash with liquid sunshine. A jolt of something both sweet and sad rushed through her. How had she allowed this to happen? To be drawn to a man and child when she knew they could never be hers. Even if Conner was free, Kate had plans that made it impossible to picture herself in their lives. And yet she did. In full, vibrant color, every detail bright with joy.
She ripped her attention from Conner. Remembered he’d asked a question. “My father needs my help.” And when he didn’t, she would head back east for medical school. That was her plan. Her purpose. Her calling.
Ellie ate well for Conner. Kate didn’t need to hover nearby and yet she did. Conner’s attention was on the baby, allowing Kate to study the pair. Conner’s face revealed love for Ellie. She shivered, thinking of what the future might hold for this pair. Please, God, protect them from pain and sorrow.
He put the baby in her basket to sleep, then he and Kate joined the others in the kitchen. Kate remained in the kitchen after the meal and helped Annie with the dishes and swept the floor for her, finding, as always, a comfort in doing routine things.
“I’m going outside for a bit,” Annie said. “Do you want to come with me?”
“I’d like that.” It would give her time to get her thoughts back to normal. “Let me tell Conner.” She hurried to the sitting room. Ellie slept in Conner’s arms. He looked up at Kate’s approach and smiled.
“Look at her sleeping so peacefully.”
She faltered, took a deep breath. That look of tenderness in his eyes was meant for Ellie, but for a heartbeat, she’d thought it included her. She folded her hands at her waist. “I’m going outside with Annie for a few minutes.” But she didn’t immediately return to the kitchen, held in the spot by a longing to prolong this moment, make this feeling last, allow herself just a moment or two of filling her heart with—
She jerked away and forced herself to keep her pace reasonable as she left the room, even though everything in her wanted to run.
But did she want to race from the house or back to the pair in the sitting room?
; She continued to the kitchen, where Annie waited, and they stepped out into the bright sunshine, which immediately warmed her skin. She sucked in the summer-laden air and looked about.
The mountains rose to the west, greens of every hue filling the woods and covering the hills. Here and there, bright patches of wildflowers dotted the lush landscape. The air carried a hundred different scents…smells of grass, horses, wildflowers and pine from the mountains.
“It’s a beautiful country,” she said, knowing she would miss it when she went east to study. City activity could never outshine the offerings of nature.
“Wild and beautiful,” Annie said as they walked along the path to the garden, then turned toward the barn.
They wandered past the buildings along the trail to a grassy slope. Annie pointed out many things, including the horses in the pen. “Conner is breaking them. He’ll sell them.”
“Does he have special plans?”
“You mean like having a place of his own?” Annie chuckled. “I don’t think so. He’s the only one of my brothers still living at home and he says someone has to stay and help take care of us. He means Grandfather.” She paused. “I think.”
The farther they got from the house, the more Kate’s insides tightened. What if Ellie needed something? She stared at the distant mountains and forced herself to think rationally. Ellie’s needs were not what bothered her, she admitted. It was knowing she would soon no longer be needed. Life for the Marshalls would go on with the addition of Ellie until her future was resolved.
Kate would go back to Bella Creek. She’d help her father, and once she could be assured he was well enough to be on his own, she would leave. St. Louis and medical school awaited her. Nevertheless, she was not comfortable being away from Ellie too long. “I should get back.”
Annie sighed. “I know. Me, too.” They returned to the house at a quicker rate than they had left.
Kate hurried through the kitchen to the sitting room, where Conner held Ellie.
“How is she?” Kate asked.
The baby’s eyes shifted to Kate and she brightened.
