by Linda Ford
“I do believe that is one purpose of a pantry.”
Father cleared his throat. “Kate, I’d like some pie for dessert. I’m sure Conner would, too.”
She laughed as Conner let out a gusty breath. “I was going to make him ask.”
“You were enjoying my misery.”
“Not at all. Simply enjoying a little fun.”
“At my expense.”
“Perhaps.” Their gazes crashed together as she admitted how much she enjoyed the give-and-take she felt free to participate in with him.
“Pie?” Father reminded her and she hurried to the pantry.
“What kind?” Conner said, his eyes glued to the pie as she prepared to cut it.
“Bumbleberry.”
“Huh? Never heard of such a fruit.”
She laughed. “It refers to a mixed-fruit pie. This one contains rhubarb, raspberries and serviceberries.” She put a generous slice before him. “I hope you’ll enjoy it.”
She served Father and herself. Seeing Conner waited for her to begin before he did, she took a small bite, then waited while he tasted his.
He closed his eyes and sighed. “So good. I think I could about survive on your pies.”
Pleased at his praise, she nevertheless laughed at the idea of him eating nothing but pie. “You’d miss meat and potatoes.” She paused for emphasis. “And bread and eggs and bacon and carrots and beans and—”
He held up a hand. “Okay. I get the picture. I know I eat a lot.”
Father chuckled. “Daughter, they don’t grow that big without a lot of food.”
They all laughed at his comment.
Conner finished and accepted a second piece of pie.
Father refused seconds. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have a Sunday afternoon sleep while I can.” He glanced toward the office door. “Perhaps no one will need my services this afternoon.”
Kate waited for him to go to his bedroom and close the door before she spoke. “His hours are so erratic. He sleeps when he can.” Her comment served as a reminder why she couldn’t…wouldn’t…try to combine doctoring with mothering. What kind of life would such uncertainty provide? She knew, having experienced it firsthand. Often she would be wakened in the night by someone needing medical attention. Many times she’d been unable to go back to sleep, worried her parents would be called away and wondering who would greet her in the morning. Or she’d be whisked from bed and taken to the Bramfords.
Conner touched the back of her hand. “You’ve gone to a troubling place. Tell me about it.”
She tried to shake away the darkness and uncertainty of those days, but the memories clung. “It wasn’t easy being the doctor’s daughter. Life was uncertain. And often shattered by things beyond anyone’s control.” His look, so full of sympathy, brought forth a burst of explanations. She told him of being wakened, of being frightened, taken next door, afraid her parents would not return. Her voice broke. “It’s why I will not try to combine a medical career with family life.”
“I’m sorry your life was so uncertain. But perhaps the feelings started before you were adopted by the Bakers.”
“What are you saying?” She suspected he was going to suggest she was afraid of the risks of having a family but would pretend otherwise…as if it didn’t matter enough for his earlier words to even form a memory.
“You lost your parents early and then lived with a grandmother you adored, but you knew she could die any day. That’s a lot of uncertainty for a child.”
She stared into his eyes. A shudder raced across her shoulders. As he suggested, her life had been full of fear. How had he been able to see and understand when she couldn’t? “It wasn’t as though I didn’t have a happy life. I have lots of good memories and I love my father.”
“Didn’t he recently have an accident?”
“I was so scared he would die,” she managed to whisper.
She didn’t recall getting to her feet, but she stood in the circle of Conner’s arms, her face pressed to his chest as he held her and murmured comforting sounds. Her racing heart quieted and his words broke through into her mind.
“You can’t guarantee you won’t face more pain by closing your heart.”
She should argue the point. But she didn’t want to put an end to the refuge she found in his embrace. Nor could she remain thus forever and slowly eased back.
He let her go. Said nothing. Together they cleaned the kitchen.
“Let’s take Ellie for a walk when she wakens,” he said.
“That would be good for her.” And enjoyable for Kate.
Shortly thereafter, the baby stirred and they went to her. She rolled over and looked up at them, gurgling with pleasure. “She is such a happy baby,” Kate said. “It’s amazing after what she’s been through.”
“I’m hoping we can eventually learn a few details about what her short life has held.” He scooped up the baby. Together they tended her and tied on her little bonnet.
“It would be nice to have a buggy for her,” Kate said.
“I wonder if Uncle George has one. Let’s go see.” They headed for the door, but before they reached it, a wagon rumbled to a halt outside.
Kate sighed. “This will be for my father.” Already, booted feet clattered up the wooden steps and the outer door to the doctor’s office banged open. “Doc,” a heavy voice called. “I need the doctor.”
“Wait here,” she told Conner, “while I see how serious this is.” She hurried through the adjoining door to see a man holding a woman in his arms. The blanket wrapped about the woman had a growing bloodstain. Behind the man stood a little boy and a slightly bigger girl, both so frightened their eyes almost consumed their faces.
“Where’s the doctor?”
“Put your wife there.” She pointed toward the examining table. “I’ll get my father.”
She felt Conner waiting in the doorway. “I’m sorry. I can’t go now. You go ahead. Have a good time.” She didn’t want him to go without her, to have a good time while she stayed behind to help her father, but perhaps it was for the best. He’d see firsthand how unsettled a doctor’s life was. But the necessity of staying warred with a desire to accompany him.
How had she allowed herself to care so much for his company?
Chapter Ten
Conner looked at little Ellie in his arms. He’d been eager to take the baby for a walk as an excuse to escort Kate on an outing. It wouldn’t be any fun without her. “I’ll stay in case you need help.”
“Thank you.” Her eyes said far more than her words. If he wasn’t reading them wrong, he would say she was as disappointed as he to cancel the walk and he was grateful he chose to not go without her.
The walk would have been his chance to make up for the way his observation had hurt her. He regretted causing her pain by pointing out that her guardedness might be as much to do with losing her parents and her grandmother as it was about the uncertainty of her adoptive parents’ erratic hours. However, she hadn’t denied it. He hoped it would make her see herself more clearly. As clearly as he thought he saw her?
What did he think he saw?
A beautiful young woman afraid to open her heart to love. Committed to following a path laid out for her by her grandmother and the Bakers. Why did he think it wasn’t the path she would choose for herself if not for those outside influences?
He didn’t know how he knew, just that he did. Perhaps it was the way her eyes darkened as she watched families or the longing that filled her face when she sat at the table in the Marshall home.
What did it matter what he thought? She must be the one to choose how she would live her life. God, take her on a path that will lead her to peace and joy.
Dr. Baker hurried from his bedroom into the examining room. “Kate, take care of the children.”
She led two wide-eyed children from the room. A girl of about six or seven and a boy of maybe five clung to each other’s hands. Fear palpated from them.
K
ate bent over to face them at eye level. “My father is going to look after your mama. We’re going to look after each other.”
The children relaxed a great deal. Conner had to admire Kate’s skill at dealing with the frightened youngsters.
“Let’s begin by learning everyone’s name. I’m Miss Baker. This is Mr. Marshall and the baby is Ellie.” Her smile lingered on Conner and Ellie before she turned back to the children. “Now tell us your names.”
The children drew closer together. Then the girl tipped her chin upward.
“I’se Mary Sue and my brudder is Jimmy Lee.”
“Pleased to meet you. Welcome to our home.” Kate straightened and looked around as if seeking a means of entertaining the children.
“Have you eaten?”
“We’s fine,” Mary Sue said.
“I hungry,” her brother protested.
A rumble of voices came from beyond the door and the children’s faces pinched with worry.
“I have an idea. We’ll take cookies outside and have a picnic.” Kate urged them forward as she spoke.
Conner followed.
She took the cookie jar and led them outside to a little bench near the garden. It barely held the four of them…five counting Ellie, who studied the newcomers with interest. After a moment, she clearly decided she liked them and leaned toward Mary Sue, babbling excitedly.
Mary Sue laughed and took Ellie’s hand. “She’s a nice baby.” Sorrow replaced the amusement. “Mama said we was gonna have a new baby, but on our way here she told papa there’d be no baby now. She said she losted it. How can you losted someone, ’specially a baby?”
Conner hoped she wasn’t expecting an answer from him. How did you explain such things to a child so young? He tightened his arm around Ellie. It appeared her mother had lost her baby. He repeated Mary Sue’s question to himself. How does someone lose a baby? Or send it away? Unless it was in some kind of danger. He hoped Jesse would find Thelma very soon.
Before she answered, Kate handed each of the children another cookie. She and Conner took one as well.
“Did your mama say babies come from heaven?”
“Uh-huh.” Both children nodded vigorously.
“Even me,” Jimmy Lee said with a great deal of assurance.
Kate met Conner’s gaze and they shared a smile over Jimmy Lee’s need to point that out.
She turned back to the anxious Mary Sue. “Sometimes God decides the baby isn’t ready to leave heaven yet, so they go back to Him.”
Tears clouded Mary Sue’s eyes. “So we’s not gonna get a new baby?”
“Maybe later.”
The girl considered the answer a moment. “That’s okay, then.”
“I have an idea,” Kate said. “How would you like to pick some flowers for your mama?”
“Oh, could we?” Mary Sue bounced to her feet. “Come on, Jimmy Lee.” She half dragged her little brother to the row of flowers, where she drew to a halt. “You’s sure it’s okay?”
Kate joined the children. “What is her favorite color?”
“Pink.”
Kate broke off several pink flowers. “Here’s a start. Now which ones do you want to take her?”
In a matter of minutes, Kate held a bouquet of pink and red and white flowers the children had plucked from her garden, leaving a hole of green where there was once a flood of color.
“Let’s put them in water until your mama is ready to see you.”
Conner followed her indoors, where she took a jar from the pantry for the flowers.
The pair rocked back and forth before the bouquet. Mary Sue looked toward the doctor’s office, her face wrinkled with worry.
Conner had an idea. “Would you like to play with the baby?” He spread a quilt on the floor and the children lay down on either side of Ellie. She patted Mary Sue, then turned and patted Jimmy Lee. The children giggled.
Pleased with their response, Ellie laughed aloud.
Conner laughed, too, surprised and pleased to hear her belly-tickling laughter.
He met Kate’s gaze as she stood within reach. Something as warm and sweet as a piece of her best pie filled him. He could float in the enjoyment of their shared pleasure.
Mary Sue released a huge sigh. “I sure was lookin’ forward to a new baby.”
Kate sat on the floor beside the child. “I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”
Mary Sue sat up and faced her. “You can make sure my mama’s okay. That’s what’s most ’portant.”
“I’ll go see how she is.” She slipped away, closing the door quietly behind her. Mary Sue scrambled to her feet to wait.
A few minutes later, Kate returned. “Would you like to see your mama and papa now?”
“She’s okay?”
“She’s tired and will have to rest for a few days, but she’s fine and anxious to see the both of you.” She reminded them of the bouquet. Mary Sue carried it carefully as Kate took them in.
Conner picked up Ellie and went as far as the door so he could see how they fared.
Dr. Baker joined him. “Mrs. Harper is fortunate to be alive. Thankfully her husband ignored her protests that she didn’t need a doctor and brought her here.”
Conner thought of the children. “She’ll be okay, though?”
“She’s a strong young woman. A day or two of rest and she’ll be back on her feet.”
The woman lay on the cot against one wall. She took the flowers and thanked the children, then gathered them in her arms.
Mary Sue patted her mother’s cheeks. Jimmy Lee looked awkward at first and then burrowed his head against her neck.
“I need to get back to the farm,” Mr. Harper said, looking regretful.
“I’ll be going, too,” his wife said.
Mr. Harper shook his head. “You need to rest.”
“I’ll rest better at home. And these two will help me, won’t you?”
The children looked from one parent to the other, and at their mother’s question, they agreed eagerly.
“Make me a bed in the back of the wagon. I’ll be fine.”
Mr. Harper looked to the doctor. “What do you say?”
“So long as she rests for a few days, I see no reason for her not to go home. She’ll be less anxious.”
“She’ll rest. I’ll see to it.”
Mrs. Harper blushed at the look her husband gave her.
Mr. Harper spread a fur in the back of the wagon and carried his wife to it. Mrs. Harper held the jar of flowers carefully.
Kate took the children by their hands and led them out. She lifted each into the wagon. “You mind your mama and don’t give her any trouble,” she said to them.
“I won’t,” Mary Sue promised.
Jimmy Lee didn’t immediately respond.
“Jimmy Lee?” Kate prodded.
“I try to be good.”
His parents chuckled at his answer.
Conner held Ellie. Kate and her father stood side by side as the Harper family drove away.
“I have to make some notes.” Dr. Baker went to his desk.
Kate led the way back to the front room, where she folded the quilt and put it over the back of the burgundy armchair.
“You’re good at this,” Conner said.
“You mean helping my father?”
“That and reassuring the children.” He pushed back his caution and spoke his mind. “You’re a natural mother.”
She stared at him, a protest forming.
He lifted a hand. “I know. I know. Motherhood, family and marriage are not part of your plans.” She hadn’t said all that, but he felt it was safe to assume she meant it. He had no right to feel sorry for himself, but he did. Would no woman ever see him as worth more to her than the expectations of parents or goals that excluded him? And not just any woman.
But he didn’t want to ruin what was left of the day. “Forget I said anything. Shall we take that walk now?”
She hesitated but a
second. “I’d like that.”
They left the house, passed the school and proceeded to the town square, where two young women sat holding babies. They smiled as Conner and Kate continued on their way. He couldn’t say who decided the direction they would take, but they headed toward the river.
“It’s not easy,” Kate said.
He wasn’t sure what she meant, but before he could ask about it, she continued.
“I’m not supposed to get emotionally involved, but I can’t seem to help it. I see two frightened little children and I want to push away every hurtful thing. I see pain in Mrs. Harper’s face and it tears at me. Medicine can help, but so often it can’t fix.”
Her agonized admission made Conner want to stop right there to hold and comfort her, but they had not reached the privacy of the trees along the river. “How does your father deal with it?”
“He says we can alleviate some of the pain and suffering, but we have to accept our limitations.” She seemed troubled by the notion.
“You don’t agree.”
“Of course I do, but it feels as if I die a little bit every time I see how little we can do or watch someone die or, like today, know there won’t be a baby for that family.”
It occurred to him to suggest she wasn’t as suited to being a doctor as she thought. How much piece-by-piece dying could she do before there was nothing left of her? Would she become cold and unfeeling or would she become a shell of a person?
Would she come back broken and needing him?
It was the last thing he wanted. Not the needing part. That sounded good. The broken part did not.
But nothing he said would make her change her mind. She’d have to come to her own realizations.
Even if they differed from what he thought?
He didn’t have time to ponder the question. Mrs. Grieves came toward them, a self-righteous look upon her face.
“Conner Marshall, what is the truth about that baby?”
He shifted Ellie so she looked over his shoulder. No need for her to see the harsh expression on the woman’s face.
“I’ve told you all you need to know.”
Mrs. Grieves sniffed. “Miss Baker, why are you with him?” Her eyes narrowed. “You can’t be the mother, unless…”
