by Linda Ford
Grabbing another chair, he drew it close. “Thelma, why do you keep insisting Ellie is mine? We both know that’s not even remotely possible.”
“It’s your word against mine.”
“True. Who is the father?”
Her gaze slammed into his. A look of defiance darkened her eyes. “What do you mean? You are.”
He leaned back with a sigh. “I mean who is really the father…not the person you are accusing of it.”
She shrugged. “You’ll never know.” Her voice lowered. “He’ll never know.” She tilted her chin.
“Did you love him?”
The skin of her face tightened. Ice filled her gaze. “Love has nothing to do with it.”
“I should think it has everything to do with it. And with marriage.”
She puffed out her lips. “You’re a dreamer. Always were. Always will be.”
Suddenly he realized such words were welcome praise. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t mean it as a compliment.”
“I know you didn’t, but I’m proud to be seen as a man with dreams, a man with high ideals and a man with a tender heart. So you see, it was a compliment.”
“Someday you’ll see that life isn’t for dreams.”
“Or someday my dreams will come true.”
She snorted. “Only if I’m part of them.”
Reality slammed him in the ribs. “Why are you doing this? You know I don’t love you. Even as I know you don’t love me.”
“You think you love that self-righteous Kate. Can’t you see she isn’t interested in you? Doesn’t she plan to be a doctor?” Her voice carried a mocking note. “Seems to me that’s worse than wanting to be a singer.”
He ignored her comment, but the truth of her words sliced through him. Kate had been clear that she wanted to be a doctor. Had an obligation to be one.
Obligation?
Perhaps she hadn’t used that word, but he was almost certain it fit.
“Did you register Ellie’s birth?”
She gave him a sly, victorious look. “I did and on the registry she is Elspeth Marshall.”
He could only stare at her, dumbfounded by her cunning.
Leaning forward, her eyes narrowed, she spoke firmly. “If you refuse to marry me, I will take Ellie away and you’ll never see her again.”
Conner could not speak. He was still trying to figure out what it meant that he was named the father on the birth certificate.
Thelma wasn’t finished. “How long do you think she’d survive with me?”
“You’re admitting you neglected her?” He dug his fingers into his knees as horror and anger mingled in his veins.
“It has nothing to do with me. That baby hates me.”
“Then why would you take her from me? She is well loved here.”
Thelma gave him a look that revealed nothing and yet he felt he had seen into her soul and it was a dark, awful place.
“Is this some kind of weird revenge because you are disappointed with your life?”
Thelma rose, crossed the room in her regal fashion, slid open the door and marched up the stairs.
Conner sat back in his chair. His head hurt, but it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart.
“Conner?” Grandfather called from the kitchen.
“Coming.” He pulled himself together and went back to the older man and the baby.
He held out his hands to Ellie and laughed when she lifted her arms for him to pick her up. This baby wasn’t his, but legally, with his name on the registry, she was. Perhaps Thelma had outsmarted herself. Did naming him as the father mean he had a claim to the baby even without marriage? He laughed again.
“What happened in there?” Grandfather asked.
Conner repeated the story. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to marry her, but I fear for the baby if Thelma takes her away. I don’t want to put Ellie at risk.”
“You have a big problem, but God is bigger than our problems. We’ll pray and trust Him to provide the right solution.”
Grandfather must have read Conner’s struggle to have faith. “Remember how Sarah had a hard time believing God could do what He promised when He said she would have Isaac long after her childbearing years. She was told, ‘Is anything too hard for the Lord?’”
Conner knew nothing was, but would God answer by giving him the courage to marry Thelma or would God provide a way to escape a marriage he did not want?
Chapter Fifteen
Kate firmly pushed aside memories of her many visits to the Marshall ranch. She would not recall all the happy times spent there. Conner must work out things with Thelma. She had some concern about Ellie. The baby got a blank look on her face when Thelma dealt with her. Kate had spoken to Isabelle and Annie about helping more with Ellie’s care.
Conner had no right to speak of missing her. He had to deal with Thelma. Even if he did, there remained barriers. Most of all, her promise to become a doctor. No, not just her promise…her desire.
From now on, she would avoid Conner completely.
She heard someone talking to Father in the examining room and then he came to the adjoining door. “Kate, I’m going with this young man to check on his mother.”
She bounded to her feet. “I’ll come with you.”
“There’s no need. You’ll be here in case someone comes.”
It made sense and Father had been managing well on his own. Leaving her free to pursue studying medicine. Why couldn’t she feel an ounce of enthusiasm over the idea?
Because she had allowed other things to fill her thoughts. One way to correct that. She went into the examining room and wiped off every bottle and dusted every book. Seeing the labels and reading the titles was meant to refresh her eagerness to learn more, but her efforts failed.
A buggy rattled by outside. She stopped to listen. It didn’t pass. It could mean a patient. That would serve to make her remember her dream.
The outer door opened. “Come on in,” she called.
From the sound of the footsteps, a woman had come to see the doctor.
She glanced up, a welcoming smile on her face. Her smile faltered. “Thelma, I didn’t expect to see you. The doctor is away.”
“That’s fine. I came to see you.” She plunked down on the chair with the air of someone who expected to have her plans fulfilled immediately. The look she gave Kate brought a shiver across Kate’s shoulders.
“I know you fancy yourself in love with Conner, but you’ll get over it.” She shrugged so dismissively that it brought a flash of anger in Kate. As if love was no more than a passing fancy.
Not that she’d ever confessed to being in love with Conner. Ellie, yes. No question about that.
Thelma leaned forward, her eyes flashing. “I’m here to tell you to leave. Go to your medical school or whatever you want to do. If you interfere with my plan to marry him, I will take the baby and he’ll never see her again. You wouldn’t want to be responsible for breaking up a happy family, would you?”
Happy family? Was that how Thelma saw things? Blackmailing Conner into marrying her hardly seemed the basis for a happy anything.
Thelma leaned back. “I can’t guarantee how well Elspeth will do under my care.” There was no mistaking the warning gleam in Thelma’s eyes.
Kate couldn’t speak. Thelma was very clear that she would take the baby, but had she also threatened the baby’s life?
“I see we understand each other. I speak to you as the doctor’s assistant, so I know you will keep this in confidence.” Thelma rose and swept from the room.
Kate stared after her. Why was she doing this?
Kate waited until the door closed, then bowed her head to the desk. “Oh, Conner, what will your life be like?”
If only the letter would come from the medical school. But would leaving make it easier for her to deal with the sorrow she saw coming for him?
*
Isabelle came to visit Saturday afternoon and found Kate in the
bedroom, the trunk open and partly full. “You’re packing?” She sounded shocked.
“I want to be ready to leave as soon as I get the letter confirming my start date at the college.”
Isabelle sank to the edge of the bed where she’d slept a few months ago. “But I thought…”
Kate sat on the bed opposite. “You know my plan was always to go to medical school. I only delayed it because of Father’s accident.”
“I know. But so many things have changed.”
“Some things have not.”
“Kate, what about Conner?”
“When are he and Thelma getting married?”
“Thelma and Conner barely speak to each other. I think it would be a tragedy for them to marry.”
Kate dismissed her friend’s concern. “How is Ellie doing?”
Isabelle smiled. “We all take turns caring for her. Well, everyone but Thelma. She claims she’s too tired. Honestly, I think that woman could sleep day and night.”
Again, Kate wondered at the lack of mothering on Thelma’s part.
Isabelle continued. “I’m not criticizing you, but I’ve always wondered if being a doctor is truly what you want in the depths of your heart.”
Kate could only stare in wonder. “Of course it is. I can’t believe you think it’s not what I want.” The idea stung. “Do you think I have an ulterior motive? Guilt? What else?”
Isabelle caught Kate’s fluttering hands. “Maybe I’m just speaking from my own experience. My heart found its resting place with Logan. I had hoped…” She shrugged. “Kate, please don’t go.”
“I can’t stay.” Seeing Conner married would be hard enough. Seeing him unhappily married would be a thousand times more painful. And being responsible for Thelma taking Ellie away would be pure torture.
Isabelle sighed. “If that’s the way it is…”
“That’s the way it has to be. Believe me—” She could not say more. She had no right to wish things could be different.
Isabelle left after they’d shared tea and the news of the Marshall family and events in town. Isabelle had begged her to come to the ranch Sunday afternoon, but Kate refused.
*
Sunday morning dawned with a glare of bright sunshine promising a hot day. In fact, her room already held an uncomfortable amount of heat and Kate hurriedly dressed and went to the kitchen to make coffee. The heat from the stove added to her discomfort.
Father came from his room. “How nice to have an uninterrupted sleep.” There’d been few enough of them for several days with three babies born and an older man suffering from stomach pains. “I’m looking forward to church today.”
“Me, too.” But with mixed feelings. The service always encouraged her and she hoped to get a glimpse of—No, she only wanted to see her friends and enjoy the service. She did not want to see Conner.
She would have lingered until the last moment before she set out, but Father stood at the door waiting for her to join him. The Marshalls had not yet arrived when they stepped into the church, but she knew where they usually sat and made sure she and Father sat several pews behind the spot.
She knew the moment the Marshalls arrived even before Isabelle and Dawson, with Mattie between them, slipped into the pew ahead of Kate. Then Bud escorted Grandfather down the aisle. Last came Conner, carrying Ellie. Annie joined Carly across the aisle. Kate waited, hardly daring to breathe, but Thelma did not follow.
Throughout the service, she fixed her gaze firmly on the front of the church, but there was no way she could avoid seeing Conner and his family. He shifted Ellie to his shoulder and the baby gazed at those around her. Her gaze found Kate and she smiled.
Kate forgot to breathe. She would soon say goodbye to this sweet baby. How could she bear it? She wanted nothing so much as to see that smile every day, watch her grow and develop, laugh at her antics and kiss away her hurts.
Conner turned to whisper something to Ellie, allowing Kate to see his profile.
Isabelle was right. There was something Kate wanted more than to become a doctor.
But it was something she couldn’t have.
As soon as Preacher Hugh gave the final benediction, Kate hurried from the church, not even waiting for her father. She ran all the way home and into her room, where she threw herself on her bed. She didn’t cry. She hadn’t known until this very moment that there existed a pain too deep for tears.
Father tapped on her door. “Kate, are you okay?”
“Yes, Father. I’ll be out in a moment to make dinner.”
“No rush.”
She sat up and stared at her trunk. Packed and ready to go. Too bad she couldn’t pack up her emotions and send them on a distant journey.
Forcing a smile to her face, she left her room and put out the meal she’d prepared the day before—sliced cold roast beef, pickled beets, potato salad and the last of the early lettuce with pie for dessert. “Peach, your favorite,” she said as she served Father a slice.
She sat down to enjoy her own piece when the door to the waiting room opened. The sound of a man and a woman talking meant more than one visitor. A sigh escaped before she could stop it. What she wouldn’t give to be able to enjoy an uninterrupted meal. An uninterrupted life. But that was a purely selfish thought. Doctors and nurses carried an obligation to serve others above their own desires. Even above family needs. Which was why, she reminded herself, she had made the deliberate decision not to try to do both.
Kate and her father went to the office to see what was needed.
Father recognized the man immediately. “Albert Stevens. Did I ever thank you for helping at the mine accident at Wolf Hollow?” Father had been called away a month ago to tend several men hurt at the mining town.
“No thanks necessary.” He turned to the older woman resting on the bench. “This is my mother, Adele Stevens. We moved to Bella Creek a week ago so Mother would be nearer to a doctor.”
Kate could see the woman struggled to breathe. “Come with me to a more comfortable chair.” She helped the woman into Father’s office. Father and Albert followed. Kate took in Mrs. Steven’s swollen ankles, her puffy hands and her labored breathing and knew she suffered from heart failure.
Father listened to her heart.
“I know what’s wrong with me,” she wheezed. “I’m just hoping you can provide a little relief.”
“I have something that will help with the swelling.” He poured out the medication. “But you have to rest. Don’t drink more than a moderate amount of liquids. Avoid the use of salt and keep your feet up.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” she said. “You know, Albert always wanted to be a doctor.” She paused to catch her breath. “I’m afraid my health problems have dashed his dreams.”
Father studied the young man. “That would explain why you were so eager to help at Wolf Hollow. You were invaluable. A man with natural talent.”
“Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.”
Father looked from Albert to Kate. “My daughter is planning to leave soon for medical school. I could use a young assistant if you’re interested.”
Albert grinned from ear to ear. “I am very interested.”
“Very good.” He turned to Kate. “That will make it easier for you to leave, won’t it?”
She nodded. One more excuse erased. Perhaps God was trying to tell her something. That it was time to follow her goal and stop letting herself be sidetracked.
Albert and his mother departed.
Father said he meant to go visit the blacksmith, Augie East, who was also the undertaker. He and Father had become friends, often spending hours sitting with chairs tipped to the outside of the blacksmith shop as they talked.
Kate returned to her room after he’d left and stared at her trunk.
*
Conner had proudly carried Ellie to church. He’d decided his name on her birth certificate gave him the right to say she was his daughter even though she wasn’t. He was proud to claim her as his own. Not
so happy about having to take Thelma as part of the package.
He’d seen Kate seated with her father and fought an urge to turn around and look at her. He meant to speak to her after the service, but all he saw was her back as she hurried away.
If not for the fact he had to take Ellie home and look after her, he would have gone to the doctor’s house. But he knew she wouldn’t welcome him. He’d had plenty of time to think about the choices ahead of him as he worked with the horses, but seeing Kate run away after church made them suddenly clear.
He could not imagine his life without her. There was only one way he could hope to see her in his future.
Dinner was ready soon after he arrived at home. Thelma joined them, about half awake. She kept her eyes on her plate and said nothing. The family had learned not to ask her questions or try to involve her in the conversation.
She didn’t notice when he fed Ellie from his plate. He wondered if she even cared.
He gave Ellie her feeding bottle, then put her down for a nap. Thelma had not returned to her bedroom. Now was the ideal time to do what he meant to do.
“Thelma, would you like to go for a walk?”
She gave him a startled look. “In this heat? No, thank you.”
The others had disappeared except for Grandfather, who said he was tired and headed for his room.
That left them alone and Conner sat across the table from Thelma. “You’re taking too much of that medicine you use.” He’d seen her take from the bottle several times and wondered if she was addicted to laudanum. She refused to answer any questions on the matter.
She glowered, though it lost some of its power because she had a hard time focusing. “I don’t see that it’s any of your business.”
“I expect you’re right.” He had no desire to get involved in an argument, not with something far more important to deal with. “Thelma, I can’t marry you.”
That brought her eyes into focus rather quickly. “Can’t?”
“I’m not prepared to.”
“I suggest you get prepared real soon.”
He shook his head. “I am not going to marry you. We’d both be very unhappy.”
“You’re prepared to see the end of me and Ellie? I can tell you’re very fond of her.”
