Whiskey, You're The Devil: An Addison Holmes Mystery (Addison Holmes Mysteries Book 4)

by Liliana Hart

“There’s supposed to be a hearing in the morning. I don’t think I’m cut out for this.” Hysteria was starting to tinge her voice and I couldn’t say I blamed her one bit. I’m not sure what I would’ve done in a similar situation. “The sheets on the bed hurt my skin. I’m delicate. I break out in hives if the wrong kind of fabric touches my skin. And there’s only one toilet. And it’s right there in front of everyone. What kind of respectable southern lady does her business right there for everyone to see?”

  “I can’t think of one,” I said automatically and then wished I’d kept my mouth shut. But really, people in the south didn’t even talk about going to the bathroom in polite company, much less consider letting anyone watch them doing it. Nick and I had been involved, off and on, for months, but our bathroom business was private.

  “What am I gonna do?” she wailed.

  “I want you to call Maxwell Gunter as soon as you hang up. He’ll be able to tell you exactly what needs to happen. Mom said he’s a great attorney.”

  “And he’s single too,” she said.

  “Also a very important piece of information to have as far as him keeping you out of prison.”

  “Would you mind calling him for me? I used my one phone call to call you. I knew you’d know just what to do.”

  “Thank you, Rosemarie. I’m touched.” And I was. I’d never been anyone’s first choice to be their one phone call from jail before. “What did Jacoby say when he arrested you? What were the charges?”

  “Second degree murder, and he said if I confessed they’d reduce the charges to manslaughter. He said they had me red handed and a jury would lock me up and throw away the key.”

  I was hating Detective Jacoby more and more with each passing day, and not only because he’d been the one to coin me the girlfriend of death. I’d never met the man and couldn’t have picked him out in a lineup, but he seemed like a real asshole. I was fine with making judgments like this with no basis in fact. I was a pretty good asshole detector.

  “What evidence do they have?” I knew they’d found her prints on the murder weapon from what Nick had told me, but Rosemarie might have had more information.

  “He said my prints were all over the fire extinguisher that bashed her face in.”

  “Why would your fingerprints be on the fire extinguisher?”

  “Because she dropped her cigarette ash into the trashcan and the whole thing burst into flames. Apparently a bottle of lube had broken open and she’d tossed it into the trash. It makes you wonder what’s in that lube to make it catch fire like that. You’d think it’d peel the skin right of your lady parts with that kind of fire starting power.”

  I pounded my head against the steering wheel for good measure at the image that thought provoked.

  “Okay,” I finally said. “That’s kind of bad luck. Were there anyone else’s prints besides yours?”

  “I don’t know. They’re not real forthcoming with information. If Jacoby wasn’t such a dickwad he’d be kind of cute. He reminds me of Eric Estrada. Except white and balding. But otherwise he’s the spitting image.”

  “Huh—” I said.

  “Listen, I’ve got to go. Jacoby is pointing at his watch. Lord I really want to do that man bodily harm. Next time he steals my M&Ms he’d best watch out. I’m not above a little police brutality. It’s not like I’ve got anything left to lose.”

  “Before you decide to go Full Metal Jacket on anyone lets just take a moment to step back and take a deep breath. I’m going to call Maxwell for you, and then I’ll go by your house and make sure Baby and Johnny Castle are all taken care of,” I said, referring to her Great Danes.

  “You’ll need to give Johnny Castle his meds. They’re in the refrigerator. Thanks again for taking care of everything. You’re the best. And I have confidence that you’ll get this all figured out so I can be set free.”

  I was still stuck on the fact that I was going to have to give medicine to a hundred and sixty pound dog, so I didn’t really clue in on the fact that she was putting her faith in me to figure out who really killed Priscilla Loveshack. All of a sudden the phone disconnected and I was left with a whole new set of problems.

  *

  It didn’t take long to contact Maxwell and fill him in on everything that was going on, though quite honestly I was surprised he took my phone call at all after dinner the night before. He must’ve been made of stronger stuff than I’d originally thought.

  I was also thinking he didn’t have much of a sense of self-preservation considering he ended the call by asking me out to dinner. I told him he’d be better off asking out Phoebe, considering she was the one who wasn’t currently living with another man, but Max said that Phoebe scared him a little. I could understand how she’d have that impression on a man, so I didn’t press the issue.

  I passed the exit for Nick’s house and groaned a little in defeat. I was sweaty, dirty, and wanted to sink into the jetted tub and possibly sleep there for a full twelve hours. Instead I was driving into Whiskey Bayou so I could get eaten by two dogs that were the size of small horses. Baby and Johnny Castle were nobody to mess with, and I hoped to God they remembered me.

  Rosemarie lived not too far away from my mom’s house in one of the newer subdivisions. All the houses were one-story and small, lined up side by side like Legos, with small porches, bricked mailboxes, and a single tree planted in the front that wouldn’t get big for another thirty years. The blue house smack in the middle of the street belonged to Rosemarie.

  I parked in the driveway and left the car running so I wouldn’t have to warm it up again, and I checked my appearance once in the rearview mirror before I got out. I looked like I’d been through the wringer. Dark circles under the eyes. My complexion pale and a little clammy. And I was pretty sure I was getting a zit on my forehead. Stupid hormones.

  Dusk had already come and gone and it was pitch black as I got out of the car. None of the neighbors were out in this kind of weather, which was nice considering I didn’t particularly want to have to talk to anyone looking like I did.

  I trudged around to the back yard and released the latch on the gate, slipping in as quietly as possible. All I needed was for one of the neighbors to be looking out the window and report suspicious activity.

  It was a postage stamp sized back yard and the dogs had pretty much destroyed any chance of grass growing. Rosemarie kept and extra key under an empty flower pot and I let myself in the back door, flicking on the lights as soon as I walked in.

  The house was in disarray from where I assumed the cops had gone through her house looking for anything that would help them gather evidence—bloody clothes or shoes that matched the prints taken from the scene. But even for the cops it seemed more disorganized that usual. And the closer I looked, I realized they most definitely wouldn’t have cut open all the couch cushions and dumped the stuffing or upended all the drawers.

  I made a quick call to Nick, but it went straight to his voicemail so I had to leave a message for him to send an officer to check things out as soon as he could to have a look around. I was almost positive Savannah PD wasn’t responsible for this level of invasiveness.

  I heard a noise from somewhere toward the other end of the house and had a moment of panic when I realized whoever had caused the destruction might still be in the house. But then I heard whimpers and scratching against the door and I wiped my damp palms on my yoga pants.

  “It’s just the dogs. Not an axe murderer. Buck up, Addison. Though the axe murderer my be more merciful when he kills you, so I guess it’s the lesser of two evils.”

  It was now or never. Hopefully they’d kill me quickly if they were going to do it instead of letting me linger for several days while snacking on my corpse. Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the most positive of images to have flitting through my brain, but those dogs terrified me.

  Rosemarie treated them like overgrown babies. I’d once seen her full out kiss Johnny Castle right on the lips, and she had no problem with the tongu
e or the slobber that was generated by that beast. It wasn’t natural, but Rosemarie didn’t have any living relatives in the area anymore so I wasn’t going to pass judgment.

  I looked in the refrigerator and found the medication and then made my way down the hallway to the last room where the sounds of whimpering and clawing at the door came from.

  “Poor puppies,” I said through the door. “It’s gonna be okay. Mama had to go to jail for a little while, but Auntie Addison is going to take good care of you.”

  I put my hand on the knob, but my hands were sweating so badly that I had trouble turning it.

  “Please don’t eat me,” I said and pushed the door open.

  Baby and Johnny Castle both sat a few feet away, their tails wagging furiously and curious expressions on their faces. When Baby had been hit by a car a couple of months back I’d helped Rosemarie take care of her and get her to the vet. I was hoping she remembered that I helped save her life.

  I had no idea what I was going to do with them, but I knew they couldn’t stay here alone. If whoever broke in came back they could be in danger. And I’d never forgive myself if I let anything happen to Rosemarie’s children. She’d never forgive me either.

  Not to mention, if I didn’t get them out of here they were libel to eat the whole house. Already they’d chewed up all the bed pillows and feathers drifted lazily around the room. And I was pretty sure the bed wasn’t supposed to tilt like that.

  “Hello there,” I said tentatively. “Do you remember me? I’ve got some tasty food and medicine to give you. It’s delicious. Much better than human meat.”

  Both dogs tilted their heads to the side and then they got up as if I hadn’t spoken, passing right by me and into the hallway. I held my breath as their tails whipped at my thighs and then followed them with my gaze until they got to the end of the hallway. They turned back and looked at me expectantly and I let out a whoosh of breath.

  “Good doggies,” I said, feeling a little more confident now that it seemed unlikely I was going to die. Sometimes things just worked out how they were supposed to. It wasn’t a normal occurrence in my life, so I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it was nice all the same.

  Chapter Ten

  Wednesday…Kind of

  The other shoe dropped about 5am when I woke from a deep sleep to the sound of growls and glass breaking.

  “Oh, shit. Ohmigod. Don’t kill him.”

  I’d ended up bringing the dogs home with me. They’d looked so sad when I’d opened the door to leave, and Johnny Castle was holding his leash in his mouth, looking at me expectantly. I couldn’t stand up under their scrutiny, so I’d gathered up all their supplies and put them in the back of the BMW. I wasn’t going to mention to Nick what happened to the headrest in the backseat. Apparently Johnny Castle’s medicine has some unfortunate side affects—like him wanting to eat everything in sight.

  I hauled ass downstairs in one of Nick’s t-shirts and my panties, and I tripped on the bottom stair and went down hard, bashing my knee against the hardwood floor. It was pitch black except for the nightlight in the kitchen.

  “Johnny Castle! Baby! No!”

  I heard Nick’s swears and the click-clack of claws against the floors and then a yelp as they skidded to a stop. My knee throbbed and I reached up to turn on a light before carefully getting to my feet and putting my weight on my leg.

  “Ouch, ouch, ouch.” I limped as quickly as I could toward the kitchen. Nick had come in through the garage door instead of the front.

  “When did we get dogs?” Nick asked. His voice was calm, and I was pretty glad in that moment that he was trained not to panic. Because I could guarantee if our positions were reversed I’d be needing a diaper right about now.

  “I meant to call you and warn you, but I fell asleep.”

  Actually, I’d gotten in the Whirlpool and found a marathon of Designing Women on the TV. Three hours later I was pruny, I felt almost human, and I’d decided I wanted to be Julia Sugarbaker when I grew up. And I’d forgotten all about calling Nick to warn him about the dogs once I slid beneath the sheets.

  “These are Rosemarie’s dogs. There wasn’t anyone to take care of them after she got arrested.”

  “So you volunteered?”

  “I kind of promised her. She caught me at a weak moment and she was kind of losing her mind because of the whole peeing in front of people thing.”

  “What’s the big deal?”

  “Only a man would say that. Believe me, going to the bathroom in front of others is a very big deal to women. We don’t even like the people in the stall next to us to hear what’s going on. A girl learns early on how to covert pee.”

  “I don’t even want to know what you’re talking about. Can we get back to how we’ve ended up with two dogs that won’t let me in my own home?”

  I flipped on the overhead light in the kitchen and saw Nick was still pressed against the door. His weapon was out but relaxed at his side now that the dogs had stopped their attack. They sat about three feet in front of him, letting off the occasional growl and waiting for me to give them the command to attack.

  It turns out Rosemarie’s dogs love me, and were nothing but big pussycats.

  “Are you hurt?” I asked.

  “Not at the moment.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  “I’m taking it under consideration. Have you given the dogs our bed?”

  “No, I gave them the room your grandfather stayed in when he visited at Thanksgiving. They like the bed. It’s soft.”

  “Good. I won’t change the sheets next time he comes to visit. He hates dogs.”

  “What’d you do to your knee?”

  I looked down and saw it was swollen and already turning an interesting shade of purple.

  “Ya know. Testing out my ninja skills on the stairs.”

  “Looks like the stairs won. If you’ll call the dogs off I’ll get you an ice pack.”

  I pulled out one of the chairs from the kitchen table and sat down hard, propping my leg up on the opposite chair. “Baby. Johnny Castle. Go lay down in your room. Nick’s one of the good guys.”

  They looked him up and down one more time and then looked back at me again just to make sure. I nodded my head in the affirmative and off they went, back to their room. They were really quite intelligent animals.

  Nick let out a breath and rubbed his hands over his face. He looked awful, and I felt even more guilty for not remembering to warn him about the dogs. His clothes were rumpled, a coffee stain was on his shirt, he was way past a five o’clock shadow, and his eyes were bloodshot. He walked over the freezer and pulled out a bag of frozen peas, and then leaned down to the fridge to grab a beer. He brought the peas over to set on my knee and then dropped down into the chair next to my propped leg.

  I hissed as the cold touched my skin, but it wasn’t long before the throbbing started to dull a little. “You any closer to solving your case?” I asked.

  “Got a tip just after ten o’clock and made an arrest around midnight. I’ve got to be up in a couple of hours and get back to the station to finish up. He’ll be processed by then.”

  “Any news on Rosemarie?”

  “I know her attorney showed up because Jacoby was bitching about it.”

  “I really hate Jacoby,” I said, scowling.

  “Most of us do too. He can be a real asshole. I didn’t realize you knew each other.”

  “We don’t. At least not in person. Do you think they’ll release Rosemarie on bail in the morning?”

  “More than likely. It’s only a second degree charge and she has a clean record.”

  “Can you tell me anything new?”

  “Honestly, I can’t. I’ve been so swamped with my own case I haven’t had time to catch up on the other. I’ll check for you in the morning though.”

  “I’ve got to help her, Nick. She doesn’t have anyone else.”

  “Or you could let the police do their jobs and stay out of tr
ouble.”

  “No way. Jacoby wants her to be guilty. He even stole her emergency cache of M&Ms.”

  “I have no idea what that means. But that sounds like Jacoby.” Nick stretched and then lifted the peas on my knee to take a closer look. “That’s going to be stiff as hell in the morning.”

  “I guess it’s a good thing I finished all my testing. I’m not sure Phoebe would’ve had enough drugs to get me through all that on a swollen knee.”

  “Your family terrifies me, sweetheart.”

  “The feeling is most definitely mutual.”

  Chapter Eleven

  I’m not sure what time Nick left the house, but it was still dark outside and I was burrowed under the covers. I had every intention of taking my time after the grueling day before, and maybe taking another soak in the Whirlpool, especially with my knee swollen to twice it’s usual size. My cell rang just as I pulled Nick’s shirt over my head and tossed it in the hamper.

  “Yo,” I said into the phone when I saw Savage’s name appear in the caller ID.

  “Yo, yourself. Get ready to roll. I’ll swing by to pick you up in thirty. Wear something casual. And no high heels.”

  “I’m assuming this has to do with Khan?” I asked as I looked longingly at the tub. It wasn’t going to happen this morning. I turned on the shower instead.

  “Yeah, and our window of opportunity is very small. So be ready.”

  “I’m on it. And if you bring me a mocha latte in the biggest cup you can find I promise to be in a good mood.”

  “It’s a deal. You were pretty scary yesterday.”

  He hung up without a goodbye and I tossed the phone on the counter. As long as I didn’t put too much weight on my knee I was in good shape, so I gingerly made my way into the shower and washed as quickly as possible. There was no time to dry my hair, so I didn’t wash it. It seemed like an excellent day to wear a hat.

  The problem with the word casual is that it can mean a lot of things. Especially when a man is the one saying it. Does he mean wear sweats and tennis shoes or does he mean wear jeans and a nice blouse? There are varying degrees of casual.