by Blair Grey
I couldn’t say I loved her, but I knew without a doubt there was something more there than I’d felt with any other woman before. I was curious to see where it could possibly go, but for now, I knew I had to focus on the moment. I had to take care of this situation first and foremost, and I would.
Lives depended on it – most importantly of all, Paisley’s life was in the balance. I couldn’t let anything happen to her.
Paisley came out to the table and gave me a small smile as she sat down. “I didn’t know you spent the night.”
“I didn’t have any reason to head home,” I shrugged. “Coffee?”
“Sure, that sounds good,” she said. She rose from the table to get the drink, but gave a small cry of pain as she brushed her arm against the side of the table. She immediately clapped her hand over the place on her arm where she hit, and I knew at once she had to have hurt the tattoo she’d gotten the other day.
“Let me see it,” I said.
“I would rather you didn’t,” she replied, but she still winced.
“Come on, you think I’ve never seen a tattoo before?” I teased.
But, her face remained cold, and I knew she wasn’t in the mood to joke. This had to be hard for her. I knew how permanent ink was. Hell, I was covered in it. And those men we’d helped remove the tattoos from were no walk in the park, either.
No, there was a lot more to it than her just having a tattoo she didn’t like. This had to feel a lot worse for her than anything else he had done to her so far. Shade might have been abusive in the past. He might have left marks on her body before, but this was something permanent.
Even though she had left him, it was still there, and that had to sting a lot deeper than the tattoo itself ever would.
But, I wasn’t going to let this take root on her. She could fight through this just like anything else. I would make sure she did. She had to. She was stronger than this, and she had to know no matter what he had done to her, she could push through it and be okay on the other side.
She just needed that little bit of confidence, and I was more than happy to give it to her.
Besides, I knew this was something we could fix. I just wanted to know what we were dealing with.
“Please,” I said. “I just want to see it. Trust me, it’s going to be okay.”
Paisley hesitated. I knew she was debating what to do, but then, she sighed. She didn’t want to show me the tat, but what other choice did she have? Hide it forever? Hate it forever? Keep running from it?
She couldn’t run from something that was on her own person, that was for damn sure. But, I knew she wasn’t feeling good about it.
So, I rose from my chair and walked over to her, taking her gently. “Can I please see it?” I asked again. “Please?”
Chapter 16
Paisley
I was embarrassed to show Harley the tattoo. I knew what it looked like, and I hated it. I hated everything about it, and I hated that I couldn’t get rid of it. I hadn’t been doing a very good job taking care of it while it was healing, and it showed. There were several places where the ink didn’t take as well because of the fact I wasn’t using lotion, and several places where it had been rubbed by tight clothing.
It hurt even worse since I wasn’t taking care of it, but I didn’t want to help it heal. I didn’t want it to look good when it was done. The fact that it bore my ex’s name, as well as whatever MC he had tied himself to was enough to make me want to cut off my entire arm to get rid of it.
I didn’t know how Harley would take the sight of it, either. I knew MCs were important to the people who were part of them, and I had a feeling it would be even harder on him to see the mark of another MC on my body.
He had been so kind to me, and I got the strongest impression he really did care about me. But, the fact that I bore the name of another man and another MC’s mark only made it harder for me to really open up to him.
I knew if I were to show Harley the tattoo, he was going to get pissed off at me. I didn’t want him to take out his anger over the tattoo or the situation on me. And even though I knew that wasn’t the kind of guy he was, it was still hard for me to accept that fact.
But, he was also incredibly persuasive.
The way he stood next to me and put his arms around me, the way he convinced me to show him the ink made me want to trust him. I wanted to believe he wasn’t going to hurt me. I wanted to believe he wasn’t going to freak out when he saw the ink. I wanted to believe he was going to stay his easygoing self.
And as he started to tug at the sleeve of my shirt, I knew he was going to look at the design.
I tried not to tremble under his touch, but even that felt nearly impossible with the memories of what my ex had done to me flashing through my mind. There were so many times when he would start touching me in a gentle, kind way, and I would put my guard down.
I would let myself relax in Shade’s arms, and that’s when I would realize I made a mistake. I didn’t understand myself. There were so many times in my life when I would just relax and trust that was the time when he wasn’t going to hurt me. But then, he would.
He would do something that would hurt, and there were times when he would hurt me a lot. I hated it. I hated that I allowed it to happen, and I hated that I went back for more when it did.
I felt like I couldn’t get away from it, but then, there was another part of me that kept going back for more. So, I did.
But, the longer the cycle continued, the harder it was for me to fully relax in his arms. The harder it was for me to just let myself go and be able to be there and not expect something bad to happen.
Now, being right in front of Harley like I was, I realized just how damaged I had become. The way he was touching me – the way the tension built in my body as he did – it all only led me to understand just how I had become. Damaged and broken and unable to be with anyone.
And with that mark on my arm, I got the feeling I wasn’t going to have to worry about it for very long. As soon as Harley saw it on me, he was going to freak out, and things were going to fall apart. Not that I thought he and I would ever be together, but I knew he was bound to throw me out of the safe house.
How could he let me stay here if he knew about that mark? How could he want to help me if it was so blatantly clear that I belonged to someone else? Sure, I didn’t want to belong to anyone, and it hadn’t been my choice to get the design in the first place, but that didn’t change the end result.
I didn’t know if it was even possible for me to get rid of it. I didn’t know what to do with it at all, really, and I wasn’t sure how he was going to react when he saw it there, even if he was expecting the worse.
But, all I could do was grimace and let him look. With a gentle, steady pull he worked my sleeve up over the mark, revealing the design.
I was still tense, but I clearly heard the way he drew his breath in when he saw the tattoo. His grip on me tightened slightly, but it was enough to make me start to pull back. I didn’t want to, but instinct took over and I feared he was going to get mad enough to hit me.
With Shade, I’d long since learned it didn’t matter if something was my fault or not. If he was pissed off about it, then he was going to take it out on me, no questions asked, no reason. I was the punching bag, and that was all there really was to it.
But, though it was just a slight tension that built in me, Harley caught on to it almost immediately.
“Relax,” he said. “I’m not going to hurt you. This isn’t your fault, and you’re away from him now.”
“I hate it,” I said, the tears welling up in my eyes and a lump forming in my throat. “I hate everything about it and I just want it to go away. Really.”
“We can get it taken care of, but you’re going to have to wait,” Harley warned. “You’ve got to heal that one before you can do anything else to it.”
“I don’t want it to heal!” I shot back.
I tried to pull away. I hated the wa
y he was touching me. I hated how gentle he was. I hated the feeling that it wasn’t going to last. I hated how I only suspected he was going to completely change on me and start hurting me. Though he was nothing but gentle and kind, I still couldn’t help the reaction I was having in my own body.
I felt the need to run and hide.
But, Harley wasn’t afraid of my reaction, and he wasn’t afraid to hold me close to him even during my panic. He wasn’t going to let me go in the frenzied state of panic I was in. Instead, he pulled me a little closer to him, holding me in his arms and letting the panic subside naturally.
My heart raced, and I felt the fear coursing through my veins as though it was going to tear me apart. But then, slowly, it started to melt away. There was something about the way he was holding me that swept away all the fear, and I felt he wasn’t going to let anything hurt me.
Not only was he going to be gentle himself, but there wasn’t a thing in the world that could reach me while I was safe in his arms. Nothing – not my ex, not a rival MC, nothing that I had been through before would ever be able to reach me with Harley there to take care of me.
He started running his hands up and down my arms, gently, firmly, but carefully, too. He moved slowly, deliberately, knowing what he was doing with each touch of his fingers. He made goosebumps rise all along my arms, then spread them onto my chest and stomach then to my legs as he started kissing my neck.
As he kissed me, he moved me toward the couch in the living room. I wasn’t sure what he was doing to me, but I didn’t want him to stop, either. I wanted him to keep exploring me. I wanted to give myself to him. I wanted more and more to discover how he was making me feel this way.
I wanted to just give myself to him. I wanted to let him take me. I wanted this moment to never end.
We reached the couch, and he pulled at my pants. I was wearing a set of pajama pants I’d grabbed when I left the hotel, but he didn’t seem to notice they were dirty and torn. He didn’t care as he pulled them to the ground, pulling my panties down, as well.
He put his mouth to my smooth pussy, kissing me gently before flicking his tongue around my clit and sending shivers through the very core of my being. I didn’t know what he was doing to me. No one had ever done this before, but it felt good.
There was nothing in his actions that made me think he was doing this for himself. No, it was all about me and what I needed. He pushed me gently back on the couch, leaning over me as he continued to pleasure me with his tongue, sending shivers through me, making me writhe on the couch beneath him.
I couldn’t help the moan that escaped me, but I was still shocked with how natural it sounded. How sexy it sounded, even. I had faked making noise for Shade when he touched me. He liked it when I was loud, but I never enjoyed anything he did, so I had to fake it all.
But with Harley, I didn’t have to pretend at all. Whatever he was doing to me, he was making me feel on top of the world. He was pushing me toward orgasm – the first I’d ever gotten from anyone on the first time we’d slept together, and the first I could remember in a very long time.
As I came, I let out another cry of pleasure, letting myself go with the passion of the moment as much as I dared. Harley pushed his mouth tight against the lips of my pussy, flicking his tongue faster now, pleasuring me until the last waves ran through me.
He licked up my juices, enjoying them, wanting more of me, taking as much of me as I could give. But, not doing anything for himself. Only pleasuring me and focusing on me – and making me feel like I was worth the time and attention he was paying me.
It was a strange feeling, but I liked it. It was the first time in as long as I could remember that I enjoyed being touched sexually. It was the only time I could ever remember being pleasured and not having to give or do anything in return.
He was doing this for me for the pure and simple fact he wanted me to feel good, and that was enough for both of us. It confused me. I wasn’t sure how to act with someone like this, but I knew that I liked it a lot.
I knew I could trust Harley, though deep down inside, it was going to be a struggle. I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me. Quite the opposite, in fact. He didn’t want to hurt me. He didn’t want to cause me pain. He wanted to help me. More than that, he wanted me to be happy.
And he wanted to be the one who made me feel that way. It was so foreign for me to be that way with anyone, that I hardly knew what to do with myself.
But, I knew that I enjoyed this, and I never wanted it to end. I liked everything about this.
I just wished were possible for this to be my life. I knew it was silly. I knew it was a passing thought that wasn’t going to happen for me, but for the moment, it was fun to pretend. It was nice to be cared for.
And for this moment, I would allow myself that little bit of pleasure.
Even if it was just for this moment.
Chapter 17
Harley
I ended up staying at the safe house with Paisley again that night. I’d gone to work for a few hours, but it wasn’t hard for me to stay caught up on the projects I had down there, so when I was done for the day, I had to decide whether I wanted to head home and hang out for a while or go back to the safe house.
Of course, I’d planned on going back to my place. But, once I got there, all I could think about was Paisley. I thought about the morning before and how I had eaten her out on the couch, and I thought about how she had relaxed around me afterward.
She had been tense during the entire time I was touching her and pleasuring her, but I knew that was merely because of what she had been through. How could she just go back to normal when she had been abused for so long? I didn’t expect it out of her, and I wasn’t going to make her feel inferior or as though there was something wrong with her for being tense.
No, I would make sure she felt good. I wanted her to be relaxed and happy, and I was going to do anything in my power to make that happen. She was worth it, I knew that. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I knew. She was quickly becoming a very important person in my life, and I would do anything to make sure she was safe and secure.
And, I wanted that to include a healthy sex life. If she had been nothing but a plaything for so long with this guy, then she was going to have to learn her own body. She needed to know how good things felt, and learn what she wanted for herself.
She had to be given that chance, and I was more than happy to help her along the way.
I would have done anything for her, and I was happy to give her what she needed in the bedroom, as well. It was a process, I knew it was, but I had nothing but time, and I was willing to put in that time and investment for a woman like her. This wasn’t just a sheep, and she wasn’t a prostitute, either. She was a woman who was in need of some help.
And damn, did it feel good to be the one to help her with that need.
Of course, I didn’t want her to feel pressured, or like it was too much too soon, either, so when I spent the night at the house once again, I intentionally slept in one of the spare bedrooms. I wasn’t going to pressure her into anything, and if she felt ready to have sex, I was going to let that be on her own terms. She deserved to be the one to call the shots in her life, and I wanted to encourage her to do that as much as I possibly could.
It was good for her, that was for sure, and though it was going to take some time for her to get used to the idea, it would be better for her in the long run once she did. I believed she would come around eventually – it was just a matter of building up that esteem in her after she had been torn down for years.
The more time passed, the more I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this guy. He was going to pay dearly for what he had done, that was for damn sure. I wasn’t going to let him get away with any of this. I wasn’t going to let him touch her ever again, but more than that, I wasn’t going to let him be the one to put the blame on her for what he had done with whatever MC he was involved in.
He had been the one to fuck up, and i
t was on him to fix it. I didn’t care how or when he did it, but he was going to stand on his own two feet – and he wasn’t going to drag Paisley along for his shitty ride anymore, either. That was final, and I would see to it myself.
I wasn’t going to the shop today. I’d promised Paisley we would go back to the tattoo parlour and check into her situation with her tattoo. I knew a few things about them, and I had a feeling she would be able to get a design that would cover up the one her ex had forced her to get.
But, I needed to talk to the artist directly before I could make any solid promises to her, and I wanted to do that as soon as possible. She was getting ready to go in her room, and I was drinking coffee and waiting out in the kitchen. She wanted to get there right when they opened, so the closer we could get there to noon, the better.
Paisley appeared in the hall with a loose hoodie over a pair of jeans, and I gave her a nod. “Are you ready?”
“I guess,” she said. “I’m just hoping he’s going to be able to do something for me. I hate this thing more than anything, and I want it gone.”
“Relax. I told you we’re going to get it taken care of, and I’ll make sure we do, okay?” I assured her.
“I know, but it’s hard to wait. I didn’t want to get it in the first place, but here I am, and there it is staring back at me like I really do belong to him. I want to cut my arm right off!” She fought a sob that threatened to rise up in her throat, and I put my hand on her shoulder.
“I know this is frustrating for you, and more than anything, I want to be able to take it off you, too. But we have to do this right. I don’t want you to be permanently marked by the ink, so we’re going to have to take care of it the right way if we’re going to get it removed properly, okay?”
