The Loss of Love and Truth

by R Kenneth Donaldson

  After looking around the room I recognized that I was in a hospital room. Then I realized that I wasn’t alone. Sitting in a reclining chair sleeping was Arnold. I couldn’t help but smile. But I then began to wonder just how I got here and for how long I’d been here.

  I looked at the clock on the wall and it was a quarter after ten at night. I tried to sit up, but quickly changed my mind. I didn’t realize how weak I was. I fell back asleep to try to regain my strength.

  The next morning I felt even better than yesterday. I woke up around six in the morning feeling like nothing had ever happened to me. But I knew otherwise, because my arm was in a sling. I looked over to the chair and it was empty. It’s funny how disappointed I felt, but I suppose the boy did have to go home sometime.

  “Whatssup cutie, I see you finally woke up.” Arnold said smiling, as he walks in with a cup of coffee and looking like he hadn’t slept in days.

  I looked at him and smiled back. “Just how long was I out?” “Just a couple of days. You had everybody worried sick.”

  “How did I get here? How’s Minna and Marcus. Whatever happened to Richard?” Arnold started laughing as he walked over and sat on the bed.

  “I can answer all your questions later. I think you should rest up, baby,” he says.

  “Fuck that. I’ve rested enough. Are you gonna tell me or what?” “Alright, alright. I see you’re not gonna rest until I tell you.”

  Arnold gave me the low-down as to what happened after I blacked out.

  It seemed that the two shots I shot at Richard weren’t in vain after all. John heard them from downstairs and called for backup. That must have been the crash and the footsteps I heard.

  Minna and Marcus were a little shaken up by the whole ordeal, but they were doing just fine. Everyone was more concerned about me.

  With the beating I had gotten, I made out like a bandit with only multiple concussions and loss of a lot of blood.

  I lay very quietly as Arnold told me everything. When he finished, I sat back up and licked my lips. Arnold must have saw the burden of thought on my face.

  “What’s wrong, baby? Everyone’s doing okay and you look like you’re doing better. I thought you’d be happy.”

  “I am it’s just that.” I began.

  “You want to know about Richard, don’t you?” he said smiling.

  “Yeah, what happened to him? The last thing I remember was I had my hands wrapped around his neck with nothing but his death on my mind. I didn’t kill him, did I?” “Actually, no. But no one would blame you if you did. He deserves it.”

  “I guess so. It’s just that, I don’t know. In the past if I shot someone in the line of duty, it was part of the job. But this was different, I actually enjoyed nearly strangling him. It was almost erotic.”

  “Well, baby, it’s all over. Richard will be going on trial for the murders of Mitchell and Raymond. The only thing you need to worry about now is getting better. Just remind me to never get on your shit list,” he laughed nervously.

  Arnold grew quiet as he looked at me.

  “Aw, shit.” I said to myself. I know this look when I see it. I was almost certain I knew what was coming next. He probably felt this situation was more than he could deal with and he wanted to stop seeing me. Fine, if that’s what he wanted, then he can get to steppin’. I don’t need this shit. Why couldn’t he wait until I was home?

  “What is it? Go ahead and speak you mind,” I asked, looking away from him. I didn’t want him to see me getting pissed off.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just that when I heard that you were in the hospital and what you went through, I got scared. I mean I know we haven’t been seeing each other for very long, but I really like you, man, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. I mean, damn, I finally meet someone I feel I could make happy and you were almost taken away from me.”

  I look at Arnold with mist in my eyes. “Are you serious? I thought… “ I could barely believe what I was hearing.

  “Of course I’m serious, Trevor. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way towards anyone before. I really didn’t think it was possible. Even with the short amount of time we’ve known each other. What did you think I was gonna say?”

  “I don’t know. I guess my luck with men or people in general hasn’t been all that great. I was expecting you to get out of the kitchen when it got hot. Listen, I’m sorry you were put through all that. I like you too. Especially after you stayed here with me. Speaking of that, how long have you been here? Don’t you have to go to work?”

  “Don’t worry about that. Listen, Trevor, I will do my damnedest to always be there for you. I think you’re someone very special and I want get to know you as much as I can.”

  At that moment Marcus and Minna walk in carrying flowers and a large teddy bear. “We can talk about this later.” Arnold says to me as he rises to greet the both of them.

  “So our Hercules finally woke up, huh?” Marcus says laughing. “Yeah, I’m awake. How are you guys feeling?” I ask.

  “We’re fine.” Minna says as she sits in the chair at the foot of the bed. “How are you?”

  “I’m doing a helluva lot better. Listen guys, I just wanted to apologize for getting you two involved this. When I saw you both tied up like that I thought I would die.”

  “Trevor, please, it isn’t your fault that Richard is such a psycho. Besides, some of us just so happen to enjoy being tied up every once and awhile,” Marcus said.

  “Speak for yourself,” Minna said. We all burst into laughter.

  My doctor allowed me to go home a few days afterwards. My arm was still in a sling and I was still having painful headaches.

  Arnold proved to be a man of his word. He took a leave of absence from work and stayed with me day and night; making sure I had everything I needed and some things I didn’t. After the third day though, I had to send his ass home, cause he was working my last nerve. It was nice of him catering me for awhile, but it started to get out of hand. He would barely let me go to the bathroom by myself.

  The next couple of months proved to be busier than they have been in awhile. During Richard’s trial, my name and face were plastered all over the television news and papers. Though my dad won’t admit it, the publicity will probably help him in his run for mayor.

  I was even asked to return to the force, but I graciously turned down the offer. It’s funny how easily people forget the way they treated you when you become a local celebrity. Anyway, I figured I could use my new found fame to boost up my own business instead of giving it to the city of New York.

  Even with the hectic pace I led after returning from the hospital, I felt that, for the first time in over two years, I was beginning to actually feel happy. Maybe it was because I could finally close some chapters in my life, maybe it was because even though I felt that the love I knew was a lie and the truth I led was lost, my heart started to ease up and open again. Though that thought scares the hell out of me, I decided I wasn’t going to run away from it this time.

  And with that confirmation, I look myself in the mirror for the second time as I get ready for my date with Arnold and laugh. I laugh at the bruises on my arm, the scar above my eye and look deep inside at the scars on my heart. I laugh because, though these scars are here and they hurt like hell when I got them, I’m still here to talk about it and laugh about it and thank God I have another chance to do it all again.