“Erin house,” she finally said.
He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head.
His embrace warmed her. If only he could always be with her... Then she wouldn’t have to be afraid at all. Maybe as time passed, this lingering fear that Hothlepoya would find her and drag her back to his teepee would ease. She took a deep breath and reminded herself of what her mother had often said, “You must take things one day at a time.” If her mother was still alive, it might be what she’d tell her now.
She glanced at the home Gary had brought her to so they could be together. In time, maybe she would be able to stay there by herself. But today was not that time. Tomorrow wasn’t going to be that time. It would be awhile yet. For the time being, she would bide her time with Julia.
Chapter Eleven
A month later, Woape watched Gary as he got dressed for work. Once again, she debated whether or not she could manage by herself in this house while he was gone. She wished she could stay here. She didn’t want to face Julia again. The woman hated her, and even if Erin interceded on most of the disputes between Julia and Woape, it wasn’t good enough. And today, Woape didn’t feel like facing Julia, especially when that morning’s breakfast threatened to come back up.
As soon as he finished buttoning his vest, he turned to her. “Woape, dress?”
She looked down at her nightgown. She knew what keeping it on meant. It meant she would stay here through the day. Grabbing a fistful of the cotton material in her hands, she braced herself for the day ahead. She could do this. She could be alone and be fine.
“Woape?” he asked.
“Woape stay here,” she softly said, her breath no more than a whisper.
He frowned and walked over to her. Sitting by her on the bed, he took one hand in his and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Woape scared.”
Yes, she was, so she didn’t bother denying it. But being scared was better than another fight with Julia, especially when her body wasn’t up for it. All she wanted to do was lay in bed and rest. She couldn’t do that at Erin’s. Granted, Erin had allowed her to lay down on Friday when she was there, but Julia kept finding her way into Erin’s room to put things away or clean...and Julia hadn’t been quiet about it.
Just the memory was enough to cause bile to rise up in Woape’s throat. She needed some ginger. Her mother used to give her that when she was a little girl. But she didn’t buy any the last time she went to the store with Gary. She knew she’d need it, but she was too afraid to get it because as soon as she did, she’d have to admit what was happening to her. If she admitted it, then she’d have to admit another possibility—one she didn’t wish to entertain—one that scared her much more than seeing Hothlepoya again.
“Woape, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head. No. She didn’t want to talk. Not right now. Not until she was ready. She’d rather push her worries aside and focus on getting through this day without Gary...and most of all, without Julia. If she could get through one day while he was at work, then she wouldn’t have to face Julia again. Well, at least not until she had to go to church.
Gary sighed. “Woape, I have to work.”
She nodded. She knew that.
“You want to stay here?”
“Yes.” Since her voice shook, she cleared her throat and made sure she sounded braver when she said the word again. “Yes.”
He didn’t look convinced.
She waited until she could stand up without losing her breakfast and eased up from the bed. “Woape work here. Gary work town.”
After a moment of silence, he stood up. “Alright.” He kissed her. “I’ll miss you.”
She hugged him and let him know she’d miss him too. When he left, she remained in bed for the rest of the morning. She could smell him on the sheets, and if she closed her eyes, she could imagine him right next to her. When she did that, she felt relatively safe. It wasn’t as good as if he was truly there, but at least it was something—and she managed without going to Erin’s house.
When she finally got out of bed, her stomach had settled down. As she slipped on her dress, she caught sight of her deerskin dress hanging in the armoire. Even if she departed from that life, it was still a part of her. It always would be. But there was one thing she hoped would signify her new life. Something she hoped wouldn’t be a reminder of what she escaped.
She finished buttoning her dress despite her shaking hands. Would she be able to tell the difference when the baby was born? Her skin was darker than Gary’s. But then, so was Hothlepoya’s. If she could remember when her cycle had last come upon her, she might be able to determine who the father was. But the days with Hothlepoya blended into each other until there was no real sense of time. She hadn’t wanted to be with Hothlepoya that way. She fought him, but he was stronger.
The timing couldn’t have been worse. She didn’t want to have Hothlepoya’s child. But it might not be his. It could be Gary’s. The last time she’d been with Hothlepoya was close enough to when she had first been with Gary. She didn’t know how to explain it to Gary, and truthfully, she didn’t want to either. In some ways, not being able to adequately speak his language gave her a good excuse to avoid it. I should have waited until I had my cycle before I became intimate with Gary. But then, what if her cycle didn’t come? Then she’d know she was doomed to carry and give birth to Hothlepoya’s child.
She glanced out the window. Snow fell softly to the ground. She approached the glass and turned her gaze to the sky. She wondered if God really lived up there. Whenever Gary prayed, he was either kneeling by the bed or looking up. It seemed silly to think a God of any sort would reside in a bed. Besides, when he prayed by the bed, he kept his eyes closed. When he looked up at the sky, he had his eyes opened.
It wasn’t unusual to think of an intelligence in the sky. Her mother sought them in all forms of creation, whether it be in trees or elsewhere. But she noticed Gary kept his attention to the sky. And he didn’t seem to be staring at anything in particular, like the sun or moon.
She studied the sky. There wasn’t anything unusual up there. Just a bunch of clouds and snowflakes. She wondered if Gary’s God would make it so that this child was Gary’s. How did a person even petition such a thing? Did she even venture to ask? She decided against it and turned her attention to the tasks she could do to occupy her mind until Gary returned home.
Today, she decided to forgo the braids and wrapped her hair into a bun. If she planned to scrub the floors, then she didn’t want her braids to get in her way. A part of her knew it meant she was adjusting to her new world—assuming a new identity. But what could be lovelier after the hell she’d just gone through? She was Gary’s wife. She wasn’t Hothlepoya’s slave anymore.
She spent the afternoon cleaning. When she didn’t let her mind go idle, she didn’t have to think of the pregnancy or what it might mean if the baby was born and Gary wasn’t the father. She didn’t even know if he’d be able to tell...or if she’d be able to tell. But Gary wasn’t the type of man who’d divorce her. He saw her back and stayed with her. As painful as it would be, maybe someday she’d learn enough words to tell him what happened. For the time being, she preferred to forget.
When Gary came home, she was dumping dirty water on the grass. The sight of him made her heart leap with joy. She dropped the bucket and ran into his arms, nearly knocking him over.
He laughed and gave her a big hug.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. How she missed him! But then she realized she’d done it. She made it through the day without him, and she didn’t have to spend the day with Julia to do it.
“Now that’s the kind of welcome a man’s very happy to come home to,” he said with a wide smile on his face.
She didn’t understand all the words, but she knew he was happy and that’s all that mattered. She wanted to make him happy, for he’d given her a reason to enjoy life again. “Gary home. Good.”
He brushed
back a stray strand of hair that had fallen to her cheek. “Woape here. Good.” His lips softly touched hers and he held her closer to him. “I love you.”
Love. That was a good thing. It meant he cherished her. He’d whispered it to her last night after he made love to her. “Woape love Gary,” she replied.
“Good.” He kissed her on the cheek. “You’re cold.” He let go of her, took off his coat, and draped it over her shoulders. “Come.” Pulling her against his side, he led her across the grass and into the house.
***
Something was bothering Woape. Gary knew it, but whenever he tried to find out what it was, she found a way to brush him off. On Thanksgiving morning, he woke up, expecting her to be in bed next to him, but her place was empty. Turning over in bed, he saw that she stood by the window and peered up at the sky. It seemed that she did that a lot lately. He wondered what she was doing. Was there something significant with the sky in her culture?
Sighing, he realized it was time to get up anyway. His aunt would kill him if he and Woape didn’t go see her. It was, after all, a special day. He just didn’t know how he was going to tell Woape where they’d be. The last time they were at his aunt’s, which happened to be two weekends ago, Woape and Julia nearly got into a fight. What the fight was about, he didn’t know. Woape was so upset she spoke in her native tongue, and when she had calmed down, she refused to talk about it. He really didn’t feel like asking Julia what happened. He was sure that whatever the problem, his sister instigated it.
God, help us all to get through the day without killing each other, he silently prayed as he got out of the bed.
Woape turned to him and smiled.
She wouldn’t be smiling when he told her where they’d spend their day, but he returned her smile and got dressed by the box stove. Though he sealed up the drafts as much as he could, the wind still found ways to penetrate through the window—which was another reason that Woape’s window vigil struck him as odd.
He hesitated to walk over to her. She was already dressed in the blue shirt and brown skirt he thought looked especially pretty on her. Of course, she made everything look nice. She even had her hair braided. That was his favorite hairstyle on her.
“Thursday today. Gary go to work. I make breakfast.” She stepped to the door.
“No.”
She stopped and waited for him to continue.
He inwardly groaned. He hated this. Shifting from one foot to the other, he shrugged. He might as well get it over with. “Today is Thanksgiving. We go to Erin’s.”
Her eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head.
“Yes.”
“No. Gary go. I stay home.”
There was no way he wanted to go there alone. He dreaded it as much as Woape did, but at least with Woape there, he had someone he could be with. Not that his aunt wasn’t an ally, but she didn’t see what Julia was doing. As much as he loved his aunt, the woman had a blind spot when it came to his sister. He really couldn’t blame her though. Julia had been with her when he left.
“I don’t want to go,” he told Woape.
“Stay here.”
To Woape, it was that simple. But things weren’t as simple as that, and he didn’t know how to explain why. “I have to. You come too.”
She cringed.
“I love you,” he ventured, wondering if that would convince her to join him.
To his relief, she relented and he got the buggy ready. By the time they reached his aunt’s house, he noted that the tension in her shoulders had gotten worse. He wondered how long they needed to stay there. Three hours at the most. It would be enough time to sit and talk and eat. Maybe he should help with the dishes. If he did, then things would go faster. Well, no they wouldn’t. The kitchen was too small for all of them. He could insist that Woape sit down while he do the tedious chore with his aunt and sister. That would separate his wife and sister, and it would ease Woape into coming back for Christmas. Yes, that was the best thing to do. He’d help out in the kitchen.
As he took care of the horses, he noted that Woape stayed near him. She was still his shadow. The thought made him smile. He couldn’t blame her for putting up with the cold instead of seeking the warmth of his aunt’s house. When he couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer, he took her hand and led her to the house.
Woape forced her feet to remain still as Gary knocked on the door. At least she had a small bag of ginger in the purse Erin had given her so she could carry things around. The sickness came and went throughout the day, but she figured her stomach might upset her even more since she’d be around Julia.
She still hadn’t told Gary about the child. She didn’t know how. Did she let him assume he was the father or tell him she wasn’t sure? The uncertainty stalled her from any kind of action.
He knocked on the door again, and Erin opened it. Woape smiled. She liked Erin. In some ways, the woman reminded her of her mother. She was warm, caring, and quiet. She was unassuming in a lot of ways, but she was unforgettable. Woape took a deep breath. It was because of her that her mother passed on from this world to the next. She couldn’t blame it entirely on Hothlepoya. Not when it was her decision to get out of marrying Citlali. She should have just insisted that she couldn’t marry him, even if her parents approved of him.
“Woape, sit,” Gary told her.
She blinked, letting the guilt subside. It was too easy to dwell on the past when she was here, under the careful scrutiny of Julia’s eyes as she watched her from across the room. In many ways, Julia reminded her of a grim cosmic punisher. But how was Woape to know her action would set off a sequence of events that led to this point in time? She never meant for anyone to get hurt.
“Woape?” Gary asked.
Realizing that Gary and Erin were waiting for her to sit, she obeyed. She thought Gary would sit next to her, but he told her he’d be back and got ready to go to the kitchen with Erin and Julia. She wondered what he was doing in there. Did they need to talk in private now that she understood some of the language? Was there something they didn’t want her to know?
She reached for his hand. “No.” If they had something to say, she’d prefer them to say it in front of her.
“Cook. I’m to help Aunt Erin and Julia cook.”
She frowned. Cooking? Whatever was he cooking for?
Erin patted his hand. “Stay with her. Julia and I can finish with the pie.”
From there, they talked so fast that she had trouble making out exactly what they said, but in the end, he shrugged and sat down, his body comfortingly close to hers, and for the moment, she didn’t mind that Julia never once took her eyes off of her.
Gary relaxed when Julia followed Erin into the kitchen. He put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. “We’ll be home soon,” he whispered.
They spent a good ten minutes in silence. She enjoyed the way he rubbed his hand up and down her arm. With his free hand, he held one of her hands. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. Now she could handle this. If this was all she had to deal with whenever she had to come here, it would be bearable—pleasant even.
All too soon the spell was broken for Erin announced that it was time to eat. Woape reluctantly opened her eyes and let Gary help her up. Once they entered the kitchen, Woape stepped up to a chair that would ensure that she didn’t have to watch Julia while she ate. Sure, it meant she would have to sit next to her, but at least Julia wouldn’t be in her direct line of vision.
The meal was tense. Woape didn’t have to know their language to understand the awkward moments of silence and Erin’s forced cheerful chatter meant they were all uncomfortable. Gary made an effort to respond. Julia didn’t even pretend to be interested in the conversation.
At least, Woape had an excuse. The problem was, she couldn’t focus much on eating because her stomach felt queasy. She needed to take a dab of ginger from her purse and put it under her tongue, but she didn’t dare do it. She’d wait until she was alone. She
wasn’t ready for anyone to know about her pregnancy. There might be questions, and she didn’t feel like answering them.
So she spent her time nibbling on corn and a potato. The smell of turkey only intensified her nausea so she ignored it. The stuffing and cranberry sauce was doable, but she didn’t have the appetite for those either.
Gary glanced her way several times and seemed concerned, though he didn’t say anything. Instead, he sighed and looked over at Julia who frowned at him. Then he turned his gaze to the clock. Despite any unease he must have felt, he managed to eat extra helpings of everything on his plate.
Woape finally put the fork down and sipped some water, wondering when she’d be able to get a moment alone. As soon as she tasted the ginger, her stomach would settle—even if her nerves wouldn’t.
When Erin announced that dinner was over, a collective sigh of relief echoed through the kitchen. Erin motioned for Woape to go to the parlor with Gary. “Julia and I will take care of dishes.”
“I clean dishes,” Woape quickly spoke up. “Erin and Julia rest.”
Erin smiled. “There are many.”
“No. I can clean.”
“Good. Let her.” Julia placed her plate back on the table and left the room.
“I can help Woape,” Gary said.
“No,” Woape argued. “Talk to Erin and Julia. I be back.” She needed to get the ginger. If she didn’t, she was going to throw up. She recognized the all-too-familiar watering in her mouth. She hurried to the parlor and grabbed her purse and returned to the kitchen where Gary and Erin appeared to be arguing. “Go. Please,” Woape said. Her body was beginning to feel weak.
“I don’t know,” Erin replied, uncertain.
“Please!” Woape didn’t mean to yell. She immediately lowered her voice. “Sorry.” She swallowed. “Please.”
Restoring Hope Page 9
