by G S Binkley
“I will admit… I’ve been a bit of a pain about hanging out with my friends.” Dani wanted her mother to know she never meant to cause her mom any worry or hurt her. After Dani heard how upset Lacy was from her grandmother with regard to what happened at the mall, the young girl felt bad.
“No. Never a pain.” Lacy winked, kissing the top of Dani’s head.
That made Dani smile. “And I did think about it but…” The young girl let out a deep breath. “Even before you talked with me about Drake, I kinda felt something wasn’t right.”
“You have good instincts.”
“And I’m glad Uncle Nate was there to help Katie.” Dani pursed her lips in thoughtful repose. Finally, looking at her mother, Dani admitted. “You have good instincts, too. You were right about him.”
“Dani… it’s natural to want to do things with your friends more and more. You’ll want to start making decisions on your own and wanting to be independent. It’s a part of growing up.” The mother hesitated before she added. “I just don’t want you to stop wanting to be around your family.” “Never.” Dani perished the idea that would never ever happen. She loved them way too much.
Making sure Dani was looking directly at her, Lacy made it clear her intentions. “I want you to always feel like you can talk with me about anything and know this… I’ll do my best to listen and understand. Okay?”
“Okay, mom.” It was what Dani wanted to. “Besides, we have to set an example for the rest of them. You know, Derek is already causing more problems than I ever did.”
“Well…” Lacy couldn’t argue that point but with Gage’s help, she had definite plans to rectify that problem. “Yep, you were always a perfect angel.” Lacy teased her daughter.
“I do try.” Dani said seriously. She rose off the bed and grabbed her robe. “I think Derek will straighten up and Sammy listens to me pretty well but Hayley…” Shaking her head, Dani turned toward her mother “…she’s something else. Just like Gage.”
Smiling, Lacy agreed. “Yep, just like Gage.” And I wouldn’t want her any other way.
*************************
Lacy crawled over her lover and snuggled up close. “Did you get the room cleaned up?” Gage nodded. “Really clean?”
“Oh ye of little faith.” Gage frowned. “Of course, we did. Did you and Dani get things settled?”
Lacy’s hand ran up under her partner’s sleeping shirt to caress the smooth skin underneath. “Yes.”
“Then I guess Derek’s next.” Gage enjoyed the attention her lover was giving her.
The dark haired woman placed a kiss on the blonde’s cheek. “What’s the plan?”
“I’ll call Fred and see if he can arrange a visit for me and Derek. If that’s okay with you?” Lacy agreed. “But I thought maybe that both of us should talk with Derek first and… I was thinking that maybe Dani should be there, too.”
“Any particular reason?”
“Well, if I tell Derek about some of my past, he’ll just tell Dani anyway and… she deserves to know about me, too.” Gage was already beginning to fear what Derek and Dani would think of her but if she were to be any kind of a parent then it had to be done. Her past could no longer hold her hostage and perhaps one day sacrifice the ones she loved by not being there for them.
“Okay if you think so.” Lacy pulled Gage’s face around to meet her own. “I’ll call mom and ask if she can watch Sammy and Hayley for a while tomorrow. What about your mom?” Lacy knew Stella was placing all the guilt on herself with what Gage had to deal with growing up.
Gage shrugged. “It wasn’t her fault. Parents make decisions that they think at the time are best for their children. Just like I thought that avoiding Derek’s behavior, letting you take care of all of it and backing away was better for him. We’re not perfect.”
“Then you should tell her that.” Lacy suggested.
Gage kissed Lacy. “Yes, dear. Anything else you want me to take care of?”
“Well…” Lacy wrapped her hand around the blonde’s wrist. When she guided Gage’s hand between her own legs, Lacy purred. “There is one thing.”
Happily, Gage acquiesced to her lover’s request.
***********************
With Sammy and Hayley in Lynn’s care, the very reluctant blonde cleared her throat as she began another painful journey into her past. Lacy placed a comforting hand on Gage’s leg. Dani and Derek had been listening carefully as Gage recounted the story from her past.
“Like I said, I was locked up and Johnnie was too after he got out of the hospital. We were sent to different facilities because of us robbing that place but at least…” Gage swallowed hard, glad she wasn’t responsible for a man’s death. “But this guy at the facility decided that one way for me to face up to what I’d done was by going to see the guy Johnnie shot.”
“What kind of gun did he have?”
“Dani!” Lacy scolded her daughter.
“I only wanted to know because it could make a difference on how bad he was hurt.” When her mother glared at her again, Dani mumbled. “At least it did on your cop show.”
Gage blew out a breath, having a short reprieve from telling her story. “It was a small handgun which is more than enough to kill…” Gage didn’t want to get into all the details about the blood and cold look in the man’s eyes. “Anyway, Fred, that’s the guy I talked with about visiting the youth facility with you, Derek. He drove me over to a rehab facility where the man… his name was Mr. Cooper. Apparently, the bullet severed an artery and several nerves. He was having to relearn how to use his left arm again.”
“Was he mad at you?” Derek asked seriously.
Shaking her head, Gage looked down. “No. I wish he had been though. I felt even worse when he was nice to me.” Digging her fingers into her legs, Gage continued. “I found out he had two kids.” Gage looked up. “One of them was about your age, Derek. A boy and a little girl about five.”
Leaning in to kiss her partner on the cheek, Lacy wrapped her arm around Gage and whispered. “It’s okay. You don’t have to go on.”
“Because of me those kids came close to not having a father.” An unshed tear threatened to fall from the blonde’s eye. Quickly wiping it away, Gage forced herself to continue. “There I was so angry about not having my own mom or dad around. I almost took their father away from them… and I… I knew then and there I had to straighten myself up.”
Seeing Gage so vulnerable for the first time in her life, Dani wanted to cheer her up. “You have. Look how good you are with us. You take real good care of all of us. Right, Derek?” Dani elbowed her brother.
Lacy was proud of her daughter’s caring words.
“I can speak for myself.” He glared at his sister before turning to Gage. The young boy knew he had been distant with Gage lately but never forgot how she had been there for him for the last six years. And he remembered vividly how he felt when he first saw Gage on the shore near the lake where they were vacationing. He trusted her then. He loved her now and she would always be his hero. “Dani’s right.”
Gage moved from the couch where she was sitting next to Lacy and dropped on her knees in front of her two children. She wrapped her arms around them, pulling them close. “I thank God every day to have you both in my life. I love you.” The tears that had threatened to fall throughout her relaying the story now dropped unheeded.
Lacy joined her family in the hug, thankful to have them all in her life.
***********************
Derek held Gage’s hand tightly as they walked through the locked door of the Benton Treatment Facility. He noticed the tall curved inward wire fence around the place and numerous cameras located in various places. “Is this where you stayed?”
“No. But a place like it.” Gage helped Derek pass through the metal detector and talked with the security officer about their visit. They waited until another one of the facility staff arrived to escort them.
Derek and Gage followed t
he staff down the long hallway. The man pointed to several rooms. “These are our classrooms. We have three cottages where the residents live and each cottage has about ten boys in them.”
After the man unlocked the door, Derek moved closer to Gage as they walked in the cottage. There were ten young men ranging from the age of twelve to sixteen walking around the common area. Derek saw a couple of the boys watching TV and was caught off guard when one of the resident’s greeted them.
“Hi.” The shorthaired boy about sixteen said. “Who you here to see?”
“They’re just here for a visit. Focus up!” The staff person yelled to the residents. All ten boys stopped what they were doing and looked at the staff person standing a few feet in front of Gage and Derek. “We have some visitors today.” The staff person introduced everyone before continuing. “Nick? Why don’t you show them around?”
“Okay.” The boy who had greeted them agreed eagerly. “Over here is my area.”
There were three individual rooms and two open areas where Derek could see several twin beds placed. He didn’t see many pictures on the walls and noticed that beside each bunk was a wooden locker.
“I’ve got a room of my own.” Nick stated proudly.
“Where’s your door?” Derek asked, still holding on to Gage’s hand.
Looking at the staff person, Nick asked. “Stepping in?” When staff nodded, Nick walked in and dropped on his bunk. “Don’t have one. We don’t have much privacy here but I do have a few personal things.” Nick showed Derek his CD player and a couple of puzzles he had.
“Derek, you’re not allowed to have everything you want here. There are rules about what you can and can’t have.” Gage explained.
“They have rules about everything.” Nick said smartly. “Come here.” Again he addressed staff. “Stepping out?” When he got the staff’s approval, Nick walked out of his room and pointed to the wall outside his area. “See. Rules about what you can do in your areas, restroom expects, line expects…”
Derek was confused until Gage explained. “It’s what staff expects you to do when you line up to go to eat or to school.”
“You have to get in a line all the time?” Derek asked Nick.
“Sure do. Heck, sometimes we have to line up to take a stand up.” Nick scratched his temple.
“What’s a stand up?” Derek crunched his eyebrows.
“Huh? Oh.” Nick pointed to the bathroom and said. “When you gotta go number one. That’s what we call it here.”
“Oh.” Derek pretended he understood fully.
Nick led his small tour around to see some of the other areas when Derek noticed a familiar drawing posted on one of the lockers.
“What’s that?” Derek inquired.
Nick looked to where Derek pointed. “Hmmm… Jason?” When a blonde resident turned his head, Nick nodded for him to come over where he was standing. “You better take that down.”
Unhappy with Nick’s confront, the blonde boy glared at him. Jason pulled off the drawing and placed it in the only drawer the locker had. “Happy?” He said as he passed Nick on the way back to his chair in front of the TV. But the nasty young man spared the time to give Derek the once over. “What you in for?” He sneered.
“Go on, Jason.” Nick glared at the blonde before returning his attention to Derek and Gage. “Don’t bother with him. And back to your question. Jason was in a gang on the outside. It’s a drawing of their sign.”
Remembering the same design on Jett’s arm, Derek said. “I saw a tattoo of one before.”
Gage didn’t like the way this conversation was going but decided to address the issue head on anyway. However, Nick spoke first.
“I got one.” Nick lifted his sleeve, revealing an unfinished tattoo. “They fucked…” Glancing at Gage when she cleared her throat, Nick apologized. “Sorry.” He pointed to the tattoo. “I used to belong in a gang but not anymore.”
“Why’d you get out?” Gage asked. Back when she was locked up, they had gangs too but now the gangs seemed more violent.
“What good are they doing me now?” Nick said off handedly. Deciding to share part of his story, the sixteen year old crossed his arms and looked directly at Derek. “I guess you want a tattoo.”
Not sure how to answer, Derek remained silent. He liked how cool Jett’s tattoo was but didn’t want to get in trouble from his mom about it.
“My old gang… they didn’t really care about me. Pretty much left me hanging to take the blame alone.” Nick remembered how quickly they ran when he hurt himself during the fight and was left behind to face the police. “Don’t get me wrong I was… not a very nice guy. When I joined the gang, they treated me like family but when it came down to them or me…. like I said…. they disappeared like a ghost. That’s how I got a tattoo being a part of the gang.”
“Can you get it off?” Derek asked.
Nick snorted. “Not unless you got money and I don’t. Since I’ve been here I realized that my family is the only ones that really care. They come to visit me and we got family therapy going. Haven’t heard from one of my old friends.” The dark haired boy dropped down to his knee so he could stare straight into Derek’s eyes. “This ain’t the place you want to end up. You get out of line here and they put leather restraints on you or stick you in the isolation room.”
With eyes wide open, Derek nodded his head in agreement. He stepped back against Gage and was comforted when she placed her hands on his shoulders.
“Thanks for the tour, Nick.”
He winked at Gage. “Sure thing.” Nick was only two weeks away from leaving the facility after a nine-month stay and had offered to talk with Derek when one of the staff mentioned the visitors coming.
As Gage led Derek out of the cottage, Jason took one last opportunity to taunt the young nine year old and yelled. “You can be my bitch.”
Without missing a beat, Nick called to the group. “Circle up.” The rest of the group members stopped what they were doing and sat down on the couches that formed a circle in the middle of the common area. After Nick waved to Gage and Derek one last time, he turned his attention to the rude blonde and proceeded to give him some good information on how to change his ways or else Jason would be in for a long stay at the facility.
Derek was glad to climb back in the car and buckle his seatbelt.
Seeing that her son was somewhat shaken from the experience, Gage asked. “How bout some ice cream?”
Derek nodded and as he shifted in his seat, he said in a small voice. “Gage, I’m sorry.”
The blonde reached over and hugged Derek. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because I’ve been so mean.” He held back the tears that were threatening to overflow. Derek realized his behavior was a way of proving himself and in the end he had hurt the ones he loved.
“Hold on a second.” Gage fussed his hair. “Compared to me, you’re an angel… and that’s the truth.”
“But…”
“Derek.” Gage lifted his down turned chin. “I know that it’s been hard on you. And I know how much you love your dad… and me. That’s why you were acting out. You see, if you get one puppy and then you get another puppy because you no longer have the first puppy then you…” What did Nate say about the puppies?
Derek scrunched he eyebrows not sure why Gage was talking about puppies. But he listened intently.
“Anyway, I think you were having a hard time knowing that you could love both of us and not betray the other one. Me and your dad… not the puppies.” Gage tenderly touched his cheek. “You have enough love in you to love many people in your life. It’s not a competition and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way.”
Derek wiped a tear that ran down his cheek. “Mom’s mad at me.”
Gage’s chest fell in despair. She blamed herself for Lacy having to take all the heat where Derek was concern as she distanced herself. But never again. “First of all, your mother loves you and we both know that. And second, she’s not mad
at you. Neither am I. We both want what’s best for you and, Derek, sometimes that means that if you act out or hit people or say mean things to others, there will be consequences.”
“What are consequences?” Even though he didn’t know what that meant, it didn’t sound good.
“Disciplined…. like if you hit Sammy then you would have to apologize and go to your room for a while. Or if you make a mess, you have to clean it up. Things like that.” Gage smiled at Derek. “Remember when you broke your mom’s lamp.”
Derek frowned, recalling that he lied about it. “Yeah.”
“Derek, like everything in life there will be natural consequences to your actions. For every action, there is a reaction.”
“Like when I hit Kevin in school and he hit me back.”
“Yep. Just like that.” Gage took the opportunity that presented itself. “Why’d you hit him anyway?”
Derek shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Well, tell me who does know and I’ll talk to them.” Gage grinned at the young boy.
“Huh?”
Sucking in a deep breath, the blonde continued. “If you don’t know, who does? Derek, you have to take responsibility for what you do. I didn’t and you know what happened to me. I lucked out though because someone cared and forced me to see that I was the only one who could make changes in myself.”
“That man you talked about… who let you stay with him after you got out of that place.” Derek’s gray eyes shifted back to the fenced encircled facility as they sat in their car.
“Yes, Fred. He told me once that it was natural to want to fit in but just don’t get sucked in.” Sending a silent thank to the man who turned her life around at that time, Gage grinned. “Use words instead of your fists. If something is really worth fighting for although the sword may be mighty, the real power is with the one who wields the pen.”
“You want me to write it down?” Derek was perplexed as Gage reminisced a moment about her old mentor.
“No. That’s not exactly what I mean. You don’t have to fight all the time. You can talk it out or walk away. That’s another option.” Gage offered some more sage advice she learned from her former caretaker.
