The fact that his kidney was now inside her and providing the promise of a new life was just an extra dimension. A very powerful one, admittedly, but if the unspoken attraction between them came to nothing Holly would still never have another day in her life when she didn’t think of Ryan with gratitude.
And love.
Holly got out of bed the next day and was sitting on a chair after managing a tentative walk when Ryan came to tell her that Michaela was nearly out of Theatre.
‘It’s the most astonishing surgery, isn’t it?’
Holly knew exactly what he meant. Having observed a cardiac transplant, she had seriously considered steering her career towards transplant surgery. There was a distinct moment—when the recipient’s heart had been lifted clear of the chest cavity and before the donor heart filled the space—when it looked as though what the surgical team was trying to accomplish was totally beyond the realms of possibility.
‘It is amazing,’ she agreed readily. ‘You’ve got someone lying there with no heart. And then you can replace it and bring them back to life. Magic.’
‘It was a perfect-sized organ,’ Ryan continued happily. ‘The pulmonary arteries and aortic openings fitted together as though they’d never been separated.’
‘Did they need to defibrillate to kick-start it?’
‘Almost. It was fibrillating when the cross-clamp came off. They’d charged up the internal paddles but gave it another thirty seconds or so and, bingo! Straight into sinus rhythm!’
‘How’s she looking now?’
‘They were still closing when I left. I thought you might be getting impatient for news.’
‘I was.’
‘She was haemodynamically stable, anyway.’
‘That’s fantastic. I can’t wait to visit.’
‘She’ll be in isolation for a while when she gets out of Intensive Care.’
‘I know. I doubt that I could walk that far just yet anyway.’
Ryan’s face softened into an encouraging smile. ‘It won’t be long. You’re doing so well, Holly. We’re all proud of you.’
Ryan was allowed home only a day later but he came to visit Holly every day and on the third visit he brought his grandfather with him.
‘You’re looking wonderful, lass.’
‘I’m starting to look like a puffer fish thanks to the medications I’m on—but I feel wonderful. Better than I have for years.’
‘When are they going to let you come home?’
‘Soon, I hope.’
‘Might be quicker,’ Ryan suggested, ‘if you let them know you’re going to be well taken care of.’
‘I don’t want to impose on either of you.’
‘Nonsense,’ Jack said dismissively. ‘We’ve got your room ready, lass. In my half of the house.’ He winked at Holly. ‘I know what the gossip can be like in these places.’
Ryan’s gaze was disconcertingly steady as he listened to the exchange. He didn’t care what anybody might say. Something in his expression even suggested that he might be inclined to give people rather a lot more to discuss.
Holly took a swift, inward breath. ‘Well, if you’re sure that it won’t be a problem?’
‘Why don’t you make a list of any extra stuff you might need?’ Ryan said calmly. ‘And give us a key to your apartment.’
The notion of Ryan searching for and packing such items as clean underwear might have been enough to make Holly change her mind, but the arrival of Sue to join her other visitors provided a solution.
‘I’ll pack for her,’ Sue declared on hearing the proposal. She beamed at Ryan and Jack. ‘This is great. I’ve been worried about Holly trying to cope by herself but my house is total chaos thanks to my kids.’
‘It makes perfect sense.’ Jack nodded. ‘Keep these kidneys in the family, that’s what I say.’
Holly ignored in the look Sue flashed in her direction. Her friend would learn of any developments in her relationship with her boss in good time. She got the message with gratifying speed. She turned to Ryan and changed the subject.
‘Grace is finally out of ICU and back on the ward. Colin said he’d call in and give you an update later. Is it true you’re planning to come back to work next week?’
‘I won’t be in Theatre for a while yet but I feel quite well enough to manage a quiet ward round and maybe a clinic or two.’
‘Cool. You won’t mind if I put your name down for the fun run, then. You seemed to have forgotten to get around to it. Or do you want to give it a miss this year?’
‘No way. Wouldn’t miss it for the world,’ Ryan said dryly.
‘Will you be OK by then?’
‘It’s, what, at least eight weeks away? Shouldn’t be a problem.’
‘I’m going as Snow White,’ Sue told them. ‘I’m going to borrow my kids’ friends to help make up the dwarf numbers. The ward’s doing a Lion King theme, I think. African animals, anyway.’
‘Great. Maybe I can be a hyena. Anything’s got to be an improvement on last year’s clown.’
‘Sounds fun,’ Holly said wistfully. ‘Maybe I could do it this time.’
Everybody looked shocked. Ryan shook his head. ‘Not this time, Holly. Your body’s got quite enough to get used to in the next few months.’
‘One step at a time,’ Jack added firmly. ‘Let’s get you walking before you start trying to run, lass.’
Holly walked a little more each day.
Released from hospital after ten days, she spent the next eight days living in Jack’s half of the old, divided villa. Her room had a very comfortable bed and an en suite bathroom. Ryan had even made the library visit Holly had ended up not finding time for prior to her hospitalisation, and some helpful librarian had chosen a stack of historical romances for her to sample.
It didn’t matter that the worst of the winter weather had arrived and it was too nasty to set foot in the spacious garden. Jack had a fire going by the time Holly got up each day and he took as much pleasure in seeing her curled up on the sofa with her nose buried in a novel as he did in cooking small and tempting meals.
‘Let’s see if we can’t get a bit of meat on those bones,’ he said.
Ryan spent more and more of his time at the hospital so Holly only really saw him in the evenings. The first out-patient clinic he ran that week gave them plenty of dinnertime conversation on the night Jack had gone to his regular Returned Servicemen’s Association meeting.
‘Daniel’s fighting fit and ready to try out for the school rugby team.’
‘Did he get to that Blues game?’
‘Sure did. Apparently, they flashed up a message on the big screen at half-time that said HI, DANIEL, HOPE YOU’RE FEELING BETTER.’
‘He must have been rapt.’
‘He was. I’ll tell you who else is really happy and that’s Callum’s mum. He’s into everything at play centre now and can last the whole session without any symptoms.’
‘Has Leo been back for his post-op check yet?’
‘No, but I heard his little sister is home now. She’s put on enough weight and she’s not showing any after-effects from her unconventional entrance to the world.’
‘Did they decide on a name?’
‘Sophie.’
‘Oh, nice. And what about Michaela? Is she still doing well?’
‘They’re talking about letting her go home this week.’
‘Fantastic. And Grace? How was she today? Have the antibiotics kicked in yet for that chest infection?’
‘Seem to have. Hopefully she won’t get any more setbacks.’
‘I miss them all,’ Holly said. ‘I’ve never had this long away from work at a stretch, which seems ironic because I feel better than I ever have.’
‘Doug won’t let you back on deck for another week—wasn’t that what he told you at your check-up yesterday?’
‘Yes, but—’
‘But you’re getting cabin fever stuck in the house.’
‘I’d love to get out for a good
long walk. I wish it would stop raining.’
‘I can make it stop,’ Ryan said.
‘Oh, yeah?’ The face Holly pulled made her realise just how comfortable she was in Ryan’s company now. There was an easy familiarity between them. And more…. The sense of relaxation lessened considerably as Holly experienced another twinge of the physical attraction that still showed no signs of weakening.
Maybe Ryan was feeling it as well. Holly may have been resting and recuperating for the last few days but there was a definite sense of waiting for more than physical recovery, and surely that wouldn’t be hanging in the air so strongly if it was purely one-sided. Holly wasn’t going to push any boundaries, however. If it was going to happen, it would happen in its own good time.
And maybe sooner than she’d anticipated.
‘So, just how are you going to make it stop raining, Ryan?’
‘I’ll show you.’ He stood up, went to the briefcase lying under a soggy raincoat and snapped it open to remove an envelope. He waved it at Holly. ‘Tickets,’ he said triumphantly. ‘Two rooms for four days at the Kula Island resort on the Coral Coast in Fiji.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘I thought we both deserved a treat before we went back to work properly. A few days of real rest. Sun and total relaxation. A final boost for recuperation. What do you say, Holly?’
Ryan was looking curiously intense and Holly knew why. He was offering more than a holiday here. If Holly agreed to go away with him, she would be giving him a very clear message that she was willing to take their relationship to a completely new level.
And she was willing. But…
‘I can’t go out of the country, Ryan. Not right now.’
‘Why not?’
‘What if I had an episode of rejection or something?’
‘I talked to Doug about that. I’ll carry whatever supplies we could need in the way of monitoring gear and anti-rejection drugs we might need to juggle. We’re both doctors, Holly. We’re both capable of recognising any kind of complication early enough to deal with it. And Fiji’s only a four-hour flight away. It’s hardly the back of beyond.’
Holly wasn’t annoyed that Ryan had been talking to her renal physician behind her back again. How could she be? After so many days of being confined by relentlessly wet weather on top of a stretch of being institutionalised, he was offering her a taste of paradise.
‘I’ve never been to Fiji. I haven’t even been near a beach properly in years.’
‘I know. I remember you telling Ken that when he said he’d take care that your scar wasn’t too obvious when you were wearing a bikini.’
‘And so you thought of this? A beach trip in the middle of winter? That’s so sweet.’
‘So…’ Ryan’s eyes looked much darker than normal and his face was very serious. ‘Will you trust me to look after you? Shall we go and enjoy some sunshine together?’
And would that be all they enjoyed together? Holly knew her expression was probably as serious as Ryan’s. Her voice actually wobbled a little when she spoke.
‘I’d love to, Ryan. I really would.’
It was bliss.
Away from the winter rain. Away from any reminders of work or study and an ideal excuse to postpone having to think about returning to that lonely apartment. With the prospect of nothing to do other than rest, choose from a glorious array of fresh tropical fruit and seafood, swim and bask in the sun or wander through the maze of tracks on the resort island that led to everything from rock pools on the beach to deep tropical forest.
Holly slept for most of the early morning flight to Fiji and slept again after the boat transfer to the island and lunch in the shade of coconut palms by an invitingly clear blue swimming pool.
Ryan’s tap on her door at around 4 p.m. woke her. He came in, armed with a blood-pressure cuff, stethoscope and thermometer.
‘House call,’ he announced.
The bed Holly was still lying on dipped as Ryan sat on the side. ‘I don’t usually make house calls,’ he informed her. ‘I’ll have to send the bill later.’ He pointed the thermometer at Holly’s mouth. ‘Open wide.’
He noted down all his recordings in a small notebook. ‘Everything’s fine,’ he pronounced, ‘though your heart rate’s up a bit. Almost tachycardic, in fact. How are you feeling?’
‘I feel fine.’ Holly felt her cheeks reddening. She knew why her heart rate was elevated. Here she was, lounging on her bed after a nap, wearing only a camisole top and shorts. From her window she could see the exciting vista of a tropical paradise begging to be explored. A place she had never been to before.
And much closer to hand was a man she was finding even more exciting to be near. How could she have ever thought that Ryan’s slightly disreputable, shaggy hair and those strong, craggy features prevented him from being considered conventionally good-looking? He was gorgeous. Eyes that shone with warmth and a quiet appreciation of the good things that life—and other people—had to offer. Lips that she knew were as soft as they looked thanks to that brief kiss that seemed a lifetime ago. And that smile…That slow curve that deepened the lines defining his cheeks and made his eyes crinkle at the corners.
The surgeon’s hands with that sure touch from artistically long fingers. Fingers that had just been touching her body as they’d rested on her wrist to find her traitorous heart making the fact of her attraction to him only too obvious. But she wasn’t alone in that, was she? Holly could see the faint pulse of Ryan’s carotid artery on the side of his neck and with a smile she caught his wrist and laid her fingers on his skin.
‘At least a hundred beats per minute,’ she said softly. ‘How are you feeling?’
Instead of the expected brisk dismissal of any possible physical discomfort, Ryan gave a soft groan as his gaze locked with Holly’s.
‘I’m afraid I’m feeling very, very attracted to you, Holly Williams. That’s the only reason I’m tachycardic.’
And here was the moment Holly had been waiting for. The opportunity to admit what they both knew was simmering between them. Time to throw that door into a new future wide open. It took only a single, whispered word from Holly.
‘Same.’
The stethoscope Ryan had still been holding slipped from his hand unnoticed as he bent to kiss Holly. He touched her lips with the same kind of tenderness she remembered from that first kiss and it was just as brief. For a heart-stopping moment, she thought that was as far as he intended to go. Did he think she was still too physically fragile for this? With a touch of something close to panic, she slid her hands over his shoulders to encourage him to stay close.
But he had only drawn back far enough to search her face for an instant, and whatever he saw in her eyes was enough to elicit another groan. Not one of frustration this time, however. This sound was of pure desire. And there was nothing remotely familiar about the kiss that came now. Ryan’s mouth was firm beneath the softness, searching and claiming every cell of Holly’s lips as he moved to lie on the bed next to her. She sighed under the delicious onslaught to her senses and with the first exquisite touch of Ryan’s tongue to hers and the slide of his hand to her breast, Holly knew she was totally lost to this man.
Holly had never felt desire like this. She wanted so much she doubted she could ever have enough, but it seemed like she wouldn’t get much further than the starting flags this time. Ryan pulled away again.
‘Did Doug say anything to you about limitations on your physical activities?’
‘I’m not to lift anything heavy for six to eight weeks but I can judge for myself how fast I increase my exercise levels.’
‘Did he say anything about sex?’
Holly dropped her gaze as she reddened slightly. ‘I think he said I could resume normal sexual activities in about four weeks. I didn’t take much notice because my normal activities in that department have been non-existent for longer than I care to remember.’
‘You want them to stay that way?’
/> ‘Are you kidding?’ Holly ran her tongue slowly over her lower lip as she raised her gaze, delighting in the flare of desire she saw in Ryan’s eyes.
‘It hasn’t been four weeks.’
‘It’s practically three, though,’ Holly said eagerly. ‘And I feel great.’
Ryan smiled. ‘I could have told you that, my love.’ His hand was on her breast again, his thumb tracing slow circles around her nipple that sent sharp spirals of sensation straight to the depths of Holly’s abdomen.
His hand moved, tracing her ribs and then resting gently over the scar from her surgery. ‘Great isn’t quite the word I’d have picked, however. You’re sensational, Holly. I just can’t believe the way touching you makes me feel.’ He slid both hands to cup her bottom, pulling the length of her body closer to his own.
‘Maybe,’ he said softly, ‘if we were very, very careful and I was very gentle, we could see just how far we could get.’
‘Mmm.’ Holly intended to make sure they got to the very end of that particular track.
‘But not right now.’ Ryan sighed deeply and his hold gentled so that Holly was lying in his arms, simply being hugged. The disappointment was startlingly intense.
‘Why not?’
‘Because I haven’t got a condom,’ he said sadly.
‘We’ve both had every blood test known to man to check for any communicable diseases. I doubt there’s a couple anywhere on earth who could start a relationship with the clean bill of health we’ve got.’
‘I’m not talking STDs. There’s no way on earth I’d risk your health by playing Russian roulette in the pregnancy stakes.’
‘Oh…’ Had she been too blinded by desire to think of that or was there something subconscious going on that made the idea of having Ryan’s baby attractive enough to not want to be bothered with preventative measures? But he was right, of course. While kidney transplant patients were quite capable of a successful pregnancy, they were advised to wait at least two years before conception. And it was ridiculous to be even thinking of it at this stage of their relationship, wasn’t it? How could she possibly be so sure that Ryan was ‘the one’?
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