‘That’s because you have a loving husband and you’re about to become a mother. Oh, don’t get me wrong, Conrad’s a good husband, but his work comes first, and as for becoming pregnant, well, I wouldn’t want to ruin my figure. It’s a well-known fact that women go fat after they’ve had children.’
I was shocked. ‘Surely that doesn’t matter as long as you’ve got a healthy baby.’
‘Well, maybe you don’t think so, but I do know it matters.’
I was glad she changed the subject as we drove into the French Concession. The streets were wide and tree-lined and it looked like a very pleasant place to stay. I said as much to Lorna-May.
‘Oh yes, it is. The streets are set out like French boulevards and I would love to live here. I did ask Conrad to buy a house here, but he likes being near his work.’
She parked the car and we set off down one of the streets that were lined with shops. Lorna-May spent ages looking in the windows before deciding on going into a classy-looking ladies’ dress shop, where she bought a lovely day dress. When I heard the price, I almost fainted. It was as much as my monthly household accounts, but she said as we came out of the shop, ‘Conrad likes to see me looking well dressed.’
We got back into the car and drove back through the leafy boulevards to the International Settlement.
After she left, Ping Li came in with bowls of tea and I told her about my trip.
‘Although I was born here,’ she said, ‘I’ve never been to Frenchland.’
‘Frenchland?’
She nodded. ‘That’s what it’s called.’
40
THE YEAR OF THE BOAR
I was grateful I was feeling well during my pregnancy, and apart from a few bouts of nausea in the early months I didn’t feel any different from normal. I did feel a bit tired in the evening and I was glad to put my feet up on the sofa, but I remembered my mother telling me one day that she had suffered from early morning sickness when she was expecting me and for some reason I had thought I would be the same. Thankfully I wasn’t. Elsie and I would go to see the doctor at the hospital every month, where he was pleased with my progress. I was relieved about that, because I had no idea what lay ahead. I knew the basics of childbirth, but I felt what all expectant mothers feel: how will I cope with a tiny baby?
During those final months I felt I was on a kind of hiatus, as if the rest of the world was passing me by. Jonas was still busy with his book. Alex was a regular visitor to the house, but if I went out it was usually with Ping Li or Elsie.
Then on 4 February, just as the Chinese community in Shanghai was getting ready to celebrate the New Year, I was laid low with a bad bout of influenza. Every bone in my body ached and I was glad to stay in bed, which was so unlike me.
Jonas brought me hot drinks and Ping Li carried in bowls of herbal tea, which she swore by. ‘This is the remedy for influenza,’ she said as I sipped the bitter liquid. Whether or not it was because of her faith in the cure, I did begin to feel better, but I was very weak and had a high temperature.
Jonas called the doctor in, and he said it would just run its course and that the baby was fine. That was our main worry, and I spent sleepless nights fretting about the future as the rest of the city celebrated the Year of the Boar.
I hadn’t felt the baby move very much over the last couple of days, but as I lay awake with Jonas sleeping soundly beside me and the sound of fireworks exploding in the night sky, I suddenly felt a vigorous kick in my abdomen and I relaxed. All was well, I thought. As if to make up for the days of inactivity, the baby turned and moved as if he or she had been wakened up by all the noise.
Thankfully, after almost ten days in the house, I felt well enough to go outside, and although the air was humid and sticky it was better than being cooped up. Jonas said he was taking me to the Yu Garden to recuperate. We left in the early morning, when we knew the gardens would be quiet, and it was so peaceful sitting on a stone bench looking at the temples.
Jonas held my hand. ‘Are you happy living here, Lizzie?’
I looked at him in surprise. ‘Yes, I am. I would be happy anywhere as long as you were with me.’
‘It’s just that I see the worst side of China with my work. All the fighting between the Communists and Chiang Kai-shek’s Nationalist army, and now Japan seems intent on making inroads in the north and I have a fear they won’t be happy with that.’
‘But this is the International Settlement, so surely they couldn’t come here with their armies.’
He smiled. ‘Let’s hope not. I sometimes worry about having a young baby growing up with all this conflict, and it’s not only happening here but in Europe too, with the rise of the Nazi Party.’
I suddenly felt cold. ‘Surely Germany won’t start another war, not after the carnage of the last one. My father died in the trenches and my mother never got over his death. I can never understand why people can’t live in peace with one another.’
‘Let’s go and have some tea in one of the teahouses,’ Jonas suggested. ‘It’ll stop me being pessimistic.’
We moved through the garden, which was beginning to get busy, and went into the teahouse. Although the tea was hot I still felt cold, and I was glad when we got back home and I was in familiar surroundings again.
Later that week, Elsie and I went for my first visit to the hospital after my bout of influenza. Once again I was relieved when the doctor said all was well. ‘You’re a strong young healthy woman, Mrs O’Neill, and you’ll have a healthy baby.’
It was when we were walking back that Elsie suddenly stopped and looked across the road. I followed her gaze, but the street was bustling with people and traffic and it looked very much like it always did.
‘What’s wrong, Elsie?’ I asked.
She shook her head. ‘I thought I saw Ronnie.’
‘Do you want to go and see if it’s him?’ I suggested, but she said no.
‘Maybe I made a mistake, but it looked like him. The strange thing is he was with a dark-haired woman and she was holding on to his arm.’
‘But surely he will be at work in the mill, won’t he?’
‘Yes – at least that’s what he said when he left this morning.’
‘Well, maybe, if it was him, the woman could be a colleague from the mill. You did say there was an English manager in charge. Maybe it’s his daughter or wife.’
Elsie gave a deep sigh. ‘Yes, that’s probably it, and I’m not sure now if it was him.’
So we continued along the road until we reached the house. I asked her to come in and we were soon sitting on the veranda with our tea.
‘Can I tell you something, Lizzie? I wouldn’t want it to get out.’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t repeat a confidence, Elsie.’
She sat without talking for a while, just staring at her cup. Then she took a deep breath and said, ‘Ronnie and I don’t have a normal marriage, Lizzie. For the past six months or so he’s been sleeping in the spare bedroom. He doesn’t get in until the early hours of the morning and then I only see him for a half-hour before he goes to work. I’ve tried talking to him, but he says everything is all right and that once we leave Shanghai our marriage will get back on track. He says it’s just because he’s unhappy living here and working in the mill.’
I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I had to comment on her distress. ‘Can he not write to his father and tell him about this unhappiness? After all, his son’s marriage is more important than running cotton mills.’
‘I suggested that, Lizzie, but he just shouted at me and said if I went behind his back with my stories he would leave me right away and I would have to fend for myself.’
‘Charming man,’ I thought to myself. ‘Well, you mustn’t give in to him, Elsie. You must get him to agree on a solution to this horrible situation.’
As she left she said she would have another talk with him, but we both knew it wouldn’t make any difference. The house felt quiet after she had gone, but I couldn’t stop worr
ying about her. Ronnie seemed to be one of those young wealthy oafs who thought of nothing but themselves.
As I stood up, I felt the baby give another kick.
41
THE NEW ARRIVAL
I was ten days over my due date for my baby’s birth, and although I wasn’t worried I knew Jonas was. He was due to go off with Alex to Nanking, where rumours of people dying from hunger were coming through.
‘I’ve told Alex I can’t go,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to leave you on your own when the baby arrives.’
I would have liked him to have been with me as well, but I had married him knowing what his work was, so I said I would be fine. ‘I’ll have Ping Li and Elsie to help me, so you’re not to worry about me.’
He hesitated, and I repeated that I would be fine, so he reluctantly phoned Alex to say they could leave the following morning.
After he went I was suddenly not so confident, but I knew I was a strong woman who could stand up against anything – before it struck me that the baby could be born in the night, when I would be alone.
I mentioned this to Elsie, and she said she would move in with me until after the birth and I was so grateful to her. I was worried what Ronnie might say, but she dismissed this by saying he probably wouldn’t notice, which I thought was very sad. Later that afternoon she arrived with a small suitcase and I told her she could have the small bedroom.
By seven o’clock that evening I had started to have some pain, but it didn’t seem to be caused by the contractions I was told I would have, so I went to bed as usual at eleven o’clock. At four o’clock in the morning I knew I had to get to the hospital, but by then Elsie had woken up and had ordered a taxi.
She fussed around, getting me dressed and making sure I had everything I needed in my suitcase. When she was putting my shoes on, I felt a wave of pain that made me gasp out loud and Elsie rushed to the window to see if the taxi was there.
‘I told them a baby was due so to make sure they hurried up,’ she said, looking anxiously towards the door. I had another pain and had to sit down, but thankfully we heard the sound of a car drawing up and she rushed to the door.
I found it hard walking down the path, but the young British driver helped me, while Elsie followed behind with the case. It wasn’t a long drive to the hospital, but at the time I remember thinking it took ages, as one contraction followed another just minutes apart.
As I was taken to the delivery room I silently thought how stupid I had been letting Jonas go away. So much for being a strong-minded woman who knew all the answers. I would have laughed, but I didn’t feel like it at the time. The pain seemed to take over my body, and I was glad when I was lying in the bed and the doctor, who was Scottish and originally from Inverness, was by my side, along with the Chinese midwife.
‘The baby’s isn’t coming yet,’ he said, which surprised me so much I must have groaned out loud.
I managed to lift my head to look at him. ‘I thought the baby was going to be born either in the taxi or the house, doctor.’
He smiled at me. ‘First-time babies usually don’t come that quickly, but you’re in the best place and it won’t be too long now.’
Another wave of pain. When he said it wouldn’t be long, I wondered how long he meant. The midwife was soothing, as she kept me informed about what was happening. I had read a lot of books on childbirth, but of course they’d never mentioned this level of pain.
I wondered if Elsie had taken the taxi back home and hoped that she had, especially as I was convinced the baby was going to be born before I reached the hospital. I remembered telling her over and over again that I wasn’t going to make it in time. Now the doctor seemed amused by my prediction.
It was a hot, humid night and my gown was sticking to my body, but the midwife cooled me down with a wet cloth. I was grateful to her, so much so that if I had been dying at that point I would have left her my gold bangles in gratitude.
The delivery room was small, with white tiled walls and a bright light overhead. I asked if I could have a drink of water, and the woman went to a small sink and filled a small glass. I gulped it down like I was lost in the desert and then immediately felt terrible that I was losing control of my manners. Then another, stronger pain engulfed me and the midwife hurried from the room only to return with the doctor.
‘Ah, yes,’ he said. ‘Baby’s about to enter the world, Mrs O’Neill!’
I almost said amen to that, but his statement was followed by another two waves of pain before I heard the cries of my baby.
‘You’ve got a lusty wee lad, Mrs O’Neill. He’s got a great pair of lungs on him.’
The midwife placed my son beside me and I gazed in wonder at this scrap of new life I had brought forth into the world. I couldn’t explain my feelings, but I was bursting with pride.
Within the hour I was in a small side room and Elsie came in to see me. I was so pleased to see her I almost burst into tears, but instead I smiled weakly. ‘Jonas and I have a son, Elsie.’
She smiled at me. ‘Yes, I know, the doctor told me. He was born at seven o’clock on the tenth of May.’
Seven o’clock. I had lost all sense of time. I had been in labour for over three hours. ‘I thought he was going to be born when I woke up with that awful pain, Elsie. If I had known, I wouldn’t have rushed you like that. And that poor taxi driver, what a fuss I made.’
‘It’s better to be in hospital in time, Lizzie. After all, how do we know how long it takes for a baby to be born?’
I laughed. ‘You’re right. I’ll know next time what to expect.’
After she left I fell asleep but was woken up by the nurse, who was carrying my baby in a woollen blanket. ‘It’s time for your baby’s feed,’ she said cheerfully. I could hardly keep my eyes open.
Later that day I had Elsie and Ping Li visit me. Ping Li had made a beautiful set of baby clothes, which were very much admired by the nurses when they came into the room.
‘Do you have a name for the baby, Lizzie?’ asked Elsie.
I shook my head. ‘I’ll wait till Jonas comes home and we’ll choose one together.’
After they left I had a visit from Betsy and Jeannie Miller, who said they had seen the baby in the small nursery and he was lovely. ‘He was crying when we saw him, Lizzie. He’s got a great pair of lungs on him.’
I smiled at them. ‘That’s what the doctor said.’
The following day I was beginning to feel less tired, when Lorna-May swept in bearing a large bunch of sweet-smelling flowers. ‘How are the new mother and baby doing?’ she said, gazing at my nightgown, which was stained with a small patch of dried-on milk.
‘It’s the most amazing feeling, Lorna-May. I can’t really describe it to you, but to have a new scrap of life brought into the world is earth-shattering.’
‘I see, so you’re feeling well.’
‘I’ve never felt better.’
She stood up. ‘Well, I’ll give these flowers to the nurse to put in a vase, and I’m glad you’re looking so well. Oh, by the way, Conrad sends his regards.’
‘Dear Lorna-May,’ I thought, ‘did you think you would find me looking like I’m at death’s door?’ Then I remembered how I’d felt like I was at death’s door during the birth, so I couldn’t blame Lorna-May for thinking that I would look as if I was.
A couple of days later Jonas rushed in, looking contrite and worried. ‘I knew I should never have left you, Lizzie.’
‘Have you seen our son?’ I asked.
‘Yes, I have, and he’s crying. The nurse says he has a good pair of lungs on him.’
I burst out laughing. ‘The doctor said that to me and the nurses said the same thing to Elsie and Ping Li. He seems to be famous in here for his good pair of lungs.’
Jonas had also brought a bunch of flowers, and I asked the nurse to put them where I could see them.
‘The doctor said you can go home tomorrow, so I will come and pick you up.’ Just as he reached the door, he said, �
��Were you all right with the birth, Lizzie?’
‘Do you know, Jonas, I don’t remember much about it.’ The truth was I didn’t remember the pain or the waiting; all I recalled was the moment the baby was placed beside me.
‘I love you, Lizzie,’ he said, ‘and I love my son. I’ll be back in to see you tonight and then tomorrow we’ll all go home.’
‘That will be wonderful, Jonas. I love you too, and our son, and we’ll be a family when we get home.’
42
PETER FLINT O’NEILL
I had ordered a cot and pram from the department store, and Elsie said she would be in the house to catch the delivery man when he came. When she came to see me on my last day in hospital, she said everything had been delivered.
‘You should have seen the delivery man, Lizzie. He was a five-foot-tall Chinese man of about seventy years old, and it was so funny seeing him wheeling the pram up the path. When the cot came, he had another old man with him to help carry it. I gave them a good tip, and they kept thanking me and saying they hoped I had a lovely son.’ She had been laughing when telling me this, but her face fell at the last sentence.
‘You’ll have a family as well, Elsie, it just takes time,’ I said, wishing I could wave a magic wand and give her a loving husband like Jonas and a child of her own, but even I knew it wasn’t likely to happen.
Jonas came with Alex’s car to take us home, and we found Ping Li had filled the house with flowers. The baby was sleeping as Jonas carried him into the bedroom and placed him in his cot. Ping Li had made a beautiful quilted cover, and as we both stood looking down on our baby, I suddenly filled up with emotion and held tightly to Jonas.
‘I sometimes think I shouldn’t be so happy, Jonas, not when other people are unhappy.’
He took my hand and led me into the lounge and made me sit with my feet up on the sofa. ‘I’ll make us a cup of tea, so just you rest.’
When we were sitting with our tea, Jonas said, ‘I know how you feel, Lizzie. Alex and I see so much tragedy and suffering amongst the Chinese people. In the countryside around Nanking there’s been a famine and people are starving, but what do the warlords do? Raise the rents for the farmers, that’s what they do.’
Dragon Land Page 26
