My precious little one, how do I say goodbye? Your Daddy and I loved you so much from the second we knew about you. I’m so sad to let you go, but know that you’ll be in Heaven and I’ll see you big and strong someday. Goodbye my little plus one, sweet dreams. I love you so much, I’ll never, ever forget about you. Say hello to your Grandma Allison up there for me. She’ll take care of you until I see you again. You brought joy to our life in such a short sweet time. I’ll miss you until I see you again, I LOVE YOU.
The tears were uncontainable, the heartache devastating, the anger more than I could bear for the loss caused by the circumstances. I could only ask why. Why did this happen? Who would want to hurt my family? I wanted to just wither, become numb to the pain. Nothing or no one would be able to take the pain of loss from me. I knew it well from losing my mom early in life. The heartache is an invisible cloud that hovers and nighttime is when it rears its ugly head the most. Emptiness, loneliness and tons of regret.
I knew in my heart that when I recovered, I would make certain my captors burned in hell for the life they took, and no one would stop me.
As I cried, Dr. Mason returned. “We’re going to surgery now. I’m giving you something that’ll make you drowsy, and take away some of your anxiety. Everything is going to be okay and when you wake up, Dr. Brooks and your family will all be here, okay?”
“No, it’s NOT okay! Nothing is okay. It’s all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way!” I lost all control, sobbing, yelling, shaking, until sleep finally took over.
***
The flight to Florida seemed to take forever. Grayson couldn’t be still. He paced the aisle in the plane, back and forth, annoying the others. The agents analyzed the turn of events between themselves. The ground SWAT team relayed killing two of the kidnappers and arresting two more. Alexandra’s pilot died as well. The sole woman of the foursome had provided a detailed account of the plan. This time, the plan got way out of control and the leader of the pack was swallowed by his greed. This time, he wanted to push the limits, but it got him killed.
Harrison finally decided to reach out to his brother. “She’s going to be okay. You’ll get past this.” Grayson shook his head, not wanting any part of it, refusing to be comforted.
“Don’t try to talk to me about her. You know nothing about her or anything about us. Where do you get off trying to be the hero with all the right answers? You shouldn’t even be here!” He looked like he was on a short fuse, about to explode. This couldn’t be all about Alexandra, could it? His face, taught with tension, looked like it was all he could do to keep from hurting Harrison.
Frustrated with the bitterness between them, Zoe screamed at the top of her lungs at her brothers. “Enough! That’s it, game over! I can’t take it anymore. I’ve lived nearly my entire life watching you two go at it. You two have got to hash out the past, with all of your jealousies, and get over it, before it destroys the future of our family! Harrison, you need to man-up and tell Grayson the truth about Olivia.”
Harrison tried to interrupt her. “Zoe, this isn’t the time,” but she closed him down.
“Shut up Harrison, I’m not done. Grayson needs to know every sordid detail, twisted or not. That’s what started this bullshit years ago. Your protection of her only caused more problems, and believe me, that crazy bitch wasn’t worth it. This whole damn charade has gone on long enough. You’re hurting each other and the rest of us who love you, including Alex! All because of some stupid shit that happened back then! You’ve been competing and fighting over girls forever, and this crap has to end... NOW.”
“What’s there to know about Olivia that I don’t already? She’s a vicious, callous woman and we were over a long time ago. There’s no reason to bring this up now.” Grayson looked at Zoe and back and Harrison curiously, waiting on one of them to finish filling him in on their secret. His jaw clenched and eyes dark, his siblings knew he was getting angrier by the minute.
“You blamed me for everything wrong with Olivia. You never once gave me credit that the problem might be her. Every time the two of you had problems, you blamed me. You couldn’t see her for the dark horse she was. I gotta be honest, I never in a million years thought either of you’d go through with the wedding and quite honestly, didn’t give a shit. I was wrong to let you believe all the things that she told you about me and our relationship, but at times, you just didn’t want to listen, much less accept that she was full of witchcraft. She led you down a seductive path, Grayson, and you fell harder than I ever did. We didn’t know her. I don’t like to talk about this, but you finally need to know. She was the one that introduced me to the dark side of dominant/submissive sexual lifestyle. I liked some of that kinky stuff, but dang, her needs were so deep, I couldn’t satisfy her. She showed me the edge. With my constant travel, she just couldn’t let herself have a monogamous relationship. She would screw any guy who was still breathing.”
“That’s not true. You beat the shit out of her, I saw her body with my own eyes!”
“No, I didn’t. That was one of her masters in that secret club she went to. I beat the shit out of you when you came at me in her defense. I tried to tell you then but you wouldn’t listen. Those bruises, she said that she got them playing around. She hadn’t been playing with me, dude. I’d been out of town. Whatever crap she fed you, it was to win you over with her ‘poor me’ routine. She wanted so much sexually that I couldn’t give her, that’s why she went to that club. She’s truly a very twisted bitch. I loved her, but the loss to you was a shock to my ego, Grayson. I would’ve never hurt her. But you, you knocked her up and stole her like a trophy.” He paused his rant for a moment.
“You took her from me out of your own greed and you thought you were stickin’ it to me. But in reality, she stuck it to both of us. I finally realized it was best for me to get away from her and hope that you would find out the truth for yourself in the end. I should’ve known family was forever and reached out to you. I blame myself for not going to you with the truth. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret our fight. I got a dozen stitches in my head, three busted ribs and a concussion, thanks to you, but the loss of our relationship hurt way more than that. We let a woman come between us. It’s over, in the past and now you know the truth. I want to move one and get my brother back. You’ve got a princess in Alexandra, but she’s only like a sister to me. I’m happy to see her with you and just want the best for you. I can’t wait ‘til the wedding and you make me uncle Harrison.” Harrison’s voice was filled with regret, his eyes misty.
“I sure wish you’d convinced me she was poison. It would’ve saved me a ton of pain and torture over the years. Now, she’s even trying to torment Alexandra. The bitch just keeps calling her. She tried to run her off recently with a pregnancy scam. I have no idea how she even got her number unless she got it out of my phone at the office. Last I knew, she said she was going back to Colorado. I’m sorry for the both of us. It’s made the last few years hell. Alexandra wants us to be a real family for our baby. I don’t want any more drama for any of us, especially Alexandra. I would like to see us mend our fences and hope that we can do it without ever throwing a punch again. I’m own a great deal of the pain that you went through and I don’t want that for us anymore. My energy is going to be focused on helping my future wife overcome this event and she’s going to need all of us, now more than ever. Can you do that?” Grayson asked.
“I’m all in,” Harrison declared as he embraced his twin and drew Zoe into a group hug.
The pilot interrupted their reunion with an announcement of their pending arrival. “I’m ready to see my girl. I just need to know that she’s really safe and okay.” Grayson said.
The plane landed in Florida, where the local FBI agents gathered them for a quick debriefing. Agents Woods and Barnes informed the group that the leader of the assailants and one other had died in the shootout, but the other two, including a woman, were in custody. They weren’t certain who’d shot Alexandra and whe
ther it was deliberate or by a stray bullet, but they were going to be charged with attempted murder and kidnapping, which would lead to life behind bars. Grayson declared, “It’s going to take more than bars to keep me from killing those sick bastards.”
The Morrisons had been quiet most of the trip down, watching the twins reunite. Al seemed discreet, respectful of their time. He didn’t want to invade, although he had thought the same things about Harrison’s sexual escapades from things he’d heard over the years. He was glad to finally hear the real story. He also used the time to pray for Alexandra. He hated that she was once again going through something alone, just like when her mother died of cancer and he wasn’t there for her. He had such a guilt-ridden expression on his face, which turned to anger. He looked like he was ready to commit murder.
“Agent Woods, I can assure you, they better have them deep in custody, because if I can get my hands on those two, they are dead. DEAD, do you hear me? I will kill them for what they have done to my daughter.” Anger oozed from his body, fire raging in his eyes. He walked away to control himself.
“I get where these emotions are coming from, but people, let me assure you, we take threats seriously. No one’s leaving here until you check your attitudes. Are we clear?” Woods looked around to everyone in the room. The family might be consumed with anger, but he had to keep control of the situation.
Al returned to the group, apologized to the agents, and climbed into the unmarked car to be driven to the hospital where Alexandra underwent surgery.
The family gathered in a private waiting room in the hospital. They were greeted by Dr. Mason and her team.
“Hello everyone, I’m Dr. Mason. I’ve been taking care of Alexandra since her arrival here. She’s out of surgery and has been taken to a secure room as requested and is now under protection. As far as her condition, there are things you all need to know before going in to see her.” She took a seat and cleared her throat, obviously trying to gather her emotions before continuing.
“She was struck by two bullets. Fortunately, one was deflected by the cell phone that she’d hidden in her clothing. She’s a smart girl! The other entered her hip, grazing the bone before rupturing a large vessel. That caused some bleeding, requiring a minor surgery. She’s patched up and will be sore for a day or two. She told me she was stubborn, so I’m counting on you all to make sure she takes things easy for a while, assuming that you can do that.
“However, unfortunately, most likely due to the trauma that she endured, she suffered a miscarriage. I’m so very sorry for your loss.” She paused and wiped tears from her face. She sought out Grayson’s eyes, which were now filling with tears. “We found no permanent damage and she should be able to conceive very soon. Before you all go in to see her, I must let you know that she is not talking a lot and seems to be under stress, which is normal. Be patient, she will come around. We have a special team of counselors and I have asked one of our grief counselors to visit with her and you, Dr. Brooks. Again, I am really sorry for your loss. There should be no reason that you can’t start trying again for another baby in a few weeks. If you’ll follow me, I’ll escort you all to her room.”
The family gathered in the hall and comforted each other. Al and Gretchen hugged Grayson and decided that he should go in alone to see her first.
Grayson knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He walked in slowly and found her in the bed, facing towards the window. Unsure if she was asleep, he leaned in to wrap his arm around her and whispered softly in her ear. “Hey, Angel, I love you. God, it feels good to hold you in my arms again. You’re stuck with me, from now on, I’m never letting you out of these arms.” Silently, he let his tears fall down his face. He wanted to hide his own pain from her, but he couldn’t control his grief for the loss of their unborn baby or for the anger he felt for what she had suffered.
***
He wrapped his arms around me and climbed into bed. I couldn’t control my sobs. He just held on tight, trying to comfort me as I stared out the window. Finally, I felt moisture on the side of my face as he softly kissed the corner of my lips. I could feel his tears. He was grieving too. Our little angel, now gone to Heaven. His hand was splayed out across my pelvis. I knew he was trying to fill the void and take my pain away.
For the longest time, we just laid in the bed, quiet, neither of us talking. Finally, he broke the silence, “I love you so much. I know your heart is breaking, like mine. We will have a baby, I promise. Just as soon as we are cleared to try again, you’ll see. Please talk to me.” I could hear the sadness in his cracking voice and feel his heart pounding at my back. I knew that his response to our loss was as real as mine, but I didn’t want another baby, I wanted my baby, our baby, our surprise little one. Why was our little angel taken from us? I didn’t have the strength to fight. My pain was raw and real, defeating me. I couldn’t understand why this had to happen. I found myself full of anger and hate for what was taken from us. I didn’t want to move past it, I just wanted life to stop. I couldn’t think about going forward with the emptiness.
“There’s a group of worried folks outside that door. You want to let them in?” he asked with a plea. I couldn’t answer him, I just wanted to lie still and fade into a dream of a happier time and place. After a few more minutes, he took his phone from his pocket and sent a text, but he didn’t leave my bed. I sensed that he wanted to keep from putting space between us, like he needed the closeness as much as I did.
The text must have gone to someone in our family, since they all entered the room. Daddy came over to my side of the bed and gave me a kiss on the forehead, “I’m so glad you’re safe, sweetie, I’ve been so worried. This is all my fault, I should’ve been more careful. I...” he couldn’t finish his sentence, but sank to the chair beside my bed and wept.
“Daddy, please don’t cry, this isn’t your fault. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. If they had gotten you, they would’ve killed you.”
“They tried to kill you, and you took two bullets because of me and my stupidity. I wasn’t paying attention. I haven’t been for some time. I suppose I’m going to be forced to admit that I’m getting old and senile!”
“I just want to get out of this hospital and go home, back to Dallas, and be done with it. If I had listened to Grayson, none of this would’ve happened.” I turned to Grayson, who immediately pulled me close to him. “When can I go home? I want to go home, please. Take me home.” I hid my face in Grayson’s neck and snuggled deep into his arms. I tried to stifle my sobs, it didn’t work.
“We can’t leave until early tomorrow morning. There are news media parked around the place, but we have a private exit planned. No Chicago, do you hear me? We’re going home!” He held me tight as I tried to tune out the volume of the world. I could hear the family talking amongst themselves, but I wasn’t listening.
Cooper came up to the bed, “Alex, you up for a hug?” He reached out his arms and I graciously accepted them. It felt good to have him close. He had been so quiet, his face ashen with stress. We both cried, unable to control our emotions. The moment was tender.
The nurse came in and ushered everyone except Grayson out for a few minutes. She checked my vitals, answered his questions and gave me some medicine in my IV. It quickly took effect and made me sleepy.
Grayson held me tight as I cried myself to sleep. I must have been asleep for a while, because when I woke it was dark in my room except for a small lamp. He was still in the bed with me and when I looked at him, he was just watching me. The room was quiet. I couldn’t see anyone else. “Where’s everyone?”
“They went to get something for dinner and to make some arrangements. We have an entourage coming back to Dallas with us, unless you don’t want them to.”
“It’s okay.” I just shrugged.
“Would you rather everyone go their separate ways? You know your Dad doesn’t want that, and I don’t want you to be in Chicago.”
“No, it’s fine.
He’ll get a room at a hotel close by the apartment. We can all go home together.”
Just as we were discussing things, the family came back in the room. I sat up to greet them. I wanted to be close to them, the more there were the safer I felt. I tried to get out of the bed, but realized how sore I was and moving wasn’t as easy as I tried to make it look. Each one came over to the bed to greet me. They expressed their grief for the loss of our little angel, taken by such horrible people. It was comforting to know that we were not alone, they shared in our pain.
“I’m glad that you all are coming back home with me. Daddy, I need your help because Grayson and Zoe need to get back to work. Would you and Gretchen stay in town for a few days? I’m sure Cooper is ready to get rid of the drama and go back to work as well. Harrison, are you sure that you want to hang around the drama princess? We can get a room for you with Dad and Gretchen, but I would love for you to stay in Dallas for a few days.”
“He’s staying with me. We’ve got things to work out and we’ve lost time that we need to make up for.” Grayson reached out to Harrison with a fist bump. I turned and raised an eyebrow to Grayson, but he just winked and quickly kissed my cheek.
Family. Where would I be without them? The thought of what it took to bring us all together terrified me, covering my body in goose bumps.
The family said their goodbyes and would see me in the morning on the plane home. We were left alone and I didn’t know what to say, so I just kept quiet. He tried to get me to eat but I couldn’t find an appetite. He checked me over and looked at my stitches, so gently tending to me and helping me move about. I don’t know if it was a look on my face or the fact that I accidentally pulled away from him when he touched me, but I saw the emotion coming from his eyes.
“It’s okay, we’re alone now. You can say whatever you want. You can yell, scream, cry... But just know that I love you and I loved our baby and a part of me feels empty now. We’ll get through this together. We are together. I still want us to get married as soon as possible. By the way, where is your ring?” he asked, as he reached for my hand.
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