Daughter of Mull

by Joan Fleming

  ‘Oh, Anna, will you never learn to accept help when it’s offered? You’re so damned independent.’

  ‘Is that a crime?’ She could feel a throbbing at her temple – a sure sign that a headache would follow. She must try to control her temper; it wasn’t fair to take her frustration out on Roddie.

  ‘I’m sorry for snapping at you. I know you’re trying to help me.’ She stumbled, and would have fallen had Roddie not been supporting her. She lurched into his arms, and for a moment they stood looking deeply into each other’s eyes.

  Holding her tight, he leaned forward and kissed her, gently at first, but when she offered no resistance, his kisses became harder, and she found herself responding. When she circled her arms round his neck, he pulled her into him, enveloping her in his embrace, drawing her ever closer. His voice was husky as he whispered her name.

  ‘Oh, Anna, Anna.’

  When at last he relaxed his grip, Anna dropped her gaze, suddenly conscious of the flimsy nightwear they were both wearing.

  In the uncomfortable silence that followed, it was as if neither of them could find words to deal with what had just happened.

  Roddie helped her back to her bedroom, then refilled her water glass.

  ‘Can I fetch you anything else?’ he asked, his voice slightly more subdued than usual.

  ‘No thanks, Roddie,’ Anna said. ‘I think we should both try to catch some sleep.’

  When he closed the door, Anna lay back in her bed, staring at the ceiling, asking herself if their kiss had really happened. It could almost have been a figment of her imagination, but for the slight tingling feeling when she touched her lips.

  What wasn’t in doubt was that it seemed both of them, by tacit agreement, had decided to behave as if nothing unusual had occurred.

  CHAPTER 20

  The following day, Anna had several visitors at Benview. Roddie offered to make coffee for all of them.

  ‘I’ll have to wash up some of these cups,’ he said. ‘We’ll be running out of crockery soon.’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Roddie,’ Anna said. ‘I bet you didn’t expect to be chief cook and bottle washer when you came here.’

  ‘I don’t mind doing the washing up, but don’t expect me to be the chief cook. My skills in that area are, as you know, rather limited.’

  Sandy had been the first to arrive.

  ‘Thought I’d better check up on you,’ he explained. ‘I’m doing some home visits today, so I’m on the road anyway.’

  ‘It’s good of you to call,’ Anna said. ‘Sorry to be such a nuisance.’

  ‘That’s what I’m here for. Can you stand up for me?’

  Anna struggled to her feet from her position on the sofa.

  ‘It looks as if it’s still giving you some pain.’ Sandy supported her as she put weight on her foot. ‘The swelling’s gone down, though.’

  Anna sat down on the sofa again.

  Roddie put Sandy’s coffee on the table, and was just about to speak when Sandy, his tone that of the doctor rather than the friend, completed his instructions to Anna to rest the ankle, and said goodbye.

  Roddie stood looking from the door to the coffee he had just made.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll drink the coffee you made for Sandy,’ Anna said, laughing. ‘You can see he’s working rather than socialising today.’

  ‘A man in a hurry,’ Roddie said, placing the coffee on the small table he had put beside the sofa. ‘But it was good of him to drop in.’

  ‘Yes,’ Anna said. ‘Everyone is so kind here. I’ve been really fortunate to have met these people.’

  ‘That’s true[ although I’m sure they must have their share of baddies here just the same as everywhere else.’

  ‘Probably. But maybe there are fewer here. To be honest, I think the crime scene in Glasgow is exaggerated; once a city gets a bad reputation, it’s very difficult to shift it.’

  ‘Yes, but this is an island, and the only way to escape is by sea. Or air, of course. And life here seems to be carried on at a much slower pace.’

  ‘Unless you’re Dr. Sandy McFarlane,’ Anna said with a smile.

  Anna had barely finished drinking Sandy’s coffee when Finn arrived.

  ‘Morning, both,’ he said. Although he addressed Anna and Roddie, his eyes were on Anna, giving her his full attention. ‘How’s the invalid today? I passed Sandy’s car on the way here. What’s his verdict? Will you have to have it X-rayed?’

  Anna laughed.

  ‘One question at a time,’ she said. ‘Why don’t you sit down and, if you ask him nicely, I’m sure Roddie will make you a cup of coffee.’

  ‘I’d love a coffee,’ Finn said. ‘It smells delicious. Roddie, would you mind?’

  ‘No problem,’ Roddie said. His own coffee untouched, he made his way back over to the range.

  ‘How can I apologise, Anna? I should have been more careful.’ Finn was clearly still troubled by her injury the previous evening, but Anna interrupted him.

  ‘You’ve no need to apologise, Finn. It wasn’t your fault. In fact, it was no-one’s fault. Except my own, maybe. I should have known better than to try to dance in those shoes on grass which was wet with dew.’

  ‘But I was the one who asked you to dance.’

  ‘True, but I didn’t have to agree.’

  When Roddie came back with a fresh cup of coffee, he stared pointedly at Finn, who was sitting at the edge of the sofa holding Anna’s hand in both of his.

  ‘Coffee,’ he said. He went back to the kitchen, then returned quickly with milk and sugar, which he offered to Finn in such a way that he was forced to release Anna’s hand.

  ‘I’ll bring a chair over for you, Finn. There really isn’t enough room on that sofa for both of you… and Anna’s ankle.’ Roddie’s tone made it clear that it wasn’t Finn’s comfort which concerned him.

  Anna watched the exchanges between the two men and realised each was trying to establish a superior position in this small cottage which belonged to neither of them. Superficially polite to each other, it seemed they weren’t destined to become the best of friends. Did Roddie blame Finn for Anna’s injury? Did he resent his role as coffee-maker to the person he held responsible?

  But most importantly, despite the promise he had made to Anna when she agreed to take a room in his flat, was Roddie thinking that this was the woman he had kissed so soundly the night before?

  Anna sighed. She had enough problems to occupy her mind without becoming involved in men sparring with each other to see who would come out on top.

  ‘I’ll be back to see you tomorrow, Anna,’ Finn said. ‘Will you still be around, Roddie?’

  ‘No. I’ll be on my way home tomorrow.’

  ‘In that case, I’ll make a point of coming.’ He stood and headed towards the door. ‘If you’re still unable to get around, Anna, I can take you out in my car. Wherever you want to go.’

  Anna smiled. ‘Thanks for coming in, Finn. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  Once Finn had gone, leaving yet another cup of coffee untouched, Roddie couldn’t contain himself.

  ‘That guy’s got designs on you,’ he said. ‘I can tell. The way he looks at you.’

  Anna burst out laughing. ‘And if he has? There’s no law against it, you know.’

  ‘Just because he’s handsome and super-fit, he probably thinks every woman he meets is going to fall at his feet.’

  Again, Anna couldn’t help laughing.

  ‘You’re not just a teensie bit jealous, are you?’

  ‘Jealous? Me? Of course not. Our relationship isn’t like that. We’re friends. Pals. Remember?’ He signalled quotation marks in the air. ‘We agreed: “purely business”.’

  ‘So why the aggro? You clearly don’t like him.’

  ‘I didn’t say I don’t like him. I simply hate to think of him taking liberties with you when he’s only known you for five minutes.’

  ‘Oh, Roddie. Now you’re being ridiculous. He hasn’t “taken any liberties”,
as you put it. He’s been kind to me, that’s all.’

  ‘Are you trying to tell me you don’t find him attractive?’ Roddie asked.

  ‘No, I do find him attractive, but I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself. And I’ll decide where I set the bar – if there’s any question of a relationship developing.’

  Roddie walked over to sit on the edge of the sofa where Finn had perched a short time earlier. He put his arms around her and gave her a gentle hug.

  ‘I’m sorry, Anna. I simply can’t stand the thought of any guy hurting you. Especially when you’re a bit… fragile.’

  ‘And I love you for that, Roddie. You’re the only person I can confide in about… about…’ Anna’s eyes filled with tears which soaked into Roddie’s shirt.

  ‘I know, I know. But I don’t think there’s much we can do about that right now. I’ll have a look in the records once I get home. The librarians in the Mitchell Library in Glasgow are so helpful.’ He stroked her thick red hair gently, soothing her jumbled thoughts. ‘That means you can stay on the island, and I can investigate the records to see what I can find.’

  Roddie was used to Anna’s outbursts of temper; there had been a few in the year since she’d moved into his flat. He had always admired the fiery spirit which prompted them, but this vulnerable side to Anna’s character was new to him. He knew that she was upset by what she considered to be a rejection from Janet Maclean, but her reaction was proving to be a surprise.

  Instead of tearing up the letter or shouting and screaming, as he had expected, it seemed that she had been brooding on it ever since.

  CHAPTER 21

  The following morning, Roddie set off on his return journey to Glasgow. Anna was sorry to see him go – she had enjoyed his company for the few days he had been here in Mull. After waving goodbye, she switched on the radio to fill the aching silence he had left behind him. She couldn’t understand why she was feeling his absence so acutely. Perhaps she was over-sensitised by the frustration of possibly being physically close to her birth mother yet powerless to contact her.

  Turning her attention to the table where she and Roddie had shared breakfast, she lifted the sugar bowl, but it slipped out of her hand and fell to the floor, scattering sugar in all directions.

  ‘Damn, damn, damn!’ she shouted to the empty air. She stood for a moment, trying to work out how best to clean it up, when there was a knock at the door. Still limping slightly, she made her way out of the living room and found George standing on the doorstep.

  ‘George, what a surprise,’ Anna said. ‘I didn’t expect you. Do come in, but you’ll have to be careful because I’ve spilt the contents of the sugar bowl all over the floor.’

  George followed her into the room, but didn’t sit down.

  ‘Why don’t you take a seat, and I’ll clean this up for you?’ he offered.

  In next to no time, George pulled out a vacuum cleaner and cleared the floor.

  ‘You’ll probably find you’re standing on patches of sugar for some time. It always seems to find areas you didn’t know existed.’

  ‘I was clearing up after Roddie left. I’ll need to be more careful. At least the sugar bowl isn’t broken.’

  George sat down beside her on the sofa.

  ‘So, how’s the ankle?’ he asked.

  ‘Much better, thanks. An occasional twinge when I put my weight on it, but it’s fine. Fortunately, I’m a quick healer. I think I’ve become accident-prone since I came here.’

  George laughed. ‘It’s far easier to have accidents when you’re in unfamiliar territory.’

  ‘At least I’m familiar with the coffee maker. Would you like a cup?’

  ‘I’d love one, but why don’t I make it?’

  While George was preparing the coffee, they chatted about the party at Lochside.

  ‘We stayed on for an hour or so after you left, but it wasn’t an event that went on till all hours of the morning. Elsa and Charlie were beginning to look a bit tired, so we made our way home.’

  ‘I did enjoy the evening,’ Anna told him. ‘I was so pleased to be invited with Roddie to an event that’s for the locals. After all, I was a total stranger until about a week ago.’

  Cradling his cup of coffee in his hands, George sat down and looked directly at Anna.

  ‘That’s why I’m here, Anna.’ He cleared his throat gently. ‘You’re not exactly a total stranger.’

  Anna stared at him, her green eyes wide.

  ‘What do you mean, George?’

  He looked towards the door. ‘First of all, are you expecting anyone else to call?’ he asked.

  Anna frowned, unsure what to think. She tried to take a sip of her coffee, but her hands shook so much that she put it back down on the small table. She could feel her lips trembling as she replied to George’s question.

  ‘Not that I know of,’ she said. ‘Why?’

  Before answering, he took hold of her hands to stop them shaking.

  ‘Listen to what I have to say to you, Anna. I’m not sure how you’ll respond – we’ll have to wait and see.’

  George picked up her cup and put it into her hands. ‘Have some coffee. It’ll help you to settle.’

  Making a huge effort, Anna was able to take a few sips, but she still had to give her cup to George to replace on the small table.

  ‘Okay, George, tell me what you’ve come to say.’

  ‘I’ll start at the point where I first met you. When I first saw you on the boat from Oban, I suspected I knew who you were. Anna Maclean. And I guessed why you had come to Mull. To look for your mother. Your birth mother.’

  He paused, and although Anna assumed he was looking straight at her, she could not meet his eyes. She continued to look over at the window, with its view of Ben Mhor, jumbled thoughts and questions chasing each other round in her mind.

  ‘Go on,’ she said, her voice husky, as if she’d been crying.

  ‘You are so like your mother, I’d be amazed if it turned out you were no relation.’ He took another sip of coffee; his throat sounded dry.

  ‘I know the background to your story, but it’s not my remit to tell you that. I also know that you wrote to your mother, and she replied that she didn’t think it would be a good idea to meet. She had a feeling you might come to Mull, to search for her. When I told her I had met you on the ferry, she knew she must react in some way.’

  Anna couldn’t find her voice to respond. George knew her mother! And he had known about her before she had even travelled to the island. How many of the other islanders she had met knew her story?

  As if by telepathy, he answered her question. ‘I’m the only person here – apart from Janet, of course – who knows about you. And I haven’t told anyone. It could be that some might guess you’re related, since you’re so like your mother. But no-one else on the island even knows of your existence.’

  At last, Anna felt able to speak.

  ‘I’m having difficulty taking all this in. Why have you come here today?’

  ‘Your mother asked me to deliver a package to you. She was planning to send it to the lawyer to forward to you, but when I told her I was sure I’d met you, she hesitated. Why send it through the post when you were already here on the island?’

  George handed her a bulky manila envelope. Anna turned it over several times as if that very gesture might reveal what was inside.

  ‘Do you know what’s in the envelope?’ she asked George.

  ‘Aye – well, up to a point. I know it contains sheets of paper which your mother would like you to read, but I don’t know what’s written on them.’

  Anna tried to sort out the turmoil in her mind, which was not helped by George’s references to her ‘mother’. Her mother – her mum – was back in Glasgow; she had no role in this scene on the island.

  ‘George, I’m really confused. Please would you refer to my birth mother by her name: Janet, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, of course. I appreciate that this must be very
difficult for you, Anna. I’ve sprung it on you, with no warning, but we had no idea when you might finish your work here and move on. Once she made the decision to contact you, she wanted to act on it as quickly as possible in case you left the island.’

  ‘You said you know that I asked to meet her, but she turned me down?’ Anna was becoming increasingly confused with all this unexpected information.

  ‘Yes, Anna. And I can imagine that must have been hurtful. It may be that there’s an explanation for that in the envelope.’

  ‘George, I’ll need time to collect my thoughts. The last thing I expected was to be recognised by my similarity to my birth mother by the one other person on the island who knew I existed.’

  George was about to speak, but after a short pause, Anna continued.

  ‘It’s a strange feeling, George. Being a non-person.’

  ‘Anna, I can’t begin to appreciate how you’re feeling right now, but if there’s any way I can help.’

  ‘How could you, George? This is between me and… Janet.’ She jerked her head round so that she could look directly at him. ‘Unless you’re my father, of course? My biological father?’

  George made a noise that could have been a laugh or a groan.

  ‘No, Anna,’ he said, his voice firm, his eyes locking with hers. ‘I’m sorry, but I’m not your father.’

  His sudden movement as he stood up took Anna by surprise.

  ‘I think you need some time on your own to think your way through this,’ he said. ‘But I’ll help in any way I can. You already have my phone number – don’t hesitate to give me a call.’

  ‘Thank you.’ In her stunned frame of mind, that was all Anna could think of to say.

  Later, she thought of a number of questions she wanted to ask George, but ‘I am not your father’ were the words that thudded in her mind after he left.

  Her thoughts in turmoil, she went through to her bedroom, pulled down the blind, and lay on top of her bed. Lying on her back, she gazed at the ceiling; the bland white area provided a background for the pictures that jumped and swirled around in her mind’s eye. George leaving her, his blue eyes heavy with sympathy; Roddie waving as he drove off on his journey back home; Sandy strapping up her injured ankle.