by Bel Kaufman
McH: He may have been looking up answers!
I: I don’t think so. He told me he wouldn’t.
McH: He told you?
I: Yes.
McH: And you believed him?
I: I believe him.
McH: Go back to your seat, young man. Miss Barrett, this is not the time and place to explain to you the gravity of your position. You had explicit instructions; you disobeyed them. You’ll hear from me later. In the meantime, you will please put his paper aside when he is finished. The outcome of his examination will have a direct bearing on you. You understand that?
I: I think so.
McH: The second girl in the third row–eyes on your paper!
Exit the Admiral.
Ferone and I look at each other. His face is impassive. Will he fail the exam to vindicate me? He is very bright; he has been an F student only because he chose to be.
Suddenly he has become a moral issue by which I stand or fall. The incident of the lavatory has brought into focus my values against McHabe’s–everything I believe in as opposed to all that is petty, regimented and rote in the school system; all that degrades the dignity of my profession, and consequently, of my pupils; my desire to teach well, as opposed to bureaucracy, trivia and waste.
Perhaps I am losing my sense of humor. It’s easy to do that here. But I am still new enough to the system not to take its absurdities for granted. If only the McHabes didn’t keep getting in the way, I think I could move a few mountains.
Now I have to mark, over the four-day Thanksgiving holiday, 201 papers. Each is in 5 parts. Each contains 2 compositions.
I shall keep you posted on further developments of the Barrett-Ferone-McHabe Lavatory Case. In the meantime, write me what the weather is like in the outside world.
Love,
Syl
P.S. Did you know that according to the tabulation of the National Council of Teachers of English, it takes six to ten minutes to grade a single composition, and that the city’s teachers carry a pupil-load of 150 to 200 pupils per term?
S.
OFFICE OF THE PRINCIPAL
CALVIN COOLIDGE HIGH SCHOOL
Copy to Mr. McHabe
Dr. Bester
Dear Miss Barrett,
It has come to my attention that due to laxness on your part in proctoring the Midterm examinations one of our students is under suspicion of cheating. This can have a demoralizing and corrupting effect on the rest of our student body, who have always and at all times upheld our high standards of moral and ethical integrity.
MAXWELL E. CLARKE
PRINCIPAL
* * *
Dear Miss Barrett,
Please bring to my office the examination paper of Joseph Ferone as soon as you have marked it. I understand that he has been a failing student in English for the last two terms.
Samuel Bester
Chairman, Language Arts Dept.
* * *
INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION
FROM: 304
TO: 508
Dear Bea–
I’ve just graded Ferone’s paper: he got 89%.
Do you suppose I’ll be court-martialed?
Syl
I have known teachers to go crazy from too much teaching but not you. How come? They should put you on a pedestle.
A Bashful Nobody
My suggestion is overthrow Mr. McHabe and you run the school togeather with Mr. Grayson. Then this would be a great place to be.
(In the Mid Terms the reason I flunked is because I didn’t understand the questions.)
It serves them right (dishes in ruins) how we messed up the whole Cafeteria, and we’ll do it again if they still treat us like jailbirds. This is the last warning I’m writting.
At first I thought to myself I’d never live through another English with a female teacher but, instead, well here I am and I owe it all to you.
Rusty
Too strick with the marks. I could use a 80.
A 55
I suggest 1. More teachers with spunk.
A. To stick up for us.
1. The way you stuck up for Joe F.
2. And fight with Mac Habe
3. Character–Excellent & not afraid.
4. And beautiful blue eyes.
Teenager
I complaint all ready about my Midterm mark. What’s the use of intergration if marks are still low?
Edward Williams, Esq.
I never knew a teacher to really care but you do. Don’t ever leave us. I wish I could have you till the end of school.
Carole Blanca
Still stink.
I like to get away from war books like “Shakespeer” to the “dance” in the gym but didn’t get a chance to “dance” with you. Maybe we will “next time”.
Chas. H. Robbins
You took off to much for sp. and gr. and punct. and vocab. on my Exam. when you were about my age you didn’t want the same thing to happen to you.
Zero
I love the frank way you speak to us and I love your methods of teaching and dressing yourself. I love your kindness and whole personality. I also love you for yourself. Tell us more about your own life like you did that time about your college. It makes you feel very human to us so we can be more like you. (I went down to size 15). I’m only misrable at home and never in English. That’s why I have this new ambition to be an English Teacher. Can you tell me how you prepared your self for this career?
Your friend,
Vivian Paine
You have one of the best sense of humors I ever met. You made the lessons laughable.
Third Row
I don’t like the way you dress, too loud for a teacher, you should tone it down, and a low marker.
The reason I like your English is you teach English which can be used in my life to make me somebody. You have arranged your English so that it seems more interesting and it doesn’t seem like English though it is. You make likable things I don’t like like reading. You teach perfectly and steadily, not too fast or too slow. And you always have time to listen to our side of the book. Can I have you again?
Jose Rodriguez
I know who cheated on the midterms and got away with it, also somebody else.
Guess Who
No matter what I do my mother keeps harping.
Doodlebug
I’m not in your class, but how about a date anyhow? I am a very congenial acquaintance. I am medium tall with dark hazel eyes, sort of chubby face and a little stout around the middle. I suppose you know me already!
Passer By
Although the English Midterms were extremely interesting, they were rather hard to do in my usual well manner. I therefore wish to thank you for giving me the opportunity of raising my mark with a Extra Credit Book Report which I hope you will enjoy reading.
Harry A. Kagan
(The Students Choice)
I’m not saying there’s too much homework, but I won’t say there’s too little. But for you I’m glad to do it even double.
Frank Allen
I was going to drop out but no more. No teacher ever gave me the break you did when you told me I could make up my briliant (Ha-ha!) marks with a book report for extra credit which I will!
Lou Martin
This is the first class I enjoyed failing because of looking at you.
Not enuogh extra credit for washing the Board!
Disgusted
Will you marry me?
Dear Miss Barrett,
I am hereby submitting a Book Report I wrote for extra credit. I hope you will raise my mark since I need to have it raised. In the past I have always usually had excellent marks in English.
Harry A. Kagan
(The Students Choice)
My Reading Life
My reading life has quite a variation and is more wider than the average student. I enjoy partaking in many types of great literature, both fiction and non-fi
ction books as well as others. Mr. Hemingway’s works gave me a very favorable impression of Mr. Hemingway as a writer. I would recommend it to any one. One author I did not care for was Mr. Faulkner. I didn’t get any enjoyment out of him. Another book I did not particularly enjoy was “War and Peace” by Mr. Tolstoy. It was much too long to read it and has too many characters with similiar names. I’ve also read quite a few other fiction novels that I won’t mention here. I consider reading one of my most useful hobbies.
* * *
Miss Barett, You said we could put in your letter box Extra Credit reports on books we read outside of school and due to Midterms and horsing around I need that E. Credit! I demand you give it to me! Ha-ha joke! But every little bit counts!
Lou Martin
Three Important Myth
by Lou Martin
1. There was once a boy and girl but their familys were always arguing so naturally these two children or people would meet each other on the sly. One day a bleeding lion came along. Horrorfied she ran away leaving her scarf! The lion played with it for a while and then went away. The boy came back and seeing the bleeding scarf taught that she was killed. Remosely he took his knife and his life! The girl saw her boy-friend was dead and she decided to kill her self! The 2 familys seeing their dear children dead realised how silly they were & became friends after learning a horrorful lesson. The same conflict appears in Shakespeer.
2. Pygmalian was a myth who was a sculpture. He was the type of man who didn’t like women particulally but this story changes this. One day he made a statue of his wife-to-be and put in everything he wanted just so and when it was finished he wanted to marry her but since she wasn’t alive he couldn’t very well do so. What to do? Pray, of course, which he did to the G----ss of love who made her alive! From this we get My Fair Lady and others.
3. Adonis was a handsome youth from Asia Miner and Venus was the G----ss of love. She use to spend all her time going hunting with him and fishing and other sports. All the manly outlets of life! One day while Adonis went hunting a wild bore killed him and all the Gods pitied Venus so much they then allowed him to rise from the dead to dwell as her husband part time. During the months in which he visits we call Springtime.
INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION
FROM: 508
TO: 304
Dear Syl,
Welcome back! You were much missed yesterday! By Paul, who kept revising verses he was writing you. By your Joe Ferone, who wandered, listless and passless, through the corridors and out of the building before the PM check-out. By McHabe, who was summoned by the unnerved substitute to sit on your classes. By your kids. And, of course, by me.
Are you all right? Wild rumor has it that you had 1. eloped 2. collapsed beneath a pile of records 3. gone to the movies in the daytime! Which is it?
Bea
* * *
INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION
FROM: 304
TO: 508
Dear Bea–
If I have to check one, I’ll take #3.
Actually, I spent the day at Willowdale Academy, being interviewed for a possible February job. From where I sit, it’s very tempting.
Came back to find my door fixed at last; it opens and closes now. But–two chairs are broken. Fair exchange!
Do the CC’s go on the right or the left of the blue line on the PRC?
Syl
* * *
INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION
FROM: 508
TO: 304
Dear Syl,
Fie on Willowdale! Don’t you know how much you’re needed right here? My underground informs me there was prolonged applause when your kids saw you back in classroom.
As for Capsule Characterizations, they go on right of blue line; you should have been paying attention at October Faculty Conference. I’ve discovered a boy on my register for whom I can’t make out a CC or a final mark: I never laid eyes on him! He’s been spending his English period every day, since the beginning of term, sitting in the office, being disciplined for something or other–no one can recall what!
Bea
* * *
INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION
FROM: 304
TO: 508
Dear Bea–
My problem is CC’s of kids who are present. Wish I could say something honest, like:
“Sycophant, stuffed-shirt, stinker. Has finger in every school pie; will go far.”
or “What is she doing studying French verbs? Marry her off–and fast!”
or “Let’s not lie to him about equality of opportunity!”
But, like the rest of us, I have to settle for:
“Leadership potential.”
“Works to capacity.”
“Should try harder.”
One thing about Willowdale–there’s no J.J. McH. there. Did you get his latest, alerting teachers to “epidemic of glue-sniffling”? And no Sadie Finch, clamping down, harder than ever, on inter-punching.
I would teach English there!
Syl
* * *
INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION
FROM: 508
TO: 304
Dear Syl–
The McHabes and the Finches exist in college too. There is no greener grass. Even in private high schools and so-called “better” public high schools, there are many pressures: parental pressures for Ivy League colleges, School Board pressures, social pressures. The range of dull to bright kids is about the same, and if they drive their own cars to school, they–and their parents–tend to look down on the teacher’s lack of money or status.
Besides, if you leave, with whom would I exchange these intraschool communiqués to brighten my Lobby Duty period?
Besides, you’re our catalyst, mascot, spokesman and in-fighter.
Besides, you laugh good, like a teacher should.
I’m not saying this to get a higher mark.
Stay!
Bea
* * *
INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION
FROM: 304
TO: 508
Thank you for the kind words; I need all I can get.
It may not even be my decision to make. After so many demerits, I expect a “U” rating from Clarke.
What did I miss yesterday?
Syl
* * *
INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION
FROM: 508
TO: 304
Dear Syl–
Don’t worry about your end-of-term rating. “Principal’s Estimate of Teacher’s General Fitness”–for all its verbiage–is concerned with one thing only: “Is she loony?” And–whatever else you are–you’re not loony.
You missed the Dec. Faculty Conference, as you well know, at which all vital questions were postponed for lack of time. And at which:
2 new committees were formed.
It was decided to substitute folk songs for hymns in assembly.
McHabe took a stand vs. vandalism, obscenity, lateness, smoking, and the Faculty Show.
I know, because I had to write up the Minutes.
Paul spent the hour writing you verses.
I know, because he sat next to me.
Have you forgiven him?
Bea
* * *
INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION
FROM: 304
TO: 508
Dear Bea–
There’s nothing to forgive. He himself feels blameless.
He is–as the PRC puts it–“trying hard”; and he keeps dropping bait into my letter-box:
“A question to pursue and ponder:
Does abstinence make the heart grow fonder?”
Health Ed teacher just sent me cutting slip for Alice Blake. Apparently only today has someone bothered to take attendance in Gym. Apparently no one has as yet removed her name from Delaney Book.
I’ve kept in touch with her mother. Alice has been transferred to another hospital, she is in pain, she st
ill refuses to have anyone from school visit her.
