by Solet, Trina
Kelly had acute leukemia and she was dying. Knowing she had no future, she had gotten in touch with Zack. She needed to see him so she could ask him to adopt her son, Al. As she asked this of him, she told him to put the baby down so she could tell him why.
For the first time, Zack heard the reason why Kelly had run away rather than go and live with her father after her mother died. The man had beaten both Kelly and her mother. When Kelly was five, he broke her arm. That was the last straw. Her mother finally came to her senses. She took Kelly and ran away. Years later, when Kelly was faced with the choice of going back to live with her father, she ran away too.
But now she was afraid for her baby. After her death, her father, as the closest living relative, could get his hands on her son. Not trusting the rest of her family, who had defended her father and made excuses for him, she got desperate. She told Zack if he didn't adopt Al, she didn't know what she would do. She couldn't let him go to her father after what he had done to her.
Zack couldn't even imagine how difficult it was for her. It would be too much for anyone to wait to die, to suffer, and to think about her own child going to a man who had broken his daughter's arm when she was so little and helpless.
Zack’s father had always wanted to adopt Kelly. He called her his daughter until Kelly called him Dad. But Kelly's mother was too afraid to let Zack's dad adopt her daughter. After they had no contact with Kelly’s father for so long, Anne was afraid it would draw her ex husband back into their lives, set him off. Kelly's mother had told her about this only after Zack's father died. She wanted Kelly to know that he loved her as his daughter and wanted to make it official but couldn't.
As Kelly told him this, Zack thought about his father, how much he had wanted to be Kelly's father too. The baby made a noise, and Zack looked his way. The little guy was kicking his feet in the crib. He needed Zack as did Kelly. She was finally letting him help her, and he was just standing there speechless. As Zack considered such a momentous decision, it was like his dad came to stand next to him. Looking down at Kelly huddled in her armchair while her baby fussed in his crib, Zack knew there was only one possible decision. How could he let all of them down, Kelly, his dad, and baby Al? Though he was gripped by fear and sadness, Zack agreed. He hired a lawyer to make sure the adoption was airtight, that Al could never be taken away from him. And then Zack signed every paper he was given to sign, and made Al his son.
***
As Zack scrambled to find somewhere to put Al for the rest of the day during the summer, Mia kept mentioning her live in, gay nanny as an option. Her kid didn't need a nanny any more, and this was as strong a reference as he could hope for. Still, Zack just didn't feel comfortable with that kind of arrangement. Now Mia was asking to have lunch with him. He was busy and tried to put her off, but she insisted. Mia was mainly a work friend and Yuka's protégé. She and Zack often had lunch together, and she had even given him good parenting advice when he was stumped and desperate for it. Though she was a feisty, little blonde, she was unexpectedly sensible and not usually so pushy. As an excuse, she claimed to have important news to share, so Zack had to agree to lunch. She dragged him out of the office and off to an outdoor table at a nearby restaurant. But as they ate lunch, all she wanted to talk about was how perfect her nanny would be for Zack.
"Because he's gay?" Zack concluded.
"Yes."
"And because I'm gay?"
"Yes," she admitted without hesitation. "Mark has been great with Dorie. He's wonderful and trustworthy."
"And you picked him up off the street, as I recall." Zack knew some of the history from what Mia had told him before.
"He was never on the street. I told you very clearly that I took him in when his family threw him out. He didn't spend one minute on the street. I made sure of it. He had been babysitting Dorie for months before that happened. He was an angel. Oh God it was so sad when his family did that to him. He's such a good kid, and he's been so much help."
"He's a kid?" Zack said. That was one strike against him.
"He was a kid. He's nineteen now and going to college part time. He said he could arrange his schedule around Al's. He is perfect."
Zack stopped with his fork midway to his mouth.
"You mean you already mentioned this to him?" Zack said not liking it at all. He hated for this guy to be disappointed when he wasn't offered the job that Mia had as much as promised him.
"I had to make sure he was willing to work for you. I wasn't a hundred percent sure he wanted to have another nanny job. But he agreed to consider it. Now you need to meet him and see what a good guy he is," Mia said.
"Then why are you throwing him out on his ass?"
"I would never do that," she said defensively. Then she leaned forward. "OK. Here is my big news. But you are not to say anything to anyone. You hear me?"
"Yes."
She started out by whispering but then her voice rose uncontrollably.
"Frank is getting transferred to Spain. Can you believe it?! Freaking Spain! Shh," she said even though she was the one who had nearly shouted. "I am so glad I took Spanish in high school and college and not French. If I hadn't, I would be kicking myself so hard right now." She was nearly breathless as she talked. It was understandable. This was a big deal. "But I don't want anyone to know about the transfer yet. I mean, Yuka knows of course. At this point the transfer is a sure thing. It just hasn't bee officially announced yet."
Zack congratulated her. She took a break to sip her club soda and take a bite of her salad before continuing.
"When we go, we can't take Mark. And anyway, Dorie doesn't need him any more. He has already been feeling like he doesn't contribute enough and looking for a job. I'm telling you, you better snap him up before he finds something better."
"Maybe he should just get another job."
"Come on. He doesn't just need some minimum wage job. He needs a job and soon a place to live too. And he is a perfect angel. You will kick yourself, and I will kick you, and Al will kick you too if you miss out on this opportunity."
"Bullshit. You just want to stash him at my place so you don't have to feel guilty for ditching him to go frolicking in Spain," Zack accused her.
"It's still a great opportunity for you. You can't do better than Mark. I'm telling you, you'll regret it."
"I'll give it all due consideration," Zack promised her.
***
Roy was down for the weekend, but Mark wasn't even sure he wanted to see him. That is, if Roy could find time for him this visit. It had happened before. Roy would give him some half-assed apology for leaving for college without ever seeing him.
"You know how it is," Roy would say.
And then Mark would want to remind him that he didn't. He didn't know what it was like to go to college full time at his parents' expense. Mark didn't know what it was like not to have to work to support himself. He didn't know what it was like to be busy with one's own family. The last thing Roy knew and Mark didn't want to know about was what it was like to have a girlfriend.
Mark would find out if Roy had time for him when he called, giving him no notice. He would demand that Mark meet him somewhere because he needed him. He had to see Mark. He was dying for him, only him. Then Mark would feel his insides melt and he would go.
This time Roy wanted to meet at their old place. It was a big rock inside the small nature preserve near the dry riverbed. It was a hidden spot where the two of them had sneaked away to play as kids. Later it was where they sometimes fooled around. Mark arrived first and waited. When he showed up, Roy's face was red as he climbed up to him. He had run over to their old meeting place like he used to in the old days. Mark had to admit that his enthusiasm touched him.
"Couldn't get the car," Roy said, out of breath as he searched Mark's face for signs that he hadn't lost him.
Roy always needed to be reassured that Mark still wanted him, hadn't forgotten about him. Breathless and sweaty, Roy slowly leaned into him, pr
essed him to the rock. Mark waited for his next move. Roy was looking at his mouth. Mark wondered if he might kiss him. He hardly ever did. When he did kiss Mark, it was always a fast and hard kiss. It would be over before Roy could learn to enjoy it and risk becoming gay full time.
That was Roy's game of denial. He wasn't really gay. He just wanted Mark because of the bond they shared, only Mark. That's if you didn't count all the girls Roy fucked.
That's why he and Roy didn't kiss often, and it was never a sweet, slow kiss that Mark wanted from a lover. But that wasn't who Roy was. He was once Mark’s best friend. Now he was just a guy he couldn't stay away from. Being with Roy called to mind everything Mark was missing. The touch he craved wasn't Roy's hurried, desperate groping. Though he was turned on by it, Mark's mind flew away into the arms of some other man. Grinding against him, Roy was moaning. Hungry for more, he undid Mark's fly. He handled his cock through his boxers then pulled everything down. With his hands on Mark's ass, he pulled him close. He kissed his neck before saying Mark's name. Mark unzipped Roy, who groaned at the touch of his hand. Mark slipped a condom on him then applied lube. He turned around so Roy could fuck him against that rock. Mark prepared himself for Roy's usual clumsy entry. He clamped his mouth shut and shuddered as Roy slipped in too fast, too far. Roy pushed in again and Mark hissed.
"This is the best," Roy said, pulling back slowly.
This wasn't the kind of fucking Mark fantasized about. He wanted Roy inside him because it was the only way he could have him. But it wasn’t so bad while he took it slow. But soon they were out of sync again as Roy lost patience for a slow fuck and rushed to the finish.
It never felt right with Roy, and it never would. That hope had died a long time ago. Maybe now he only used Roy to remind himself that there was no right man for him, that he didn't exist. There were only more guys like Roy. Mark had been with a few, and it was always the same. He would get off and never want to see the guy again.
Roy came with a loud grunt, leaving Mark hard and unsatisfied. After some heavy breathing, Roy noticed his erection. He took it in his hand and stroked slowly.
Since Roy had started college, Mark saw him much less often, and their rare sessions lasted longer to make up for lost time. Now that Roy had lost his impatience, he took it easy. Roy handled his cock tenderly, letting the pleasure build. Roy's eyes went from the working of his fist on Mark's cock up to Mark's flushed face. He groped Mark's ass with his free hand in rhythm to his pumping. He let Mark take his time coming like never before.
Roy had always rushed him, squeezed hard, fingered him to make it happen faster. On special occasions, he liked to give Mark a slow hand job and watch him come. He had only used his mouth on Mark once. It was after Mark was thrown out of the house because of him and living at Mia's. Roy had begged to see Mark then he begged to be forgiven. Roy was so desperate and wanted to prove himself so badly, he kneeled in front of Mark and sucked him off for the first and last time.
Thinking back to that, Mark came over Roy's hand, which he went to wash off immediately.
Being indulged like this told Mark that it would be a while before he saw Roy again.
And it was true. Roy told him that he would be going away for most of the summer. His uncle in Canada had invited him for a visit. He promised they would see each other as soon as he got back.
As Roy told him all about his summer plans, the two of them were sitting, sprawled against their rock. "Our rock" that's what they had called it when they were boys. Now coming here was just a nod to nostalgia. They were not boys. They were not best friends for life. And the rock was just a big, meaningless slab they leaned against.
Mark knew that Roy was his past. But he still gave in to him whenever he called begging to see him. Some part of Mark didn't want to admit that he and Roy had no future, and an even bigger part of him just didn't want to let go of a piece of his past that he could still keep. These days Mark had so little to hold onto. He was even going to be losing Mia and her family soon. Mark was happy and excited for them. Though Dorie was a little nervous, Mia was thrilled about the move to Spain. But Mark already felt lonely and even abandoned though he had no right to feel that way. The Prestons had been so good to him, better than his own family. He would miss them. Now that his life with them was coming to an end, Mark was worried about his future. He wondered if his future lay with this Zack Warner and his son, Al, at least for a little while.
Chapter 3
Zack visited some day camps and rejected them all for different reasons. When he pictured his Al there, they were never good enough. Having looked at the other options, Zack had to admit that Mia's idea was sounding better all the time. After he got home from work, he dropped into the chair in his office and put his feet up on the desk. He called her to see if her guy was still available.
"He is, and I can send him over whenever you want," Mia told him a little too eagerly.
"Send him where?" Zack asked not liking the sound of this.
"To your house."
"No."
"You want to meet at a coffee shop or something?" She asked. He could hear some noise at her end that sounded like the TV was on.
"That's too much like a date," Zack said. It wouldn't be if he wasn't meeting with a young, gay guy, but he was.
"Fine, meet him at my house," Mia offered.
Zack considered that, but that didn't sound right either so he rejected the idea. He thought about the particulars for the first time. This guy needed a place to live and a job. Possibly Zack might be providing him with both. If he was going to take this seriously, and apparently he was since he wouldn't otherwise be meeting him just to jerk him around, he needed to show him where he would be living.
"He should see the house," Zack decided.
"OK! That way you can see how he looks sitting on your furniture," Mia said like she wanted to sabotage the whole deal.
"You are going to make me change my mind," Zack warned her.
"Oh, please. It's a done deal. I know I'm right about this."
"That's nice. But I need to know that he's right for Al. He'll be living with us. It can't be just on your say-so."
"You'll know when you meet him. Now I have to warn you. He is a good looking guy. His mother, if you can call that bitch his mother. Anyway, his mother is half Asian and gorgeous. His father is Hispanic and a really good looking guy and an asshole. But Mark is an absolute sweetheart."
"Why are you telling me about his ethnic makeup?" Zack asked her.
"So you can picture him."
"Why do I need to picture him? I'm hiring him to take care of Al." Zack was feeling a little exasperated with her.
"I just thought you might feel a little uncomfortable having such a good looking, young guy in your house so I wanted to prepare you."
"Why? What? Why... Why are you making it sound like there's never been a good looking guy in my house? And what am I, Quasimodo?"
"Oh, you're OK, I guess."
"Thanks!"
"I'm sure some OK guys have been at your house. Or have they?" she asked skeptical that he would ever bring a date home. "Anyway. It's different when someone is there full time who looks so tempting, but you're supposed to keep your hands off. Plus you have no social life, do you? So this might be a real challenge for you."
"Gee, Mia, you think he'll be safe with me?" Zack asked with heavy sarcasm, but Mia answered him with a challenge.
"You tell me after you meet him."
"Oh my God. It's off. The meeting is off."
"Don't be a baby."
It was true that Zack didn't bring men home, or take them anywhere much either. His involvements were few, brief and shallow. If he even went on a date and didn't see potential immediately, he would end it right there. He wasn't going to waste his time in pointless conversation with someone he didn't care about when he could be spending time with Al. Maybe it was too much to ask to feel an instant connection with someone, but spending time away from Al had to be wor
th it. And even the occasional one night stand didn't seem worth it sometimes. He did still indulge in them now and again, just to refresh his memory on the subject.
The following evening, Zack settled himself next to Al for their nightly book reading. But before he started, he wanted to talk to him and remind him what was happening the next day. Zack kissed his hair, and Al wiped at the spot.
"You wiped it off?" Zack complained.
Al wiped again just in case there was any trace of the kiss left.
"That's it. Give it back," Zack demanded putting out his hand like Al was supposed to give him something tangible.
"What?" Al asked his crazy dad.
"The kiss. Give it back."
"How?"
"Here." Zack pointed to the top of his own head.
Al understood but refused with a shake of his head and a loud "No!"
As a compromise, Zack pointed to his cheek. After considering the spot, Al agreed.
"OK." He gave Zack a loud, smacking kiss. But then he wiped the kiss right off Zack's face.
"You wiped it off? Now you have to give it back again," Zack told him.
Al sighed and gave him another kiss. This time he didn't wipe it off just shook his head at how crazy his father was.
"You know, you only have to wipe it off when a lady kisses you," he told Al. That was his own rule, but why shouldn't he pass it on to his son.
Al looked puzzled by this new information, but he didn't disagree. He did demand that Zack start reading.
"Hold on. You remember that Mark is coming over tomorrow," Zack reminded him.
"To see if you like him," Al said to confirm that he remembered.
"Not like him." Zack denied it only because of the way it sounded. What Al said was basically true. "I want to see if he's the right guy to help take care of you."
"And I have to stay with Miss Olga," Al said with a pout.
"Yes, you do," Zack confirmed.
