by Bill Bernico
“That’s how I’d handle it,” Jimmy said. “Next question?” He took his seat on the sofa again and smiled at Matt when he got to his feet.
Matt brushed himself off and picked up his clipboard, taking his seat across from Jimmy. “Very impressive, I have to admit. But physical contact is only part of this job. I can’t help but wonder if you were on a tail job how obvious your presence would be to the person you’re following.”
Jimmy laughed a high-pitched laugh. “I can duck into places that a full-sized man couldn’t. I could dress up as a kid and be believable whereas a full-size man couldn’t. As far as following someone on a tail job, let’s face it, most people who see a midget would not even thinks in terms of private eye and wouldn’t give me a third look. I get second looks all the time. And don’t worry, I don’t drive a little clown car. My regular-sized car has been adapted to accommodate my height. I get around just fine, thank you. Do you have any other concerns about me?”
Matt thought about it for a moment and offered, “Not at the moment, but I’m sure something will come to me after you leave.” He made a few notes on the clipboard and looked up at Jimmy again. “Surprisingly enough, I made a note to bring you back for a second interview, after I’ve talked to the rest of the candidates. You’ve made me think of advantages I hadn’t considered before. I have your number, Mr. Blake. I’ll be calling you in the next couple of days. Thanks for stopping by.”
Jimmy left and Matt could hear his tiny footsteps fading down the hallway. He had to smile at the possibilities of hiring a midget, as Jimmy had called himself. But would he have to change his sign from Cooper Investigations to Cooper and Jimmy? Probably not. He still had three more people to interview before noon so why not get to it?
The next two interviews netted Matt nothing in the way of hope. Neither person was qualified for the job, not to mention they both rubbed Matt the wrong way. It wasn’t something he could put his finger on. He just knew that there was no chemistry to speak of.
It was the last interviewee that intrigued Matt the moment he met him. From the minute he walked through the office door Matt had to hold back a smile and try to look professional. Here was a kid, probably no older than twenty-one or twenty-two with more energy than Matt had seen in a long time. The kid’s name was Benjamin Briggs but he had introduced himself as Benny and that made Matt remember a cartoon show his dad used to tell him about called Top Cat. One of Top Cat’s sidekicks was a cat named Benny the Ball. Matt led Benny over to the sofa and invited him to sit.
“Do you mind if I stand, Mr. Cooper?” Benny said. “I’m much better on my feet.”
Matt shrugged and told him it would be all right.
Benny wasted no time with the barrage of questions that he’d been saving up for just this moment. “You really looking for another private eye? Is this job as exciting as it seems? Would I be working with you? Do I get to jump in a cab and tell the driver to follow that car? Would I...”
“Whoa,” Matt said. “Slow down. One question at a time.” Benny also reminded Matt of a Warner Brothers cartoon he’d seen. There was a big bulldog with a spiked collar walking along with a little dog running circles around him saying, “What do you want I should do, Spike? You want I should dig youse up a bone? You wanna chase cars? You want I should get youse a cat? Eh Spike?”
Matt took an immediate liking to the kid and his unbridled enthusiasm. “You been in the sugar again?”
“Huh?” The kid had no idea Matt was referring to hyper little kids who’d had too much sugar and just couldn’t settle down.
“Nothing,” Matt said. “So, Benny, tell me a little about yourself. How was your schooling? Did you do well in school?”
Benny suddenly got very quiet and looked down at the floor.
Matt must have hit a nerve. “Don’t worry about it, Benny. I didn’t do that well myself. I got by all right, but...”
Benny looked up, a puzzled look on his face. “That’s not it, Mr. Cooper,” he said.
“Were you in trouble a lot in school?”
Benny shook his head. “Not unless you count the trouble the other boys gave me over my grades.”
“Did they make fun of you for getting low grades?” Matt asked.
Again Benny shook his head. “No, they beat me up for being what they called a brainiac. I always got all A’s without half trying. I guess it just came natural to me.”
Now Matt was the one with the puzzled look. “Then why didn’t you go to college and try for a career in some high-paying field?”
“Couldn’t afford it,” Benny explained. “It’s just that simple.”
“Sure with your grades you could have gotten a scholarship.”
“Apparently the school thought football scholarships were more important and gave it to one of those jocks who used to beat me up. So much for justice and fair play.”
Matt made a note of it on his clipboard.
“I guess that’s one of the reasons I’d like to do this job,” Benny said. “If I can help just one person get a fair shake in life, it’ll all be worthwhile to me.”
“Okay, what about qualifications?” Matt said. “What makes you think you can handle a job like this one? You know, there may be times when you’d have to deal with bullies and a gun would not always be the solution.”
“Oh, I’m past that now,” Benny said. “During the summer before my senior year of high school I started taking self-defense courses. You know, karate, judo and all that Asian hand-to-hand combat stuff. I have to tell you, Mr. Cooper, it was the best money I ever spent because when I got back to school those same bullies thought they were going to make my last year of school as miserable as the first three.”
Matt laughed. “And you kicked their asses?”
“Well, not exactly,” Benny said. “I still got beat up because there were four of them. But once they saw the fight I put up, instead of laying down and taking it as I had been, they left me alone after that. I guess it wasn’t as much fun for them when they got black eyes, too. Anyway, I haven’t had to fight or run since that day. I stayed with the lessons and I’ll bet by now I could take on all four of those idiots at the same time and send them running home to their mommies.”
Matt wrote on his clipboard again, underlining the part about self-defense courses. “What about the law?”
“Oh, I’ve never been in trouble with the law,” Benny assured Matt.
“No, that’s not what I meant,” Matt said. “In this job you need to know something about the law so that you stay within its bounds most of the time.”
“Like I said, Mr. Cooper, I didn’t get to go to college, but I did spend a lot of time last summer in the library.” Benny looked more confident now. “I knew since my senior year that I’d eventually like to go into some branch of law enforcement, whether it was being a cop or private eye or even a parking meter checker, if it came to that. I started reading up about what these people do in the course of their days and being a private eye seemed like the most appealing job to me. I guess I know enough about the law to stay out of trouble. Whatever else I need to know, I figured I could learn on the job.”
“Okay, last question, and it’s optional as to whether or not you want to answer it. It’s about your personal habits.”
“I don’t mind,” Benny said. “I’ve got nothing to hide. Ask away.”
Matt paused for a moment and then said, “Are you a smoker or a drinker or do you use drugs?”
Benny looked at Matt out of the corners of his eyes. He shook his head. “No to all three,” he said. “As for smoking, well, sometimes I have a hard enough time just breathing on my own, what with the smog we get out here sometimes. As for being a drinker, I just never could stand the taste of any of that stuff, especially beer. Gees, how anyone could take one sip and decide they wanted more is beyond me. And the hard liquor and wines just taste like lighter fluid, at least to me. And don’t get me started on drugs. I’ve seen too many otherwise sensible people turn into veg
etables after they’ve had their fixes. Nope, I’m not even crazy about aspirin, to tell you the truth. How about you, Mr. Cooper?”
Matt was taken aback by Benny’s candor. “Me neither,” he said, “and mostly for the same reasons you mentioned. My dad and I must have looked like the odd men out in the taverns and coffee shops. For some reason we both got hooked on chocolate milk and just stuck with it all these years. I have to say, that’s one of my weaknesses. Well, that and a bag of donuts.”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with that,” Benny said and then fell silent.
Matt stopped and thought about Elliott for a moment before adding, “And I hate to admit it, but chocolate milk turned out to be Dad’s downfall, indirectly.”
“Oh?” Benny said. “How so.”
“Dad spilled his chocolate milk right over there.” Matt gestured at the spot next to the desk behind him. “He slipped in the milk and fell and fractured his hip. And that’s one of the reasons why I’m talking to you now.”
“That’s awful,” Benny said. “I hope’s he’s going to be all right,”
“He’ll be fine after a few weeks of rest,” Matt said. He laid his clipboard down and stood. Benny also stood as Matt offered his hand. “Thanks for coming in, Benny.”
Benny shook Matt’s hand, but the spark was gone from his eyes. “So that’s it? I didn’t get the job?”
Matt smiled. “What are you talking about, Benny? You’re hired. I want you and that youthful enthusiasm I’m sure you’ll bring to the job. When can you start?”
Benny looked around the room. “Just show me to my desk and I can start right now.”
Matt laughed again. “Tomorrow will be soon enough, Benny. Take a look at how I’m dressed. I don’t normally wear a suit and tie, but I almost never show up in jeans and a tee shirt, either. Slacks and a polo shirt or a regular non-white collared shirt. Neat, but not overstated. Dress like that and you’ll be fine. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning at eight-thirty.”
The smile on Benny’s face literally stretched from ear to ear. He pumped Matt’s hand vigorously. “Thank you, Mr. Cooper. Thanks a lot. You won’t be sorry. I won’t let you down. I’ll...”
Now Matt was really laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Benny said.
“Nothing, Benny. You just come in tomorrow with that same energy and you’ll do fine.” Matt showed him to the door and listened as the sound of Benny’s running footsteps made it to the elevator in record time.
Matt picked up his clipboard again, circled Benny’s name and then looked at Jimmy Blake’s name further up. The otherwise qualified midget had come in a close second. Matt wondered if he would have room in the business for both of them. They’d both bring something special to the job, but could Cooper Investigations support two more pay checks? He’d let it simmer on the back burner for a day or two before he made any hasty decisions. He’d also want to talk to Chris and Elliott about it before he made a move. It could wait.
That night at dinner Matt told Chris about hiring Benny. After he’d described the energetic kid to his wife she had to admit that he looked like a good fit for Matt. “This kid’s got more energy than that bunny that sells batteries on TV. And he’s apparently smart as a whip, something he’d almost been ashamed of in the past. But I think I’ll be able to put all that knowledge to good use.”
“I’m sure he’s going to work out just fine, dear,” Chris said.
After dinner Matt told Chris that he was going to stop in and see his dad for a minute. Elliott was back home now and Gloria was taking care of him as best she could. Matt knocked once and let himself into the Cooper kitchen. Gloria met him at the door.
“How’s he doing?” Matt said.
“He’s coming right along,” Gloria said. “He tried to get to his feet earlier today but had to sit down again. I tell you, that man is going to be the death of me yet, what with all his attempts at independence. He’s got to learn to let go and let someone else care for him for a change.”
“Where is he?”
Gloria gestured over her shoulder with her thumb. “He’s in there watching some wild animal show. Why don’t you go in and try to cheer him up a bit?”
Matt patted his mother’s shoulder and stepped past her to the living room. Elliott turned and looked up when he heard Matt approaching. He smiled and then turned back to the television. “How’s the hip, Dad?” Matt said taking a seat next to Elliott.
Elliott patted the brace he was wearing. “I’ll be back pitching for the Dodgers before you know it.”
Matt picked up the television remote from the coffee table, muted the sound and laid it down again. “Dad, has Mom said anything to you about the business?”
“Like what?”
“Like you not coming back after your hip mends.”
Elliott sighed. “That’s a given,” he said. “I knew this day would come someday, I just didn’t know it would be so soon.”
“So soon?” Matt said. “Dad, you’re seventy now. You’ve worked hard all your life and now it’s your turn to coast and enjoy your free time. Do you know how many people would give their eye teeth to trade places with you?”
Elliott ran his hand up the side of his hip.
“Well, maybe not that part,” Matt corrected. “But the retirement part, anyway.”
Elliott looked over at his son. “What about you? How are you going to run the business alone? It’s not like it was with me, when I hired your mother. I don’t think you’d want Chris working alongside you, would you?”
“Dad, you know I love Chris to pieces, but I have a feeling our marriage is as good as it is because of the time we spend apart. No, I think being with her all day every day could be detrimental to our marriage. It’s great that you and Mom were able to make it work for all those years, but it wouldn’t work for us, which is another reason I stopped by to see you tonight.”
“Oh?”
“I hired a helper this morning,” Matt said. “He’s a bright, energetic kid who I think should fit right in with me.”
“What happened to Kevin’s ex-cop friend that he recommended?”
“He, uh, didn’t work out. In fact he didn’t make it past the interview process. It seems he has a problem with authority, especially coming from someone younger than him.”
“So how many people interviewed for the position?” Elliott said.
Matt thought about the morning traffic through his office and counted off in his head. “Seven, no eight. The last one was the one I went with. His name is Benny Briggs. He’s really something, Dad. When you’re feeling better I can bring him over so you can meet him. Or you can stop by the office when you get back on your feet.”
“Tell me about the other seven applicants,” Elliott said.
Matt gave his father the condensed version of what each person was like and why they didn’t get hired. “I did have a kind of runner-up, if you can call him that. If Benny hadn’t shown up, I would have given Jimmy a trial run at it.”
“Jimmy?” Elliott said.
“Another amazing fellow,” Matt explained, and told Elliott how Jimmy had thrown him to the floor during the interview just to prove he could do it.
“What’s amazing about that?” Elliott said. “A lot of guys could do that.”
“Dad, Jimmy’s three feet tall.” He paused, waiting for this latest information to sink in.
Elliott nearly did a double-take. “He’s a midget?”
Matt nodded. “That he is, all thirty-six inches of him.” He told Elliott about the advantages a midget would have, according to Jimmy, and Elliott had to agree.
“No one would suspect him of being an investigator, would they?” Elliott said.
Matt laughed. “No they wouldn’t, especially if he was dressed like a ten-year-old kid.” Matt glanced at his watch. “I’d better get back home. I told Chris I’d just be a couple of minutes.” Matt wrapped an arm around Elliott’s shoulder and kissed the top of his head. “You just get better
now, you hear? I’ll check back with you later.” Matt grabbed the remote and pressed the mute button again just in time to hear an elephant trumpeting as it charged toward the camera truck.
Gloria hugged Matt before he left and assured him that she’d keep Matt informed about his father’s condition.
The next morning as Matt stepped off the elevator and began walking toward his office, he saw a figure standing near his door. He stopped, a little alarmed and then remembered that Benny was starting this morning. As he got closer, Benny turned toward the sound of the footsteps and smiled a broad smile when he saw Matt coming his way.
“Good morning, Mr. Cooper,” Benny said.
“Good morning, Benny,” Matt said as he inserted his key into the office door. “Come on in.” Matt turned on the lights, hung his jacket on the coat rack and told Benny he could do the same. Matt pointed to his desk and said, “This’ll be your desk, Benny. It was mine, but since Dad isn’t coming back I’m moving back to what used to be my desk. Make yourself at home.”
Matt started going through the morning mail when Benny cleared his throat. “Uh, Mr. Cooper, what would you like me to do?”
“Well, for one thing,” Matt said, “You can stop calling me Mr. Cooper. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together so you might as well get in the habit of calling me Matt.”
Benny smiled as if he’d just been invited to join an exclusive club. “Sure thing, Mr. Coo..., I mean Matt. What’s our first case?”
Matt set the pile of mail down and turned to Benny. “It doesn’t exactly work like that, Benny. I don’t have cases lined up waiting for us to work on. We have to wait for a call from someone who needs our services.” As if on cue, the phone on Matt’s desk rang. Matt gestured at it with his thumb. “Like that.”
“Cooper Investigations,” Matt said, as much to answer the phone as to demonstrate to Benny how the phone should be answered.
“Could I speak with Matt Cooper?” the man on the other end said.
“Speaking,” Matt said. “How may I help you?”
“Mr. Cooper, this is Lieutenant Darnell with the Venice Police Department.”
