“To a beautiful afternoon with an even more beautiful lady.” The words normally would have sounded ridiculously cheesy to his own ears, but he didn’t feel so saying them now. It was just a simple statement of fact.
She clinked her glass to his and took a sip, and he couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking as she studied him over the rim of her glass. He didn’t know what to say next, and it seemed that she didn’t either, and suddenly the comfortable silence between them became a bit awkward.
It was strange for him—and probably her too—to be in such a romantic setting with each other when they had spent their entire lives as friends. But there was no denying the attraction between them. He was making an effort to just live in the moment and enjoy being with her, but his mind kept going back to the fact that this was so out of the ordinary for the two of them.
For the first time all week, he started to let himself wonder if he was making a big mistake. Things were starting to get a bit more complicated, and he worried that if—no, not if but when—the time came to put an end to this, what would become of their friendship? He could only think that it would be irreparably damaged, and the thought made him feel sick. He was loving being with Lissa in this new way, but if it ruined their friendship and there was nothing left, he was sure he’d regret it forever.
***
Lissa had about had enough. Jesse wasn’t acting like himself at all. She took another sip of her wine, trying to give him a minute, hoping he would pull it together and stop, but she was sure it would be no use. Lowering her glass, she put her hand on his knee and waited for him to meet her eyes.
“You have to stop this.”
His eyes widened and his shoulders stiffened. “I’m sorry, what? I thought you would like this.”
Lissa shook her head slowly and gave him a half-smile. “That’s not what I’m talking about, and I think you know it. You’re making this complicated when it doesn’t have to be.” She waited for him to say something, and when he didn’t, she went on.
“Jesse, I can see plainly what you’re thinking. You’re so worried about what comes next with us that you can’t be in the moment. And look around—you’ve arranged an absolutely wonderful afternoon. I can even say how amazed I am at what you put together here.” He gave her a real smile at that. “But if you don’t stop over-thinking every single thing, you’re going to spoil it.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Spoil it?”
“I told you before that we are doing—this thing between us—we’re just living in the moment and enjoying what happens. I’m not pressuring you for anything more. I haven’t asked for anything more. Have I given you any indication that I’m expecting anything at all?”
He shook his head but still eyed her warily. “Those words sound really nice, Lissa, but I can’t just expect you to be okay with that. I know that deep down you can’t be. You want more than I can give you.”
“You’re doing it again. I told you it’s not your decision to decide what’s best for me. And right now what’s best for me is to enjoy this beautiful afternoon with you.” She leaned in and traced his strong jawline with the tip of her fingers.
It seemed he didn’t have to be told twice. He leaned in to meet her, and when their lips met an electric current ignited her entire body. She pulled back before her body got carried away—not an easy thing to do when he looked at her the way he was now.
Lissa convinced herself that whatever white lies she might be telling were worth it to see him smile at her, the tension gone from his face. This was one of the most romantic dates she’d ever been on, and she didn’t want him ruining it with thoughts that weren’t necessary at the moment.
“So,” she said, giving him another soft but quick kiss and tasting the sweetness of the wine still lingering on his lips, “are we going to eat or what?”
He grinned at her, the mood sufficiently lightened as he pulled away to get the rest of the picnic supplies out of the basket. Piling her plate high, he presented it to her in a ceremonious fashion. “My lady is served.”
“You’re going to have to drag me back to the truck if you expect me to eat all this.” It was a delicious looking feast, and she dug in.
“Well, I made a good choice then, eh?” Jesse commented. When she couldn’t eat another bite, he set their plates aside and laid back on the blanket, arms folded behind his head as he stared up at the sky.
“It’s perfect,” she replied, staring off at the glistening water. An idea struck her, and she jumped up, kicking off her sandals and reaching for Jesse’s hand.
“What are you doing?” He let her pull him to his feet.
“Take off your shoes.”
Quirking his eyebrow at her but not asking questions, he kicked off his shoes then gave her a wicked smile. “My turn to choose which article of clothing is the next to go?”
“What? No!” Lissa felt the blood rush to her cheeks in embarrassment, but she couldn’t control the laughter that bubbled up at his overly dramatic sigh of disappointment.
“Ah, you can’t fault me for trying.” Still smiling, he fingered the thin strap of her dress.
She batted his hand away lightly. “I was going to suggest that we get in the water—just our feet,” she amended quickly when the mischievous twinkle returned. She laughed again. “You’re terrible!”
The deep rumble of his own laughter as he followed her down to the tiny strip of sandy beach caused a tremor to make its way through her body, and she briefly entertained the idea of what skinny dipping with him in the secluded cove of water would be like.
She sneaked a glance at him as they reached the edge of the sand and dipped their toes in the water, thinking perhaps it wouldn’t be half bad. As if he read her thoughts, Jesse grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him. Her breath caught in her throat, and she felt her heart trip into double-time as he held her tightly to him and studied her face.
He looked so serious. She had no idea what he was thinking and was about to reprimand him for thinking too much again, when he began tickling her mercilessly. She wiggled and squirmed, trying to get away from him, but only managed to wedge herself closer to him, if that were even possible.
When she was so out of breath from laughter that she thought she might collapse to the ground, he swept her up off her feet and started the climb back toward the blanket. She let herself relax against him as she tried to bring her rapid heartbeat under control. But she realized the breathlessness and quickened pulse were equally due to the way he held her and her anticipation of what was next.
Reaching the blanket, he set her down gently, and she let him lean her back until she was lying on the blanket looking up at him as he settled himself next to her on his side, his head propped in his hand as he leaned on his elbow, mere inches separating them.
“Jesse,” she breathed as he traced her forehead, the line of her jaw, the smoothness of her neck as it hollowed out at the base of her throat, then let his fingers come to rest just above the swell of her breasts, his touch as light as butterfly wings.
His gaze followed the path his hand blazed, setting her skin on fire as if she’d been burned. When he paused, his breath becoming as ragged as hers, she arched her back, urging him to continue his exploration, and he raised his eyes to her, seeking, imploring.
“Please,” she whispered. What she was asking for, she wasn’t quite sure, just that she didn’t want him to stop touching her.
He lowered his lips to hers, and she shuddered at the exquisite tenderness with which he explored her mouth. Softly he let his hand trail back to her shoulder, then down her arm until his fingers brushed hers. Interlocking his fingers with hers, he lifted them above her head and brought his strong upper body closer to hers until she felt the delicious thrill of being pressed between the blanket and him.
“God, Lissa, I could take you right now.”
She felt her body respond to his words with a tightening in her lower belly, and her hips moved toward his as if they
had a will of their own. “I’m not stopping you.”
He groaned. “You have no idea how much I want to.” She thought she just might, based on the hardness of his body pressed against her. “But not yet.” With what looked like considerable regret, he placed one last gentle kiss to her throat then pushed himself up, pulling her with him and settling her in front of him, arms around her waist, facing the direction of the slowly setting sun.
She wanted to argue with him, tell him that now was as good a time as any. Her body was screaming at her to take his head in her hands and kiss him until he could no longer think rationally.
But she knew better. And luckily, so did he. Something had shifted between them today, but it was too new to talk about. And too fragile just yet to risk it by doing something they weren’t ready for. Because she knew once she yielded herself to him, body and soul, there would be no turning back.
CHAPTER NINE
Jesse tossed his keys in the air and whistled tunelessly as he made his way behind the counter of the supply store early Wednesday morning. He couldn’t remember when he’d been happier. As much as he worried that letting things develop between Lissa and himself would only lead to heartache, he was starting to wonder if his thoughts were unfounded. She brought out a side of him that he’d never known was there. A side capable of tenderness.
But how long would that last? As much as he cared for her, he didn’t know if he had it in him to make a relationship work. He didn’t know how to be a partner in a relationship, had never had an adequate example.
Still, as much as he didn’t trust himself to be the kind of man Lissa deserved, he also knew he wasn’t his father. He just might be able to deal with his issues enough to find a way to make this work. God knew he wanted to.
The afternoon at the lake and the growing feelings between him and Lissa had been on his mind for the last few days. He’d hardly been able to focus on his work with the constant reminder that Lissa was right there. To know that with a word from him she would be his, totally and completely, was making it harder by the day to resist. Should he put aside his fears and give them a real chance at happiness?
He didn’t have time to mull it over any further because as he rounded the corner, he stopped, startled, finding his mother sitting in the office, hands folded neatly in her lap as she waited for him. His head must have been in the clouds for him not to have noticed her car parked outside.
“Mom, hey,” he began as he forced himself to walk stiffly over to her and bend down to give her a quick peck on the forehead. “What are you doing here?”
Denise Kincade never came to the store, not anymore. She used to help out when he was a young boy, but as the years went by she avoided the place like the plague, no doubt to spend as little time with his father as possible. To her, the supply store represented a life full of unfulfilled dreams and heartache. To be here now must mean something was up.
She leveled her gaze at him, eyes burning with a heat that had long since been absent. “We need to talk.” Her voice was clipped, and he could see that she was struggling to contain her emotions.
“Of course.” Jesse reached for a chair and pulled it up backward, straddling it and resting his arms on the back as he tried to guess what in the world this could be about. Surely she wasn’t going to try to talk him out of saving the business again.
“There’s no one else here, right?” She glanced quickly around the office, even though it was obviously empty.
“Lissa is due in this morning, but I’m here early, so we’ve got a bit yet.”
His mother nodded, then took a deep breath as if to steel herself. “I’m not quite sure how to tell you this. Jesse, your father and I have had some difficult times through the years. I always tried to hide it from you as best I could, but with your father, I’m sure you knew anyway.”
That had to be the understatement of the century. His parents’ marriage had been rocky and volatile as long as he could remember. He didn’t have a single memory of happy times with them together. He simply nodded, knowing his mother didn’t need to hear him vent his thoughts about his father yet again.
“Well, honey, I’m ashamed to admit that he wasn’t always faithful to me.” She lowered her eyes and bit her lip, as if what she was admitting was somehow her fault, and an embarrassing secret at that.
“Mom,” he said gently, “I know.”
Her head jerked up sharply, and she studied him with a look full of misery and self-loathing. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that just about everyone else in Willow Valley knew as well. Charles Kincade hadn’t exactly been discreet about his affairs, something Jesse had come to know at a fairly young age. Did she really believe that no one knew? He gave her a thin smile, and her answering nod told him that she did, in fact, know that but had hoped Jesse hadn’t heard the rumors.
“Mom, it’s not your fault. You know that, right?” He reached out for her hand, cold and trembling and much frailer than he remembered, and squeezed.
She sighed. “That’s neither here nor there, and not what I’m getting at anyway.”
“Okay, then what is it?” He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile and kept her fingers clasped in his.
“I should have known it was a possibility. I shouldn’t be so shocked. But, Jesse, I feel as if the rug has been yanked right out from under me. It shouldn’t even matter anymore, not at this point, but it does. Somehow, it does.” That’s when he noticed how red and swollen her eyes were.
“What do you mean? He’s done it again?” Jesse’s fingers tightened reflexively, and he dropped his mother’s hand when she flinched at the pressure. He balled his hands into fists, wanting to punch something—since his father’s face wasn’t currently available—to release the rage building up inside at the fact that his mother was still dealing with this, even after all these years.
Reaching out to place a quivering hand on his shoulder, she whispered, “No, that’s not it. I mean, I guess he could be, but that’s not what I’m trying to tell you.”
A sudden wave of exhaustion swept over him at the emotional roller coaster this conversation was taking him on. Her beating around the bush was more than he could take just then, but he didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was. He took a deep breath to try to gain control over himself.
Purposely unclenching his jaw, he looked at her earnestly. “What is it then?”
“Well, since the affairs don’t come as a surprise, perhaps this won’t either. Jesse, you have a sister. One of your fathers…women,” she said the word in disgust, “had a child. A daughter. And now she’s come to find him.”
For all the hemming and hawing she began the conversation with, Jesse reeled at the way his mother put this out there so matter-of-factly.
He sat there, unblinking, trying to make sense of the words. Coldness crept slowly up his spine as he processed them, followed by a white-hot fury that had him on his feet the next second.
“A sister? When—? How—?” He couldn’t form the words to ask what he wanted to know. Questions that would help him understand.
Mrs. Kincade stood then, and Jesse dimly noted a reserve of strength she hadn’t shown before appearing on her pale face. “I know you have to be shocked, Jesse. I am too. Even though the possibility of it shouldn’t come as a surprise.”
“How old is she?”
“In her twenties.” So his past had come back to haunt him.
“Did he know?” Jesse had grown up feeling so alone. To find out now that there had been someone else out there, his own blood, whose life he could have shared growing up. If his father had known and kept this from them, Jesse didn’t know how he would react. Not that it would have been surprising. He hadn’t given Jesse any attention growing up, so why would he acknowledge more offspring?
His mother shrugged, looking tired and helpless once again. “I don’t know. She says that he knew, but that he denied it and had nothing to do with her mother after she told him she was pregnan
t. But he says it’s all lies. That he never knew. He even doubts her claim, saying that she needs to prove it.”
That sounded about right. “What do you think?” Was there a chance that it wasn’t true then?
“Jesse, there’s no denying it. One look at her is all it took for me to know who she was. Before she even told me.”
He started and gripped his mother’s hand again. “You mean you’ve met her?”
She nodded, pressing her lips together. “She showed up at the house yesterday. You have met her too, you just didn’t know it.”
Suddenly the memory of the strange encounter with that woman in the store flashed back to him, and he knew. She’d been in twice—the time Lissa had seen her and then again the next day. Her face stuck out in his memory now, so like his own. Even the dark hair and eyes. How had he not noticed? Also remembering the circumstances which she had interrupted, he wryly noted that he hadn’t exactly been in a rational state of mind.
Jesse rubbed his hand roughly across his eyes, trying to make sense of it all. It was as if his world had been upended and he was trying to reorient himself to the new position of everything he thought he knew. A sister.
Then he realized that if he was feeling so off-kilter, his mother must be even more so. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close, cradling her head against his chest and resting his chin atop it.
“I’m so sorry, Mom. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling.”
She was shaking slightly, but he felt her small nod. “She wants to meet you. Properly, I mean.”
Jesse pulled back and stared down at her. He hadn’t even thought that far. Of course she would. And he did too. But he was still dealing with the shock of it. He shook his head slightly, not sure if he was ready for that.
“Just whenever you’re ready.”
Meant for Love Page 7
