“I guess you could say that.” He came inside and leaned down to give her a kiss on the top of her head, and she squeezed him tightly around the waist.
“Well, wonderful.” She clasped her hands together, and the three of them stood there in the entry hall, waiting, not knowing what to do next.
“Shall we sit down?” Jesse suggested, indicating the way to the family room with his hand.
“Yes, that sounds like a wonderful idea,” Mrs. Kincade replied, offering a warm smile at Abigail.
Abigail returned her smile warmly, and the change on her face was dramatic. She was quite lovely under the grimace she’d been wearing up until that point.
Jesse struggled to understand how she could be so friendly toward his mother, yet she was still giving him the cold shoulder, not even looking at him as they settled themselves on the rarely used sofas that faced one another. His mother remained standing, looking back and forth between the two of them as if she wasn’t sure what to say.
Finally she murmured, “Your father should be in any moment. I hate to be a rude hostess but I have to get back into the kitchen or I’m afraid I might burn dinner.” She gave a forced laugh, and Jesse noticed that her eyes were round as she continued to stare at them. He was sure she hadn’t expected their meeting to be quite so tense. He wondered if it had been like this the other day when she had come to meet his father and her for the first time.
Abigail gave his mother another smile. “I completely understand, Mrs. Kincade. Is there anything I can do to be of help?”
“No, no, dear. You just stay here and get to know your brother.” She stumbled over the last word, and Jesse didn’t miss the tightening in Abigail’s jaw. What was up with this woman and why did she apparently dislike him so much?
His mother left the room, and after a minute of tense silence where his father had yet to appear, he cleared his throat. “So, Abigail,” he ventured, “where is it that you’re from?”
She finally turned her gaze to his, and the dark brown eyes that were so like his own flashed with what could only be described as resentment. “California. And it’s Abby.”
He waited for her to say more, but realizing quickly that she wasn’t, he tried to fill the uncomfortable silence again. “Oh, that sounds nice. I’ve always wanted to visit, but the store has pretty much always kept us right here in Willow Valley except for a vacation once a year.” The small talk was already grating on his nerves, but he didn’t know what else to talk to her about. He couldn’t just say, Nice to meet you, sister. Let’s talk all about our childhood and you growing up without your father.
When she didn’t appear to have anything else to say to him, he decided to remain silent as well. He had no idea why she resented him so much, but it was very clear that she did. In less than five minutes, he had gone from excitement over meeting his long-lost sister to utter confusion, bordering on irritation. She was the one that had shown up wanting to meet the family, and now she acted as if she wanted nothing to do with him? He didn’t understand a bit of it.
A moment later, Charles Kincade strolled into the room and stood stiffly, looking back and forth between them. If Jesse had thought things couldn’t get any more awkward, he had been greatly mistaken. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to be a really long night.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
When the doorbell finally rang around nine o’clock, Lissa felt her stomach leap up into her throat. The need to know how Jesse’s family dinner had gone and how he was holding up afterward warred with the nerves that fluttered in her belly so hard that it bordered on nausea. He had never been to her apartment before. It was silly of her, but it seemed like it held more significance than it should. That once he stepped through the door things would be different.
She berated herself for such ridiculous thoughts. Things were already different between them. How could she think a matter of inviting him inside would change it even more?
Swinging the door open, she caught sight of Jesse leaning against the railing of her second-floor patio looking out over the town square. She thought that she was a bundle of nerves before, but seeing him there looking so casual in his jeans and cowboy hat had her heart hammering out a beat that seemed to rival the high school drum line at football games.
He turned around and gave her a smile, but it didn’t cover up the disappointment that lay in his eyes.
“Oh, Jesse.” She walked over the threshold and met him halfway, taking him in her arms and trying to provide some measure of consolation. “It didn’t go the way you expected then?”
Lissa could feel him shake his head, his stubble catching slightly in her hair. “To say the least.”
“I’m so sorry. Do you want to come in? Or maybe go for a walk? The fresh air might do you some good.” One of the things Lissa loved most about her apartment on the square was that the center of the square contained a gorgeous park that was currently filled with the flowering trees of springtime.
He hesitated, seeming as unsure as she had felt about coming inside. It had seemed like a good idea earlier. Ultimately the desire to be near her must have won out because he looked down at her with a small smile and nodded toward her door.
“Lead the way. You did say something about dessert, didn’t you?”
Lissa laughed and took his hands, pulling him inside after her. “That I did. And you’re in luck. Cassie had a whole strawberry shortcake left when I went by. Made with freshly picked strawberries too.”
He shut the door behind him and stood in the entryway, taking in her apartment. His small smile told her that he thought the chaos inside reflected her well.
Cheeks feeling warm, she tried not to wonder if that was a good or a bad thing. She stood for a moment, shifting from foot to foot, not sure what to do next.
Jesse saved her the trouble by pulling her to him, tossing his hat on the entryway table, and crushing his mouth to hers. It was a kiss full of heat, hard and unrelenting, and her body responded immediately. She was left gasping for breath when he pulled his head back a moment later.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so rough with you,” he said, not letting go. “I’m just a mess right now. It was either that or punch something, and I’m pretty sure your landlord would rather not have a hole in the wall.” He gave her a wry grin.
“Probably not. And I definitely prefer your method of taking out your frustrations.” She pulled his head back to hers and kissed him again, this time slow and lingering. Trying to keep her wits about her, she dimly noted that this was probably not the best idea under the circumstances. They could very easily get carried away if he was trying to forget about the apparent disaster he just came from.
Forcing herself to pull away, she saw that he was having an internal debate himself, though about what she wasn’t quite certain.
“What are you thinking?”
“Just wondering if maybe I should take you up on that offer of a walk before we end up forgetting why I came here.”
“Why did you come here?”
He grinned impishly. “For dessert.”
She pursed her lips and looked down her nose at him, feigning being scandalized. “Why, Jesse Kincade! I do declare,” she said in her best imitation of Scarlett O’Hara. “Come on. Dessert is in the kitchen.” She gave him a pointed look as she made her way there, him on her heels.
“Where else would it be?” His eyes gleamed with mischief.
Unable to keep the laughter at bay, she felt much lighter and at ease than she had before he’d arrived. There was a level of comfort and familiarity between them that transcended whatever was happening between them on a romantic level. Their friendship, build over a lifetime, seemed to put them at ease when they were together.
It was odd, she mused, as she pulled the shortcake from the fridge and took down two plates from the cabinet. They had both expected there to be some fundamental change in their relationship now that they were involved in…whatever this was, but it only felt
natural for her give him a casual kiss on the lips as she set his plate in front of him then took a seat across from him. Like this was how things should be.
***
Jesse watched as Lissa took a bite of the strawberry shortcake, her eyes closing as she savored the flavors with a moan. Her reaction had his body jumping to attention, though really it had been hyper-aware of her ever since she opened the door wearing that gauzy dress that came to stop just above her knee. It was somehow modest and unbelievably sexy at the same time. He didn’t know if it was being in her home or what, but he couldn’t stop his mind from imagining what it would be like to strip the dress from her and carry her back to her bedroom.
Taking that next big step with her had been plaguing his dreams every night for the past week, and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold out. He was trying to be a gentleman, do right by her. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, so he’d been strong and resisted pushing too fast, trying to buy himself time to figure out where he could see this going.
He’d been just about ready to let go of his hang-ups and try for a real relationship with her, when this shock about his sister had sprung up, making him question himself again. After tonight, though, he was seeing clearly—maybe more than ever before—that he wasn’t his father.
“Want to talk about it?”
He was so lost in his thoughts that it took him a minute to realize Lissa was speaking to him. Had she known what he was thinking? That he was seriously considering giving them a real shot?
“Um…”
“About tonight. Your dinner? You look like you’re thinking pretty hard about it and I thought maybe talking about it would help.”
Right. Of course. “Yeah, maybe I do. I want to tell you about some realizations I’ve come to.”
She smiled encouragingly. Shoving the last bite of his dessert in his mouth, he stared at her for a long moment before pushing his chair back and holding out a hand to her.
“Come on. Let’s go sit and I’ll tell you all about it.” He swallowed hard against the sudden fear that reared its head. Was he really doing this? Attempting to put his issues aside and make this an actual relationship?
As Lissa grabbed his hand and gave him a smile that caused his chest to tighten, almost painfully, he realized that he was an idiot. He had an amazing woman right in front of him, and suddenly he didn’t want to miss out on another minute of what they could have together.
***
It was going on ten thirty by the time Jesse finished telling her about the disaster of a dinner. He was stretched out on her sofa, his head in her lap, while she ran her hands through his thick hair, listening mostly and commenting from time to time.
Jesse gave a mirthless laugh. “What I can’t believe is that after that entire hour of her plainly ignoring me, to the point of being flat out rude, my father had the nerve to ask me why I wasn’t making more of an effort to welcome my sister.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Wish I was. If I didn’t look just like the jackass, I would wonder if I was the one who was the product of an extramarital affair.”
Lissa stroked his jaw and let her hand wander aimlessly down to his chest. She still couldn’t quite get over the fact that she could just touch him like this if she wanted to. His muscles tightened reflexively as she traced the ridges of his abdominals.
“I’ve thought the same thing. It’s a wonder you’ve turned out the way you did.”
Jesse sat up and turned to face her, his eyes serious as he studied her. “I wanted to talk to you about that too.”
Wariness washed over her as she realized that he was about to tell her something pretty heavy. He was wearing the same look of sorrow he’d had the first night they’d kissed. The night he’d told her they couldn’t have a future. Surely this wasn’t about to be a repeat of that miserable conversation.
“I’m not implying that you’re like your dad, Jesse. I hope you know that.”
The corner of his mouth quirked up in a half-smile. “I know.” He shifted uncomfortably. “Look, Lissa, I haven’t been completely honest with you.”
There was suddenly an acidic taste in her mouth as she braced herself for what he was about to say.
“I mean about why I’ve held myself back from you for so long.” He raked a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. “Maybe you’ve seen through it, maybe you haven’t. But I need you to hear it from me. Hear what I’ve felt for so long.”
“Okay,” she said slowly, not sure at all that she actually wanted him to continue.
“My dad. He was a terrible father. A terrible husband.” These were all things she knew. Hell, most of Willow Valley too. “And that has a way of affecting a kid. Shaping who he is, the kind of man he grows up to be. I mean, how many kids do you see that grow up to be just like their parents? I’d venture to say most. Especially ones that come from an…abusive childhood.”
“Jesse…” Her heart ached for the little boy that had endured so much and for the man that had borne the scars of it. She wanted to take him in her arms and make it go away, but she knew she couldn’t. She knew he needed to say this, even if it meant that he told her yet again that they couldn’t be together. She’d deal with that later. For now, she only wanted to be here for him as he dealt with his demons.
He held up a hand to her, and she didn’t say anything, knowing he needed to keep going. “I told myself, convinced myself, that I was the same way. That all I knew about love was that it hurt. Caused pain. I vowed that I would never hurt someone the way my father hurt my mother and me. And I’ve stuck to that vow.” He lifted his eyes to hers, begging her to understand, and for the first time, she thought she did.
“That’s why I’ve pushed you away, baby. I knew deep down that I cared for you—probably more than anyone in my entire life—and I couldn’t bear the thought of it. Caring for you—loving you—” Her heart stopped in her chest and she couldn’t breathe, “—meant that I was bound to hurt you. And I wouldn’t do it.”
Her eyes felt like they would bug out of her head. Had he really just said that he loved her? There was so much running through her head that she was having a hard time processing any of it.
Jesse gave her a soft smile and reached out to brush his fingers across her lips. “Yeah, that’s what I said. Though it scares the hell out of me to admit it out loud.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but not knowing what, closed it again abruptly, too shocked to respond, and too afraid to break the spell of the moment for fear that she’d wake up and find she’d been dreaming.
***
Good lord, what was he doing? He’d just put it all out there, given her his heart to protect or stomp on as she pleased. Too late to take it back now, though, even if he wanted to. And he didn’t think he did.
It felt good to say it. To finally admit it to himself—and her—what had plagued him for most of his adult life. “Lissa, that’s the truth of the matter. That’s why I haven’t wanted to let you in, or give you any more of myself than I have. I’ve held it all back from you because when I said I was protecting you, I meant it. I thought if I didn’t get close then I wouldn’t hurt you. All my life, love has equaled hurt, and I wouldn’t do that to you.”
He stopped, waiting for her to say something. Anything.
But she just stared at him. After what felt like an eternity, she knitted her eyebrows together and searched his face earnestly, as if she were willing him to tell her the truth.
“And now? What do you believe now?”
“I believe that I’m not my father. After seeing him tonight, in this crazy situation our family is in, I know that could never be me. I would never do the things he’s done to hurt the woman I love.” He grinned, trying to lighten what had become a crazy intense conversation. “That’s you, by the way. In case you missed it.”
She smiled faintly in return, her face still a mixture of shock and bewilderment. “Yeah, I’m gathering that. But, Jesse, I
hate to be thick, but what does this mean. For us?”
In for a penny… “It means that I want us to be together. A real relationship. I still can’t make any promises about the future. But I can tell you that I’m in this thing with you. I’m ready to see what we could be.”
The way her entire face lit up when she smiled proved to him that he was making the right choice. He was more than a little afraid of it. After all, he’d spent his entire adult life avoiding this right here, never staying with one woman for more than a few dates, and now he was all in. But it was Lissa, and he couldn’t think of anyone else he’d rather be taking this leap with.
“So now what?” She looked at him almost shyly, and suddenly his mind was far from thinking through the emotional roller coaster his night had been.
He pulled her to him, gripping her fiercely. “I can think of a few things.” And all the turmoil he’d been feeling for days was suddenly set right when he crushed his mouth down to hers and showed her exactly what he had in mind.
***
Lissa’s mind was whirling so fast she could barely keep up. Jesse loved her? Loved her! The events of the past hour were too crazy for even her wildest imaginings. She felt as if it must be a dream, but no, he was right here with her, pulling her under with a wave of passion that threatened to drag her right out to sea, never to be heard from again.
His hands came up behind her head and held her at the perfect angle for them to deepen the kiss even further.
Yes, this. This is what she’d wanted, craved, for as long as she could remember. To have Jesse, totally and completely.
Suddenly she pulled away, breath ragged. “Wait.”
The disappointment on his face almost made her laugh, but she knew this was serious. “I just have to be sure.”
Now his expression was one of utter confusion. “Sure?” he echoed, his voice husky.
Meant for Love Page 9
