by J. L. Perry
What she wants to say doesn’t scare me. I have a feeling it is about the accident. Honestly, there is nothing she can tell me that will make me stop loving her. I step back and sit down at the table again, reaching out and pulling her onto my lap. I am going to hold her while she talks. I just need to be close to her. Now that I have her back, I’m not going to let her go.
She hangs her head again. I can tell she is finding it hard to tell me. I stroke her hair, encouraging her. “Talk to me, baby,” I plead.
She takes a deep breath. “It’s my fault that Chris is dead.” I don’t expect her to say that. I knew that Chris’ death was probably behind her depression, but I never thought she blamed herself for it.
“Why would you say that?” I ask. I am confused. A drunk driver ran a red light and smashed into them. How could that be her fault?
She tells me about the events leading up to the accident. How she wouldn’t get in the car, how he had taken his seatbelt off. She said that if she had just gotten in the car straight away, none of this would have happened.
I just hold her tight, not knowing what to say. I don’t blame her for his death. I know it wasn’t her fault, but I can see why she is blaming herself.
“I wish you would have just talked to me, Brooke,” I say. “You had no control over the accident. We have both suffered because of it. Together, we will work through this. I don’t blame you and I never will. In a way, I blame myself because I wasn’t there to protect you. On our wedding day, I promised you that I would always protect you, and I didn’t. I loved Chris like a brother, and I miss him, but I fucking miss you, too, Brooke. You are my air and I can’t fucking breathe without you.
“If Chris could talk to you, I know he wouldn’t blame you, either. It was totally out of your control. You survived the accident for a reason, and he wouldn’t want you to waste your life like this. He would want you to make the most of the second chance you have been given, Brooke. Do it for him, if nothing else.”
I turn her around on my lap so she is straddling me. I put both my hands on either side of her face. “We will get through this together,” I assure her. “I promise. It is not your fault and I am not going anywhere. You are part of me, my soul mate, the love of my life, and the mother of my daughter. My life would be nothing without you. My love for you is unconditional, Brooke. I need you, baby, so fucking much.”
I wipe a stray tear as it runs down her cheek, but she pushes my hand away and crushes her lips into mine. “I love you so much,” she says into my mouth.
When she pulls out of our kiss, she looks at me. “I am so sorry for shutting you out,” she says. “I was scared, but I never should have doubted your love for me. I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as you, but I am thankful that you’re in my life.” I hold her tightly against me, her head resting on my chest as I stroke her hair. I am thankful every day that I have her, too. She gives my life meaning. She makes me feel whole.
****
Brooke
We sit together at the table for a while. It feels so good to be in his arms again. I never should have shut him out. He is a good man and a great husband. If my mind hadn’t been so messed up and cloudy, I would have been able to see that what I was doing to him was wrong. I can’t shake the guilt that I feel, but with Logan’s help, maybe I will eventually.
Right now, I just want to go home with my husband and show him how much I love him. Just being in his arms makes me realise just how badly I have missed him. He is my life. Having him just hold me makes me feel like I can get through anything. It won’t be easy, but I will do anything to make that happen. He has never given me any indication that I should doubt his commitment to me, but when you are depressed, you don’t see things clearly. I can’t believe I nearly threw all this away.
I want to kiss him again, but I know he is as desperate as me to get home. We have a lot of catching up to do. I get up off his lap and put my hand out for him. “I want you to take me home,” I say with a smile. The smile he gives me back melts my heart. He is so beautiful. He still takes my breath away.
I’ve put him through so much since we’ve been together. Sometimes I am blown away when I think about everything we have been through. He has always stood by me and supported me. I know his love is unconditional because he has proven it time and time again.
I am finally ready to do anything to try and get past this guilt I am still feeling. Maybe I will make an appointment to go and talk to a professional. I don’t want to do any more damage to my marriage. Logan deserves better than that. He, and our daughter, deserve me at my best.
We make our way into the lounge to where my father and Logan’s parents are. He grabs my hand and links his fingers through mine. The smile on everyone’s faces tell me just how happy they are that we are working things out. Logan’s mum makes her way over to us and engulfs us both in a hug. “I am so happy that you are going to be alright. I have been so worried about you both.” I really haven’t thought about how much I am hurting the people who love me.
“I am sorry for everything,” I say. I know how much Logan’s family loves me. I’ve been shutting all of them out. I make a mental note to call Michelle later and apologise. The few times she has come to the house to talk to me, I have refused to see her. My behaviour has been unacceptable.
I am going to make it up to everyone. I want to get back to the studio, as well. Being there last night reminded me how much I have missed it. We still have our end-of-year concert to put on, as well.
Logan’s mum offers to keep Angel for another night, but I don’t want that. I want us all to be together. It is time that we are a proper family, just like I’d imagined when I was still pregnant. I love my little girl, and I am going to be the best mother I can be from now on.
After we kiss everyone goodbye, and his parents say they will drop my car off later, we make our way outside. Logan leads us to a black 4WD.
“Whose car is this?” I ask. When Logan tells me that it is our new car, I feel shame again. So much has gone on around me that I have been oblivious to.
“I bought it when you first got out of the hospital,” he says. “We needed a bigger car…and I don’t want to get another driver. I’ve decided to drive myself around from now on.” That comment makes my heart hurt. The car is lovely, but I can’t help but feel sad when he talks about not getting another driver.
All the guilt starts to creep to the surface again, but I have to push it to the back of my mind. I understand why he doesn’t want another driver. We can’t replace Chris. Hearing this makes me realise just how much Logan has been going through. He has been suffering so much, and I haven’t been there for him. He’s been suffering from his own loss, on top of what I am doing to him. My heart feels so heavy for him.
Once Logan straps Angel into her car seat, he helps me in, then makes his way around to the driver’s side. I watch him get into the car and put his seatbelt on. I reach over and grab his hand. He looks over and smiles at me.
“I am so sorry I haven’t been here to support you,” I say softly.
He pulls my hand up to his mouth and kisses it. “It’s okay, Brooke. You have been dealing with your own issues. I understand.” I still feel terrible, but I don’t say anything. I just give him a smile. In time, I will make it up to him, starting as soon as we get home.
Our new car is very luxurious. Logan says it is the safest car on the market. He tells me how he has also gotten one for me, but it won’t be ready for at least another week. Even after the way I have been treating him, he is still thinking of me.
“I love you so much,” I say.
He gives me a beautiful smile and squeezes my hand. “Right back at ya, babe.”
****
Logan
The last few months, I have been feeling like I have been living in some kind of hell. Just being here with Brooke and being able to hold her hand makes the heaviness in my heart almost disappear. I know we still have a long way to go before we get back to where
we used to be, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.
There is still a lot we need to discuss, but that can wait. I know she is still fragile, but she is letting me in now, and I am going to do everything I can to make her well again. I think her problems go far deeper than Chris and the accident. Her mother’s death, her father abandoning them, and all that shit with Jake… It all contributed to finally breaking her. I really think talking to a professional may help. I am going to suggest it when the time is right, but not right now. Right now, I just want to make love to my wife and show her how much I love her.
Once we arrive at the penthouse, we make our way upstairs. Brooke is holding Angel. She keeps looking down and smiling at her. It is so good to see. My two girls are my life. Angel had been fed and changed before we left my mum’s, so all we need to do is put her down for a nap.
As soon as Angel is settled, I grab Brooke’s hand and lead her into our room. I can tell just by the look on her face that she needs me just as much as I need her. As much as I am dying to be inside her again, I can’t help feeling a little apprehensive. It has been over two months since we have been together.
I will be lying if I said I’m not nervous. In some ways, it kind of feels like our first time again. I feel all those insecurities I used to feel when we were first together. Once we are in our bedroom, I pull her into my arms. I just need to hold her again.
“How are you feeling?” I ask.
She looks up at me. “Horney,” she replies with a smile. I can’t help but smile back because I feel exactly the same.
I know we still have a lot to talk about, but now is not the time. She puts her arms around my neck and rises up to her tiptoes. I kiss her gently at first, then it becomes heated. I can tell that she is just as desperate as I am.
I scoop her into my arms, without breaking our kiss, and carry her over to the bed. I gently lay her down before lying beside her. I slide my arms around her waist and under her top. I want to feel her skin. I’ve missed the feel of her.
She pulls out of our kiss and sits up, quickly removing her top and bra. She reaches for the bottom of my shirt, and I help her remove it as she lifts her leg over my waist so she is straddling me. She leans down and kisses me again. I love the feel of her skin against mine.
As I run my hands up the side of her body, she shivers and moans into my mouth. I love those sexy little sounds she makes. I cup one of her breasts in my hand, putting my other hand behind her head. Her kisses still drive me wild. It is like our mouths are the perfect fit. She has me so turned on. From the moment she woke up from her coma, I’ve dreamed about being with her again.
I’m not sure how much longer I can last because I am already on the edge. We need to slow down because I’m not even inside her yet. I flip her over so I can taste every inch of her body. It has been too long.
Brooke moans as I run my tongue across her jaw and down her neck. She spreads her legs and I settle against her inner thighs. She grabs hold of my arse and pulls my erection against her. She moans again and rocks against me. I nearly come in my pants.
“Fuck, I want you so bad, baby,” I say as I make my way down her body. I suck one of her nipples into my mouth, while I knead the other breast with my hand. She throws her head back and moans again. If she doesn’t stop making those noises, this isn’t going to last very long. I feather kisses all over her stomach, as I reach for the waistband of her jeans. Her body is still so sexy, even though she has lost a lot of weight since the accident.
As I remove her pants and underwear, I notice the scar on her lower abdomen from the Caesarean. I haven’t seen that before. It is healed, but it reminds me of everything she has gone through. I gently brush my lips against it, a lump rising in my throat.
My heart is heavy as I think of everything she has endured since the accident. She is so much stronger than she thinks. Not many people could get back up and continue living if they had faced the things that she had. Sure, the last few months have been a struggle, but I can tell she is trying to rise above it. I suddenly feel an inner peace because I know in my heart that everything is going to be alright.
I want to take my time with her, but when she starts to beg me to make love to her, I can’t resist. We both need that connection again. I quickly remove my pants and make my way back up her body. We have the rest of the night to find each other again but, right now, I need to be inside her. It is like my life depends on it.
I kiss her with all the passion inside me, as I bury myself deep inside her. She threads her hands through my hair, as she moans into my mouth again.
Fuck, she feels so good.
We look into each other’s eyes, as I slowly move inside her. I know I won’t last too long, but I want it to last as long as possible.
“I love you so much, baby,” I say, as she arches her back and climaxes around my cock.
“Fuck,” I growl. “God, I’ve missed you.”
I want to keep going, but I can’t hold it in any longer. She wraps her legs around me while her body trembles and her inner muscles clench around me. I call out her name as I thrust myself deep inside her and finally fill her with my come. It is the most intense orgasm I have ever had. It has only been a few months, but so much has happened between us during that time.
I collapse on top of her while I try to catch my breath. I look down at her beautiful face and smile. She smiles back, as her hands run down the side of my face.
“I love you,” she says and my heart melts. I roll off her and bring her over so she is now lying on top of me. I tenderly kiss her. I finally feel whole again.
We kiss for a while, both lost in the moment. Fuck, I love feeling her lips on me again. It isn’t long before I am ready for another round. This time, I will make it last.
CHAPTER THIR
TEEN
Brooke
We make love until the early hours of the morning. Our love for each other is just as strong as always. We’ve just been lost for a while.
We both get up during the night when Angel cries. I stay in the nursery and change her, while Logan goes downstairs for her bottle. We lay her in our bed with us while I feed her. It is nice to have the three of us together like this. Tomorrow is going to be a new start for us as a family.
Once she’s fallen back asleep, Logan carries her back to her crib. She is still too little to sleep with us and, tonight, we need it to be just us.
It feels good to be with Logan again. Just being together like this has already made me feel a little stronger. I hadn’t realised how much I really need his love to survive. I know I still have a long way to go, though. As I lay there, I decide that every time I start to think about Chris and the guilt associated with his death, I will push it out of my head. I need to do that until I am a bit stronger to deal with it. It is all I can do, for now, to help me not fall back into that hole from which I am desperately trying to climb out.
I’m going to push myself every day to move forward. I need to get back to the studio and carry on with my life. Logan and Angel need me as much I need them. I will never forget Chris but, for now, I just need to concentrate on working past this.
When I wake up, I am still wrapped in Logan’s arms. I feel better than I have in a long time. I know we still have a lot to discuss, but I just want to enjoy being held by my husband.
Logan is still asleep beside me. He hasn’t been sleeping well lately, so I don’t want to wake him. After untangling myself from his body, I get out of bed as slowly as I can. I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and put on my robe before going to check on Angel. We are lucky to have such a good baby. When I was pregnant, I’d heard some horror stories from Michelle and other mothers.
She is still asleep, but I know she will be waking up for her bottle soon. I just stand in her room quietly and watch her sleep. She looks so peaceful. I feel the tears welling in my eyes as I look down at her. I’d tried my best no
t to shut her out when I was going through my depression, but I know I haven’t been the best mother I could be. She deserves more.
It makes me think about how hard it must have been for my mother after I was born. She had no support, money, or family to turn to. She was all alone but, despite the odds, managed. I have everything she didn’t so I owe it to her to pull myself together.
Smiling, I lean over and gently run my finger down the side of Angel’s sweet little face. I love her so much. She is a product of the love that Logan and I share. As I am leaning over her, watching her sleep, I feel two strong arms wrap around my waist.
“Good morning, beautiful,” Logan whispers in my ear as he nuzzles my neck.
I turn in his arms and wrap my arms around his neck. “Good morning, hot stuff,” I reply, brushing my lips against his. The smile on his face warms my heart. He loves it when I call him “hot stuff”. Sadly, it also reminds me how much I’ve been neglecting him, but today is our fresh start. You can’t dwell on what you can’t change. That is going to be my new motto. I’m going to make it up to him. I’m going to make it up to everyone. Firstly, by moving past the depression, then I’m going to show them how much they all mean to me.
“I was just watching our beautiful daughter sleep,” I say, “and thinking how lucky I am to have you both.” He looks like he is going to say something to me, but he kisses me instead. Thankfully, I just brushed my teeth.
He deepens the kiss and I can feel the desire heating between my legs. Logan hands move down from my waist to grab my arse. He pushes my body against his erection. I moan into his mouth, but we are interrupted by Angel, who is now awake and making noises. I feel Logan smile against my mouth, as I pull out of our kiss.
“Damn, she has rotten timing,” he says, smiling. We both look down at her and she smiles up at us. She has the sweetest little face.
“Good morning, princess,” I say, leaning over to pick her up.
