I haven’t been back to California since about the seventh grade. But this time, I’m not with family. This time, I’m with Cooper.
Something changed between us in Vegas.
That’s where the entry ended, and I stared at that last line with a mixture of emotions whirling inside like a tornado. It pained my heart that he didn’t believe in anything, that he walked through life feeling completely alone, but selfishly, I cared more about that last scratch from his pen.
What had changed between us?
I mean, I knew what I felt had changed, but was it the same as him? I turned back the page to the last entry before the one I’d just read, and it was dated the same day as when I explored the Grand Canyon by myself.
I kissed her.
I’m a selfish fucking idiot and I kissed her.
She’d never been really kissed, and we were standing there, looking at the mountains and the stars, and I couldn’t stop staring at her perfect lips and thinking what a shame it was that they’d never been kissed. I was thinking about how her lips would feel against mine, wondering if she would sigh and lean into the touch or blush and shy away. And instead of doing the right thing and keeping those thoughts in my mind, instead of letting it go, I kissed her.
And now I’m fucked.
Glen and I took a hike the next morning, when I was still high off her lips, off the way her hands shook as she touched me in the tent all night long. God, I wanted to do so much more to her. I had to fist my hands in her hair to keep them from wandering anywhere else. I knew if I would have started, if I would have touched her, really touched her, I wouldn’t have been able to stop.
But Glen got in my head yesterday morning. He told me he could sense that Cooper was a good girl, a strong girl, and he preached about how I needed to treat her right. He thought we were married thanks to a joke we were playing, but I wasn’t laughing anymore, not when he was telling me that nothing in the world matched up to a strong woman’s love.
Love.
Just hearing him say it nearly made me throw up. I can’t imagine ever being in love, ever being loved by someone else, and it was then that I realized that is exactly what Cooper wants. She wants someone who will hold her hand and kiss her sweetly. She wants someone who will ask her to spend the rest of her life with them, for better or for worse.
I’m not that person.
So, I did what I do best. I shut her out, shut the world out, and had what was possibly the worst day of my life sitting beside her in the car. I knew she wanted to know what I was thinking, and I also knew I’d never tell her. She’s the sun and I’m a black hole. I want to swallow her up and lose myself in her, but if I do, I’ll destroy her.
Maybe a small part of me thought she was what Grams was talking about, that maybe she could be what changed it all for me. But the truth is, I know I won’t find what Grams thought I would, not until I reach our last dot on the map.
Only then will I find peace.
I swallowed, eyes scanning the last of the entry with a newfound panic. What does that mean? What did his grandma want him to find?
I knew it had to be in there, so I didn’t even let myself focus on what he’d written about me or about love before I was flipping back through the pages, searching for the mention of his grandma. The first entry I found was him remembering the one and only time she kayaked with the family in Santa Barbara before she was too old, too fragile to do it anymore. I was only halfway down that page when Emery’s voice called from the room.
“I know we just ate pizza like two hours ago,” he started, and I jumped, slamming the journal shut and placing it where I’d found it on the table. Kalo popped up and ran inside while I fidgeted with my hair, trying to seem natural. Emery rounded the edge of the sliding glass door, leaning his head out. “But I’m kind of hungry. I was thinking about ordering Chinese to be delivered. The Chinese food on this coast is incredible. You in?”
I forced a smile, heart still in my throat. “I never say no to sweet and sour chicken.”
“Or beef jerky.”
“Are you judging me for my love of dried meat?”
He shrugged. “Just saying, I’ve got more empty packages of Jack Links in the back of my car than they have full ones at the nearest gas station.”
I laughed, picking up one of the cardboard coasters on the table and flicking it at him. “Smart ass.”
“Be right back.”
Emery dipped inside, and I listened as he placed an order on the phone before joining me on the porch again.
His journal sat between us like it had a pulse.
For a while we just sat there, our eyes on the blacked-out beach, the sound of the waves the only one existing between us. I didn’t even notice him move until the porch light above us went dark, too, and Emery bent to his knees in front of me, positioning himself between my thighs.
“How do you feel?” he asked as my eyes adjusted, just the bridge of his nose coming into focus at first. Though the moon was nonexistent, the stars still fought to shine through the clouds, and the lights from the hotels around us glowed to the left and the right of our balcony.
“I feel amazing.”
“No,” he said, his hands finding each of my thighs. He slid them up marginally, thumbs brushing the hot skin between them. “I mean, how do you feel. Are you sore?”
A tingle zipped its way up my legs from the point of contact where his thumb rested, like a shot of lightning injected straight into my nervous system.
“A little tender,” I admitted, my voice breathy and low.
His hands slid up higher, the cool breeze from the water rushing over the warm skin he left behind, leaving me covered in goosebumps. “I figured.” He paused, his fingers hooking in the band of my sleep shorts, and I lifted my hips before he could even tug on them. “I know you’re not ready to have me inside you again, not yet, but I can’t wait any longer to touch you,” he said, my shorts already halfway off as he pulled them down another inch. “Can I touch you, Cooper?”
A breathy yes left my lips as my shorts hit my ankles, and Emery yanked them the rest of the way off, discarding them on the concrete base of the balcony. His eyes were barely visible in the dark, but I knew they were hot on me as he hooked his thumbs in the waistline of my panties next, sliding them off without breaking eye contact.
His hands wrapped around the backs of my thighs and gripped my hips, pulling until I hung off the wicker chair, the cushion moving with me. Then he ran one hand down my abdomen, his palm cupping me as one finger slipped between my lips.
“Fucking hell,” he groaned, the pad of his finger skating down to my opening before running back up to my clit. “I make you so wet. It kills me.”
I couldn’t respond, could barely breathe as he tested me, just the tip of his finger entering me as I arched into him. I cried out, more tender than I realized, but wanting him nonetheless.
A groan rumbled low in his throat, his finger curling just a bit before he withdrew it. “Yeah, you definitely need a night to rest,” he said, but he was already kissing my thighs, his mouth on a direct track for my core. “Maybe this will speed the healing time.”
His tongue flattened against that most sensitive part of me, that little button that seemed to be the detonator for my orgasms the night before, and he ran it long and hot over the bundle of nerves. I gasped, hands reaching back to grip the frame of the chair as my legs tensed around him. It didn’t matter that I’d had his mouth on me the night before, that I already knew how it felt — I knew right then I’d never get enough of it, no matter how much he gave me.
He moved until my good leg was draped over his shoulder, the other spread wide, and his tongue lashed me again, swirling and flicking before he sucked the detonator between his teeth with a hiss. That’s the best name I knew to give it, that little spot he touched, that tiny ball of sensitivity that sparked an electric wave each time he brushed it. And he was an expert, knowing just how long to touch me there before it became too mu
ch, before he would pull back and flatten his tongue again.
My orgasm mounted even quicker than the night before, blood rushing to my core in a rising tide with every lick. I squeezed my eyes shut, writhing under his mouth, hips grinding up and reaching. But Emery took his time, and just when I was on the edge of release, he pulled back, blowing softly on the swollen skin.
I collapsed, legs falling to the side as the orgasm I was so close to left as quickly as it had come, but the rest didn’t last for long before Emery’s mouth was on me again. It was shocking, the sensation of being so close and then cut off, only to have it rush back with a vengeance as soon as he touched me again.
“Oh, God,” I whispered, and Emery sucked harder, his hands gripping my thighs.
“Tell me,” he said, words vibrating through me.
“I think…”
“Say it.”
My head spun, thoughts fleeting as the rush moved over me, and then all senses went numb before buzzing back to life at once.
“I’m coming,” I breathed, my cheeks flushing with heat at the admission, and it was those words and the slip of Emery’s middle finger inside me that sent me over the edge. He kept his finger inside, curling it over and over, deeper and deeper, his mouth crushing onto mine and absorbing my moans as I fell apart at the touch.
Overwhelmed.
That was the only way I knew how to describe how I felt.
I didn’t know what it was like to be touched like that, to be devoured, to be tasted like candy and worshipped like a goddess. Even after I was sated, Emery still ran his hands over every inch of my body, feeling and caressing, soothing and teasing, kissing his way back down.
Leaning up on my elbows, I gazed down at him just as he pressed a final, sweet kiss to my inner thigh. He helped me sit upright, my arms around his neck, and I kissed him with intent.
“I want to do that to you,” I said against his lips, my hands already trailing their way down his ribs. He was still kneeling between my legs, his own spread in a V, and when I ran my palm over the bulge in his sweatpants, he shifted forward, rocking into the touch with a groan. “But I need your help. I’ve never…”
I swallowed, not needing to finish the sentence. We both knew there were plenty of things I hadn’t experienced yet, but I wanted to with him. I needed to.
“If you wrap these perfect lips around me,” he husked, sucking my bottom one between his teeth. “I might actually fucking die.”
“It wouldn’t be the worst way to go.”
He smiled against my mouth, kissing me hard before using the arms of the chair to stand and pulling me with him. He lifted me easily, cradling my prosthetic at one side while I gripped the other with my good leg, our lips still fused together as he carried me inside. When we were by the foot of his bed, he dropped me back to the floor easily, his eyes somehow darker now that we were in the light again.
His hands trailed down my arms, the backs of his fingertips tickling my skin until they found my hands. I gripped his tight, using him for balance as I kissed him one last time before lowering to my knees, my eyes on his.
Emery swallowed when I hit the ground in front of him, already sliding his sweatpants down his legs. He was commando underneath them, and he sprang forward, hard and ready.
It was the first time I’d seen him — really seen him, or any guy for that matter. The night before, he was inside me, but I hadn’t seen him strip down, hadn’t seen the curve of the tip or the vein that ran hard and long down the length of him. I hadn’t watched as he entered me, inch by blissful inch, all of that disappearing within me. He’d encompassed me, wrapped himself around me, and I’d focused on his eyes, his lips, the two lines between his eyebrows.
Now that I saw him fully, I understood why I was sore.
I looked up at him, my hands braced on my knees as I waited for instruction.
“God,” he breathed, shaking his head as he gazed down at me. “Just seeing you like that… I can’t…”
His words faded and I bit my lip, scooting a little closer, one hand tentatively reaching out, but I paused.
“Touch it.”
It was just a whisper, a plea, and when I wrapped my hand around the middle of him, he groaned, thrusting into my grip. It was what I imagined the first hit of a powerful drug to feel like, the first rush of heat and high. Being the one to elicit that sound from him made me want to stay on my knees forever.
Following the rhythm of his hips, I worked him with one hand, fist tightening slightly over the tip of him before working down to his base. Then, Emery reached for my chin, his fingers trailing the skin there before they ran across my lower lip. I kept my eyes on him, looking for approval as I leaned forward and touched my lips to his crown.
“Christ,” he cursed, flexing forward more. “Yes, like that. Take me in your mouth.”
It was strange, that I felt so much power. I was on my knees in front of him, smaller in every way, but power radiated through me at the sight of him bending to my touch, succumbing to the feel of me.
I still held him firmly with one hand, the other bracing on his thigh as I leaned forward more, my lips parting. I took him in a little, just enough for my lips to cover the tip of him. Just that contact elicited another groan from Emery, and when I opened my mouth, sliding him inside me slowly with one hand still at his base, he shuddered.
“Fuck,” he growled, his hands reaching for my hair. He gathered it at the back of my head before letting it fall again. It was like he wanted to grip it but thought better, pulling his hands up to run through his own strands, instead. “I thought going easy last night was hard, I have zero self-control right now.”
I swirled my tongue along his base, sucking him before letting go with a pop and connecting with his eyes again. “Show me. Help me suck your cock, Emery.”
It wasn’t like me to say the words, but they felt right, they felt sexy and powerful as they rolled off my lips. I didn’t even blush, just gazed up at him as I lowered my mouth again, taking him inside.
Emery groaned, one hand finding the back of my head and the other wrapping around my wrist as he guided me.
“Use your hand where your mouth doesn’t reach,” he said, twisting my wrist a little, showing me how to move it in time with my mouth. When I pulled my mouth off and ran my hand over the wet tip of him, spreading my saliva all the way down to his base before I bent forward and took him inside my mouth again, he cursed. “Yes, God, yes. Like that.”
His hips pushed forward, slow at first before he picked up speed, and when he held my head in place and rocked into my mouth hard, I gagged.
“Goddamn, that was so fucking sexy,” he breathed, head rolling back again. I couldn’t understand how, my eyes watering a little from the feel of him in my throat, but Emery was only staring down at me like I was the one he came to worship and he was somehow on the other side of it, a lucky fool to be standing in front of a goddess on her knees.
I moaned, the sound vibrating through him as I took him as deep as I could. I held him there, letting him rock into my throat until I couldn’t breathe, my eyes watering more as I pulled back with a gasp.
“Fuuuuck.” He dragged the word out, his thighs tense, hand twisting in my hair. He was close.
It was the sexiest thing I’d ever experienced, to have him on the brink of ecstasy at my touch. He gently grabbed my elbow, the one tied to the hand on his thigh, and I understood what he wanted without him even saying it. I pulled that hand to join the first, working them both in time with my mouth. Another moan ripped through him, his hips flexing, the power I felt surging.
I used my hands to cover every inch of him, the parts I couldn’t reach, and when I could, I took him deep again. I didn’t know it was possible, but he was growing even harder in my grasp, the length of him stiff and firm. When I glanced back up at him, his eyes locked with mine for a split second before he squeezed them shut on a curse.
“I’m coming,” he groaned, and I didn’t know what I was suppose
d to do. I thought of pulling back, of finishing him with my hands, but he never pulled back when I was finishing. If anything, he gave me more. So, I did the same, and Emery guided one of my hands under him to where his balls rested. I cupped them, a little unsure, and when I rolled them, he moaned my name and rocked into my hands, my mouth, holding me there with another grunt as he came.
I loved it, the final rush of power, the way he lost control of himself in that moment as he caught his release. I tasted him inside me, a new taste that reminded me of my own on his lips the night before. And when he finished, all of his muscles relaxing as he looked back down at me, the sensitive tip of him slipping from my lips, I did what felt right.
I swallowed.
And Emery collapsed.
“Jesus Christ,” he said, almost a laugh as his back hit the bed. I wiped at the corners of my mouth and crawled up to lie next to him, resting my head on his heaving chest as he pulled me closer. “You killed me. I knew it.”
I chuckled, blushing now that the moment was over and burying my face in his chest. My mascara stained his chest, wet from my eyes watering, and I wiped it away with one thumb.
“You liked that,” he mused, tilting my chin up so he could look in my eyes. “It turned you on, being on your knees for me.”
“Yes,” I breathed, and he pressed his mouth to mine, kissing me with a stiff inhale, his hands sliding down to my ass and grabbing hard. He didn’t say another word, just kissed me until exhaustion took over, our eyes fluttering shut, bodies heavy and sated.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that before a knock sounded at the door, and Emery peeled me off of him long enough to answer. It was our Chinese food, but he just placed it inside the mini fridge, crawling back into bed with me and pulling the comforter over us both. I felt his hand move down my thigh, clicking the button on my leg until it popped so he could slide it off. He peeled the socks and liner off next, reaching over me to let them all drop gently to the ground, and then he wrapped his arms around me and tugged me closer.
Summer Romance Box Set: 3 Bestselling Stand-Alone Romances: Weightless, Revelry, and On the Way to You Page 76
