And now I can make it up to her. I always did feel terrible about making her cry. It always made me cry then she’d feel bad that I was crying and give me another chance.
Of course, I’d always find my way right back into the arms of other females. But that’s not my fault. I think I’m wired a little different. That’s all.
But now I have my app and I can make this work and she’ll never be hurt by me again. My life has come full circle. It was her I developed the app for, anyway. So no one ever has to be hurt again.
I should get a humanity award or some shit!
She scoots all the way over. “So why do you look so rich, Jason?”
I scoot all the way over too and make sure some part of my body can touch as much of hers as possible. “Because I am.” I lean in and take a long sniff of her hair. “You smell amazing. I love your hair like that. You let it grow out all pretty.”
She looks up at me as I pull out one of the bobby pins holding it in place. After a few of them are removed, her hair cascades over her back and shoulders.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she asks me as I take in a deep breath.
“Smelling you. I missed the way you smell, Snuggle-monkey.”
With a roll of her eyes, she says, “Oh, so the women you mess around with don’t smell good. I highly doubt that.”
“Well, not like you do. So I have this awesome idea, Cherry-bomb.”
“I’m sure it’s a terrible idea.”
I kiss her cheek. “No, it’s awesome. I want you to give me another shot.”
“No way in hell.”
“That came out much too quickly. Now listen to me.” I take her hand in mine. “I can see that you still love me very, very much.”
“No, I hate you very, very much.” She puts her hand on my chin and makes me look at her. “I really, really do, Jason!”
Running my fingertip over her plump red lips, I say, “There’s a fine line between love and hate, Precious. Let’s just say that you have a lot of emotion when you think about me.”
She nods. “All negative emotions. Yes, I do have many negative emotions when I think about you. Like right now your hand is resting on my knee and if I had a hatchet, I’d chop your arm off.”
I find myself laughing. “Hey, let’s get a hamburger and fries and some chocolate shakes like we used to down at the Dairy Burger. I know they don’t have one here, but we can pretend.”
“I don’t eat carbs.” She looks away from me. “Or sugar.”
“That’s why you’re too skinny.” I run my hand over her flat stomach. “Donovan, to the best burger joint you know of, please.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Jason, why are you doing this. I’m never going to take you back. You see, I’m the one who breaks hearts now.” She looks at me and I can see hardness behind the eyes I used to only see sweetness in.
“I saw that. You were willing to take that sweet guy home and fuck his brains out just to make me jealous. Then you were going to send him on his way with no clue as to why you did that.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t know why I was taking him home. I was thinking he’d make a great boyfriend. He really lit my fire. You have no idea.”
I laugh. “Oh yeah? How come you don’t have a boyfriend. You were grade-A, prime girlfriend material. Why no man?”
She looks at me long and hard before she answers me. A glimmer of unshed tears fills her eyes. “Jason, surely you of all people understand why that is.”
“I’m clueless, Sweetheart.”
“Because you showed me men can’t be faithful so why should I bother.”
My whole body goes numb. I never meant for her to turn into me. “Baby, just because I had my issues doesn’t mean all men are like that. Some can be faithful. I never meant to make you think like that.”
She looks off and then back at me and one tear falls down her cheek. “You made me believe you loved me.”
Taking her by the shoulders, I say, “Baby, I did love you. That was never a lie. I still do love you.”
“Then why was I never enough?” She sits and waits for an answer I just don’t have.
“I wish I knew.” I let her go.
I feel like a pile of dog shit. A stinky, yucky, oozing pile of nasty-ass dog shit.
What did I do to the sweet girl I knew?
“You see,” she says as she pats my leg. “Men can’t be trusted. I knew you loved me. I knew you had to have loved me. I loved you more than I knew was possible. We liked the same things. We had a great connection. Laughed at the same things. Everything was right. I thought you would even marry me one day, and we’d have a family. When I gave up on you, Jason, I gave up on men.”
“So you use them now the way you thought I used you?” I look out the window and really want to beat the hell out of myself for making such a wonderful girl into a robot much like myself
“Men are useful for some things. Just getting attached to them is dangerous. So I don’t get attached. I keep enough around to do what I need to be done on occasion. Fulfill my sexual needs. Be a date for me when I need one. That sort of stuff. Never do I let them get inside my heart. That thing has been closed up since I was nineteen and found you with Lana Peterson. Her ass was in the air as her head bobbed up and down in your lap as you sat in your truck only yards away from my house.”
“It was dark. I didn’t think you would see,” I say as I continue to look out the window. “I was about to come and get you and take you to the airport to get on that plane to Lubbock so you could leave for college. Only you were so mad, you wouldn’t let me after you caught that little stunt.”
“That little stunt, as you so casually put it, was the final dagger to my heart. It ended the feelings that used to flow so easily through it.” Her voice goes low and deep. “My heart turned dark and was sour for a long time. Then it stopped being so sour and just went cold. Now I can walk away from any man. No matter how nice he is. I don’t trust nice. You were nice.”
“I was, wasn’t I?”
“You were. You were very nice. You helped my dad mow the yard so many times. You helped me do dishes. You came early and picked me up for school and made sure you came over right after you got off of work. Do you remember those hot showers we would take when you got there? My parents were both still at work and we were alone until seven each night.”
“You would scrub my back and we’d make crazy love every single night. It was amazing, and I did love your ass, Britt. I did. I wish I knew why I felt like I needed more.”
“Me too.”
A few tears have escaped and I wipe them away and turn to her, taking her hands into mine. “Brittany Caldwell, will you please help the man you loved once upon a time?”
She makes a deep sigh. “If I knew how to help you, I would, Jason. There’s nothing I’d love more than to have you in my life. No man has ever made me feel the way you have. And I mean that in the best and worst ways.”
“How?”
“I mean you took me to heights no one else has. You were the best lover I’ve ever had and now I’ve had many to compare you too. You always made me the happiest I’ve ever been. You also took me to lows no one ever has. I can’t go to that place again. I’m not the girl you knew. I’ve changed. You’d hate the me I’ve become. I know you would.”
And for the first time ever, my heart is officially broken by what I’ve done.
How can I fix this?
Chapter 4
BRITTANY
Just like when I was a damn naïve young woman, Jason has managed to make me feel sorry for his cheating ass. I don’t know how he does it. I also don’t know how he has me eating carbs and sugars.
I stopped eating them three years ago and have stayed very true to that way of eating and in one fail swoop, he’s managed to get the food I thought of as nasty into my mouth again.
The fluorescent lights which are always so brutal to most people, making them look nowhere near as attractive as the
y are in any other light, seem to make the man who’s sitting so close to me I can hear him chewing his food, still look hot as hell.
He places a French fry to my closed lips. “Have one more, Baby. They’re good and you know it.”
Opening my mouth to tell him five fries is more than enough for me, he pops it into my mouth before I can get the words out. I chew it up and glare at him then swallow and say, “Look, Jason, I eat differently now. Okay? I do everything differently now.”
“I bet you do.” His eyes move over me. “I can’t wait for you to show me what all you do differently now.” He growls and in usual Jason fashion turns whatever I say into something sexual.
“Child!” I say then take a drink of the water I made him get me.
“Speaking of children, Honeybunch. When were you planning on having any?” he asks then takes a giant bite of his cheeseburger.
“Why do you care?” I take another drink of my water as I watch him chew.
He shrugs. “Don’t know. Just wondering is all. Can’t I wonder about the first woman I ever loved? The only woman, really. I’ve uttered the words to others, but I only meant them when I said them to you. That has to count for something. Don’t you think?”
“If I could believe a word that comes out of your mouth this conversation might be worth participating in. Since I can’t, it isn’t.” I look away from him and hear him snickering.
“You can’t believe a word I say, huh?” His fingertips move down my arm, making little chilly sparks flash through me. “The only lies I told you were so you wouldn’t be hurt. Does that make me the monster you’re making me out to be?”
His logic makes me dizzy and pissed. “Jason, if you didn’t fuck other women those lies wouldn’t have been necessary.”
“I know that.” He looks the tiniest bit sheepish. “Britt, you know me better than anyone. You know my faults, my weaknesses. And now you seem to have grown a thicker skin than you once had. I think we would work this time around. Both of us are more mature. Both have made something out of ourselves.”
“Speaking of that. You know how I made my money by designing award-winning book covers. Now how did you manage to gain your wealthy status if you don’t mind my asking?”
Taking out his cell phone he holds out his hand, wiggling his long fingers. “Give me your phone, Sweet Pea.”
“Ha! No.” I tap my fingers on the table top and frown at the man who thinks he can move right back into the same spot with me as we were way back then.
Turning his phone around, he shows me the screen. There’s a set of a woman’s long legs on the screen and the capital letters P and H. “Welcome to the Polyamory Handler, Britt. This is how I made my money. It’s a little genius app I created.”
“Polyamory?” I look at the screen and see where it has a wolf on it that looks as if it's whistling.
“That’s the name of a lifestyle that some people like to lead. And by the way you’re talking, you’re one of the people who are actively living that exact lifestyle.” He taps the screen and several green blinking dots are on a map.
As I look closer, I can see the street names and the dots are right here in New York City. “And what kind of lifestyle am I living?”
“You said it yourself. You’re seeing more than one man.” He taps the screen again and holds the phone up and takes a picture of me.
“Stop that!” I try to grab the camera and he pulls it back so I can’t.
“You will be my new number one in New York. What do you think about that, Sweetcakes?” He taps something on his phone. My name, most likely. “Hell, you know what, I’m making you my number one of them all. That’s quite an accomplishment being I haven’t even found out if you’re still a great roll in the hay. I’m sure you are. I taught you after all.”
With a laugh, I say, “You won’t be finding that out. Make me your number zero, Jason. I’m not about to become a number on any list of yours.”
He cocks his head, making the light above us catch his damn gorgeous eyes. “Baby, why are you playing so hard to get? You know you want a piece of this as much as I want a piece of that.”
He has such nerve and audacity!
My finger starts wagging in his face as I say, “Listen to me, Mister. I don’t want a piece of you. I’ve had it and the sides that come with that make me sick. And as far as you wanting a piece of me, well, that’s no big surprise. I’ve seen you glance at three other females in this establishment in the half hour we’ve been here.”
He looks at me with so much surprise on his handsome face it makes me want to knock the expression right off it. He takes my finger and pulls my hand to his face. I gulp as he puts my finger in his mouth and twirls his tongue around it while he looks right at me.
My stomach goes very tight and I have to clamp my knees together to stop myself from spreading my legs right her for the damn man. “Jason, stop.” It comes out in a moan and now his eyes are lighting up.
Taking my finger out of his mouth, he smiles at me. “Britt, you were going to take that guy home and sleep with him, anyway. Sex was on your agenda. Just let it be with me instead of the dude you didn’t even know.”
“No.” I stare at him and hold my jaw firm.
“Yes, Baby. What’s the difference?” His dark eyebrows arch up with his question.
“Because he meant nothing to me and you do.”
We stare at each other for what seems like forever. His hand moves over my cheek and he pulls me to him.
I don’t know why I’m letting him do this. Kissing him is the worst idea in the history of ideas. He takes my lips but only barely.
An ache begins in them. They want to feel his soft lips on them so damn bad. But he holds them just a hair away from mine. Then he pulls back and looks at me.
“You know you want me.”
I nod. “So?”
“Just give in.”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
He lets my face go and leans his elbow on the table and props his head in his hand. “Britt, you told me your heart is cold now. You’re all dead inside now because of what I did to you. Let me fix you. The idea of you living a lonely life with no husband and family is just too much for me to have on my back. I had no intention of fucking up your entire life. Give me a chance to fix you. What do you have to lose? You said it yourself, your heart is already hard, I can’t make it any harder, can I?”
“I think you can, Jason. I think you are the one person who can make it even worse. To be on your roster isn’t a thing I want. You see, I want to be your one and only or nothing at all.” I look at him and let my words sink in.
He looks at me then looks at the other women in the little café. Then his eyes come back to me. “What if I let all the others go? Then would you give me a shot?”
I shake my head. “We both know you’d get a new set. You can’t be monogamous.”
He lets out a loud huff. “Look, Britt, you aren’t even into monogamy either so what’s the big deal?”
“I wish you could understand me. With you, I can’t deal with sharing you with other women. End of story, Jason.” I look away and see a woman looking at Jason very openly. So I ask her, “Would you like to take my place here, lady?”
She nods. “In a heartbeat. I’ve never seen a man that damn good looking having to beg any woman for anything. He’s all but getting on his knees for your stubborn ass. If you don’t want him, get the hell out of the way. I’ll give him what he wants.”
I look back at Jason who is only looking at me, this time, anyway. “And that, in a nutshell, is why I don’t want to start anything up with you again. Women throw themselves at you for some reason. It’s like you give off this pheromone that calls out to them. And I can’t take it.”
With a long sigh, I get up and start to walk out of the café. My hand hits the door and I feel him right behind me. “I can stop. I can see only you, Britt. I can.”
I don’t even look back. “Why would you even want to try to
do that? You get more ass than most men even care to have.”
His hands move around my waist as he nuzzles my neck. “I only want you. I didn’t realize it until I saw you again. But you’re the only one I want.”
An evil plan starts to build in my head and it makes me kind of ashamed of myself for even letting the idea flit through my head. “Let’s go to your car, Jason. I’d like to make you an offer.”
He takes my hand and pulls me out of the café. With long strides, he leads me to his car, and the driver jumps out to open the door for us. I slide inside and he gets in behind me, looking at me with a lot of hope in his eyes.
We’ll see if that hope stays there when I tell him what my offer is. Because I don’t see this super alpha male accepting what I’m about to put on the table.
At least once he rejects the offer then I can go home and this little scene will be over for good. The fact is, I’ve always had a super weakness for this man and the longer I spend around him the harder it is to stop myself from giving into what my body wants.
Jason’s touch has always worked magic on me and my body is begging my brain to give in. Only my brain knows the aftermath of being with Jason. It’s heartbreaking, mind-numbing, horrific pain.
“Tell me, Baby,” he says as he takes both of my hands in his and we take off.
“First, I want you to take me to your place.”
“Donovan, home please.”
His driver answers quickly, “Yes, sir.”
“What else, Baby?” he looks at me with a weird little nervousness to his handsome face. “Anything you ask me is a yes, just so you know.”
We’ll see about that.
“I want you to see me and only me.”
He nods. “Not a problem. I can do that.”
“And I’ll continue to do whatever and whoever I want to.”
His gorgeous face falls with my words. “What?”
Chapter 5
JASON
“No,” I tell her as she’s just said the most ludicrous shit I’ve ever heard. “What makes you think I can stand to see you with anyone else, either?”
The Shameless Billionaire Series: Billionaire Romance Box Set (An Alpha-Male, Billionaire, Bad Boy, Bad Girl, Romance) Page 3
