by Karen Abbott
She lay in her bed, wide-eyed, her hands clasped behind her head, staring through the small window into the steadily darkening sky. Sleep was impossible. She heard Lys come in and pretended to be asleep when Lys gently pushed open her bedroom door to make sure she was there, ignoring the quiet “Goodnight!” that Lys whispered.
She spent much of the long night going over her involvement with Alex and Christian. On one front, her involvement was slight, even though their first meeting had been unconventional and fairly traumatic. Was that why it had made such an impact on her life?
Since then, their meetings had been of a casual nature and, apart from once having lunch with Alex, they had been brief and almost businesslike … apart from that one kiss. Her lips curved into a faint smile as she relived the memory and she once more traced the kiss with the tips of her fingers.
It had been no more than an irrational, spontaneous reaction to the excitement of the occasion, she told herself sharply! It meant nothing whatsoever to Alex! And even less to her!
But she knew that that was untrue. It had meant everything to her. It had brought her true feelings for Alex into the open … for her, at least. She had enjoyed his kiss. She had wanted it to go on and on … and she wanted it to happen again!
There! She had admitted it!
Something leaped between them every time they met. It did for her, anyway! The question was, was it the same for Alex? She couldn’t be sure … and his reaction after kissing her wasn’t exactly the reaction of a man smitten by love!
She sighed. She would have to accept that she was experiencing a one-way love affair
But people don’t really fall in love so quickly, she reasoned. At least, not ordinary people like herself.
The memory of Xavier’s ‘coup de foudre’ sprang into her mind. A ‘bolt of lightning’, he had said! It had happened to Xavier … but, then, he was artistic. Artistic people were more open to the extremes of emotion, weren’t they? Look how he had spoken of the depth of emotion he experienced when he was painting in acrylics! The emotion that was apparent even to her untutored eyes in the picture of the storm!
Had Lys fallen in love as quickly? She hadn’t said so. She’d talked of how annoyed she had felt at their first meeting … yet she said it with a dreamy smile on her face, almost as if she were seeing it differently in retrospect.
And then, there was all this nonsense about clowns! Why shouldn’t Alex have a clown outfit to amuse his son? It didn’t need to have a more sinister meaning, did it?
And yet, it did! It lurked in the back of her mind all the time. What was she to do? If she challenged Alex … and he if were guilty … she would either have to end all association with him there and then—or, agree to accept his guilt and get into a deeper relationship with him … and become an accomplice after the fact. Wasn’t that the legal term? An accomplice after the fact to bank robbery and murder!
If he were innocent ... and surely, surely, he was! … he would despise her suspicions of him and wouldn’t want to have anything more to do with her. Could she face that?
She decided she couldn’t.
Oh, she wasn’t sure that what she felt for him was love! How could she know? It was far too soon. And she couldn’t risk getting too attached to Christian … or him to her … until she was sure. But—and it was a very big but—she wanted the chance to find out. Surely there was no harm in that? They needed time, both of them. So, she had to keep that information to herself and hope that Christian didn’t mention it either. Oh, dear! She was even involving a child in deceit! How low had she sunk!
She seemed to lie awake for ages and, when sleep finally settled upon her, she slept restlessly. When she awoke the following day she felt worse than if she had a night on the tiles. Not that she really knew what that felt like … but, having been a student, she had known the occasional evening spent drinking too much wine … and the thick head of the morning after. This was the thick head without the pleasure of the wine!
Lys greeted her enthusiastically. She had had a successful day at Marans at the Moulin Beauregard and felt confident that they were on the right lines here at Le Deu.
“The visitors wanted to know about the history of the windmill, as well as how it worked,” she explained, too thrilled by the success of her visit to notice Dani’s uncharacteristic quietness. “Someone in each group seemed to ask the right questions and Rodrigue, the main guide, could explain and describe everything … either simply for some people, or in more depth for others. They didn’t have much in the way of souvenirs or crafts on sale and they were quite interested to hear what we are planning to do.”
She laughed delightedly. “I said they could come and see us in a few weeks time and they said they probably will! We’re almost famous before we’ve even started!”
Lys looked over Dani’s printed leaflets and gave her the go-ahead to run them off on the printer they had installed in the rear portion of what was beginning to take shape as the craft shop.
The printer was churning out the third batch when Alex’s car pulled into the car park.
“You’ve got a visitor, Dani!” Lys called out with a grin. “Look sharp, now! Don’t keep the man waiting!”
Dani’s heart skipped a beat. This was ‘make-your-mind-up’ time. She could either tell him that she didn’t think it was such a good idea for them to pursue their relationship any further … and risk him saying, ‘What relationship?’ … Or she could pretend nothing had happened and agree to do whatever he had come to ask.
Her face must have betrayed some of her feelings because, when she stepped outside to meet him, Alex strode towards her, his hands outstretched, saying, “Dani! My most humble apologies! Whatever must you think of me and the haphazard arrangements I seem to be forever making for Christian’s care? Forgive me once again for involving you in such a way!”
Dani swallowed hard, her night-long turmoil still unresolved.
“That’s all right,” she said weakly, wondering how her hands had come to be held in Alex’s firm grasp. “I felt bad about not being able to help you when you came earlier yesterday afternoon … and I just wanted to make sure you had managed to arrange something.”
“And found that little minx, Brigitte, holding the fort! She was the best I could do at such short notice. Would you believe that she’s already been for her money! She earns nearly as much as I do!”
His easy grin took some severity out of his words and Dani knew it was only small-talk. Feeling completely un-nerved by his closeness, her various strategies having flown right out of her mind, she merely gabbled, “You pay her too much! She takes advantage of your generosity!”
Alex gently squeezed her hands, his eyes dark and serious.
“Nothing is too much where Christian is concerned … but I agree that Brigitte takes advantage. I wish I didn’t need to engage her services. Christian doesn’t really take to her … like he has to you. He has become quite attached to you. I don’t suppose …?”
He left his sentence unfinished, although Dani wasn’t really aware of that. All she knew was that all of her body was trembling. What was the matter with her?
His eyes held hers and she wondered why she hadn’t realised before just how dark they were. They seemed to be as dark as the midnight sky and her mind was whisked back to the day of the Carnival … and her impromptu whirling jig with the orange-haired clown with his dark laughing eyes.
“It was you, wasn’t it!” she burst out without thinking, her face flushing with the realisation. Christian had said his dad was there! Why hadn’t it occurred to her before? Ashamedly, she knew the reason—she had been too ready to look for a sinister reason for the clown suit belonging to Alex. How could she?
Alex was smiling sheepishly at her, looking a little discomfited.
“What was me?” he asked, without regard to grammar, his voice betraying that he knew the answer.
Dani’s mind felt relieved from all her suspicions. There was no bad motive for the clown
outfit hanging in the cupboard at his home. He had been part of the Carnival procession … that was all!
“The clown at the Carnival! You danced with me! Why didn’t you say? You must have recognised me when we met later!”
Alex’s beguiling awkwardness increased, melting her reserves yet further. He shrugged his shoulders helplessly.
“When I met you with Christian, it was hardly the best of times to acknowledge our earlier encounter. I was breathing fire, remember! And, afterwards, the moment seemed to have passed. I didn’t want to place you under any sense of obligation to me.” He smiled wryly. “Nor did I want to discover that our caper had had no meaning to you.”
He hesitated, then added softly, “It did to me, you see.”
His eyes once again seemed to glow with an indefinable light and Dani felt a swirl of melting fire spiral through her.
“It … it did to me, as well,” she confessed hesitantly. “When you let go of my hands and danced away, it felt as though I had lost someone special.”
“I kept wondering if you would recognise me again … and was disappointed when you didn’t. It made me think I had imagined it … or that it had affected only me!”
“Something was there, though,” Dani said in wonder. “But I didn’t recognise it as being the same. I’ve been fighting it, really.”
“And now?”
Dani felt some of the elation drain from her. There were still reservations to consider. Christian, for one thing. Alex had already said how attached to her Christian was becoming. What if things didn’t work out between her and Alex? It would be a double blow to the child.
“I’m … not sure,” she said flatly. “There’s Christian …”
She feared that Alex might misunderstand her meaning … perhaps thinking that she didn’t feel she could take to the child … but he didn’t. His face sobered.
“Yes. He’s desperate to have a new maman. It’s not that he’s forgotten Trudi, really. Although I’m sure his memory of her is fading. He misses the intensity of the love she gave him. A father’s love is different and I sometimes find it hard to be both father and mother to him. However,” he added pointedly, “I am not on the lookout for a new mother for Christian … but, rather, a new wife for myself.”
He looked intently into her eyes. “She will have to be a very special person,” he said softly. “She will have to fulfil both parts, you see.”
Her heart lurched.
“And you’re not sure that I can do that?”
“I think you probably can … but that puts you under an impossible strain. No room for error. No room for second thoughts.”
Dani nodded. His reservations matched her own so neatly. She thought she knew … but what if she were wrong?
“So, what do we do?” she asked quietly, her heart filling with hopelessness. Were they to lose their chance of happiness for fear of making a mistake? “Do we stop before we begin? Is that what you’re saying?”
A sort of pain gripped her heart. Not a physical pain, nothing like that. It was an emotional pain … a pain of fear of loss and she felt the strength flowing out of her body.
Somehow, Alex was aware of the pain that gripped her ... it matched the anguish in his own heart. Impulsively, he enveloped her in his arms.
“No, no, my love!”
His hands caressed her back, her arms, her hair. He buried his face into hair and breathed in the scent of it. Feeling a tremor pass through her body, he gently took hold of her chin and tilted her face up towards him. He caressed her cheeks with his fingertips, drawing a line along her cheekbones until he reached her trembling mouth … and traced around her lips, almost overcome by the depth of his feelings for her.
He hadn’t meant to kiss her out here in the middle of the deserted car park but he was unable to stop himself. His lips found hers and they kissed with an intensity that rocked his senses. Dani’s response equalled his own … each had a hunger for the other and felt transported in rapture, oblivious to their surroundings.
It had to end. They breathlessly drew apart, laughing with joy at the delight they had experienced.
“Oh, no, my love,” Alex repeated, this time with a sense of wonder in his voice. “It would be impossible to stop! You’ve lit a raging fire within me that I never thought to experience.”
Even as he spoke the words, he realised that he couldn’t add, ‘again’, because even his love for Trudi had never quite raged like this … maybe because it had happened more gradually … and had fewer problems in its way.
“Loving brings risks,” he mused, “… but I’m willing to take them. How about you?”
Dani nodded, her eyes sombre. “Yes. I’ve been trying to deny that I was falling in love with you. Fighting it, even … but I can’t fight it any longer, not after a kiss like that!”
She shook her head, as if recognising the foolishness of fighting such a force. “But we must go carefully,” she insisted, still having reservations about being able to be a capable mother to a vulnerable four-year child. She was amazed that her mind could be capable of being so practical … when her body felt anything but! “We mustn’t risk building up Christian’s hopes and hurting him.”
“Agreed! I don’t want to risk hurting you, either,” he said, smiling tenderly at her. “I’ve been married before but you haven’t … and I respect that. I’ll not compromise you in any way … but I do have a proposition to put to you.”
His eyes searched hers for permission to proceed and continued, “I can’t let things go on in the haphazard way I have been doing. Just for the next few weeks, I need a ‘live-in’ carer for Christian. Brigitte’s no use. She’s much too flighty and I honestly believe she puts Christian at risk. I can’t have that. Madame Toussaint has been wonderful … almost like the grandmother he hasn’t got. But she has other responsibilities and is too elderly to be a full-time carer.”
He hardly dared to continue. He knew he would be asking a lot of Dani but he hoped she wouldn’t refuse him out of hand.
“This has nothing to do with us discovering how we feel about each other,” he began firmly. “It was the real purpose of my visit … until we got sidetracked.”
Again he hesitated but knew he had to go on.
“The thing is, Dani, will you consider being Christian’s full-time carer?”
Chapter 8
His question seemed to hang in the air between them. Dani’s face betrayed her complete amazement and Alex knew he had to follow up his opening gambit with a few details … in order to make his proposition completely clear.
“I would want you to live in, if you agree to my proposition, but I assure you that it will be totally a business deal.”
He smiled faintly.
“I’ve been without a wife for a year. I can manage to control my emotions for a while longer. I’m saying this to assure you that my intentions are completely honourable. I wouldn’t expose my son to anything I would be ashamed of him knowing at a later date. Nor would I wish to put you under any sense of impropriety.”
He knew he had ended on a slightly defensive note and awaited Dani’s reply with some anxiety. She looked absolutely dumbfounded and he wondered if he had been too hasty in asking it of her. Maybe he should have left it for a day or two, to let her get used to their mutual attraction being openly admitted?
He held his breath as Dani considered what he had asked of her.
Slowly, she nodded.
“I’ll have to clear it with Lys, of course. She was willing to give me a job when I didn’t have one and I don’t want to let her down … but now all the leaflets are ready and I’ve got things moving with the crafts, really, anyone could take over. I’m sure Lys will want to be in charge of ordering, anyway. I’d only be looking after the shop during hours of opening.”
When it was put to her, Lys wasn’t totally surprised by Dani’s request. She had seen the intense embrace and was already grinning at her friend as Dani approached her.
“I take it the
two of you have sorted things out between you!” she greeted her. “That was some kiss! Here, give me your wrist! I’d better check on your pulse rate!”
“Stupid!” Dani retorted, blushing again. “Anyway, I need to ask a favour. You must say if you don’t agree. Alex wants me to become Christian’s full-time child-minder for the rest of the summer. His other arrangements haven’t been working out and he’s at his wits end about it. What do you think?”
Lys raised her eyebrows.
“Is this another way of saying you’re moving in with him?”
“No!” Dani’s voice was adamant. “I know lots of people do … but we both decided we didn’t want to, years ago, didn’t we? What about you and Xavier?”
“Same thing. We’ve both got enough on for the summer … and it feels too permanent between us to want to go into it too casually. So, what’s your plan?”
“Alex wants me to live in, so that I’m there first thing in the morning and during the night. The thing is, what about the work here? I’ve set things up with regards to supplies with the artisans at the port and your leaflets are all printed … we were going to go out and paste them around the different tourist spots, weren’t we? I’ll probably still be able to help with that.” She hesitated a moment. “Will you be able to manage without me in the shop? I’ll tell him, ‘no’, if you can’t … or if you need time to get someone.”
“Idiot! Of course we’ll manage! I’d have had to get someone if you hadn’t come along when you did, anyway. As it is, I’ve had your input into setting everything up … and that’s a bonus I wasn’t expecting.”
Lys impulsively hugged her friend.
“Go for it, kid! He seems nice and Christian obviously likes you … and you’ve got a ‘retreat’ to come running back to if things don’t work out. Go with my blessing!”
She raised her head and waved to Alex, who had hung back, wanting to let Dani and Lys sort it out between themselves.
“Take good care of her … or I’ll set my mates onto you!” Lys warned jokingly.
