by Piper Frost
Her eyes narrow at me and she moves her hand from my arm. "Talking to an ex just to spite my friendship with one of my closest friends isn't right, Bo. That's just mean spirited. Chase means no harm. It's actually nice having someone in this house that isn't being a dick to me just for trying." She pushes off the bed to stand. "I'll bring you more meds before the pain gets outta control."
"Maybe you should head to his house if I'm a dick," I mutter. "Heads up would have been nice, Kinlee. That’s all I'm asking while I'm laid up in bed unable to know what's goin' on beyond that fuckin' door."
"I didn't know he was comin' over till he knocked on the front door, Bo," she hisses. "Maybe you should stop talkin' before you dig yourself a hole so deep you can't get out of it." She walks out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
I'm already in a fuckin' hole I can't get out of. And I'm not sorry I'm pissed he's here. He's concerned enough he's cozying up to them, but don't make his presence known in my house. The asshole's got my number. And apparently she gave him my address.
When she returns ten minutes later, she has pain pills and milk. "Come on, let's sit you up so you can take these." She sets the pills on the table and rests her hands on her hips, staring at me like I'm useless. Or maybe that's just what I think. "I'm sorry, Bo. I hate you feel that way about Chase, so I'm sorry you're uncomfortable. I wish you understood our friendship more."
"I don't need to understand nothin' more, Kinlee." I'm no help whatsoever as she gets on the bed and starts moving me to a sitting position. With her help, I can sit up, but I can't get into the position on my own. "I grew up with him. I know who he is, what he's about. I don't want to hear nothing else about it. Thank you for these." With my left hand, I take the pills from her palm, almost dropping them.
"You're welcome," she whispers, setting the cup on the nightstand after I swallow my pills. "Try to rest, okay?" After helping me lay back down, she pushes her lips to mine. "I love you, Bo."
I move as quick as I possibly can to grab her arm and look into her eyes. She means the damn words and I don't know how. How can you love a useless man?
"I love you too." I glance toward the open door when I hear the twins' laughter before the front door slams. Maybe they took Chase with them. I'm sure they prefer his company over mine lately.
After making sure my pillows are situated so I'm comfortable, she smiles at me, but I don't bother with a reaction. "I'm gonna go clean up before they get back inside. The four of us have a movie afternoon planned."
Them kids don't want to be trapped at my side forced to watch a movie. They want activity and fun. She heads out, leaving the door cracked this time and I close my eyes trying to fall asleep. Trying to ignore the fact that man's in my house and I'm stuck in here like an invalid.
"I think maybe you should head out, Chase," I hear Kinlee say, and my eyes fly open.
"I just got here a little bit ago," he retorts.
"I know..." Her voice is muffled then I hear, "Next time you should call first too."
"I never called before." He chuckles and I would love to punch the smug look I know is on his face right now. "Sunday breakfast."
"Chase, it's been months since we've had a Sunday breakfast. And that was at my house. It's different now," she says, trying to whisper but her voice travels more than she thinks it does. I move slowly for my phone, trying not to roll out of this damn bed. When I grab it, I'm not in the most comfortable position anymore, but I'll deal with that later. I pull up the security camera app and find which room she's in. There are only a few cameras around the house, all pointed at the doors to get in and out, and I find her in the kitchen at the back door with the asshole.
"Different how? I don't think Bo moved you in here thinking this is his house you're living in. When you move in a girlfriend, the house becomes one." He's right there. "At least that's the kind of love I'm used to. Maybe you don't belong here, Kinlee." But completely wrong there.
"Don't tell me where I belong, Chase. You know exactly what I'm talkin' about. Bo's laid up in bed, we got shit everywhere because the kids don't pick up after themselves. I'm exhausted and burnin' both ends rapidly. I'd just like a text or a call first, making sure it's all good. Common courtesy, that's all."
"You know I've never really been courteous." He chuckles and that's the damn truth. "Next time I'll call. Tell Bo I said take it easy. And maybe I'll see you again one day," he mumbles in a sulky tone. He's got the right idea with the wrong words and that's why I don't want him here.
"Why's it sound like you're plannin' on never seeing me again? I thought we were better friends than that. But the minute I ask for a warning before you show up at my house on a morning when I haven't had time or energy to shower you suddenly twist it like I'm sayin' I never want to see you again."
If I could move, I'd be up and throwing him out the door for upsetting her. I've already pissed her off, he don't need to set her over.
"Come on, Kinlee. Ever since Bo came back, you and the twins haven't had much time for anyone else. I get it. No hard feelings. You're still my best friend. Always will be." His muffled voice sounds like he's hugging her and I almost roll off the bed...but I'd never get back up.
"Yeah, sure," she mumbles. "I gotta get this place cleaned up. I'll talk to you later." She pulls the kitchen door open and looks down like she can't face him while kicking him out.
"Maybe you should take into consideration your future, Kinlee. You're not a housewife. You don't always have to take care of everyone else." His yelled words carry and she shoves the door closed right after he steps out onto the deck.
I close my eyes and grit my teeth, until I hear a strange noise drift up the stairs. I focus on the screen of my phone and see her hands are clamped over her mouth while she tries to muffle the sounds of her crying. She's in full-blown tears over that asshole! I'll kill him if I can ever walk again! I wish she would realize he ain't worth her damn tears! Fuck, it's so frustrating I can't even get out of this bed to go to her! When she leans against the wall and slides down it, dropping her head, I can hear her whispering but can't make out what she's saying. I really shouldn't invade her privacy, but I gotta know what she's saying. I turn the sound up on the camera and hold the phone close enough to my ear that I can still see her while she's breaking down. I can faintly make out what she's whispering.
"It's gonna be fine," she whispers to herself. "So fine. Perfect. He'll be fine." I watch her rub her face and swipe at her cheeks before letting her head fall back against the wall. "Or it's not and this is about as good as it's gonna get," she cries, covering her mouth with her hand again.
I close my eyes. This is only going to get worse. Chase was right about her future. This ain't a future for her. Moving me, adjusting me. Helping me to the bathroom and cleaning up after me. I need a trained nurse, not my girlfriend to act like one and wreck herself over it. I open my eyes and on the screen I see her get to her feet, pulling her phone from her pocket. It’s probably Chase calling to apologize and that pisses me off too. He was right and now he just needs to go away.
"Hey, Jo," she says, mussing with her hair as she leans back against the doorframe. "No, everything's good." She squeezes her eyes closed and pushes her lips together. "I promise, it's fine.” Her face twists before she lets out a quiet sob. "He's upstairs. And I don't know what to do for him anymore. I'm trying. I love the man, but he's been so angry lately. He's not the Bo that he was before the accident and I'm starting to worry we're never getting him back."
She's right, the old me is never coming back. I'm never going to walk again! I'll never be able to move half my body again! I don't even know if my fucking dick works anymore because the thought of intimacy with her makes everything hurt. She won't even fucking look at me like I'm anything more than a patient. Like she'll break me if she touches me wrong.
"I don't know how he feels. He won't even talk to me. I know he's mad about it all. I know he hates the situation, but he's not been in a talking mood late
ly. It's just hard. And I'm not giving up on him, because I love him. But...I'm tired. I'm tired of not being looked at like his girlfriend. I mean, I'm happy he's alive. I wouldn't have made it if he hadn’t come out of surgery, but playing nurse and turning into his caretaker... God, I sound like such a bitch."
I put my phone down and lean my head back. This isn't a life for her anymore. I’ll be damned if my girlfriend is going to be held back by being my caretaker.
Only a few minutes later, my phone rings and it’s Jo. I take a deep breath before answering.
“Are you walking yet?” she asks when I answer. My silence makes her chuckle. “Too soon?”
“What’s up, Jo?”
“Seriously, how are you feeling?”
“Useless. Crippled. Paralyzed. Dead.”
“Well then.” She clears her throat. “How’s Kinlee?”
I want to tell her to cut the shit, that I know they just talked, but I don’t bother.
“Kinlee? Who’s that? Oh, is that my nurse? She’s good at her job. Seems that’s about it anymore.”
“Bo.” She huffs.
“Jo.” I mock her.
“So why don’t you hire a damn nurse?”
“She won’t let me,” I growl. “Jo, I’m not much up for talking.”
“Hey, I’m never up for talking but people make me, so I’m going to do it to you.”
“Jolene.” When I use her full name, she gasps and a small smirk pulls at my lips.
“Seriously though. Why don’t you hire a nurse? It’ll make you feel better your girlfriend isn’t your caretaker, and it’ll relieve Kinlee some.” We sit in silence for a few minutes. “Hello?”
“I’m gonna go back to Mercy Rehab.”
“Probably not the same kind of rehab I’ve been to, but that’s not a bad idea.”
I snort a chuckle and shake my head. “Jo, please. I gotta go.”
“Whoa, whoa, hang on. What’s Mercy? Is that where you went for your back the first time?”
“Yep. It’s a fucking resort compared to this shit hole.” I look around my bedroom. God, I loved this fucking room, especially once Kinlee made it homier, but I can’t stand this house anymore. I can’t stand this town. These people. I can’t stand myself and I wish I hadn’t pulled through.
“Bo, why’re you so fucking angry?” she asks like I don’t have a right.
“Once something like this happens to you, get back to me.” I almost hang up but I grit my teeth and close my eyes.
“You know what? You’re not the only person in the world, Bobby. You’re not the only person that’s been dealt a shit hand and has had hardships. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It makes you suck really bad. You do need to go to that center and when you come back, make sure you’re Bo, not this asshole. Kinlee’s had enough shit in her life to deal with. She doesn’t need to deal with your shitty attitude too.”
“You’re absolutely right. Nice chat, Jo.”
There's only one way to get through to Kinlee. She wouldn't let me hire a nurse even if I begged her. She says this brings us closer, but this is not how I want to get close to my girl. I'm all for her bathing with me. Washing my body. But not in this way. The first time she had to do it, I knew we'd probably never have sex again. You can't come back from this. She's the person I trust most. She knows more about me and my body than anyone else, but my dignity is no longer intact after this. This doesn't make us closer. It just makes me hate this life even more. Makes me hate myself, and I can picture continuing on like this and eventually hating her.
I was supposed to care for her! Not the other way around. If roles were reversed, I'd be there, but I guess this is where I'm a sexist prick. I was put on this earth to take care of that girl in any way she needs, not the other way around. I'm a man and pride is a bitch, but it's something I hold onto strongly.
“No wonder the girl’s having a hard time staying sane. You’re a mean son of a bitch.”
“And you haven’t even met my mama, but you got that right. I have to make a call. Kinlee needs her hair done, she’s looking tired.” I bite my lip and close my eyes when Jo gasps. It hurt once it was out of my mouth but Kinlee needs to take care of herself and she's running on fumes anymore. “I’ll text you after I make this call. You’ll fit her in, won’t you?”
“Yeah, Bo. For her, I will. I gotta go.” She hangs up, almost sounding like she was in tears but Jo don’t cry much about anything. I can’t imagine me being a dick to her made her cry. She probably feels bad for Kinlee, and so do I. That’s why I’m doing this.
My hand shakes while I search the number on my phone. Probably because it’s my left hand and it’s tired from being used so much. I look down at my right hand. Useless piece of shit.
“Thank you for calling Mercy Rehabilitation Center, how can I help you?”
I slam the car door and look up at the house. The massive house. The house that holds my entire life. I love this house and I love everyone that this house keeps safe. The twins are my world, but Bo’s sealed a place in my heart and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Not even after everything he’s been through. Not after the attitude change or the random outbursts. He’s still my Bo. And I love him something fierce.
I know he’s in there somewhere and I know I’ll get him out eventually. Something this drastic is bound to change a person, and from everything I’ve read about it, his reaction to it all is normal.
I spent the morning at Jo’s salon getting my hair fixed. It didn’t do much good since it’s back up in the messy bun I’ve grown used to wearing lately, but it makes me feel better about myself. When Bo told me he made the appointment I fought back, not wanting to leave him, but he insisted that he’d be fine so I went. He was right. I did need it. But now I have a slew of things to do and less time to get them done.
Walking through the kitchen door, the mess sitting around this place makes guilt creep up again. I should’ve been here cleaning. Bo was about to fall asleep when I left and I’m hoping his pills keep him out for a little while longer so I can clean this place up. Maybe I’ll even take a shower and throw on some makeup in hopes I feel like a human again as opposed to a robot.
I’m going to try to get him up and out of the bedroom today. Even though it’ll only be to sit in his chair or lie on the couch, he’s gotta be getting bored in that bedroom. With the twins at Ryan’s, it’ll be less stress on him today.
Hopefully.
I just want him to be comfortable here with us. It feels like he’s not happy with anything though. I know things will never be exactly the same as it was, but it will get better than it’s been. I have full faith in that.
I toss my purse on the counter and put on some country music, putting it low so it doesn’t wake him up. My phone chimes with a text from Chase so I press call while I start to load the dishwasher.
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask, grimacing at the gross plates in the sink.
“I didn’t want to drop in, but I thought you should be the first to know before word starts to spread.”
My eyebrows pull together. “The hell are you talkin’ about, Chase? I got a shit ton to do here, get to the point.” I don’t mean to snap on him, but he’s scaring me and I can’t take much more this week.
“I’m moving to Vegas, Kinlee.”
The line falls silent and I pause with a dish in my hand.
“What?” I whisper.
“My sister’s letting me move in with the family until I can get on my feet out there. There ain’t nothin’ for me here anymore. I gotta start fresh somewhere with better opportunities.”
Setting the dish down, I sigh. “I’m never gonna see you again, am I?” I have to sit down to process this. He’s right though; he needs more opportunities than this small town can give him.
But he’s Chase. He can’t leave.
“Don’t think of it that way. Who knows where I’ll end up.” The line falls silent again until he sighs. “You’re always gonna be one of my closest friends, K
inlee. Distance don’t mean shit.”
“Right.” I chuckle, my eyes dropping to an envelope on the table. “Will you let me know when you’re there safe? And if you change your phone number after this I swear to God I’ll kick your ass.”
He chuckles. “I swear I won’t lose contact with you. Promise.”
I grip the envelope, barely listening to Chase anymore as my fingers trace the letters of my name, scrawled across the front in Bo’s messy handwriting because he can only use his left hand.
“Bye, Chase,” I whisper.
“Bye, Kinlee. Take care of yourself. And that brute of a cowboy.”
I end the call, my stomach doing flips because this note is putting a bad taste in my mouth. When the fuck did it get here? Who put it here? If it was Bo, how’d he get it here?
“Bo?” I call, jogging up the steps and taking the note to the bedroom. The door’s closed so I swing it open, but when I’m met with an empty bed my panic rises to the highest levels it has since the accident. “Bo!” I yell, turning toward the bathroom.
If he even tried to shower by himself…
But he’s not here.
He’s not anywhere.
He’s not here.
I sit on the couch, my hands shaking and I stare at the envelope in my hands. Gripping my phone, I hit send on his phone number but it goes straight to voicemail. I don’t want to open this note, but it seems like it’ll be my only explanation to what’s going on. Slowly tearing it open, my fingers pull out the letter and I immediately start to tear up at his messy words on the page.
Kinlee,
You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known, but I'm not nearly as strong as you need me to be anymore. Hell, it took over a day to write this fucking note because my hand will only work for five minutes at a time.
I love you but we’re falling out of love darlin and I won’t lay here while that happens. You need to focus on a good life and this ain’t it anymore. This life is shit and I’m done with it. With the farm, the ranch, the kids, you. I’m done before you all grow to hate me in ways I can feel are already happening.
