by Piper Frost
"Oh, great, look what the wild, mangy cat dragged in." Jo's voice comes from my side and I chuckle before looking over at her.
"Jolene." I nod at her and open my arms. At least she comes in for a proper greeting.
"Bolene. We didn't miss you," she says, "So why you here?" Letting go, she steps back and looks up at me.
"I was just telling Brandt I got a lot to make up to all y’all. I am sorry for what happened. How I handled everything, but if y’all will have me back in your lives, there's nothing more I'd like." I look from her to Brandt, because he's who she's staring at.
"Ain’t up to me, Bo. I always knew you were a dick. This guy held out hope for you." She moves to his side and wraps her arm around his hip.
He stares at me for what feels like a damn lifetime. "If I ever see that side of you again I'm lightin' your ass on fire, Bo. I don't give a fuck about your physical condition. I will whoop you three towns over if that guy ever comes back."
"Thank you." I move toward him and put my hand on his shoulder. "I mean that. I hated that son of a bitch." Yanking him from Jo's grip, she snickers and I wrap my arm around the guy before winking at her.
"Great. Now I have to share my husband with Bobby Hart again," she huffs. "You might as well come in for breakfast then, 'cause I know you ain't leaving." Shaking her head, she walks away.
I spend the morning at Jo and Brandt's kitchen table, laughing with them like old times. I know it won't be, but a man can wish getting his girl to forgive him will be this easy. I'm upset I couldn't see the kids, but I got so many toys for them, they'll forgive Uncle Bo in no time when I finally see them.
I'm nervous on the drive to Kinlee's. When Brandt told me she moved into Chase's old apartment, I wanted to be pissed, but I can't. A lot has happened in two years. And she ain't livin' with Chase; he's apparently living it up in Vegas. I have to admit I am nervous to see if she's living alone though. That'll be a hard pill to swallow if she's moved on, but it's not something I wouldn't expect.
I push the buzzer at the back of the tattoo shop, hoping this piece of shit actually works up in that apartment. When I wait a few minutes and she doesn't come down, I grab my phone to call her. I know she's here, her car's here.
The door opens before I can hit dial and my gorgeous girl is in front of me again after seven months of not seeing her. Seven long months where I died again. I had to die to realize she’s what keeps me alive. The sun is shining on her beautiful face and even though there’s no smile, she’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I want to grab her and kiss her. I want to drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness but I have a feeling it won’t be that easy. Right now, I just need to talk to her. I don’t have a long heartfelt apology planned out because it wouldn’t matter anyway. It’s no secret to her, me, or anyone else involved that I fucked up, and bad. The way I had to work through everything was the wrong way, but I’m ready to come home to her, now she just needs to be ready to come home to me.
"Hi." I lean against the doorframe, giving my left leg a break. I’ve gained muscle mass back, but depending solely on the left side of my body is still hard. The right side makes progress everyday, but my body will never be whole again.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she whispers, her eyes wide.
I smirk and drop my head a minute. "I was going to call, but I figured this needs to be done face to face. No more coward's way around things." I look at her again and her eyebrow cocks. "I'm sorry, Kinlee." I rub my jaw and she lets out a harsh laugh.
"Right. Okay. Thank you." She starts to close the door but I stop it before it can click shut.
"Kinlee, wait." I try to push the door open and she's shoving it back, trying to close me out and though I'm on my feet, I'm not nearly as strong as I hope to be again one day. I lose my footing on my right leg and before I can catch myself, I fall back and hit the ground hard. With a groan, I lay back and close my eyes to block out the sun.
"Shit, Bo," she blurts, swinging open the door and rushing to kneel next to me. "Why you gotta be so stupid sometimes?"
"Sometimes?" I grin up at her through squinted eyes. It's so good to see her again. Goddamn, why couldn't I have figured this out sooner? "Kinlee, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I grab her elbow when she tries to stand up. "For everything. Please, come home, baby. Please forgive me. I'll show you you were right this whole time."
She shakes her head and pulls my arm, helping me up, then sighs. "This is my home, Bo. I am home. I'm right where I should be. Right?" The look on her face is like nothing I’ve ever seen. She’s got no drive to her expression or tone. "I hear your apology. It's fine. It is what it is, right?" She shrugs. "I gotta go, my breakfast's probably burning."
"Kinlee." I grip her hand before she can walk away and I pull her back toward me. My right arm proves to be useless most of the time but I force it to work, wrapping my hand to her back. It's not holding her in place and she could probably break it in a small twist, but to touch her with both hands is the best feeling I’ve felt in over two long years. "You gave up, baby?" I lift my left hand and swipe my thumb over her jaw. "True love don't end. You told me that once." I try to smile, but her expressionless face breaks my heart. "So now you're tellin' me you lied when you said you loved me? When you said you'd never move on?"
"I didn't move on, Bo," she whispers. "Like I said. There's no moving on when it comes to true love. The only thing there is anymore though, is..." She chuckles, shaking her head. "Hatred. Anger. I'm tired, Bo. I tried for so long." Tears pool in her eyes and she swipes them away as they fall. "I fought a good fight, but it wasn't enough." She takes a step back, breaking my contact with her. "Time for you to leave, Bo."
I rub my jaw with a chuckle. I broke the strongest woman I know. Goddamn, I am an asshole.
"I told you I'd always come home to you. I'm sorry it took me this long to figure out I still had a home. My heart was as empty as my body felt. I wanted nothing but for you to be happy and I never realized how much it would actually hurt you. I thought what I was doing was the right thing. Setting you free, but I was just being a coward. If you want to be free, darlin', I'll let you be free—"
"Okay." She interrupts and shrugs like it don’t matter either way. "Thanks. I gotta get to my breakfast." She turns away from me to walk back inside but I quickly reach for her, almost falling, but I catch myself.
"I wasn't done, darlin'." I yank her against me, holding her with my good arm that she can't pull away from without a little fight. She reaches back and grabs my wrist but she doesn't pull away yet. "I'll let you be free if you want, but I don't think that's what you want." I slam my lips to hers before she can pull back. She doesn't kiss me back and initially I don't try for anything more than just feeling her mouth on mine again, but when her taut lips seem to give some slack, I run my tongue over her lips. She’s still not kissing me back but she’s not stopping me from sliding my tongue between her lips and into her mouth.
I was a happy man when I realized my dick still worked, but using it alone has been one of the sorriest things in my life. Right now, kissing Kinlee reminds me I want to use it with her again. She hasn’t made a move to kiss me back so I slowly release her. Her wide gaze glowers at me and I still find her sexier than anything I’ve ever seen.
"Go on. Be free with your breakfast, but I know you'll taste me on your lips for the rest of the morning." I turn around and leave her in the parking lot, moving faster than I have in a long time because I can’t just tell her. I have to show her I'll always come home to her.
It was advised I get a car with pedals I can easily access with my left foot, but I like a challenge. Goddamn do I like a challenge. I haven't driven since I showed up here this morning, but if I'm going to try and act like my life is going to get back to normal, I have to push myself. I drive to the city, dialing Jo when I get closer.
"What?" she grumbles and I chuckle, having missed this pain in the ass.
"Miss me yet?"
She chuckles. "Bo, just 'cause y
ou're back doesn't mean I actually want to talk to you yet. You spent two hours too long here this morning. Leave me alone."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it, I'm an asshole—"
"Understatement of the century, but whatever."
I grin. "You're right, but dammit, Jo, y’all love me, you can't get rid of me that easily."
"God," she groans. "Do you know how nice it was when you were in California? I secretly loved every minute of it. Before I hang up on you, do you need something?"
"See, you love me. Still willing to do me favors."
"I'm actually hoping you're calling to tell me you're going back to California."
"No such luck. I'm going to the city to buy Kinlee an engagement ring."
"Oh Jesus. You're fucking mental." She starts to laugh. Hard.
"Yeah, that's probably true, but I need your help. I broke my girl, Jo, and I've never regretted anything more than that," I say, all traces of humor gone from my voice and she sighs.
"You want me to hogtie her for you, cowboy?"
I chuckle. "Something like that. Just get her to the ranch tonight. Tell her you need a sitter. That woman ain't gonna accept a grand proposal from me. I'm gonna have to tell her how it is. That she ain't got much choice but to marry me."
"Oh god, you're a Neanderthal. Why would you think she'd be willing to marry you anyway?"
"Because I know she loves me."
She snorts. "She don't love much of anything anymore. You haven't seen her, Bo. She's...hollow."
"I saw her. I just left Chase's apartment."
"Her apartment," she corrects me and I roll my eyes.
"No. Her house is sitting on a hundred and thirty acre farm where our cold bed's waiting for us. That was Chase's old place and my girl's gonna come home to me."
"Sure thing. So did you talk to her? She kick you in the nuts? Bet you couldn't even feel it. Do you have feeling in your nuts anymore?"
I deserve her cruelty, but I have a feeling even if I hadn't been a dick to Jo and her family the past two years, she still woulda taken them cheap shots.
"Get Kinlee to the ranch for me, Jo. I'll be there around eight. We're family still. If you love me, you'll do this."
"Well you just made it real easy for me to make up my mind if I'm gonna help you or not. Good luck, sucker." She hangs up and I grit my teeth with a chuckle.
I know she'll do this for me.
...Shit, I'm not sure she'll do this for me but the only way to find out is to show up at the ranch at eight.
I pull into the drive and kill the engine, staring at the house. I don't want to be here. I don’t feel like watching the kids tonight, but I have a hard time telling Jo no. She's the only one here that I call a friend anymore so pushing her away would be sealing my crazy-cat-lady fate. I already have the cat and the crazy, I just need a few more cats and I'm golden.
I've been out of sorts for a while now. Months, really. Brandt giving up on Bo was my breaking point. I tried doing it alone, but I couldn't. I couldn't take it, and it only took a few months to realize things were never going to get better. He did it. Bobby Hart finally broke me because he didn’t want to fight.
Then he has the audacity to show up at my door like I'm still his girl? Fuck no. Fuck him.
I push open the car door and look around the property but no one's in sight, which is kind of strange. There's always somethin' goin' on around here. I head to the barn closest to the house, since that's usually where I'll find the kids after dinner if it's not a school night, but I don't hear their laughter.
I round the corner and my stomach drops. Lights have been strung along the beams of the barn and some dumbass lit a candle in here. Great way to cause another Kenshaw fire.
But that's not all. After I walk over and blow the candle out, I take in the picnic blanket. The food... Sandwiches. And fruit. It looks like the little Kenshaws have prepared a lunch picnic for dinner. I wonder if Jo knows her kids did all this? I hope one of them didn’t light that candle.
I let myself laugh at it, but the smile barely creeps onto my lips. Smiling just feels wrong anymore.
Turning to head into the house to see where everyone is, I stop dead in my tracks when I see Bo leaning against one of the barn posts.
"You blew out the candle."
"What are you doing here, Bo?" I want to push past him. I want to walk out. But I can't, because even after all the hurt he put me through the man still has a way of commanding a room.
"I was hoping dinner?" He gestures to the sandwiches. "Not that great of a dinner," he mutters while walking toward me.
It's surreal watching him walk. For the longest time I never thought he would again, and even though he still looks unsure of it he's doing great. I want to cry. I want to run to him, but I can't. My heart's buried under too much shit from these last couple years and I'm not sure I have those emotions in me anymore.
"I already ate," I mumble, my eyes flicking to his cane then back up to his face. "You're movin' good," I whisper.
"Getting there." A look of uncertainty flashes on his face before his eyes are on me again. "You don't have room for a sandwich?"
I chuckle, because lately food hasn't been much of an option. Especially lunch meat.
"I don’t like turkey," I say, avoiding the topic. "Maybe I could eat some fruit..." I sigh, shaking my head. All these feelings inside are making my stomach roll. I shouldn't be this close to the only man that's ever had the power to break me. "I'm supposed to be watching the kids, Bo. I should really get goin' so Jo's not late." I give him the weakest smile I can muster before heading for the door.
"Kinlee," he blurts my name and grabs my wrist. Before I can move away, he's pulling my back against him and his hand slides to my stomach while his lips press to the top of my head. I need to pull away. My heart's hammering out of my chest and my knees are weak just from being this close to him again.
My love for this man never ended. I never stopped having feelings for him, I've just learned how to hide them. Not think about them. Now though? This? This is too much.
"I can't, Bo," I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat. My hand covers his and my thumb brushes his flesh before pushing him away.
"You're not here to sit for the kids," he says before I walk away. "I asked Jo to get you here for me. Not the kids. The Kenshaws are all in their house for the night and you're here for me. There's a lot I need to tell you and I have a feelin' you're gonna storm out that door at any minute so I'll get right to it. I paid for Will and Wendy's college. I told them they could go anywhere in the world they wanted and they opted to stay close to you and the Kenshaws. I've been talking to Will and Wendy for the past two years. They came to see me at the center a couple times."
"My... My siblings?" I stammer. "Will and Wendy? Came up there to see you? Without telling me?" I feel...betrayed. I feel even shittier than I did. He'd talk to them, but not me? "What the fuck, Bo?" I wish I had the energy to be mad. I really do, but that takes more than what I have today.
He clamps his lips and the look of sorrow on his face makes me glance away briefly. "I told them not to tell you. I thought if they told you, it'd be harder for you to move on, but I couldn't just push them off. They needed me."
My stomach twists and without thinking my hand slaps across his cheek hard enough for my palm to sting, but I don't regret it.
"I fucking needed you, Bo," I practically growl, feeling that anger I didn't think I had the energy for.
He rubs his cheek, keeping his eyes down. "I know," he whispers. "I deserved that." He looks me in the eyes and says, "But never hit me again, Kinlee." Clearing his throat, he goes on, "You needed to move on and be happy. With all honesty, I thought that was what you needed and the kids reminding you about me wouldn't help you forget me."
My hand still tingles from the slap and now that I have it out of me I feel like I should feel better. I've wanted to do that for two full years. He’s watching me and it's hard to look away because the man demands my a
ttention and I still have a hard time telling him no. I want to ask him if he's happy I moved on just to spite him...but I can't. Because I didn't. I can't move on without him, but I'm not sure it's possible to move on with him anymore either.
"They lied to me all this time," I whisper. I want to be mad at them, but their connection to Bo is one of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.
"They didn't lie." He rubs his cheek again, right over the red mark I left. "They didn't bring me up, but they didn't lie to you, did they? According to them, you didn't ask if they'd talked to me."
I nod. He's right. I couldn't ask about him to anyone. "I didn't," I whisper. "It hurt too bad." I shake my head and run my hands down my face. "How many times? How often did you talk to them?" I don't know why I'm asking. It's like I enjoy the torture, knowing he'd rather communicate with my siblings than me.
"At first, I didn't. I ignored them too. Then Wendy showed up." He chuckles and swipes his hat off his head to rub his hair a minute. Tugging it back on, he says, "She gave me an earful and from then, she stayed in contact. I called Will to tell him to stop beating himself up over what happened. I needed him to know he didn't do this. It wasn't his fault I turned into a rotten son of a bitch. It took him a few months to come around. I had to make sure y’all were okay. Still financially being taken care of because I couldn’t care for you in any other way and I know the last thing you wanted from me was my money. The kids on the other hand." He shrugs with a smirk on his lips.
"Are kids," I finish for him and shake my head. "So the new phones they said they paid for? I'm assuming that was you?"
"I told them not to lie to you, just get around the truth. But yeah, I paid for the phones."
"And their new shoes? And the random clothes? And I'm sure you're paying for their apartment too?" I'm starting to get riled up and that's the last thing I need today. "Bo, you just bought back their affection. They're kids. They don't get the depth of what you did and how wrong it was."
"They ain't stupid, Kinlee. They're pissed at me for what I did, but they forgave me. The Kenshaws are on the road to forgiving me. I know what me and you had is a little different. I abandoned you, our life, our future, but I didn't think I deserved you, a life, or a future anymore. I'm a prideful man and the thought you'd be the one taking care of me like a nurse the rest of my life burned holes in my gut. I couldn't stomach that thought. I was supposed to take care of you, dammit, not the other way around. I didn't think I'd be walking again or moving like I am and I couldn't stand the thought of you having to live like that. How I handled this was all wrong. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I thought I'd be helping. I thought giving you up was what you needed, then when you finally gave up on me, I realized how much of a stupid son of a bitch I was." He chuckles and rubs his jaw. "I’m sorry, darlin'. Nothing I say will ever make this right, but, Kinlee." Moving slowly, he drops to his knee and I reach for him, not sure if his leg gave out. But when he holds up a sparkling ring, I realize he didn't collapse and my heart starts hammering almost out of my damn chest. "Kinlee, you're gonna marry me, darlin', because we belong together. Through all the happiness and all the bullshit, we belong together. Because what if you walk away?"
