I crossed the street to climb up my best friend’s bedroom window, but hit a dead end. Her keeping me from coming inside was the last thing I would have ever expected. When I climbed back down, I was completely demolished.
“Oliver?” Aunt Jenna asked answering her front door.
I tried to keep my composure but it was useless. Never in eight years had Abbygail locked her bedroom window. I broke. “She locked me out.”
Jenna looked at me sadly and took me into a motherly hug. “She’s outside sitting under the willow tree. She’s refusing to come back inside. Go talk to her, Oliver. Please.”
From the deck I saw Abby lying on a blanket. She was wearing my old football jersey, and holding the big stuffed teddy bear I had won for her at the fair during that same summer. She was sleeping. I wanted to wake her up. I wanted to scream and shout at her. She had no idea how locking her bedroom window shattered me. But then I joined her under the tree, and took one look at her. Her reddened, wet cheeks and her puffy eyes showed me how many tears she had let flow with her sadness, and I couldn’t do it.
“If I could take your pain away,” I whispered sitting beside her. “I would.”
The wind passed easily through the branches as they were almost bare. The occasional rustling of the remaining leaves interrupted the quiet and made her shiver, but she didn’t wake. I unfolded the comforter I had brought from inside and laid it gently over her small frame.
Every night, since I learned that I was moving away, I’d climb up to Abby’s room without her knowing and sit by her side, absorbing as much of her beauty as I could. So it was only normal that one last time before I left, I should take her hand and watch my beautiful best friend sleep.
I sat there for hours trying to remember every detail of her perfect face. Every moment I imagined my life without her, I couldn’t help but ask myself if maybe my mother was right. I thought about Abby and how hard life would be if I didn’t have her by my side. My selfish desires were starting to win over; she and I had gone through so much over the years…
Why would now be any different?
And that’s when it hit me. ‘You’re my best friend Oliver. I’ll do everything with you and I’d do anything for you’
It was one simple conversation, but her words meant a lot more than I could have possibly imagined. I knew my best friend. My pain would become hers. My decisions would become hers and my drowning, would mean losing her in the same way. I may have been struggling with my decision to leave, but I would never struggle with my need to protect her.
I stood and I left the Evens’ backyard without looking back, and when I clipped that padlock, I let the remainder of my unshed tears fall for what I knew was about to be broken.
Numbing the Pain
Oliver
It was too early when I heard the doorbell ring. I had cut my last night of rest in Carrington way too short. The couple of hours I had spent alone in the skate park after watching Abby sleep might have been too excessive, but it was the only way I found to remain sober.
My mother called my name at least twice before making it upstairs to get me, but my legs didn’t want to follow my will to stand up. I was exhausted.
“Oliver?” my mother asked as she knocked softly on my bedroom door. “You have a visitor.”
I looked at the time.
Who could possibly be visiting me at seven thirthy in the morning? Maybe it’s Abby… Please let it be Abby.
“Yeah, Mom, just give me a sec.” I got dressed and opened the door.
“What time did you get in last night?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Why?”
“Did you get high again? Wasn’t yesterday afternoon enough for you?”
How the hell did she figure that out? She wasn’t even here…
“I didn’t get high yesterday, Mom. I went to the skate park and worked on my jumps all night. Why are you accusing me, anyway?”
“Because you look like shit, Oliver.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Who’s at the door?”
“Stephan.”
“Oh.” I frowned, but recuperated quickly under her questioning gaze. “Okay, cool.”
“You didn’t patch things up with Abby last night. Did you?” Unfortunately it seemed that my mother had caught my mishap.
I scratched the itch on my jaw. “Of course I did. She and I are great. Is Steph outside?”
“Yes,” she replied, distrustful of my hurried answer. “He didn’t want to come in.”
I scurried downstairs ignoring her piercing gaze and opened the door to a gloomy Stephan sitting on the white steps of my front porch.
“Steph.”
He turned to me, giving me a sad smile. “Hey. Whoa. You look like shit. Did I wake you up?”
I nodded. “What’s up?”
“Just out for a run. I figured since I was in the area I’d stop by before you left.”
“In the area? I can’t believe you just jogged across town.”
He raised his shoulder in defeat. My leaving was affecting him a lot more that I would have expected.
“I’m sorry.” It was the only answer I could sum up.
“It’s just–I don’t get it. I know we talked about this yesterday, but it’s fucking fast, Oliver. Like… how could you just tell your mother about this two weeks ago and already be ready to leave? Your house isn’t even up for sale yet.”
“I’m leaving with my Uncle Jerry. He came down from B.C. to help my mom with all the house stuff, you know, him being a real-estate agent and all, and she told me to pack my bags. She’ll be staying here a couple more weeks to make sure everything is in order and to pack. When our new house is ready, she’ll join me in B.C. If our home isn’t sold by then, Abby’s mom will take care of following everything through.”
“Why don’t you just move with your mother in a couple of weeks then?”
I felt the warmth of the sunlight trying to pierce through the massive clouds, but they didn’t manage to stay long enough as the cool wind blew the dark clouds back together. I shivered. “It was a mutual decision.”
“Of course it was,” he mumbled.
“Steph–”
“Don’t. Seriously, I get it. It just sucks that’s all. You’re not giving us any time, Oliver. You can’t blame me for being angry about this.”
“I’m not.” I replied. “I get it, but–”
The front door to Abby’s house opened and my attention diverted. She stepped out wearing a sports bra and way-too-tight yoga pants. A low sound escaped my throat.
“Did you just growl?” Stephan chortled.
I ignored his mocking, and transfixed my attention on Abby jogging away.
She didn’t even given us a side glance...
Her clothing, the running… it was so out of character. I shook my head, both angry and lustfully bothered.
“She’s still not talking to you is she?”
I had mentioned to Stephan about me kissing Abby just before I left the homecoming dance to run after her, but I our conversation cut short since I didn’t want to lose sight of her.
“We got into it yesterday,” I replied without going into the details. Thinking about it hurt, and the last thing I wanted was to recount what went down between Abby and me. “Will you look after her?”
“Well, if she looks like that every day, I fucking will.”
“Don’t be a dick. I’m not in the mood.”
“Oh I’m sorry Mr. I’m-not-in-the-mood, but have you even seen what she looks like this morning?”
“Did you not just hear me growl right now?”
He laughed and I punched him in the shoulder. In silence, we enjoyed the view until we couldn’t see her anymore. It was freezing outside: how she wasn’t cold was beyond my comprehension.
“When did she start jogging anyway?”
I looked back at him with an incredulous stare. “She doesn’t jog you idiot, she probably just saw us sitting here, and figured she’d dress up
like that to get our attention. I’m sure she’s doing it just to piss me off.”
“Is it working?” he mocked.
“What do you think?”
“I think she’s learning from the best. Kuddos to Abbygail.”
I shook my head and laughed harder than I had in days. It was appeasing how Stephan would always find a way to change my mood. I was really going to miss him. “So, will you?”
“Oliver, don’t worry about Abs. She’ll be fine; I’m sure of it. But if it makes you feel any better, Tyler and I will look after her.”
“Not Tyler.”
“Why not Tyler?”
“Because I don’t trust him.”
“Fine,” he chuckled. “I’ll be the one looking after her.”
I sighed in relief, remembering Tyler’s hands all over Abby when they were dancing together. It made me uneasy. “Thank you.”
***
Half an hour after climbing back to my room, I noticed Abby jog back to her house. I watched as she slowed her pace and stopped right in the middle of the street. She looked up at the sky letting the light drizzle fall over her face, and bit the inside of her cheek. Unfortunately, even the biting wouldn’t stop her tears. I could see them from the second floor.
When she lowered her eyes back down, she paused at my bedroom window. I was purposefully standing in her line of sight, waiting for her to notice me. But when she did, she frowned and backed away. I saw the grief; I felt it when she looked at me, but somehow her eyes didn’t show sadness, they showed hate.
This isn’t the way I wanted this to go. She wasn’t supposed to hate me.
“Oliver,” my mother yelled at the sound of shattering glass. I could only imagine her rushing across the hall to meet me in my room. “Oliver what the hell–”
She took my hand. The blood dripped along my arm all the way to the floor, and all I did was look at it. I felt the tears of pain pooling out of my eyes, but they weren’t from the stinging shards of glass that pierced through my skin, they were from my heart breaking at the loss of my best friend.
“Sweetheart, what have you done?”
Nothing. That’s what I did. Absolutely nothing.
Abbygail
I wasn't much of a jogger, in fact I hated it just as much as playing any sport that included a ball, but everything in my house reminded me of Oliver, so I dragged my ass outside and started running.
Every step I took away from him felt raw, but with every inhale I realized that being breathless and in physical pain was much better than gasping in tears because of my heart-ache.
Unfortunately my will to carry on ceased when I turned the corner and saw the skate park. The realization that I would never sit in the bleachers to watch Oliver skate board, or hide away from our parents to drink a root beer slushy with him, hit me with an even bigger force than I could have anticipated. The fact that we would never sneak out together and cross the gates of the park hand in hand in the middle of the night just to talk, made my lungs constrict tighter, and had me falling to my knees.
With him gone, nothing would ever be the same.
I hadn’t heard Stephan’s voice when he stopped running a few feet ahead of me. I didn’t expect him to walk over to me. He hugged me without saying a single word, and let me cry in his arms.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, babe.”
I raised my eyebrow, “Babe?”
“You look like a beach-babe dressed like that.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m taking the initiative of giving you a new name. Take it as a compliment.”
I smiled and he took off at his regular jogging pace. “See you at school Abs.”
The relief didn’t last as long as I wished it would have. The closer I got to home, the worse I felt, but it was the sight of him watching me through his bedroom window that made the hurt come back.
Wave. Just wave, Oliver, and it will make everything just a little better...
He didn’t wave.
***
The lukewarm water soothed my over exhausted muscles, but did nothing for the pain inside soul. Taking a seat in the bathtub, I shut off the cold water completely, and let my sorrows drown under the burning stream.
I welcomed the pain.
Lost in my memories I followed the droplets of water as they tumbled down the grey shower tiles until they reached the tub, and made it impossible to separate my tears from bath water as they poured down the drain.
“Abbygail?” My mother banged at the door. “Abby, open up, you’ve been in there forever.”
The whole bathroom was filled with steam when I stopped the water and wrapped my body in a towel. My skin itched at the contact of the rough fabric, and as the cloud of misty heat dissipated, I noticed my reddened skin and winced.
“Abby?” My mother gasped as I opened the door. “Honey, what did you do?”
“I’m fine.” I replied recoiling under her touch. “Leave me alone.”
“Sweetheart, how hot was that water?”
I shrugged. “Who cares?”
“I care. Abby, this is crazy. You can’t do this…your entire body, your skin, it’s burnt.”
“My skin? This is nothing to what I’m feeling on the inside.” I cried. “You don’t get it. It hurts. Everything hurts.”
“Then let me help you, sweetheart.”
I gave my mother a hard stare. “Can you prevent Oliver from leaving?”
Her avoiding eyes answered my request.
“Then there’s nothing you can do.” I sneered and walked to my bedroom. “Leave. Me. Alone.”
She sighed. “I left some food on your desk. I want you to eat something. Please.”
“Jenna?” Oliver’s mom knocked and opened our front door as she usually did when she came to our house. I was relieved to hear her walk in. She was preventing me from another awkward talk with my annoying mother.
I stood by my bedroom door, listening in on their conversation.
“Evelynn?”
“Hey Jen, I was wondering if you have any extra bandages lying around.”
“Of course I do. What’s wrong?”
“Oliver punched his fist through his bedroom window.”
“Is he okay?” I could hear the worry in my mother’s voice.
“Yeah, I just don’t get it. He looked fine when Stephan left, but half an hour later he just lost it and smashed the window. As if I had time for this right now…”
“I know what you mean. Abby just got out of the shower, her body looks like she spent an entire day in a suntan machine.”
“Are you shitting me? What the hell is going on between those two?”
“I don’t know, but you were right. We should have told Abby about Oliver’s leaving a few weeks ago. It would have given her time to adjust.”
“And probably some time to talk about it. I’m really sorry, Jenna.”
“Don’t be. Seriously, Evy. They’ve known each other their entire lives; they should be able to figure this out on their own. I promise it will get better.”
There was uncertainty in the sound of my mother’s voice, but I shut the door to my room and left them to their conversation.
My mother definitely shouldn’t be making promises she won’t be able to keep…
Too Late
Abbygail
I was sitting on my bed listening to music when I heard my mother’s incessant knocking. She walked in without an invitation and sat down next to me. “Abby, I’ve been knocking for the past five minutes now.”
As if the reason that I couldn’t hear what was going on in the outside world wasn’t apparent enough, I rolled my eyes at her and took off my headphones. Her invasions into my personal space were becoming annoying.
“I thought I told you to eat something.”
“And I thought I told you: I’m. Not. Hungry. Also, I told you to leave me alone.”
Her lips threaded into a thin line of disapproval. I hadn’t eaten a real meal in two days. Why she thought makin
g me a sandwich would be different from anything else she had offered over the few days, I couldn’t understand. Simply looking at it made me want to puke. I had to throw it out.
“Oliver’s uncle just got here. Come down and say goodbye.”
I walked over to the window and saw him talking with his mother by Jerry’s truck.
So that’s it. He’s really leaving…
“Abby?”
“No.”
“Abbygail, please. You’re going to regret this if you don’t come.”
The only thing I regret, is trusting Oliver.
“I said no.” I walked over to my bedroom door and held it opened for her. “He’ll be waiting for you.”
I watched my mother cross the street. Oliver was standing in the light rain, waiting for her with open arms. I always loved how he and my mother would get along–how she would always smile at his teasing her, or how he could always get us out of trouble with one of his stupid jokes.
After exchanging hugs his eyes left my mother’s and landed on mine. The longing sadness we shared was indescribable. We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity and whatever was going on between us made me realize that I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go through his leaving without at least saying goodbye. I took my iPod out.
BlackOrchid: Oliver, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I don’t hate you. The thing is, everything is so fucked up right now… I don’t know how it happened, but I fell in love with you and I’ve been acting real stupid about it and I’m so, so sorry. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, I swear. I don’t care about that. What I care about is US. You’re my best friend and I can’t stand not having you in my life. Just… Please forgive me okay?
I went back to the window waiting to see his face as he read my message. But when I made it to the window he was climbing inside his uncle’s truck. I received and instant message the second he slammed the passenger door.
I looked down.
My heart stopped.
Account manager: Undeliverable Message: Olisk8 account is no longer active.
No Regrets (No Regrets #1) Page 11
