by M. R. Polish
I dropped my keys on the kitchen counter and raided the fridge for a bottle of water. My heart was still racing, and I shook my head at my foolishness. If there had been someone there, the last thing I should do is wait for them. I was just grateful it was a bunny. I could hear my dad’s voice in my mind, ‘I told you to carry pepper-spray’. I really needed to invest in something if I was going to live alone in a state thousands of miles from home.
It was a little after midnight, but I didn’t have classes first thing in the morning. I decided to crawl into bed and start up my laptop to see what I missed online. I had about twenty emails from my mother, and about that many Facebook messages from online friends asking how I liked Utah. I told my mom that so far everything was great. The weather was still hot in the day, a little chilly at night, the mountains that lined the entire valley were gorgeous, and my first day of school was awesome, even though it wasn’t my personal best. I hoped that would suffice for a while because I didn’t have the desire to share anything more.
I closed the computer and pushed it off my lap so I could lay down, then plugged my cell phone in and made sure to turn off the alarm. There was no way I wanted to get up early tomorrow.
Three
Sleep came easily after such a long day. A loud banging on my front door woke me up. I sat straight up and looked around, wondering if I only imagined the sound. I looked at my phone. 8:25. Ugh, I could still sleep. I laid back down when I heard the knock again. I jerked upright. It was real.
Jumping from the bed, ran a hand down my hair, and tried to wipe off my face, in case I drooled during the night. I was still in the same clothes from the party and grumbled to myself about going to bed without changing, but at least I was somewhat presentable, even if I was a wrinkled mess. It was probably some salesman or something.
I made it to the front door and opened it, only to shut it quickly once seeing who stood right outside it. “Oh crap.” What was Steve doing here? I looked down at my once passable attire and realized he couldn’t see me in last night’s clothes. “Um, hold on just a minute!” I hollered.
I dashed to my room and threw the closet door open, grabbing the first thing I saw: a black-and-red polka-dot dress with a V-neck halter-top. As fast as I could, I changed clothes, grabbed my brush from the bathroom, and ran it through my hair, tying a black and red bandana in it to match. I looked at my smeared black eye makeup, cringing at my reflection. I didn’t have time to redo it so I washed it off with water and filled my hands with a mask, rubbing it over my face. I might be green, but at least he wouldn’t see how bad I looked without makeup.
I opened the front door just a crack. Steve was still there. “Steve, what a surprise.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I wanted to see if you wanted to go to breakfast. I didn’t know you’d get all dolled up just for me though. The green really suits you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Trust me, this is better than you seeing the real me.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I liked the real you last night.” He smiled. “So what do you say? Breakfast?”
“Um, yeah, sure. That might be nice. Just let me finish getting ready first.”
“Sure. Just call me when you’re ready.”
“But I don’t have your number.”
He raised his finger and grabbed his phone out of his pocket with his other hand. My cell phone rang from inside my bedroom. He smiled widely. “You do now. Just program my name to that number.”
I crossed my arms. “How did you get my number?”
“Caty.”
I nodded. “Of course she gave it to you. Why didn’t you just call in the first place?”
“That would take the whole surprise out of it, besides it’s harder for someone to say no in person.”
I sighed. “Okay, let me get ready.”
I took my time with my makeup. I could normally get ready in ten minutes, but I decided to make him wait a bit longer. I threw my red lipstick in my makeup bag and sighed. It would have to do.
I called Steve and let him know I was ready. He was at my door in seconds. I frowned. “How’d you get here so fast?”
“Oh, I was just waiting in my car. You look great, by the way.”
I bit my lip, feeling guilty about making him wait. “Thanks.”
He drove us to a little café not far away from campus. A couple of other students were there too. I assumed they were part of the football team because I saw Brick among them. He looked far better than I thought he would after drinking last night, but as soon as he saw me, he smiled. Poor guy, I bet he had the hangover beat outta him on the field this morning. I would’ve hated a five a.m. practice as it was, but doing it hung-over was like a suicide mission.
A few girls sat with them, flirting shamelessly. Ugh. I hated girls like that. That was one of the reasons I never tried out for cheerleading when I was in high school. All those girls were so dramatic and flirtatious. They would kiss any guy to get what they wanted. It made them feel pretty and popular to have a guy on their arm. Not me though. Sure, I had my share of boyfriends, but not only to have someone on my arm. It had to mean something to me. I don’t need a guy to make me who I am.
“Come on, over there.” Steve pointed over to the football table I stared at. Great.
“Hey, boys, this here is Keeley. Keeley, this is the rest of the team. We’re like brothers so we can get a little riled up at times. Hope that’s okay with you.”
I gave a curt nod. “Nice to meet you.”
Brick gestured with his head. “There are a couple of seats over here, Steve.”
Steve placed his hand at my back and led me to a seat next to Brick. “So you came back for more, huh? Steve here’s a real catch. Most girls never get his attention like you have.”
Awkward.
“Yeah,” one of the girls said across from me. “What did you do?” She smiled but it was clearly forced, and definitely fake.
“Nothing. I swear. I just showed up to his party last night.” My defenses went up immediately. I was certain that I’d need to be careful around her. I wasn’t even Steve’s girlfriend and someone was jealous. Not a good sign.
Steve swung his arm around the back of my chair and leaned back, relaxed. “Yeah, and we just hit it off.”
I noticed no one had any menus. “Aren’t we having breakfast?” My empty stomach made me want to cry at the thought of not eating. I was so hungry.
“Oh yeah. We come here almost every morning after a practice. The waitresses know our orders already. I called ahead and put an order in for you too.”
Um, he did what? I held my breath and counted to ten while it was my turn to force a smile. “I usually like to do that myself, but thanks.” I clenched and unclenched my hands in my lap under the table.
“Keeley, you made it!” Caty called out across the restaurant as she and Jonah joined the group. At least someone I knew, or kinda knew, would be there with us; that made me feel a little better.
The girl across from the table glared at me but quickly replaced it with her fake smile once she saw me looking at her. What was with her anyway? If she wanted Steve, she could have him. It wasn’t like we were a couple or anything.
The waitress brought our food and I inhaled at the mouth-watering scent of maple as she the wire basket down full of warm syrups, then set a plate of pancakes and scrambled eggs down in front of me. For not getting to place my own order, I was excited. Pancakes were my favorite breakfast food.
“Does it look okay? I was sure I couldn’t go wrong with pancakes. I should’ve let you order, but I wanted to surprise you.”
How I felt about him flip-flopped again. Maybe he really was simply trying to make me happy. I guess it didn’t hurt to have someone want to do something nice for me, right? Guilt gnawed at me. No, I really didn’t deserve it. I deserved to rot in Hell for the choices I made. “It looks great, thank you.”
He frowned. “Are you sure? ‘Cause I can get you anything else you want.”
“No.
I’m great. It’s great. I was just lost in thought is all.”
Heather stopped cutting her food and smirked. “You know, Steve, I’m sure you can always cut her breakfast up in tiny bite-size pieces. She might not be able to do that without you.” Everyone at the table stopped talking.
I put my fork down. “I’m actually capable of…”
Steve held his hand up stopping me. “No need, Keeley. Heather, can you come outside with me for a sec?” He excused himself from the now quiet table and Heather followed. They walked outside, but I could still see them through the front windows. I lost my appetite as I watched him yell at her. It wasn’t short either. It was a full-fledged attack on her with words. I didn’t have to know what he said for me to feel sorry for her. Being a jealous snob was one thing, but no one deserved to be screamed at like that.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the scene. My heart raced with each movement of his mouth. She stepped back as he advanced and I was sure he’d hit her.
Brick gave my shoulder a pat. “Don’t worry about it. Steve’s like this all time. Since kindergarten I think.” Everyone laughed but I didn’t find it funny.
“He won’t hit her, will he?”
“No.” Brick said it, but it wasn’t convincing.
Steve and Heather came back in. Steve took his seat next to me and gave me a big smile. Heather grabbed her purse. “You know how stupid I was? I totally forgot that I have to get to class in like thirty minutes. I gotta go. Meet up with you guys for lunch?”
Caty gave her smile. “Of course, hun. We’ll be at Subway around one if you want to join.”
“Sounds perfect. See you later.” Heather took off without looking anyone in the eye. Whatever indecision I had about Steve dissolved. All of the doubts, gone. I hated that I had to sit so close to him.
Steve shoveled three types of meat and scrambled eggs into his mouth. I pushed my food around with my fork but couldn’t stomach any of it.
Breakfast was over not a moment too soon. Most of the team had classes, along with Steve, and I was grateful. He dropped me off at my apartment.
“Hey,” he said as I stepped out of his car. “You wanna do something later tonight? There’s this thing we could go to.”
I shook my head. “Sorry, maybe another night.”
“It was Heather, wasn’t it? She upset you.”
“What? No. I just can’t tonight.”
“You don’t have to lie, Keeley. I’ll talk to her. I’m sure she didn’t mean what she said.”
Oh my gosh. He wasn’t understanding me, plus he blamed Heather for it. Like she deserved anymore verbal abuse from him. “No, Steve, it wasn’t Heather. I already have plans. I just want to read a little bit before class starts. No sense in falling behind before the year even starts.”
He relaxed a little. “Oh. Okay. Well, maybe another night then?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Thanks for breakfast though. It was great.”
“You’re just saying that. I know you were upset. You didn’t even eat.”
“I guess I wasn’t very hungry, but it was nice.” I gave him the best smile I could fake. “See you later.” I turned and walked away before he could say anything else.
I locked the door behind me and fell back against it. The universe was giving me what I deserved, I told myself, but I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
You’re the one who killed your best friend. It was the same thing I told myself every time I wondered why I got dealt a shitty hand of cards.
A week of classes and I still felt like every day was the first. I hoped the newness would wear off fast because I wasn’t sure how much longer I could carry the weight of it all. I needed to relax and let go of my stress.
I holed up in my apartment with delivered Chinese food boxes and schoolbooks after classes. The embarrassment of Professor Priese pointing me out to the class was still fresh, and I decided that I wouldn’t be caught off-guard in any of my classes again.
After I was sure I was efficiently prepared for at least the next week, I closed all the books and shoved them to the end of my bed. Not the best place to study, or eat for that matter, but it was comfy and that won out all arguments over using the old couch.
I leaned my head back, trying to assess everything that happened over the last week. I wasn’t sure what to think about Steve. One minute he’s normal and kinda fun, but the next it’s as if he flipped a switch and all hell broke loose. The way he looked when he yelled at Heather still made me cringe. If that had been me, I’m not sure I would’ve handled it so well. My stubbornness probably would have flared, making me yell back, or the complete opposite and I would’ve broke down.
Caty was cool though. I was glad I met her; she reminded me of Celeste. I picked up my phone to text her. It was Friday after all and staying home didn’t sound as appealing as I thought it earlier. What R U doing 2nite?
It didn’t take long before she replied. Going 2 a bonfire. Wanna come?
I tapped my phone on my leg as I considered it. I was still avoiding Steve, but maybe I needed to give him a chance. Maybe the whole thing at the restaurant the other morning was a fluke. Sure. Can U pick me up?
Sweet! B there at 7.
I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, but whatever it was, I wasn’t wearing a dress. I got up and searched through my clothes, pulling out a tank top, zippered hoodie, and a pair of jeans. Pulling open the top drawer of my dresser, I sifted through my stash of bandanas, my accessory obsession.
Grabbing my outfit, I headed to the bathroom to get ready for the night. I had about forty-five minutes before Caty would show up, and a shower sounded heavenly.
Caty was right on time when she and Jonah pulled up along the road to my apartment. I locked my door and headed down to the car, jumping in the backseat. “Thanks for picking me up.”
“Hey, no problem,” Jonah said as he sped off down the road.
“I’m so excited you’re coming with us,” Caty squealed. “Steve hasn’t shut up about you. He really likes you. He’s gonna be so excited when he sees you there.”
I smiled. “Really? I mean, he just met me. Besides, I’m not sure about him.” I really thought he’d stop pursuing me after me not responding to his calls or texts for a week. I was secretly worried he’d show up at my front door again, but thankfully, he never did.
“What are you not sure about?” Jonah said, a little more defensively.
“Well, his mood changes are a little rough. One minute he’s nice then the next… I don’t know. It might just be me; everything is different than it is back east.”
Jonah chuckled. “Steve can be a bit moody, but he’s good to the ones he cares about. Once you make it in his small circle of those he trusts, you’re in forever. He’d never let anything happen to you.”
I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or nervous about that. “What about Heather? He didn’t seem too happy with her this morning.”
Caty twisted in her seat so she could look at me. “Heather’s a little slut. She’s wanted Steve since junior year in high school, but he wants nothing to do with her. She is definitely not in his circle.”
“So, what about you guys? Are you in his circle?” I used quotations to add emphasis.
They both laughed, but Jonah spoke, “Yeah, Steve and I have been friends since we were young. He’s like a brother.”
“So how will I know if I ever make it into his circle?”
Caty tipped her head slightly. “Well, you’ll know. He’ll defend you, put you at the top of his priority list, gosh there’s so many things. I guess if he told you that might work too.” She giggled. “But seriously, you’ll get treated differently. You’ll know.”
I nodded even though her answer was far from clear. I’ll know, huh? Well that told me nothing.
Jonah parked the car and we all got out. We were on some old dirt road outside of the city. The smell of fresh pine and sage carried down from the Wasatch Mountains. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent. Through
the trees, I could hear laughter and talking, and I followed Jonah and Caty up the trail.
Brick was one of the first to see us and hollered as he strategically placed another tree limb on the stack in the middle of the clearing. I noticed about six others mingling around, but didn’t see anyone I really knew. They were faces I remembered from breakfast Tuesday, but I couldn’t remember their names.
Jonah jogged up to help with the building of the bonfire, and I stayed back with Caty, content to watch. It wasn’t long before the guys had the fire blazing. I was grateful I wore a sweatshirt over my top because the night air was a little chillier than it was in the city. The end of August was already showing signs of the pending fall, but I loved it. Although I was going to miss all the colors of Maine this time of year, I was sure I made the right choice by leaving.
Jonah came over and rubbed his hands up and down Caty’s arms. “Did you bring a jacket?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I just left it in the car.”
He gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Be right back.” He took off back down the trail toward the car.
Inwardly I was somewhat jealous. It would be nice to have someone pamper me a little like that; not that I needed to be pampered.
Arms wrapped around my middle and I jumped. “I’m glad you came,” Steve whispered in my ear.
I twisted and slugged his arm. “You jerk. You scared the crap outta me.”
He chuckled. “Sorry, I saw you standing here and well… You know…”
“No, I don’t know.”
He tightened his hold on me, bringing me closer. “I just wanted to hold you, that’s all.”
Something about the way he talked was off. He was slower, as if he was deliberately taking his time with his words. His arms around me felt wrong and uncomfortable. I pushed him off. “Steve, I just want to be friends. Okay?”
“Oh,” he said as he took a step back. “Is there someone else?”
