Except drinking.
Reid had been pretty responsible about alcohol until that point, but after Tony’s death, he started drinking regularly. At first it was just a beer or two each night. But when that buzz didn’t work, he switched to hard liquor – usually the cheapest whisky he could find. He rarely got completely drunk. He drank just enough to block the memories of the afternoon he found Tony so he could sleep. Somehow, the drinking did little to affect Reid’s grades or game. He still didn’t know how he managed to graduate with honors and one of the highest batting averages in the conference.
Then he was drafted by the New York Mets. It was everything he’d ever wanted, and the smile on his face in the photos from graduation day and signing day was bright enough to mask all the sadness and hurt Reid had been working so hard to hide for months. He was ready for a new start. Getting out of Durham and that dorm room was the key to moving on.
Immediately after graduation, Reid headed to rookie league. He put in long days of workouts, drills, and games, and the coaches praised his work on a regular basis. He bonded with his teammates, relieved to have a fresh start. His new friends knew nothing about his college roommate, and he didn’t offer any information either. He wasn’t trying to forget Tony, but he figured not talking about him would help him erase the memories of the afternoon of his death.
It didn’t.
The images continued to haunt Reid in his sleep on a regular basis, unless he had a few drinks before going to bed. It helped quiet his thoughts and put him in a state of sleep that didn’t allow dreams.
Women also provided plenty of distraction for his brain. Even in the small town where he was playing baseball, there were enough options for sex. Occasionally, he would go home with someone he met at the local bar and let her exhaust his body to the point that his mind shut off too. But those nights were limited by design. He needed to avoid complications. Even though he never promised the women anything more than one night, some of them tried to get more out of him anyway. A few had deployed some interesting strategies – trying to skip birth control or claiming fake pregnancies – but Reid was smart enough to see through them, and he kept them all at arm’s length. It made him look like a jerk, but he couldn’t worry about that. He had a career to think about, and he wasn’t about to let a woman destroy it.
Alcohol was decidedly less complicated than women. Liquor continued to be his go-to through the minor leagues and into the majors. When times got rough or the memories of Tony returned, he hit the bottle. Obviously, there was also the occasional woman, and he’d gotten better at avoiding the clingy, manipulative type. He didn’t think he had a problem with either of his vices. He continued to play well on the field, and no woman got her hooks into him for very long. He figured he was coping with everything pretty well.
But then he got called up. Suddenly, Reid’s every move was put under the microscope of the major leagues, and the scrutiny threatened to chip away at the protective shield he’d spent years building.
His debut was magnificent. He was hitting well and fielding well, and he felt like all of his hard work was finally paying off. Driving to the ballpark each day gave him an unparalleled thrill, and his heart surged every time he took the field. Then, inexplicably, his performance started declining. He was doing the same things he’d always done, but the results were not there. He tried making adjustments in his swing, but nothing was working. Frustration was rising and his batting average was declining.
Reid’s hitting coach and teammates had tried to stay positive and kept telling him he’d start hitting if he’d just relax. That was a good idea in theory, but putting it into practice proved difficult. Reid could not shake the pressure he felt each time it was his turn to bat. And each time he struck out or hit into an easy out, Reid fumed all the way back to the dugout. Pretty soon, Reid’s teammates stopped talking to him during games. Their silence and avoidance was probably a result of his bursts of anger, but in Reid’s mind, it was a display of disappointment. And he couldn’t blame them. The Mets had bought into the promise of big talent, and he hadn’t delivered.
His release hadn’t been a big surprise to him, but it had been painful nonetheless. Even now, a few months later, it still stung. The Mets had given up on him, and no other team had shown any interest either. He’d fallen so far from where he thought he’d be, and he didn’t have anyone to blame but himself.
Reid let out a long breath and looked around the plane. Half the players were sleeping, and the rest were either playing poker or watching movies on portable devices. They all seemed relaxed and happy. And why shouldn’t they be? They were major league ballplayers. They were getting paid to play a game they loved. Reid envied them. He had been one of them only a year earlier. He wondered if he’d ever be one of them again or if he’d have to settle for the diluted joy he felt in his role as a hitting coach.
His gaze paused on Kate. Her eyes were glued to her laptop. Outside of dinner with her family, Reid hadn’t seen her in a non-working moment yet. Even when she was at the games or walking through the practice fields, she wore a very serious expression. She always appeared to be in business mode. He wondered if she ever took time to relax. He wondered if she even knew how anymore.
With a smile, he thought about how he wouldn’t mind reminding her. His memory flooded with visions of her lying beside him in bed, completely sated after an intense bout of lovemaking. Indeed, he knew how to help her relax. He knew how to kiss her in a way that made her forget about everything else. He knew the places that were the most sensitive to his touch and his lips. He could almost hear her cries and gasps of pleasure as he recalled his thorough exploration of her body.
His smile fell as he remembered her words and the bite of her tone when she spoke to him. She had no interest in a jaunt down memory lane or a reconnection. They were merely business acquaintances now. If she didn’t even care to be friends with him, there was no way she’d let him get her into bed again. But that wouldn’t stop him from thinking about it, and at this point, he wasn’t sure he could stop those thoughts if he tried.
Kate glanced up from her work to find Reid staring at her. She couldn’t read his expression, so she wasn’t sure what he was thinking. She decided she was better off not knowing. He was probably still trying to figure out how they could be friends again. She wished he’d give up on that. To be honest, they had never truly been friends. Their interaction began because of her crush on him, and it had played out to create even more complications than she would have imagined. Electric kisses, amazing sex, and all kinds of feelings she’d never really vocalized. To him or anyone else. It was one thing to have feelings, and it was another thing to share them. Vocalizing how she felt about him made it more real. And left her open to being hurt. Not that she hadn’t been hurt, but she always imagined it would have been a hundred times worse if Reid had known how much she truly cared for him. Or how much he had hurt her. And she never wanted him to know how much power he’d had over her. Their recent conversations had undone her plan a little, and she cursed herself for that. She wanted him to think she was indifferent to him. Instead, he was beginning to get an idea of how much he had hurt her. He still didn’t see the whole picture though, and Kate hoped returning to Portland and starting the regular season would distract him from his efforts and give her the space she needed to regroup and shut him out again.
Now, with his gaze on her, it was hard to think about shutting him out. Those eyes were just too compelling. For a few moments, she just looked back at him. Whatever expression she wore was effective. He finally looked away, but not before giving her a small smile that sent a warm jolt down her spine. She quickly looked back at her computer screen, trying to shake the sensation and refocus on her work.
When the plane landed, Kate braced herself for yet another tense conversation with Reid. Instead, he walked by her without a word and boarded the bus that would take him and several of the players back to their vehicles at the ballpark. Kate gathered her b
ags and waited for a cab, relieved she wouldn’t have to stave off Reid anymore that night. She was tired and ready to be home again.
Kate loved the modern, two-story home she’d purchased shortly after starting her job with the Pioneers. Full of craftsman charm, it was the best of old-world style and modern conveniences, and she’d decorated in classic, muted colors to highlight the gorgeous woodwork throughout.
The first floor was wide open and arranged in a way that felt cozy despite the expansive square footage. When Kate entered from the two-car garage, she walked into a kitchen equipped with top-level appliances that didn’t get nearly enough use. Kate was a decent cook, but she didn’t have a lot of time to explore those talents. A year earlier, she’d added a deck, which was accessible from the kitchen, and she hoped to find time to use it more in the near future. The living room was just a few steps away, with large windows overlooking the side yard, which was lined with a fence and trees. It was a gorgeous view, particularly in the winter when Kate enjoyed a glass of wine on the plush sectional couch in front of the fireplace while watching Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel. At the front of the house was a welcoming porch with a wide front door that opened to the foyer, which divided the living room and formal dining room. The latter held a solid oak table big enough to comfortably seat twelve. Kate had only used it twice since she moved in, but she kept it set with her favorite china and stemware. On the left side of the foyer, next to the living room entryway, was an oak staircase leading to the second floor, which was home to two guest rooms, a bathroom, and Kate’s master suite. Her bedroom, painted in a grayish purple and decorated with floral artwork, was decidedly feminine and a sharp contrast to her business persona. The floors were the same oak that ran through the rest of the house, and a plush dark purple throw rug provided padding each night as she climbed under a dark purple comforter on a queen-sized iron frame bed. The adjoining five-piece bathroom was done in the same color scheme, and her spa tub got plenty of use year-round. There were touches of indulgence throughout, but the overall theme of the home was simplicity and comfort. To her, it was perfect. Best of all, it was all hers. She’d never felt more adult or more successful than the day she signed the papers on her home and unlocked the door for the first time.
She didn’t get to spend as much time in her home during the season, but that was actually a blessing in disguise. She found that when she was home for any extended length of time, loneliness would begin to creep in. Even with a good movie or music turned on, the house felt too quiet and too big. That’s when she would become acutely aware of her singlehood. Her home seemed to be missing something or someone. But those feelings were fleeting, and she always managed to chase them away. She knew there were worse emotions in the world. She had experienced them plenty in her life. She would take isolated and lonely over hurt and betrayed any day. And every day for the rest of her life. She was fine alone. Better than fine, even. She was convinced of that. Or at least she would continue trying to convince herself of that.
She kept busy with work during the baseball season, and indulged in as much travel as her schedule would allow. Each year, between the last game and winter meetings, she would visit some new, exciting destination. Usually, she chose one that required a few bikinis, but every now and then, she’d go somewhere with rich history and culture so she could truly get lost in another world. Wherever she went, she always made a conscious effort to leave work behind – except in the case of emergencies – so she could truly clear her head. This made it easier to jump back into work when she returned.
Kate could certainly use that kind of clarity now. She hadn’t managed to find time for a vacation over the winter, and it was catching up with her. A trip now was out of the question, so she sank into a tub full of lavender-scented bubbles instead. In addition to washing off the travel dirt, she hoped the aromatherapy would help her unwind and find sleep easily. Her mind was so cluttered, even more so than usual, and she suspected it would stay that way for the length of Reid’s employment with the Pioneers. Particularly if he insisted on bringing up their past every time they talked. Dodging his questions and resisting his charms for an entire season would be exhausting if not impossible. She was already worn out, and there was still plenty of season ahead.
Chapter Seven
Opening Day is a holiday for every baseball fan. Even bigger than Christmas Day for some. It signifies the end of a long, cold winter and the beginning of what many hope to be a long and happy season. The first game in April serves as a fresh start for every club and a milestone for every rookie. On this day, the sun seems to shine a little brighter, the air feels clearer, and there’s an undeniable jolt of energy and optimism for everyone associated with the game of baseball.
All of those sentiments were particularly true for Opening Day in Portland. The festivities were spectacular and the fans were loud, but for Reid, it all felt a little subdued. He couldn’t decide if it was because of the change in scenery or the change in his role. As Reid stood along the first base line with the other coaches watching the players run onto the field for introductions, he thought back to his own first Opening Day in the majors. It’d only been two years ago, but he felt so much further removed from that momentous day. He certainly felt as though he’d aged more than two years since then. Disappointments and trials always seemed to make gaps in time seem larger than they were. But even all that had happened in the interim couldn’t completely erase his memories of Opening Day and how he’d felt when he ran onto the field for his first April at Citi Field – optimism, pride, and pure joy. He still had those emotions on this day, but they were significantly more muted. He brought his attention back to the Pioneers’ ceremony, and he couldn’t help but smile at the rookies. Their enthusiasm and zeal was readily apparent, even though a few of them were trying to look like calm, seasoned pros. Maybe some of the fans were fooled, but not Reid. He saw the real emotions on their faces, and it helped him forget his pity party and enjoy the rest of Opening Day.
Once the fanfare was over, it was time for the first pitch and the first relevant game of the new season. For the Pioneers, the season began on a high note. Zach Sutter, Portland’s ace, went seven innings, giving up just three runs and striking out ten. The offense drew seven walks and put together a few solid innings. It all culminated in a respectable 7-5 victory over the Boston Red Sox.
Boston took the rest of the series, but Portland bounced back to take two of three from the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim to close out the opening home stand. This helped rejuvenate the energy of the team and the fans as the Pioneers hit the road for stops in Kansas City, Arlington, and Houston.
Reid had forgotten how rough the first few weeks of a new season were. Even with all the excitement and adrenaline, the adjustment to life on the go was a challenge. Spring training was designed to prepare them for playing every day, but it always felt different when the games mattered. To the casual spectator, it probably looked like just a few hours of work, but any ballplayer could tell you there was much more to it. The games might only be three hours long – give or take – but that was only part of an athlete’s day. Workouts, batting practice, and post-game press often meant at least 10 hours spent at the ballpark. And with more on the line, there was an increased demand on physical and mental energy.
The first few road trips added to the challenge of transitioning to a new season. Between time zone changes, hotels, late flights, and finding time for food, Reid always felt a little off-balance until he got a few trips under his belt. Major league travel was much better than his minor league days of buses and cheap hotels, but it was still grueling and hard on the body. From Reid’s perspective, adjusting to a new season was harder as a player, but he was learning it definitely wasn’t a picnic as a coach either.
As he coped with the schedule and worked with his hitters, Reid had very little time to worry about Kate. He didn’t see much of her either and he was pretty certain that wasn’t a coincidence. He knew there were
demands on her time, but after their conversation on the team’s plane, he suspected she was doing everything in her power to avoid him. He finally caught up with her in the lobby of the team’s hotel in Minneapolis. He was just returning from the ballpark, and she looked like she was headed out as she was wearing a short, curve-hugging black dress with bright red heels. He’d seen her dressed up before, obviously, but it still stopped him in his tracks. She’d always been gorgeous, but the years had been kind to her. She looked incredible.
“Wow,” he said. “Hot date?”
“Hopefully,” Kate said. “Blind date. So I don’t really know if he’s hot.”
“Well, he definitely won’t be disappointed when he sees you,” Reid said. “I know I said it already, but – wow. You look really beautiful.”
Her face developed a reddish tint, but Reid was pretty sure it was a blush this time, not anger. It was a more pleasant shade on her.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
They looked at each other for a few moments without saying a word. It was a tense silence, but the tension was different. For once, it wasn’t angry. It was more curious and uncertain.
“Well, I should get going,” she said finally.
“Have a good time.”
“You have a good night too.”
It was the first truly civil conversation they’d had since his interview. Reid was impressed and pleased. He was also strangely jealous of the man waiting to meet Kate. He had been planning to stay in and relax, but now he decided he should go out instead. He didn’t want to sit in his room and dwell on the unknown man who was lucky enough to be in Kate’s company for the evening. He didn’t have a right to think or feel anything about the situation, so he needed a distraction to keep his mind busy.
Dropped Third Strike (Portland Pioneers #1) Page 15
