by Deb Kastner
And that was probably because she had unresolved feelings toward him. When she’d left town she had simply—or maybe not so simply—tucked her emotions deep in her heart and never addressed them. Now, many years later, they’d come back to haunt her.
But she couldn’t think about that now. She had all she could do just to deal with the present problems. She couldn’t let herself become distracted. Not when so much was at stake.
“I assume your parents knew about Riley,” Zach stated acerbically.
“Yes, of course.”
“And…what? You swore them to secrecy?” he retorted, his face grim. “Who else knew? Am I the only one in the whole town who wasn’t aware I had a son?”
“No, of course not,” she snapped, discouraged by the tenor of the conversation. But what else could she have expected? “No one knew. Not even my best friends. I didn’t want anyone else to know. I asked my parents not to say anything. Although I doubt they would have told you anyway. At the time, you were getting into more trouble than ever, and my parents were really worried about how you would react if you found out I was pregnant with your baby. In their opinion you were too immature to be a father.”
“And you believed them.” Zach’s lips twisted and his face colored a deep crimson. “They had no right to judge me.”
Delia reached for his hand, but he pulled away. “Don’t be mad at them. They were just trying to protect me.”
“Right. In their eyes, I was nothing more than the guy who ruined their teenaged daughter.”
She lifted an eyebrow and bit her lip to keep from stating the obvious and making things worse than they already were.
He was the boy who had gotten their teenaged daughter pregnant. How could he blame her parents when all they’d been doing was looking out for her best interests?
And Riley’s.
“Well,” Zach continued, “however they feel about it—how you feel about it—the fact remains that I am Riley’s biological father.” He paused and blew out a frustrated breath.
“Yes, you are,” she assured him. Riley was most definitely Zach’s son. He’d be surprised to learn the whole truth. There had been no other men in her life.
Only Zach.
“What a mess,” he grumbled. “I lost out on so much. You never gave me the opportunity to step up for you and Riley. You were all alone and you didn’t have to be.”
Delia tried to swallow but nearly choked instead. She hadn’t been this confused since the day she’d discovered she was pregnant with Riley.
What would have been?
Should have been?
Might have been?
Zach was right. Now they would never know.
“Maybe you and your parents were right about me,” he admitted, his voice harsh. “It’s possible that I wouldn’t have taken responsibility for Riley, or for you, and that I would have run as far and fast as I could in the other direction. I am the first to admit I was pretty screwed up back then.”
He shook his head and jammed his fingers into his hair, making his already-tousled brown locks even more disheveled. “But I was in love with you. And I would have loved our baby—I do love him. I had the right to know about my son, Delia. You should have told me from the first.”
“I intended to…eventually. But as the months went on, it became easier and easier to convince myself that it would be better for everyone if I never said anything at all. As hard as it was getting through med school as a single parent, Riley and I survived.”
She paused thoughtfully. “As the years passed, the thought of coming home became more and more frightening. So I avoided Serendipity—and you—altogether.”
With a sigh, she turned away from him, rubbing a spot on her temple that was throbbing uncontrollably. She was getting a migraine.
Big surprise there.
In some ways she wished she could detain it at least a little while, although she knew how fruitless any hope of that would be. She needed to be able to think straight if she and Zach were going to get through this, but the vision in her left eye was already becoming blurry.
“I’m not here to make excuses, nor am I trying to rationalize my behavior. I’m just trying to explain the facts,” she continued. She hoped her voice sounded more composed than she felt.
“Well, here’s another fact for you,” Zach said, his gaze hard and his jaw tight. The tension in the small room was palpable. “From here on out, I’m going to be part of Riley’s life. A big part. I intend to make up for all the years I lost.”
Delia drew back emotionally at his cold, rigid demand. Mentally, she tried to regroup. She knew the things she had revealed to him today had to have hurt him, and to keep from showing it, he was lashing out in anger.
She should have expected that. Some things never changed. “I thought that’s what we were discussing.”
Zach shook his head fiercely. “We’re not discussing anything. Riley is my son, and I’m going to be a good father to him. The father he should have had all along.”
Her throat was so tight that she couldn’t speak.
“Do you want to tell Riley, or should I do it?” His gaze was daring her to argue with him. Well, she wasn’t going to rise to the bait.
“We should tell him together.”
He reached for her arm. “Fine. Let’s go.”
She jerked her elbow away from him. “Now, wait just a second here.”
Delia felt like she was on a roller coaster and she couldn’t get off. Zach was moving too fast. He was being too impulsive. Too much the do-it-now-and-think-about-the-consequences-later Zach Bowden.
That was exactly what she’d been worried about.
He was merely proving what she’d known all along. Zach didn’t think things through before he acted. He might have grown into a quasi-responsible man who liked kids, but birds couldn’t change their feathers. Leopards couldn’t change their spots.
And Zach Bowden couldn’t change who he was deep down—a charming but impulsive man who didn’t have to look for trouble for it to find him.
He didn’t understand. They needed more time to work out the details, to plan carefully. How could he not realize that they couldn’t simply approach Riley and blurt out the truth—not without running the risk of irreparably damaging the boy.
When they told Riley about Zach, they needed to be together and of one mind—not with Zach dragging her along behind him, literally as well as figuratively. Riley’s whole world was going to be rocked by this revelation, and he would need all the support he could get—from both his mom and his dad.
“Look, I have to go.” Apparently he was changing tactics, for he shrugged and flashed her that charming bad boy smile of his, the one he’d used so many times in the past to manipulate her. His magnetic grin still affected her—more than she cared to admit—but if he thought she was going to yield to him on this, he was wrong.
He opened the door to the office without looking back. She hesitated for only a moment before springing after him.
Her heart was pounding and her head throbbing. She’d been making decisions for years without anyone else’s help, and she’d done just fine on her own, thank you very much. She wasn’t about to be pushed, bullied or charmed into making a costly mistake.
“Zach, wait,” she implored, grabbing for his arm but only managing to snag his T-shirt. “Please, just wait.”
“What?” he barked as he whirled on her.
In the past she probably would have given in to his glowering scowl, but she was stronger now, and she had to do what was right for Riley.
“I think we should give this more time,” she suggested, her soft voice contrasting with his harsh tone.
He shook his head. “I’ve missed too much of his life already. It’s
way past time Riley knew who his father was.”
Delia looked into his eyes and suddenly realized it wasn’t his temper getting the best of him. It was his pain and frustration at being left out of his son’s life for so long that was adding fuel to the fire.
And that did move her heart in a way that his surliness or his inherent charm never could.
“I know,” she agreed. “You’re right. It is time for Riley to meet his father. Just not today.”
Zach’s brows dropped low over his soulful brown eyes, but at least he didn’t outright ignore her plea. She could see he was torn between what he wanted to do and what would be best for Riley. Maybe she hadn’t given him enough credit.
“When, then?” he asked after a moment, jamming his hands in his pockets and staring at the floor.
“Soon.”
“You have to do better than that,” he pressed, raising his gaze. “When, exactly?”
“Christmas Day.”
As soon as she said it, she began forming plans in her mind. Christmas was this coming Thursday, giving her only a few days to lay the groundwork with Riley and prepare him to meet his father—but it was better than nothing. Maybe she could give little hints and warm the boy up to the idea.
Then, on Christmas Day, eating dinner together, Zach and Riley would have a little time to spend getting to know each other before the big announcement. Or rather, nothing quite so dramatic—more like a quiet explanation.
That she hoped Riley would eventually accept.
“Okay,” he answered in a guttural growl.
The word was muttered so softly that Delia wasn’t sure she’d even heard correctly.
“Okay?” she repeated.
“Yes. I don’t like it, but I agree with you. We shouldn’t try to spring this on Riley without first considering the best way to do it.”
“Right,” she agreed, relief flooding through her. At least Zach wasn’t going to go off half-cocked and do something foolish.
“Christmas Day it is, then,” he reiterated. “Where do you want to meet, and when, exactly?”
“I know you probably have family obligations with your mom and dad,” Delia said, “but I thought maybe I’d plan our Christmas dinner for later in the evening and you could come visit us then.”
His mouth twisted in concern. “You’re living at your parents’ house, right?”
Delia nodded. “For the time being. Until I get my medical practice established.”
“Delia, your parents hate me.”
Stunned, she took a mental step backward. He was right. Her parents did dislike him. Hate was maybe too strong a word, but she doubted if he would be welcomed in their home.
“You have a point,” she conceded. “Let me work on it.”
Zach shook his head. “I have a better idea. How about if you two come over to my place for supper? Nothing fancy—I’m not much of a cook. But that would give us the opportunity to be alone together, just the three of us. What do you think?”
She wasn’t sure Zach would really want to know what she thought about being alone with him. That had very little to do with Riley and everything to do with the myriad of feelings for Zach that she’d never quite put to rest. Her emotions were so volatile that a single spark would have her shooting up in flames.
She had to remind herself that he was talking about the three of them together, with the emphasis on Zach getting to know his son and not on rekindling an angst-ridden teenaged relationship that had been doomed from the start. She was fairly certain that thought hadn’t crossed his mind at all.
Those days were over.
“What time do you want us?” She hoped her voice didn’t sound as choked-up as she felt.
“How about five? That way you’ll be able to celebrate Christmas with your parents in the afternoon, but it won’t be too late for me to spend time with Riley.”
Delia closed her eyes for a moment, trying to rein in the sense of fear and foreboding that threatened to overwhelm her. A tremor ran down her spine as she realized how easily this could backfire in her face.
She’d told her son very little about his dad, although it was getting harder and harder to deflect his many questions. Riley could hate her for keeping his father a secret from him. Zach’s heart might be broken if Riley rejected him. Her little boy and the only man she’d ever truly loved were both at great risk here.
Thousands of times over the years she’d imagined them meeting each other, but now that it was really about to happen, she was terrified that it would all go wrong.
At five o’clock on Christmas Day, Riley would finally get to meet the father he’d been asking about. Zach would finally get to tell his son the truth.
And Delia stood to lose everything she held dear.
Chapter Nine
Zach flipped the switch on the surge protector and breathed a sigh of relief when the artificial pine tree he’d purchased the evening before began blinking with dozens of glowing multicolored lights. The tree was a pathetic little thing, only six feet tall and dwarfed by the raised ceiling in his living room, but it was the best he’d been able to get yesterday, it being Christmas Eve and all. Despite his best efforts, he hadn’t been able to get to the store until then, and he counted himself blessed that Emerson’s Hardware still had a tree in stock.
Over the years, he’d hung plenty of Christmas lights for other people, but he’d never bothered decorating his own place when no one would be there to see it but him.
But this night was different.
Tonight his son was coming to visit, and he wanted everything to be perfect. The ornaments and tinsel he’d chosen suited Delia’s tastes—or at least the kind of thing she’d liked back in high school—but that was beside the point.
He wasn’t trying to impress her or anything.
As a final touch, he added an angel to the top of the tree. It was the only decoration that wasn’t brand-new, right-out-of-the-box. The angel, in glowing white ribbons with a Christmas-light candle held in a prayer position in front of her, had been his grandmother’s. She had passed it along to him just before her death several years earlier.
It was a gentle reminder of family in a house that he was only now realizing could be barely considered a home. There were no creative touches in his living quarters, only sparse furniture, mostly hand-me-downs that others no longer wanted.
He didn’t really care what his couch and armchair looked like as long as they were comfortable. He hadn’t even bothered to put any pictures on the walls. It had never mattered that much to him.
But tonight he was picturing his home through new eyes—what Delia and Riley would see when they stepped through the door. He’d done everything he could to spruce up the place, given the limited time he’d had since he and Delia had decided to meet here.
He hoped they wouldn’t notice how vacant the place looked. Although why he should be embarrassed about something so trivial was beyond him. It had never bothered him before.
Dinner was in the oven—or rather, the microwave—and he double checked to make sure the table was set and ready. Presumably Delia and Riley had already eaten a big meal with her parents—Riley’s grandparents—because deli-cooked chicken from Sam’s Grocery, boxed mashed potatoes, and heat-in-the-bag vegetables were about the best he could manage. No one had ever accused him of being a decent cook, and he’d never before had guests for dinner, much less for a special occasion.
Moving back to the living room, he paused, tilting his head and stared at the scene he’d created. It seemed to him that something was missing from the picture, and then he realized what it was. Piles of presents for his son wrapped in festive Christmas colors and cheerful bows.
Regretfully, he hadn’t been able to do that this year. Riley didn’t even
know they were related yet.
But, next year, he’d make up for that loss in spades. He’d probably spoil Riley rotten; but then, he had a lot of making up to do.
He did have one present for the boy, but it was too large to fit under the tree, so he’d stored it in the garage. He wasn’t even sure Riley would be interested in a present from the man he’d soon discover was his father.
The doorbell rang, startling Zach out of his thoughts. The time had finally come for him to meet his son, or rather, for Riley to meet his father. He stood and blew out a breath, rocking his head from side to side to loosen the tense muscles in his neck.
Stay calm, he coached himself, trying to lessen the quivering inside his belly.
Right. This was only the most important night of his life. What could go wrong?
Riley was the first one he saw when he opened the door. The boy was bundled up in winter clothing and standing at an angle from the door, shifting from foot to foot. Zach guessed he was either freezing cold or too full of energy to stand still. He was carrying a platter of cookies on one arm and a brand-new basketball tucked under the other. The platter wasn’t steady and cookies were sliding precariously close to the edge, but Riley appeared more interested in making sure the basketball was secure.
Zach reached for the plate of cookies and popped one of the goodies into his mouth. Chocolate chip—his favorite. He savored the taste for a moment before swallowing. Leaning his shoulder into the screen door, he allowed Delia, who was carrying two loaves of deliciously pungent banana bread, ahead of him.
“Thank you,” she murmured as she went by him. Her rich alto voice was tight with tension and she cleared her throat, no doubt trying to conceal her distress from their son. “I thought Riley was going to drop those cookies.”
“No problem. Come in, you two. It’s freezing outside.” Despite his frazzled nerves, Zach couldn’t contain his grin at seeing his son. He didn’t even try.
And he couldn’t help but notice the enchanting blush staining Delia’s raised cheekbones, probably caused by exertion or the cold weather.
