by Deb Kastner
“What?” Zach’s heart reached his throat and lodged there with an anticipation he couldn’t yet name.
Riley scoffed and shook his head. He rolled his eyes at Delia.
“It’s New Year’s, Mom,” he said, as if that explained everything.
Delia nodded but looked confused. “And?”
Zach had been too distracted by his own thoughts to realize exactly where Riley was going with this, but suddenly he understood. His skin prickled and all his senses went into overdrive. He was keenly aware of Delia beside him, of every tiny move she made, of the way she instinctively shifted toward him, whether she yet realized Riley’s intent.
“And you two guys are supposed to kiss.”
Leave it to a kid to tell it like it was—or at least how it was supposed to be.
“Dad?” Riley prompted.
Delia stiffened but didn’t move out of his grasp. She shook her head as if she were about to argue, but really what was the point?
It was New Year’s and traditions were traditions after all.
And Riley had called him Dad.
Even though he’d only known about Riley for a little over a week, Zach had been waiting his whole life for those words. And he realized with a sudden burst of insight that he’d been waiting for ten years to do exactly what Riley had suggested.
Zach turned toward Delia, leaving one hand on her waist and brushing the fingers of his other hand across the softness of her cheek and into her thick, silky hair.
It had been too long since he’d held her in his arms. He wasn’t about to miss the opportunity he’d been presented.
Besides, Riley was watching, waiting for his mother and his father to connect in a real, tangible way. How could he disappoint his son?
Zach’s breath quivered as his gaze met Delia’s. He could feel the tension in her back and see the hesitancy in her eyes. She was reluctant and unsure of herself—of them.
And yet, for all that, there was something more in her gaze, something drawing him in, although he couldn’t put a name to it.
Yearning? Acceptance?
Hope?
His gaze dropped, centering on her full, bow-shaped lips. Her breath was warm as it swept over his chin. He imagined he could almost hear the rapid beating of her heart.
She wasn’t protesting. She wasn’t moving away.
Maybe it was all for Riley’s sake, but at this moment, he would take what he could get. Whether it led anywhere from here was anyone’s guess, but he wasn’t as averse to the idea as he’d once been.
Drawing out the moment to savor every second of it, he lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers.
Chapter Seventeen
Riley cheered and clapped his hands. His applause jerked Delia back to the present like the crack of a whip. She’d been somewhere else, in another time and another place. She and Zach might have a history together, but this kiss felt new. Different. Exciting.
And she wanted more.
More that she couldn’t have. As much as she might want it, she and Zach could not go back in time. She couldn’t repair the damage she’d done to him, and he would never forgive her—not that she blamed him.
If only she could have a do-over.
But second chances weren’t reality. And idle trips down memory lane would do her no good.
She put her palm against Zach’s chest and pushed away, but not before her fingers felt the pounding of his racing heart. His brown eyes were filled with warmth and affection, and she had to turn her gaze away. His feelings were no doubt the temporary effect of their embrace. She couldn’t count on them to be real.
Riley had no idea what he had asked when he had brought them together. To him it was simple, in the way only a child could look at it. Two adults—one male, one female—following tradition.
Bringing in the New Year with a kiss.
Oh, no, she thought as she quickly gathered her purse to leave. The tickle of the pulse in her temple exploded to a sharp burst of adrenaline through her head.
For Riley, it wasn’t merely one male, one female.
It was Mom and Dad.
Her epiphany was as clear as a sunny Texas morning. Only she’d come about the realization too late.
If she’d guessed what was going through Riley’s head, she would never have allowed Zach to kiss her. But she’d been so caught up in the moment, her heart and her mind so in tune with him, that she hadn’t realized that Riley had had ulterior motives.
And now he would be hurt.
She sighed deeply. Once again, it was her fault.
She was quiet as they returned to the truck and began the long drive back to Serendipity. Zach appeared lost in his thoughts. He kept his eyes on the road and never so much as glanced at Delia, although occasionally the corner of his mouth tipped up in a thoughtful half smile.
Under normal circumstances she would have been worried about what he might be thinking, but at the moment, it was all she could do to regroup her own emotions.
Turning halfway in her seat, she covered a sleeping Riley with Zach’s jacket. He’d curled up around the seat belt with his chin tucked to his shoulder and a soft smile on his face. He’d certainly had a full day—one that he’d never forget, thanks to Zach.
Neither would she, for that matter.
Which brought her back to the kiss.
“We need to talk about what happened,” she said, using every ounce of her determination to steady her voice. She took a deep breath and tried to ignore the incessant throbbing that had appeared behind her left eye.
“Tonight was special, and I think—” Zach said at the same time.
“Go ahead,” she offered, guessing he was on the same wavelength she was. It was best just to get this out in the open, and if he wanted to be the one to say the words, so much the better.
“No, you,” Zach countered politely.
She shook her head, but he insisted.
“Ladies first.”
She took a deep breath and spoke as she exhaled, her words in one long string as if they were all attached together. “I think we gave Riley the wrong impression tonight.”
The truck jerked a little to the side as he wrenched the wheel, but he quickly recovered.
“How is that?” His voice was low and he sounded genuinely perplexed.
Hadn’t he realized what a quandary they were in? She pressed her fingers to her forehead and prayed for the right words and the courage to continue.
“You know he was pushing us to kiss each other.”
“Well, sure. I thought it was kind of cute.”
Delia chuckled despite her stress. “It was kind of cute. It was also kind of foolish on our part.”
Furtively, she glanced at him. Zach shook his head but kept his eyes on the road. A muscle twitched in his jaw but he did not speak.
“I think he believes we are getting back together.”
There.
She’d said it.
“And you want to make sure that he knows we are not a couple.” Zach’s usually honey-rich tenor voice sounded deep and gravelly and emphasized his accent.
“Exactly. When we kissed each other, we put false ideas into his head. Now he’s going to start thinking we’re a real family.”
Zach scoffed. “We can’t have that.”
Delia’s eyes widened and she pressed her lips together to hold back a sob. “No, we can’t.”
“What do you propose we do about it?” Zach asked after a long pause. “Do you want to talk to him, or do you want me to do it?”
She shook her head. “I think it would be better if we just let this one slide—wait and see how things go. Maybe—I mean, I hope—I’m wrong abo
ut this. We just need to be extra careful around one another so he doesn’t get the wrong impression. If he starts pushing us together, then we’ll have to speak to him about it.”
“Okay.”
That was his only response. And to her surprise, Delia realized that was not the answer she’d been looking for.
Her heart was breaking, but it wasn’t so much of a snapping sensation as it was crushing, like something far more painful than the migraine behind her eye. She didn’t know if she could bear it.
But she had to do what needed to be done, and then she needed to stand strong and secure in the decisions she’d made. There was never any doubt that she’d always put Riley’s needs ahead of her own, no matter what the consequences to her own heart might be.
She forced herself to reiterate the terms in her mind. She and Zach were not a couple. They were parents who needed to work out an acceptable custody arrangement for their son.
Only that wasn’t what she really wanted.
It was time she faced the truth—the whole truth. She still cared for Zach—very much.
And if she was being honest with herself, that wasn’t exactly new information. It was also not anything she would ever act upon—could ever act upon.
By his words, Zach had made his feelings crystal clear. There was no chance whatsoever of reconciliation. It was important that Riley not think otherwise. The last thing she wanted to do was to give her son false hope about something that would never be.
She’d been the one who’d pointed out their dilemma in the first place. She’d been the one to bring up the topic in conversation.
So how could she possibly have been hurt by the conclusions they’d arrived at? She’d become the epitome of a country ballad—an utter fool.
It was all Zach could do to keep the truck on the road. He clenched the wheel tightly with both hands to relieve some of his anxiety, but it wasn’t enough. Tension built in the back of his shoulders and fanned into his neck and his jaw.
He’d thought something had changed the moment his lips had met Delia’s, but obviously he’d been mistaken. She clearly still believed he hadn’t changed—or maybe he was too much a reminder of all she’d gone through alone.
He should have told her how much he still cared for her when he’d had her in his arms.
Now he’d lost his chance.
Or maybe he’d never had a chance at all.
He’d always known Delia was a strong, independent woman, but he was only now realizing just how much. She was not only all right surviving on her own as a single mother, but she thrived on it. How many people could say they made it through college, through med school as a single parent?
She was one tough cookie. She didn’t need him in her life. She didn’t even think she needed God’s help.
And in that, at least, she was wrong.
With all his might, Zach rounded up the hurricane of his emotions and pressed them deep into his heart. He had been praying for Delia, that he could forgive her and that they could learn to coexist.
Maybe this was a start.
He couldn’t close his eyes because he was driving, but even so he refocused his mind and heart on God.
He didn’t know how much time passed, but suddenly he realized just how quiet the cab of the truck had become. The acute, intense silence loomed over him until he couldn’t stand it anymore.
“So what did you think of the church service the other day?” he asked, hoping the change in subject wouldn’t be too abrupt for her and anticipating that she would welcome the opportunity to speak about anything else.
After leaning back to check on Riley, she folded her hands in her lap and sighed. “It was overwhelming.”
“I guess the situation wasn’t exactly normal, was it, with everyone wanting to know about Riley? The townsfolk are wonderful, but they can be a little overpowering when they get curious, especially as many of our neighbors were attending church that day.”
“There is that,” Delia agreed with a chuckle that Zach thought sounded a little forced. “But that was the whole point of going, right—to introduce Riley as your son?”
She paused and brushed at an invisible wrinkle in her dress. “It wasn’t the neighbors overwhelming me. At least, that’s not what I meant.”
“No?”
“No.” She sighed softly. “I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about going back to church again. I haven’t stepped foot in a church since I left Serendipity.”
“Really? Not even once?”
She shook her head. “Not even once. At first it was because I was adjusting to living in a big city. The churches were large and a bit daunting in and of themselves, never mind how many people attended services there. I decided to settle in a bit before I started looking for a church.”
“And then?”
“And then I found out I was pregnant.”
Zach’s shoulders tightened as he imagined how it had been for Delia, all alone in a large city completely across the coast from her hometown, only to find out she was carrying a child.
“So you had no church family to support you.”
“No.” Her jaw rocked forward. “And I decided I didn’t care. I set aside my faith. I became a self-made woman.”
Zach paused, brushing his thumb along the ridge of his jaw. “I am in awe of you, I really am,” he said sincerely. “You are the strongest, most compelling woman I’ve ever met. But I don’t believe your independence and your faith have to be mutually exclusive. Do you?”
“That’s just it. I realized when I came back here that there is no such thing as true independence. I wasn’t self-made, I was God-made, whether I chose to acknowledge His presence and His work in my life or not.”
“Unless the Lord builds the house, the workers labor in vain, right? So you’re not angry with me for taking you to church?”
He could feel Delia’s gaze on him, but he didn’t look away from the road. He was happy to hear of God’s grace working in Delia’s life. His eyes were burning, but he was a guy—he didn’t cry, and he didn’t want Delia to see just how close he was to tears.
However confused Zach was about everything else, Delia renewing her faith was a direct answer to prayer, and he was more thankful than he could put into words.
“I’m not mad,” she said, turning her head so she was looking out the passenger-side window. Her voice so soft Zach could barely hear her. “I’m grateful.”
She paused and brushed her hair away from her face with her palm. “I have to tell you, I’m so glad God brought you into Riley’s life. You’re going to make all the difference in the world to that little boy.”
That was all she was asking of him, and he’d certainly step up to the plate where Riley was concerned. Being a dad meant everything to him.
But now he was beginning to think he wanted more.
Chapter Eighteen
Delia’s personal life might have been in shambles, but the town clinic was enormously successful. She’d been putting in full five-day weeks and on-call weekends now that her friends and neighbors knew she was open for business. Most of her cases were fairly insignificant, issues that people had put off getting checked on because they didn’t care to drive an hour to see a doctor.
Coughs. Colds. Strains. Sprains.
No real emergencies to speak of, but then, she hadn’t expected any. Not much went on in a quiet town like Serendipity, nothing that Delia found difficult to handle on her own. No drug overdoses. No children coming in with bloody, sometimes-fatal gunshot wounds from drive-by gang shootings.
To her surprise, she found she didn’t miss the fast-paced, high-adrenaline discord of a Baltimore emergency room as much as she’d thought she might. Small-town life was definitely beginning to agree with her.
Delia glanced at her watch. Seven-thirty. She’d been supposed to get off at six, but today the waiting room had been extra full—not that she minded. Keeping herself physically and mentally occupied at the tiny clinic was just what the doctor ordered.
Anything to keep herself from thinking about Zach.
She grabbed an empty cloth sack and began stuffing dirty linens inside, which she intended to wash in her mother’s machine at home later that evening. She didn’t mind the extra work, and Riley liked to help her fold.
It was her favorite moment of the day, sharing special one-on-one time with her son. He’d talk about his day, and she’d tell him about hers. Sometimes he’d talk about Zach, which Delia found painful, but it was for the best. She had to learn to deal with it sometime. Riley was so enthused about his dad, his friends and his new life in Serendipity that she could not help but share his joy. She certainly didn’t want to put a damper on his feelings. She’d never seen him happier.
But for Delia, evenings were tougher than the days. When she closed her eyes to sleep, all she saw was Zach.
Not that she’d actually physically seen Zach in the two weeks that had gone by since the symphony. The truth was, she’d flat-out avoided him, going out of her way to be absent whenever he visited her parents’ house to spend time with Riley.
She was a coward. Guilt hovered over her like a black cloud. She couldn’t steer clear of Zach forever. It was this kind of attitude that had gotten her into trouble in the first place. Hadn’t she learned her lesson from her past mistakes? The longer she waited, the harder it would be.
It wasn’t likely to be a confrontation anyway. They’d said everything that needed to be said in the truck on New Year’s Eve.
With a scoff, she reached into the basket for what was left of the linens and then tied the bag up tight.
She resolved then and there to move forward in her life. What frightened her was her own heart. Now that she knew for certain how she felt about Zach, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to hide it from him.
