by Rich Amooi
“Weren’t you just walking?”
“Yeah, just a little bit. I think we’re going to head back because I’m getting hungry all of a sudden.”
“Arf!”
“I guess she’s hungry too—isn’t that right?”
“Arf!”
“I thought so.”
Natalie pointed to her squad car. “I better get back to work. I don’t know about the hike. It may not be the best idea.”
“That’s a good point. Exercise can kill you, just like stationary cars.” Giovanni smiled and she matched it. Damn, he was sure they had a connection. “Okay, look, if you want to join us, excellent. If not, that’s okay too.” He pointed just past Natalie on the right. “We’ll be at the bottom of St. Joseph’s Hill at six on the nose. And if you’re nice I may just tell you what else you did last night.”
“There was more?”
“I’m sorry, I’m not able to divulge that information at this time. Six o’clock.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
Giovanni and Precious turned around and headed back home. Natalie was hard to read—he wasn’t sure if she was going to join them. But he hoped she would.
Giovanni ran up his driveway and stopped at the door with Precious. He sat on the step of the front porch to take off his shoes as Precious plopped down next to him. A few seconds later he heard the rumble of a car and watched as a red Ferrari pulled up directly in front of his house. The last person in the world he expected to be in that car got out.
Patricia.
She looked different. Slim, as usual, but new clothes and hairstyle. She walked confidently toward Giovanni in a charcoal tight skirt below her knees, a white shirt, and a light jacket matching her skirt. Giovanni could hear the sound of her heels and her long necklaces as she approached. Her blond hair was up in a high bun.
Giovanni pointed to the Ferrari. “New car?”
She took off her sunglasses. “A friend’s.”
Right. Must be the guy from the French restaurant. Not gonna go there.
Her eyes were covered with different layers of makeup. Her eyelashes seemed much longer than before. Did she get extensions?
She pointed to Precious. “Cute dog. Yours?”
“Just dog sitting.”
“I didn’t know you liked dogs.”
Yeah. There were obviously a lot of things Patricia didn’t know about him. But who was he to talk? She was like a stranger to him.
Patricia reached down to pet Precious and the dog snapped at her. It wasn’t easy, but Giovanni was able to hold in the laughter. The dog seemed to be a good judge of character.
She pointed toward the house. “I just came by to pick up the things I had here.”
Shit.
Giovanni was not looking forward to this conversation. He didn’t answer.
“I can grab everything real quick if you don’t mind.”
“Yeah. Well, about that. I kind of…donated everything to charity.”
She stared at him. “My stuff?
He nodded.
“My clothes, my shoes, my purses? Everything?”
He nodded again.
Her body shook a little and her breathing became heavy. Convulsions? Was she going to pass out? She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths and let them out slowly. She looked slightly psychotic. He needed to watch out or she may do something crazy like—
“You asshole!” Patricia removed one of her shoes and threw it at Giovanni. It smacked him right in the head.
Glad it wasn’t with the heel!
“Arf! Arf! Arf!”
Giovanni rubbed his head and shielded Precious so she wouldn’t get hurt. “Watch it. You’re going to break something!”
Patricia removed the other shoe and Giovanni dodged it. It bounced off the front door.
With Precious under his arm Giovanni ran and picked up both shoes. “Thank you! More to donate!”
“Those are Prada! I should break your neck! Do you know how much that stuff is worth?”
“Not a clue. You got those at Marshalls, right?”
“Ahhhhhhh!” She held up her middle finger to Giovanni and walked back to the Ferrari barefoot.
“Arf! Arf! Arf!”
Giovanni scratched Precious on the head to calm her down. “It’s okay, girl. She’s gone.”
Patricia pulled out her cell phone before she got in the car and made a call. “Meet me at Nordstrom’s in ten minutes. Time for a shopping spree and you’re treating.” She disconnected the call, gave Giovanni the evil eye, got in the car, and drove away.
He sighed and went inside with Precious. It was odd seeing her.
Very odd.
If there was any connection it was gone for sure. He wondered if they ever had one. She looked like she found a sugar daddy and he was okay with that. He had no hard feelings. He wished her the best.
He took a quick shower and headed to his mom’s house with Precious. Eleonora said she had something for him and that he had to come by today before it expired. He had no idea what it was but he planned to be at her house at five. That would give him an hour before the hike.
*****
As he pulled up to the front of his parents’ house he saw a car parked in his usual spot in the driveway. A bright red Smart car. Those cars always made Giovanni smile— they reminded him of a carnival ride. Tiny and cute. Quite opposite of his mom’s car. If you wanted to call it a car. She drove a Hummer. But it made sense since she needed a place for her giant balls.
His dad stood there with the front door open and a face longer than Florida. “Hi son.”
They hugged and Alfonso closed the door behind them.
His dad looked down at Precious. “Cute dog. What’s her name?”
“Precious.”
He nodded. “You sure you want to bring that thing in here? You know what’s going to happen when your mother sees her.”
“She’ll just have to deal with it.”
Giovanni heard his mom talking with another woman in the other room. “Oh no.”
His dad put his arm around Giovanni and whispered. “Just remember, I had nothing to do with this one either. If you ever decide to kill your mother I will be your alibi. I promise.”
Giovanni knew his dad was joking but he didn’t like the sound of things. His poor dad, neutered by his mother. And he knew that face. It meant his mother was up to no good.
Giovanni could hear the two talking in the family room. He decided he wanted no part of it. He slowly started backing up toward the door.
Alfonso grabbed him by the arm. “Nice try. She already knows you’re here, so if you don’t want to start World War III you’ll just go in there and get this over with.”
Giovanni knew what was going on. His mother was trying to set him up with another woman. A woman who was pre-screened to be certain that she wanted lots of babies. They’d been through this before and it was about as enjoyable as a kick to the head.
He took a deep breath and politely smiled as he entered the family room, waiting for his mother to start the show. He had to admit, as annoying as it was, his mother was a damn good actress.
“Hi son!” she said, moving to him and kissing him on the cheek. The last time she kissed him on the cheek was when she set him up on a blind date with Patricia. And look how that turned out.
Eleonora glanced down at Precious who was sniffing her leg. “What is this thing doing in my house?”
“Her name is Precious and I’m watching her for a friend.”
“It has hair.”
“Most dogs do.”
“Please put her in the backyard.”
Giovanni hesitated, but didn’t want to argue with her so he slid open the sliding glass door and let Precious outside. The dog looked happy and started exploring the back yard. She would be okay back there for a little while.
Giovanni knew his mother would be pissed if he didn’t play along with her game and he wasn’t in the mood to play with fire.
&nb
sp; “Hi Mom.” He pretended to inspect her hair. “Did you do something different with your hair? I love it.”
He hated playing this game.
Giovanni’s dad hovered quietly in the background, pretending to organize something.
Eleonora palmed both of her cheeks and pretended to be surprised. “That’s my son, always so sweet.” Then she went in for another kiss on the cheek! “Son, I want to introduce you to a very special woman I know from my Pilates class—her name is…Choo.”
“Bless you, Mother.”
His mother pursed her lips and mouthed the word no. Then she said, “Choo, this is my son, Giovanni.”
Oh.
Her name was Choo.
As in choo choo train.
As in chew before you swallow.
As in Chewbacca.
“Son?”
Shit. There were words spoken and Giovanni missed them. He hated when that happened. His mind was still on the movie Star Wars.
“Yes?”
“Choo is waiting to hug you.”
“Oh”
Giovanni glanced at Choo. She was as short as his mother but half her weight. Her straight black hair rested on her shoulders and her tiny nose was flaring. She looked excited.
A little too much.
Choo held both of her arms wide open and smiled. “Come to mama.”
Mama?
She snapped her finger and pointed to the floor in front of her. “Now! Quit being so shy! Your mother told me you were a hugger. Show me what you’ve got.”
Giovanni moved in for the hug and Choo squeezed him tight with both hands. She applied pressure to his lower back and rolled her fists in an upward motion from his waist up to his neck. He now knew what it was like to be a tube of toothpaste while someone tries to squeeze the last bit out.
She inhaled before she released him. “And you smell good enough to eat!”
Somebody help me.
Eleonora squealed like a guinea pig. “You and Choo have so much in common!”
Giovanni raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”
“You build guitars and she makes origami.”
He scratched his head. “Okay. And…how is that the same?”
“You both make things with your hands!”
“Yes!” said Choo, “And also you have lots of money. And I like lots of money!”
Eleonora covered her face with her hand.
“Is that what my mom told you?”
“Yes! Happy! Happy!”
Choo screamed with delight and moved in for another hug-massage-toothpaste-tube squeeze.
This time he was pretty sure he felt a couple of bones crack.
Hopefully there wasn’t permanent damage.
“Mom, I’d really love to stay but I’m meeting someone for a hike and have to get going.”
Eleonora gave him a serious look and pursed her lips. “That’s fine, dear. Let’s get down to business then.”
“Business?”
Choo grabbed a briefcase from the floor and opened it. “I’m in there like swimwear.” She sorted through some papers and handed the first one to Giovanni. “Here’s my resume.”
Giovanni eyed the resume.
Someone shoot me. Is she applying to be my wife?
Choo handed him three more pieces of paper that were stapled together. “This is my medical exam report.” She pointed to the top. “As you can see it was dated just yesterday. I know the doctor so he rushed them for me! You won’t have to worry about me dying on you—I am very healthy. This here shows my thyroid, estrogen, and hormone levels. As you can see I’m ready to go!”
Eleonora lit up. “Choo has five brothers and each of her parents has five brothers. Go testosterone!”
“Oh!” continued Choo. She rustled through her papers. “Where is it? Where is it? Here!” She found a piece of paper with an image on it. “I had an ultrasound and this is a picture of my uterus! Cherry condition, right?”
Giovanni sighed. “Just like my friend’s ’58 Cadillac.”
Choo laughed uncontrollably.
Giovanni couldn’t take it anymore. He stacked her papers together neatly and forced a smile. “Thank you. I need to run now.”
“Wonderful! I look forward to hearing from you. Let me know if you need references from men or anything like that.”
“Of course.”
She went in for the kill one more time and squeezed the last bit of toothpaste out of Giovanni. He let Precious back in from the backyard, hugged his father like normal people hug, and walked out the door.
Hopefully Natalie would show up for the hike.
He was in the mood to hang out with a normal person.
Chapter Ten
Natalie waited for Giovanni at the bottom of St. Joseph’s Hill and wondered what it was about that guy that made her hands sweat. She felt different when she was around him—that was for sure. She liked his company and the way he looked at her too. But this was not a date. She was engaged and Giovanni was a friend—a new friend whose company she would enjoy. That’s all.
Jacks had called in the afternoon and left her a message saying he would have to work late on an important case against some mafia guy. What else was new? They all seemed to be the most important cases of his career. Luckily, when Jacks hadn’t been around she’d been able to enjoy quality time with Federico—their meals together, talking, and sharing memories.
She did feel a tad bit of guilt for two reasons. One, she called Jacks back to say she was going on a hike but she failed to mention one important detail. That she was going with Giovanni.
And two, she found herself nervously changing her shorts three times before she left the house.
But it was time to try to put all of that out of her head. She was excited to be out in nature and was ready to enjoy a hike with Giovanni.
She bent down to retie her shoelaces and got a lick on the face.
Precious.
She petted the dog on the head and stood up to greet Giovanni. “Hi.”
“Hi. Glad you could make it.”
She noticed his eyes briefly wander down to her legs before quickly jumping back up to meet her gaze. She obviously had chosen the right shorts to wear.
“I have ulterior motives,” said Natalie. “I need to find out everything I did last night and then make a decision if I am going to go into hiding or leave the country.”
Giovanni laughed. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“No?”
“Okay, maybe it was.” He gestured with his hand toward the trail to start walking.
She wasn’t sure what it was about him, but she felt so comfortable in Giovanni's presence. He just seemed so down to earth and sincere. From what she could tell—and from what Federico told her—it really didn’t make any sense why the woman left him.
Maybe she would find out the reason soon.
They walked a little bit without speaking and she was okay with that. She admired the view of the trees, the creek, and the man hiking directly in front of her. But curiosity got the best of her.
“I would like to know something.”
Giovanni stopped and turned around. “No, I didn’t take a peek at your goodies when I tucked you in bed.”
“I wasn’t going to ask you that!”
He chuckled. “Sorry. Please continue.”
She analyzed him and figured out he was kidding. Okay, she needed to loosen up.
She decided to try again. “Why do you think she didn’t show up to the church?”
“Who?”
She stopped, her hands on her hips. “Who? What do you mean who?”
“I mean which one. I was jilted twice.”
“Oh…”
There’s got to be something wrong with this guy. That must mean that he is the problem. Two times? That can’t be a coincidence.
“It was just a coincidence. They are completely different women and completely unrelated.”
“Maybe it’s not them, it’s you.”
Oops. Hopefully that wasn’t too harsh.
Precious stopped by the creek and drank some water. Giovanni seemed lost, staring in the water for a few moments. Definitely too harsh.
Fudge!
Looked like the foot had found the mouth again.
Natalie decided to switch gears. “How long are you watching Precious?”
“Two weeks. The owner—Beatrice is her name—went on a cruise.”
Precious finished drinking half the water in the creek and they continued the hike, going up a little bit of a slope. And there was Giovanni’s nice butt again, on display for her pleasure.
Thank you!
“I hope you’re not checking out my ass,” said Giovanni.
“What? Dream on!”
A little bit of that guilt came back.
Focus!
“I must say,” said Giovanni. “I’m quite surprised you gave up on discussing my failed relationships.”
“Oh, I didn’t give up.”
“No?”
“I’m just pacing myself so I don’t overwhelm you.”
“Very smart. What about you?”
“What about me?”
He shrugged. “You know, getting married and all that jazz.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah? You are getting ready for the biggest day of your life and all you can say is ‘yeah’?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know. I guess I just expected a little more excitement from someone I’ve gotten to first base with.”
Natalie pushed Giovanni in the back. He let go of the leash and slipped on some leaves. He slid down the slope, but was able to stop the slide by latching on to a bush with this hand.
Shit. I didn’t mean to push him that hard. Really.
“Oops. Are you okay?”
*****
Giovanni had to admit the girl had some spunk. He shouldn’t be surprised considering she was a cop. She could probably kick his ass any day of the week. He would have to seriously consider his word choices before letting them exit his mouth in the future. He almost laughed, but held it in for fear of getting pushed again. Maybe this time off a cliff.
He got up and wiped off his shirt and shorts then pointed back to the plant. “I have a sneaking suspicion you just pushed me into poison oak.”
“Nooooo.” She leaned over to try to get a better look. “I can’t tell from here. But just to be safe, you should wash well with mild soap and lukewarm water when you get back.”
