by Susan Lewis
Putting a finger to her lips for him to be quiet, Charlotte whispered, ‘Cooper’s not well. He’s been sick and he doesn’t want any tea.’ For Cooper this was a big deal, given his usual bottomless appetite.
Turning in her arms, Cooper said to his dad in a sorry little voice, ‘Chloe can’t go to the party.’
Frowning, Anthony looked at Charlotte.
‘Sara Munds came this afternoon,’ she told him.
His eyes darkened, showing he needed no further explanation. ‘Does Chloe know?’
Charlotte nodded and felt herself welling up again. After she’d broken the news to Chloe she’d sobbed with her, holding her close while knowing that nothing she said was ever going to make it better. It was a truly horrible rejection to suffer, and it must be feeling like the end of the world to her eight-year-old heart. The only good part of it was that it hadn’t provoked an outburst – at least not yet.
‘Where is she now?’ Anthony asked.
‘In her room. She doesn’t want to see or speak to anyone.’
‘Ever again,’ Cooper finished hoarsely.
Going to fetch a bottle, Anthony poured two glasses of Cabernet Franc and put one down next to Charlotte. ‘What are we going to do?’ he said, sitting on the opposite sofa.
‘I don’t know,’ Charlotte replied, glad he understood the seriousness of it. ‘Sara told me a few other things while she was here, but I’ll save them for later.’
After taking a generous sip, he said, ‘I guess it’s impressive that she came to tell you in person.’
Charlotte nodded. ‘She’s a lovely woman. I could see how embarrassed and upset she was.’
‘Which won’t mean much to Chloe. What a day she’s had.’
Remembering how she’d hung up on him earlier, Charlotte was about to apologise when Chloe came down the stairs and stood looking at them with red-rimmed eyes and a tragically tear-ravaged face.
Putting his glass down, Anthony held out his arms, and to Charlotte’s surprise and relief Chloe went right into them.
‘It’s OK, it’s OK,’ he soothed, holding her tight as she sobbed into his shoulder. ‘We’re going to make everything better, and shall I tell you how?’
Her answer was muffled in his shirt.
‘I’m going to take you to Cape Kidnappers for the day on Sunday.’
After a moment Chloe pulled back to look at him. ‘Just me?’ she asked shakily.
Pressing a kiss to her forehead he said, ‘Well, I think we should all go, don’t you? You know how Mummy loves riding on the sea tractor …’
‘And me,’ Cooper piped up.
Chloe’s eyes went down.
Charlotte said, ‘We could go to the growers’ market on Saturday morning, just you and me, to get something for a picnic. How would you like that?’
Chloe gave a small nod.
‘And tonight,’ Anthony declared, ‘I think we could do with a trip to Mamacita’s so we can have churros for dessert.’
‘Chloe likes churros,’ Cooper informed them.
Remembering he was unwell, Charlotte said, ‘Are you sure you’re up to eating something?’
‘Yes, I’m all right now,’ he assured her, making both her and Anthony smile as he climbed down to go and give Chloe a hug. ‘You can come to my party,’ he told her generously.
Chloe looked at Charlotte. ‘He means well,’ Charlotte whispered, and hoisting a still sleeping Elodie into her arms she said to Rowan, ‘You’ll come with us to Mamacita’s?’
‘Love to,’ Rowan replied.
Whether Chloe was worried about seeing any of her classmates in the village was hard to tell, for she sat quietly staring out of the car window on the way to the restaurant, not speaking to anyone, nor responding to Rowan when Rowan put an arm around her. She would have noticed, however, as Charlotte did, two small girls breaking away from their mothers and running towards each other outside the library, looking so thrilled and excited to be meeting up it could have been the best thing that had ever happened to them.
That was what it was like to have a best friend.
Chloe said very little throughout the meal and ate almost nothing until the churros arrived, when she managed only one. Charlotte, distracted by the colour blocks on the walls that reminded her of the retreat booking sheets she hadn’t checked today, still managed to notice how Chloe kept watching Anthony as he playfully fed Elodie. Every time Elodie laughed, or clapped her hands in delight, Chloe seemed to flinch. Everything was hurting her at the moment, and Charlotte was afraid that it would continue to for a while yet. For her part she started to feel horribly aware of people watching them, and tried her best not to imagine what they might be saying.
That night she slept with Chloe while Cooper and Elodie were allowed in with their daddy. The same happened on Friday night, and on Saturday morning, when Charlotte drove Chloe over to the growers’ market, Anthony went to take charge of the cellar door. Apparently it had been his intention to mount the gas gun on the quad bike today, but he’d decided to postpone it until Monday in order for Charlotte to spend time with Chloe. So the dreaded sound of guns going off all over the valley to prevent birds from nesting was about to begin.
Just what her headache needed.
The growers’ market was in a natural hollow at the edge of the Black Barn Vineyard and was made up of a circle of food stalls with a drinks stand at the centre, where Charlotte bought herself a coffee and Chloe an apple juice. Chloe was withdrawn, and trailed around after Charlotte taking little or no interest in anything. Usually she was bounding from one vendor to the next, ready to try all sorts of delicacies from homemade harissa paste to a pungent locally produced cheese. As they inspected the freshly baked bread Charlotte began once again to feel as though they were being watched.
Later, she said to Rowan, ‘It’s like people are thinking “there’s the woman with the problem child”, or “that’s the little girl no one wants at their party, and you know why”.’
‘Oh I’m sure they’re not,’ Rowan protested. ‘Everyone around here is very friendly and understanding …’
‘Sadly, not everyone,’ Charlotte reminded her.
‘Most,’ Rowan insisted. ‘If they’re thinking anything, it’s probably how sad it is that things are so hard for Chloe.’
It was certainly how Charlotte felt, and not knowing how to make things better was as frustrating as it was upsetting.
When two o’clock came – the time Chloe should have been going to the party – Rick turned up to take her to the bistro to help set the tables with flowers and napkins. This was something she’d always enjoyed doing, and to Charlotte’s relief she didn’t refuse to go. However, after bringing her down from her room Rick murmured to Charlotte, ‘You need to go and see what she’s done.’
Upstairs Charlotte found Chloe’s fairy dress and lovely red school hat cut up into shreds, and the word ‘hate’ was scrawled on the mirror. Imagining Chloe’s pain and confusion as she’d set about it all made Charlotte want to cry bitter tears.
After gathering up the dress and hat she lay down on the bed, feeling battered and exhausted, and with her head throbbing painfully again she fell into an uneasy sleep.
That night they ate at the bistro and to Charlotte’s relief Chloe seemed a little brighter. She still didn’t have much to say, and she was mean to Cooper when he copied what she was having to eat, but at least she agreed she was looking forward to their day at Cape Kidnappers tomorrow.
‘It’s your favourite, isn’t it?’ Cooper said, doing his little-boy best to be nice to her.
She nodded and said to Anthony, ‘Are we going to Ocean Beach after for our picnic?’
‘That’s the plan,’ he told her. ‘I hope you got something nice for us today.’
When she didn’t answer, Charlotte said, ‘We’re going to let it be a surprise.’
Chloe seemed not to be listening. She was staring at Elodie in her high chair, no doubt resenting her as usual, or maybe she was wishing
she was that age again when life was so much easier. Except for Chloe it hadn’t been.
Smoothing her hair, Charlotte passed Anthony a napkin to wipe the hokey pokey sundae from around Cooper’s mouth.
‘After I drop you off I’m going over to Black Barn to meet Kim,’ Anthony told her, as he called for the bill.
Surprised, since this was the first she’d heard of it, she tried not to sound snappish as she said, ‘I was hoping you’d help me put the children to bed.’
‘Rowan should be back by now.’
‘And if she isn’t?’
‘I’ll help and go after.’
‘Why are you going on a Saturday night?’
‘Because he asked me to. Apparently there’s something he’d like to discuss.’
‘That can’t wait until Monday?’
‘I’ve no idea, because I don’t know what it is.’
Unable to stop herself she said, ‘Are you sure that’s where you’re going?’
Clearly angry, he took out his phone and scrolled to the text he’d received from Kim Thorp earlier in the day. Something’s come up that I’d like to discuss with you. I’ll be around this evening, family have gone over to Taupo. Come when convenient for you. KT
Annoyed with herself, she handed the phone back and mumbled a sorry.
‘Why do you have such a hard time trusting me?’ he challenged as they drove back to the house.
‘Maybe it’s not you I don’t trust,’ she retorted.
He slanted her a look, but said no more, and for a long, raw moment she desperately wished they didn’t have any children so she could do what she always used to when they’d had a misunderstanding or falling out.
He’s your husband, you can touch him any time you like and wherever you like, she reminded herself.
Her hands remained in her lap and the words she might have spoken were brushed aside by a sudden wail from Elodie.
‘What is it?’ Charlotte demanded, turning in her seat. Since Elodie couldn’t answer she looked at Chloe.
‘I don’t know,’ Chloe answered. ‘She just started screaming.’
‘I think she’s got tummyache,’ Cooper piped up.
Pulling over, Anthony got out of the car and leaned in to lift Elodie into his arms. ‘I’ll walk the rest of the way with her,’ he said to Charlotte.
Since that often calmed Elodie down, Charlotte got into the driver’s seat and by the time he and Elodie arrived home she was upstairs bathing Cooper.
Handing a sleepy Elodie to Rowan, Anthony went to stand in the bathroom doorway. ‘Would you like me to take over?’ he offered.
‘We’re done,’ she replied, lifting a soapy Cooper into a towel. ‘Is Elodie OK?’
‘She seems to be.’ After a pause, he said, ‘I shouldn’t be long.’
‘It doesn’t matter, take as long as you like.’ She hadn’t meant it to come out snippily, but it had. To try and temper it, she added, ‘Send Kim my love.’
‘I will,’ and after tweaking Cooper’s nose he left her to it.
Half an hour later, with the two little ones settled and Rowan on her way into town to meet friends, Charlotte found Chloe sitting on her bed staring at nothing.
‘Are you OK?’ Charlotte asked, going to sit with her.
Chloe shrugged.
‘Uncle Rick said you were very helpful today and the tables were lovely.’
Chloe looked up at her. ‘Who don’t you trust?’ she asked.
Wanting to sigh, Charlotte said, ‘No one. It doesn’t matter.’
‘Is it me?’
Thrown, Charlotte cried, ‘No, of course not. Why on earth would you think that?’
‘I don’t know.’
Remembering that children almost always thought things were about them, Charlotte slipped an arm round her and closed her eyes against a wave of nausea. ‘I trust you,’ she said softly, only wishing it was true.
Long minutes ticked by and she was almost asleep when Chloe said, ‘It’ll be nice going to Cape Kidnappers tomorrow. We haven’t been there for ages.’
Charlotte gave her a hug and found herself thinking about all the other things she and Anthony hadn’t done for ages, such as hold hands and laugh; touch each other’s faces in tenderness; stroll through the vines, arms around one another; watch the children sleeping; kiss until the desire they shared became too explosive to suppress …
I’ve been in bed for quite a long time, just lying in the dark and thinking. I heard Anthony come in a while ago, but I pretended to be asleep when he opened my door to check on me. I don’t want to talk to him, or to anyone else. I don’t want to be here at all, I just don’t know how to leave. It’s not fair that I don’t have a real mummy and daddy to go and live with. Why can’t I be like everyone else? Why do I have to be different?
If I was the same I’d have been able to go to the party today, but I don’t care about that any more. I hate them all, especially Olivia. I hope they all die of something horrible. It would serve them right.
I’m not sure if I feel like going on Anthony’s iPad tonight. The last time was horrible. I found the killing website again, or one like it anyway, but this other one was more about how to kill yourself instead of other people.
Maybe that’s what I should do.
That would serve everyone right.
The iPad’s in its usual place at the back of the drawer under my bed. I don’t think I’ll bother with the killing sites again; instead I’m going to see if my creepy daddy’s friend is online and chat to him. I’ve chatted with him twice already and because he says nice things I’ve decided to instant message with him. He hasn’t told me how my creepy parents managed to steal me yet – I’m worried they didn’t and that I’m really theirs. That would be totally horrible and disgusting. I’d definitely want to kill myself if that was true.
‘Hello Ottilie.’
Being called that makes me feel all strange and like I want to curl up in a ball to shut out the world; it’s the name I had before I was Chloe.
‘Hello.’
‘How are you this morning?’
‘It’s night-time here.’
‘Where are you?’
‘In New Zealand.’
‘Of course. I read that you were living there. It’s a long way away. Do you like it there?’
‘No. Where are you?’
‘You asked me about your daddy the last time we spoke, do you want to know any more?’
I’m not sure how to answer that, because I do, but there again I don’t. ‘How do you know him?’
‘We’ve been friends for a long time. He’s very proud of you.’
I wonder what he’s proud of.
‘You mentioned before that you have a little sister. How old is she?’
‘One and a half.’
‘I’d really like to see her. Do you know how to upload photographs?’
I think I do, but before I can answer he says,
‘Why don’t you take some of her with you in the bath?’
‘She doesn’t like me.’
‘I’m sure that’s not true.’
‘It is.’
‘I can tell you how to make her like you.’
‘How?’
‘I’m going to send you a link that will show you what to do.’
Everyone was up early the following morning, determined not to miss the tide or the trip to Cape Kidnappers would be over before it began. Luckily the forecast rain had drifted off over the mountains already, and the sun was making the moisture on the vines steam and glisten like jewels.
Just after ten Rowan took the Range Rover to go and visit friends in Pourere while Charlotte, ably assisted by Cooper, began loading up the Volvo with swimsuits, beach toys, nappies, towels and of course the picnic. Chloe was trying to take photographs of Anthony feeding Elodie, who seemed set on sending her breakfast flying about the room. Chloe clearly found this funny, whereas Anthony just as clearly didn’t. Since it wasn’t like Elodie to be naughty, or like Ant
hony to get cross with his angel, Charlotte decided to take over the feeding, sending Chloe upstairs to brush her hair and teeth, and Anthony into the corner until he could improve his temper.
Cooper gave a shout of laughter. ‘Mummy sent you to the corner,’ he squealed delightedly. ‘That means you’ve been naughty.’
Managing a smile, Anthony scooped him up and turned him upside down. ‘Time you and I went to Dadz and Ladz for a haircut,’ he told him. ‘You’re looking like a caveman.’
‘No, you are. Mummy! Did you remember my flippers?’ he shouted up at her.
‘Yes, they’re in the car.’
‘And my spade?’
‘You put it in yourself.’
‘Oh yes. Are we going to do some surfing?’ he asked his dad.
‘Yes we are,’ Anthony replied, setting him down on the floor. ‘Have you put my things in?’ he asked Charlotte.
‘I think so, but you’d better check to make sure I haven’t forgotten your Speedos.’
At last he laughed, and she felt such a swell of relief that she laughed too. It might seem childish to be as excited as Chloe and Cooper about a day out by the sea, but why shouldn’t she when they hadn’t spent time together like this in far too long?
Twenty minutes later Elodie was in her baby seat, Cooper was buckled in next to her and Charlotte was calling out to Chloe to hurry up or they’d miss the tide.
‘Where are the car keys?’ Anthony asked, checking the dish where he usually left them.
‘I don’t know,’ Charlotte replied, stuffing a pack of baby wipes into her bag. ‘You were the last one to use the car.’
‘You’ve been packing it up …’
‘It wasn’t locked. They must be somewhere. Have you tried your pockets?’
‘What’s wrong?’ Chloe asked, coming down the stairs, pretty as a picture in a bright blue beach dress and matching Alice band.
‘We can’t find the car keys,’ Charlotte told her. ‘What were you wearing last night?’ she asked Anthony. ‘You need to check those pockets.’
After doing so he went out to the car in case he’d left the keys in the ignition.
‘Where the hell are they?’ he growled, coming back into the house.
‘They have to be around here somewhere,’ Charlotte responded, starting to search. ‘Chloe, check the sofas and see if they’ve fallen down behind the cushions.’
