You Said Forever

by Susan Lewis

  Apparently sensing it, he murmured something that fortunately only she caught, for it would have been sure to make his sister and brother-in-law blush.

  Since they’d already spoken on the phone during his journey from Heathrow he knew that Chloe was safely home. Nevertheless, they went upstairs to check on her and stood looking over her for a long time, feeling stunned, chilled to the very core by what they’d almost done. It was going to take a long time for them to come to terms with how blind and prejudiced by the early trauma they’d been, but no matter how many heart-stopping nightmares their mistake might give them, how racked their consciences would inevitably be, what mattered was that Chloe should never know.

  ‘Did you speak to your mother?’ Anthony asked as they went back downstairs.

  ‘Only briefly,’ Charlotte replied. ‘She said she wanted you to tell me yourself about the decision you’ve come to.’

  Anthony glanced at his sister, and from the way she raised her eyebrows Charlotte suspected Maggie might already know what was going on.

  Covering Charlotte’s hand with his own as they sat down at the kitchen table, Anthony said, ‘Your mother and I had a long chat before I left, and she made me see things that I should have seen a lot sooner. Now it’s staring right at me, I can only wonder where our heads were that we didn’t realise it ourselves, but maybe you did?’

  Confused, Charlotte shook her head.

  ‘Your mother thinks, and apparently Julia Minor agreed during a discussion they had when Anna rang her, that at least some of Chloe’s problems, most specifically the attachment issues, could be down to me. They think she felt secure enough when you and I were first together, and seemed to deal with it pretty well when Cooper came along. It was after Elodie was born, another girl in the home, that the insecurity kicked in and she began to feel less than special, rejected even. The little ones were definitely mine, whereas she knew that she wasn’t, and the hurt and frustration she feels is at least partly what drives her to behave the way she does.’

  Sensing how terrible he felt, Charlotte said, ‘I understand what they’re saying, and I think you’re right, we should have realised it ourselves, but I hope you’re not blaming yourself …’

  ‘Of course I am. How can I not when she was practically telling us what the problem was? She was always going on about her real daddy, and calling me Anthony. If that wasn’t some kind of challenge I don’t know what was. And to think that we kept blaming her, and her parents …’

  ‘Her birth parents bear all of the responsibility for her problems,’ Maggie reminded him. ‘If it weren’t for the way they treated her …’

  ‘She wouldn’t actually be with us,’ he cut in. ‘Charlotte and I might never have met. I think we can all agree that fate has a peculiar way of bringing people together. It happened this way for us, and I should have recognised as soon as Charlotte and I got married that Chloe needed to feel as secure in our relationship as Cooper and Elodie do now. She has to know that she’s as much mine as she is yours,’ he said to Charlotte.

  Unable to stop the tears, she grabbed his hands and brought them to her face.

  ‘I realise there are no guarantees that adopting her will fix everything,’ he said earnestly, ‘but we absolutely have to give it a try, for her sake as well as ours.’

  Loving him with all her heart, Charlotte went to slide on to his lap and put her arms around him.

  ‘Julia would like to see you tomorrow if you can make it,’ Maggie informed them. ‘I said I’d call in the morning to work out a time.’

  Very much wanting to talk to Julia, Charlotte said, ‘I’m sure she’ll think Anthony adopting Chloe is the right way to go.’

  ‘Oh, she does,’ Maggie confirmed. ‘It was mainly what your mother discussed with her; she wanted Julia’s professional opinion before putting it to Anthony.’

  Intrigued, Charlotte said, ‘Just how much has been going on behind the scenes that we – or I – don’t know about?’

  ‘You’ll have to talk to your mother about that,’ Maggie smiled, ‘but I will tell you that while you were putting Chloe to bed Anna rang to find out what I thought about it.’

  ‘And we can assume you were in agreement,’ Anthony stated.

  ‘Of course,’ she nodded. ‘Anything to save your family, and before you get the hair shirt out again, we’re all feeling bad that we didn’t see this sooner.’

  Charlotte’s head fell against Anthony’s. ‘To think of how close I came to letting her go,’ she murmured, the horror of it rising up to torment her with what could have been happening to Chloe right now if Anthony, for whatever reason, hadn’t agreed with her mother’s theory. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered, pressing her lips to his forehead. ‘Thank you so much.’

  Sardonically, he said, ‘Only you could thank me for getting something so spectacularly wrong. My meagre defence is that I’ve been too focused on the vineyard.’

  ‘We’re both guilty of that,’ she told him.

  ‘But it’s going to change,’ he promised. ‘Bob and I have had a chat, I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow, but from now on, family comes first and you might not be surprised to hear that your mother has a theory on that too.’

  ‘It’s a good one,’ Maggie assured her, ‘and Ron and I will be playing our parts, which is lovely.’

  Interested to know more about that, Charlotte and Anthony looked at her expectantly.

  With a glowing smile, Maggie declared, ‘We’ve decided to start splitting our time between here and New Zealand. I didn’t say anything before, because all this obviously took precedence, but as soon as we find the right place we’ll be six months here and six months there.’

  Amazed and completely thrilled, Charlotte and Anthony immediately threw their arms around her and Ron. ‘This is the best news imaginable,’ Anthony told his sister. ‘Will you be looking in Hawkes Bay?’

  ‘Of course. Maybe even in Havelock North, we’ll see. But that’s enough about us. What I want to know is when you’re going to discuss your decision with Chloe.’

  ‘Ah,’ he said, stifling a yawn as Charlotte turned to look at him, ‘I have a plan for that, but like a lot of things, I’m afraid it’ll have to wait until I’ve caught up on some sleep.’

  Chapter Sixteen

  Anthony had been awake for several hours by the time Chloe peeped round the door in the morning, possibly to check he was really there, or maybe she was hoping he hadn’t come. Although Charlotte had insisted Chloe was excited to see him, he was mindful of how her moods could change in a heartbeat, and what she might say when something was a prospect could easily bear no relation at all to what she did when it became a reality.

  ‘Is that you?’ he whispered into the semi-darkness.

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered back.

  He opened up his arms, and to his relief she raced across the room straight into them – as she almost always did, he realised, when invited. She’d just lost the confidence to throw herself at him the way she used to, or the way Cooper always did.

  ‘How are you?’ he asked, snuggling her on top of the duvet.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she answered. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Jet-lagged. Did you suffer when you got here?’

  ‘Yes, but I’m OK now. Did Mummy tell you I’ve been helping a lady called Julia with a little girl who thinks no one loves her, but it isn’t true.’

  ‘That’s sad. Why does she think no one loves her?’

  ‘Well, her first mummy and daddy were mean to her. They did all sorts of things to her that were cruel and against the law. Julia doesn’t know whether to ask her what sort of things, but I said she shouldn’t because the little girl might want to forget it.’

  ‘That’s wise of you,’ he said, genuinely impressed, even if it wasn’t the answer Julia had been looking for.

  ‘Anyway, the little girl got another mummy and daddy, but now she says they’re being mean to her too.’

  ‘And are they?’

  ‘I thin
k so, sometimes, but she isn’t always a good girl, so she has to be told off and she doesn’t like it.’

  ‘I see. Well, no one likes being told off.’

  ‘That’s what I said, but she shouldn’t be naughty.’

  ‘Perhaps she’s just trying to get their attention.’

  Chloe frowned as she thought about that. ‘You might be right,’ she conceded. Then abruptly changing the subject, ‘We’re going to do lots of things while you’re here. Me and Auntie Maggie made a list last night before I fell asleep. I tried to stay awake, but I couldn’t.’

  ‘You’re awake now,’ Charlotte said, turning drowsily towards them.

  ‘Daddy and I are having a chat,’ Chloe told her proudly.

  ‘No kidding.’

  ‘We’ve got a lot to catch up on,’ Anthony added. ‘Everyone’s missed you at Tuki River. The place is very quiet without you.’

  Apparently not sure how to take that, Chloe said, ‘Cooper and Elodie make a lot of noise too.’

  ‘Oh they certainly do,’ Anthony agreed, ‘but they’re not quite as good at it as you are.’

  Apparently finding that funny, Chloe rolled on to her back and straight off the bed. She found this so hilarious that she couldn’t stop laughing, and when she really couldn’t stop Anthony realised she was in her own little state of euphoria. What was driving it was anyone’s guess, but he hoped that being pleased to see him was at least a part of it.

  ‘Is Auntie Maggie up yet?’ Charlotte asked, when Chloe finally calmed down and went to sit in front of the dressing table.

  ‘Yes, she’s downstairs making breakfast,’ Chloe replied, watching herself in the mirror.

  ‘Why don’t you go and give her a hand while Daddy and I get dressed?’ Charlotte suggested, her right hand making it clear to Anthony that they might take a little longer to arrive downstairs than a mere few minutes.

  After Chloe had gone, Anthony went to close the door, and slipping back under the duvet he covered Charlotte’s body with his own. Not until their desire was spent did either of them realise that they hadn’t even considered Chloe’s presence in the house.

  ‘She’s obviously very happy having you to herself,’ he commented, as Charlotte reached for a robe. ‘I wonder how she’s going to like having me here, taking some of your attention?’

  ‘I think she’s going to like it just fine, especially when you tell her why you came.’

  Watching her as she turned to him, he reached for her hand and pulled her back on to the bed. ‘It’s amazing how different things already feel just from taking that one decision.’

  ‘It was a pretty big one.’

  ‘Very late in coming. What we don’t know yet is how she’ll react to it. It’s going to be quite a blow if she says she doesn’t want me.’

  ‘I honestly don’t think that’ll happen,’ Charlotte reassured him, adding with a teasing smile, ‘I do believe you’re nervous.’

  Laughing, he gathered her into an enveloping embrace, and loving the feminine scent of her he found it very hard to make himself let her go.

  It was much later in the morning, with the breakfast dishes cleared away and a feisty storm battering the windows, that Anthony called everyone to the sitting room to hear an important announcement.

  ‘Do you know what it is?’ Chloe whispered to Charlotte as she climbed on to the sofa beside her.

  ‘I’ve got an idea,’ Charlotte whispered back, ‘and you don’t need to look so worried. I’m sure it’s not bad.’

  Chloe’s dark eyes remained troubled as she hugged Boots close to her chest.

  Realising she thought she’d done something wrong, Anthony went to stand with his back to the fire and gave her a reassuring smile. Apparently it didn’t do the trick, because her face turned pale and her fingers tightened around Boots.

  ‘I wonder what it’s all about,’ Maggie said conspiratorially to Chloe.

  Chloe’s eyes darted to her and straight back to Anthony.

  Dismayed by how alarmed he could make her feel without even trying, Anthony said, ‘Actually, it’s not exactly an announcement that I have to make, it’s more of a question. In fact, it’s a very big question for a very important person in my life.’

  Chloe glanced up at Charlotte, clearly thinking he was talking about her.

  ‘I’ve given a lot of thought to how I might ask this,’ Anthony continued, ‘and I’ve decided that I should do it this way,’ and coming forward he dropped to one knee in front of Chloe and took her hand.

  She was still looking wary; her fingers were stiff.

  ‘Chloe Goodman,’ he said gently, ‘would you do me the great honour of allowing me to adopt you so I can be your real daddy?’

  As Charlotte stifled a sob, Chloe’s eyes widened in shock. She turned to Charlotte and suddenly broke into an enormous grin.

  ‘Can I take that as a yes?’ Anthony asked.

  Chloe nodded, and Boots was abruptly abandoned as she flung her arms round Anthony’s neck.

  Choked with emotion, he held her tight, and rested his head against Charlotte’s as she hugged them both.

  Were Chloe any older, Charlotte was reflecting as Maggie said she must call Anna, this might not have gone as well as it had, but fortunately she was too young to engage in artifice or to hide a flood of happiness as a means of self-protection or punishment.

  ‘When can we do it?’ Chloe asked Anthony, gazing earnestly into his eyes.

  ‘Well now you’ve said yes, we’re going to find out the answer to that just as soon as we can.’

  ‘I’ll call Wendy,’ Charlotte said, getting up from the sofa. ‘Or should we do it in New Zealand?’

  ‘Call Wendy,’ he replied. ‘You never know, she might be able to fast-track it through the courts so it’s done before we get home.’

  ‘Am I coming back to New Zealand with you?’ Chloe asked, looking hopefully from Charlotte to Anthony.

  ‘Of course you are,’ Charlotte cried, hugging her. ‘You didn’t think we were going to leave you here, did you?’

  Though Chloe didn’t admit it Charlotte could see that it was exactly what she’d been afraid of, and her heart ached with guilt, and relief that it wasn’t going to happen.

  ‘Nana wants to speak to you,’ Maggie declared, holding the phone out to Chloe.

  Seizing it, Chloe hardly said hello before launching into what had happened over the last few minutes. ‘So Daddy’s going to try and make me adopted before we come back,’ she finished, ‘but we don’t know if we can yet. Mummy’s going to call someone to find out.’ Her eyes went to Charlotte as she listened to Anna’s response, and the way she laughed at whatever Anna said made everyone in the room smile and laugh too. ‘Yes, OK, I will,’ she promised, ‘love you too,’ and bringing the phone to Charlotte, she said, ‘Nana wants to speak to you.’

  ‘Hi Mum,’ Charlotte said. ‘I hope you don’t mind being woken up, but we had to tell you.’

  ‘We were only just going to bed,’ Anna assured her. ‘She sounded so thrilled it brought tears to my eyes.’

  ‘It’s all thanks to you.’

  ‘You mean to Anthony, he’s the one who’s adopting her.’

  ‘You know what I’m saying. You saw what we were too busy, or self-involved, or misguided to see.’

  ‘It’s often easier to see things from the outside. Now I have some other news, which is also good, although I wouldn’t normally have described it that way.’

  Puzzled, Charlotte glanced at Anthony, who was in the process of agreeing to adopt Boots as well.

  ‘Elodie has another genital inflammation,’ Anna told her. ‘I’ve taken her to the doctor and he’s quite sure it’s an allergy of some sort, so we’re trying to get to the bottom of it. Sorry about the pun.’

  Charlotte sank on to the sofa, hardly knowing what to say. It was awful for Elodie, but such a profound relief to know it was happening while Chloe was on the other side of the world that she felt almost faint with it. On the other hand, how com
pletely wretched she felt for blaming Chloe the first time around.

  ‘I thought you’d want to know,’ Anna said. ‘Now it’s time for my bed so I’m going to ring off.’

  Charlotte waited until she and Anthony were on their way to see Julia to tell him the news about Elodie. Luckily they were stopped at a red light, for his eyes closed in the same profound relief Charlotte had experienced.

  ‘Can we assume this means Chloe wasn’t responsible for bringing it on in the first instance?’ he asked.

  ‘I think so,’ she replied, and reaching for his hand she brought it to her lips and kissed it hard. She had so much to make up for with Chloe she hardly knew where or how she was going to begin, but begin she certainly would.

  ‘I wish I could promise you that it’ll all be plain sailing from here,’ Julia was telling them over tea and biscuits later, ‘but I doubt very much that it will. She’s a child, after all, and they’re nothing if not unpredictable, and of course her past hasn’t gone away. The important thing is the response you got, Anthony, to your willingness to adopt her. This tells us that it was a pretty major issue for her, though whether she fully recognised it is hard to say. I’m guessing not, or she’d have been more straightforward in telling you.’

  ‘She was telling us,’ Charlotte confessed, ‘we just weren’t listening, or taking the time to understand.’

  With a smile, Julia said, ‘Don’t be too hard on yourselves. Most parents lead crazy busy lives these days, and the way children communicate can often be perplexing at best, that’s if they communicate at all and plenty don’t. This is partly because they don’t recognise what’s going on in their minds themselves, or sometimes because they’re afraid to speak out. I’ve only spent a couple of hours with Chloe, so it’s not possible to give an informed view of where she’s at in her mind. However, I will say that on some levels she appears quite sophisticated for her age. She has excellent cognitive skills, she’s obviously bright in a learning sense and she’s a good listener, which isn’t something I say often about eight-year-olds, especially those with difficult pasts. Of course we know she’s more advanced than she should be in her sexual behaviour, but she’s also very immature in other ways. That could be because she’s wishing herself back to the time she was an only child, a precious little person who got fussed over and probably spoiled rotten to try and make up for what she’d been through. She was happy then, her world was safe and perfect, and she’s trying to make it like that again, but obviously she can’t. Not only because she’s eight, so no longer a baby, but because she has a brother and sister she has to share your attention with and that’s not working quite so well for her.’