It was even worse the next day. The tension built up inside her as the day progressed, just longing for the time Rick said he was leaving. He seemed in no hurry to do so.
He prowled around the lounge after dinner, stopping to pick up a photograph of Perry that stood on the side table. ‘Good likeness,’ he muttered.
‘Very good.’ Shanna moved to take the photograph out of his hand.
‘I’ve noticed a lot of them about the apartment,’ he persisted in spite of her pale face.
‘Why not?’ she said sharply. ‘Perry was my husband.’
‘Was,’ Rick agreed grimly. ‘But he’s dead.’
She drew in a ragged breath. ‘Isn’t it time you left? It’s getting late.’
His mouth tightened, his hands now thrust into the pockets of his denims, the blue shirt stretched tautly across his chest. ‘You can’t wait for me to leave, can you?’ he bit out angrily. ‘Well, okay, I’ll go! I’ll get my things and be out of your hair in a couple of minutes. Will that satisfy you?’
She didn’t answer him, but stood still clutching on to the photograph of Perry, holding it protectively in front of her. The bedroom door slammed behind Rick and she could hear him moving about the room as he threw his things in his suitcase.
The tears flowed down her cheeks, as she looked down at Perry’s photograph. He had been so young, so full of life, and now he was dead, dead, dead…
She stiffened as the bedroom door opened, knowing that Rick was leaving, that after today he might never be back. And she suddenly knew the reason for her tension all day, knew that she didn’t want him to go.
‘I’m going now,’ he said softly, the anger having left his voice at least. ‘Thanks for taking care of me. I—Shanna?’ he frowned as she turned, the tears still wet on her cheeks.
‘I—’ her voice came out as a shaky croak, and she swallowed convulsively. ‘Rick, don’t—don’t go.’ She licked the tears from her lips, looking at him pleadingly. ‘Please don’t go!’
‘Hey, of course not, if you don’t want me to.’ He pulled her into his arms, holding her gently.
She clung to him unashamedly, needing his warmth, his strength. ‘I’m so frightened at times,’ she quivered against him. ‘So frightened of being alone,’ she admitted the accusation he had once levelled at her.
‘We all are, honey,’ he murmured into her silky hair.
‘Even you?’ she trembled.
‘Even me,’ he nodded. ‘Now do you want to watch television, or let me beat you at Monopoly again?’ he teased her with the fact that he had beaten her at the game twice this afternoon. ‘You just name it and we’ll do it,’ he told her indulgently.
She looked up at him with unwavering green eyes. ‘Make love to me, Rick.’
His breath seemed to catch in his throat, looking at her as if he couldn’t quite believe what he had just heard. ‘Shanna—’
‘I need you, Rick,’ she admitted softly. ‘I need to feel wanted, loved. Would you please make love to me?’
He drew in a ragged breath. ‘You’re sure this is what you want? You aren’t going to hate me—afterwards?’
She could never hate this man, she knew that now, knew that the thought of him leaving tonight filled her with despair, that she had come to rely on him, to need him, that she had done the one thing she had sworn would never happen again—she had fallen in love, and with Rick Dalmont.
‘No,’ she moved easily back into his arms, giving herself to him in that moment. ‘I won’t ever hate you.’
CHAPTER NINE
AFTERWARDS she lay cradled in his arms, the tears of ecstasy she had cried as he possessed her dry on her cheeks now, the even tenor of Rick’s breathing beneath her telling her that he had already fallen asleep.
It had been beautiful between them; Rick had taken her with a mixture of tenderness and passion that had her crying out his name as wave after wave of pleasure flowed between them as if it would never stop.
And when it had stopped the closeness had still been there, Rick telling her over and over again how beautiful she was.
Her arms tightened about him now, this man she had discovered she loved. She had no delusions that she meant any more to him than the dozens of other women he had made love to and forgotten, but she was glad she had known him, that they had become lovers. And when the time came for her to be forgotten by him she would let him go without reproach. He would never know of her love for him, never know of the happiness he had given her when she had thought only loneliness remained.
Finally she drifted off to sleep herself, although she was conscious of Rick’s possessive hold on her all night, as if he thought she might leave him if he didn’t hold her tightly.
He was already awake when the alarm clock went off at seven, reaching over her to switch it off, bending over her sleep-drugged face as she opened her eyes. ‘Good morning,’ he greeted throatily, almost uncertainly.
She knew the reason for the emotion, knew he doubted her reaction to their lovemaking of last night. She smiled up at him sleepily. ‘Good morning, Rick. You’re very nice to wake up to,’ she told him huskily.
‘I am?’ Still he hesitated.
‘Do you doubt it?’
‘I doubt a lot of things where you’re concerned,’ he admitted with a self-derisive smile. ‘For a moment when I woke up this morning I thought I’d dreamt the whole thing, that I was still delirious from the ‘flu and had imagined you. Then I felt you curved against me and I knew it was all true. Shanna, I wouldn’t have stayed last night if you hadn’t wanted me to. Oh, I wanted to stay, but I was through forcing myself on you.’
‘And now?’
‘Now I want to make love to you again,’ he admitted softly.
She smiled up at him. ‘I thought you’d never ask!’
He bent his head, his mouth moving against hers questioningly, as if he were still wary of the change in her. ‘Shanna, what changed your mind?’ He looked down at her with coal-black eyes.
‘Didn’t you know, it’s a woman’s prerogative?’ she teased. ‘And what changed yours? After we had dinner with Janice and Henry last week I thought you’d decided to give up on me. You didn’t show the same reluctance last night.’
‘I “gave up on you”, as you put it, because you’d made it plain that you would do anything to thwart me, even down to denying you had had an idea similar to mine. It seemed obvious that you really disliked me, that I could go on chasing after you for ever and not get anywhere. I’m not a masochist, Shanna, I’ll only hit my head against a wall for so long, then I decide the pain isn’t worth it.’
‘I’m really sorry about the problem page—I was being childish.’ She shook her head. ‘You bring out the worst in me, for some reason, and I oppose you even when I don’t really want to. I’ve liked all the new ideas you’ve brought into the magazine, including Cindy as the new editor. She’s going to accept, by the way.’
‘Good,’ he nodded his satisfaction. ‘I’m sure she’ll make a good job of it.’
‘So am I.’
Rick’s eyes darkened. ‘You could still change your mind—’
‘I don’t want to.’ The last thing she wanted was to be anywhere near Rick in six months’ or a year’s time. No, an affair now, an affair that ended when he became bored with her, was much more agreeable to her. She wanted to be well away from Rick when the weakness became a final blackness.
‘Sure?’ His gaze probed.
‘Very,’ she smiled up at him, dispelling the impression of vulnerability she had acquired the last few minutes. ‘Now do you usually have lengthy conversations with your women at this time of the morning?’ she mocked.
‘No,’ he laughed throatily. ‘Most of my “women” are still asleep at this time of the morning.’
‘Ah, but they don’t have jobs to go to.’
His hand gently caressed her pale cheek. ‘We could take the day off, Shanna. Do something crazy like go for a boat-trip in the park.’
‘In t
he winter?’ she teased.
‘Well, I said it was crazy!’
‘It’s also impossible—you can’t get boats out in the winter. There isn’t the trade, you know,’ she added mockingly. ‘Besides, Mr Dalmont, haven’t you taken enough time off lately without playing truant for the day?’
‘Slave-driver!’
‘Someone has to keep you in line.’ She threw back the bedclothes. ‘Now as we seem to have wasted all this time talking, would you like to use the bathroom first or shall I?’
Rick pinned her back to the bed, his hands on her shoulders, one of his legs thrown casually across hers. ‘I want you before I do anything else.’
‘So you’re a morning man,’ she derided.
‘And an afternoon one. And an evening one too,’ he grinned.
‘In other words, you’re insatiable?’ Her arms curved about his neck.
‘At the moment, yes.’
None of last night had been a dream for either of them, if anything their lovemaking was more explosive than ever.
It was after eight when they finally got out of bed, only time left for them both to have a quick shower and drive to work.
Rick held out his hands for her car keys. ‘I was in a state of delirium when I let you drive me from the hotel,’ he mocked as he got in behind the wheel.
Shanna sat next to him in the passenger seat. ‘And when I drove you back from Henry’s?’ she taunted.
His expression became bland as he shrugged. ‘You aren’t a bad driver, Shanna. And you don’t cook well enough to be planning the day’s menus as you go along.’
‘Just for that you can cook dinner tonight!’
He gave her a searching look. ‘I’m invited?’
‘Yes.’
‘I can stay tonight?’
‘Yes.’
His throat moved convulsively. ‘Can I move in with you?’
‘If you’d like to,’ she nodded.
‘I’d like to,’ he confirmed huskily.
‘And I’d like you to too,’ she said briskly. ‘So that’s settled.’
‘Shanna—’
‘No questions, no post-mortems,’ she pleaded. ‘Let’s just enjoy what we have for the moment.’
‘Is that what you really want?’ His eyes were narrowed.
‘Yes,’ she answered abruptly, knowing it was the only answer she could give.
‘Okay,’ he sighed.
If she didn’t know better she would have said it wasn’t what Rick wanted at all. But she did know better, and she was determined to show him that she wanted no more from him than any of his other women had expected, that the affair was as casual to her as it was to him.
The atmosphere in their shared office was so much lighter today, and she knew that everyone who came in to see one or both of them was aware of the subtle difference in their relationship. At first she felt some discomfort, never having been in this position before, not used to being thought of as any man’s mistress. But the open seduction in Rick’s eyes whenever he looked at her more than made up for it, the smiles they shared were warm and intimate.
‘God, what a day!’ he groaned into her hair when they reached his suite to pick up some more of his things.
‘I quite enjoyed it.’ She sounded puzzled.
‘It was too damned long,’ he growled against her throat. ‘And I’m sure that half the people who came in to see us today only did it out of curiosity.’
Shanna laughed softly as he scowled. ‘I didn’t mind.’
‘I did,’ he muttered. ‘Every time I decided I just had to kiss you someone came in.’
‘We’re alone now,’ she encouraged, feeling the excitement of being in his arms, the moist warmth of his lips against her throat.
He didn’t need any further encouragement, removing her clothes with infinite enjoyment, allowing her to do the same to him, then the huge double bed welcomed the weight of their bodies.
‘Shanna darling…!’ Rick cried as pleasure enveloped his body, shuddering with the delight of possessing her once again. ‘I’ve been longing to do that all day,’ he chucked against her breast. ‘You have a very sexy body, sweetheart, and seeing you walk about all day has been torture for my self-control.’
Shanna was totally exhausted, too weak even to speak, unable to stop the waves of sleep that swept over her, and Rick’s voice reached her as if from a distance, a great distance.
It was dark when she woke up, and Rick was no longer beside her in the bed. It took her several minutes to wake up enough to get up and go in search of him, pulling on one of his shirts over her nakedness, her own clothes still scattered about the lounge where Rick had thrown them.
He sat in one of the comfortable armchairs drinking what looked like whisky, staring off into space, although there were some open papers on the table in front of him. Shanna moved to put her arms about him from behind, kissing him on the mouth as he turned his head sideways, tasting the whisky on his lips.
‘Mm,’ he groaned his satisfaction a few seconds later. ‘And how is my Sleeping Beauty?’ He pulled her round so that she sat across his knees, her arms still about his neck.
‘Awake,’ she murmured against his chin, nibbling lightly.
‘Just,’ he nodded as she stifled a yawn. ‘Why don’t you get dressed and we’ll have dinner sent up? We may as well stay here tonight, it’s already late.’
‘How late?’ she frowned.
‘After nine. By the time we’ve eaten—’
‘We can eat at the flat,’ she insisted.
‘Not if I’m cooking,’ Rick shook his head. ‘Let’s eat here, sweetheart. I’m sure neither of us is in the mood to cook tonight.’
Shanna wasn’t even sure she was in the mood to eat, let alone cook, but she didn’t want to spend the night in his hotel room. She struggled to sit up, but his arms remained firm about her. ‘Rick, please let me go. I want to shower and dress.’
‘You still look tired.’ He touched the dark shadows beneath her eyes.
She forced a tight smile to her lips. ‘Can I help it if you’re a demanding lover?’
‘Can I help it if you’re so damned beautiful I can’t keep my hands off you?’ he smiled.
‘And can I help it if I can’t resist you?’ she joined in the teasing.
‘You managed to do just that until yesterday,’ he grimaced.
‘When I couldn’t resist the Dalmont charm any longer,’ she taunted.
‘I should have got ‘flu earlier,’ he grinned. ‘I never realised you had the nursing instinct in you.’
‘Well, now you know,’ she mocked, swinging away from him. ‘Rick, I don’t want to stay here. I don’t want to be just another Anna Kalder.’
‘Anna?’ he frowned. ‘You know about her?’
‘I know she was your mistress for a few weeks. But then so have a lot of women been.’ She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice, try as she might. ‘I won’t be kept at your hotel like all those other women. If you care anything for me at all please let’s go to my apartment.’
‘Shanna—’
‘Please, Rick,’ she looked at him with pleading eyes.
‘Okay, okay,’ he sighed. ‘But could we just eat first—I’m starved! We could eat in the restaurant downstairs if you would prefer it.’
‘That won’t be necessary—up here will be fine. But I want to leave straight afterwards.’ She went back to the bedroom and into the shower, feeling refreshed under the cool spray, regretting her argument with Rick but still determined she wouldn’t become just another of his women, moving in here with him until he threw her out. When it came time for someone to leave it wasn’t going to be her!
She was dressed when Rick came into the bedroom, unable to meet his gaze as she retouched her make-up.
‘Honey, I’m sorry.’ His arms came about her from behind, pulling her back against him. ‘But surely you know you’re different, special? And no, I don’t tell all my women that,’ he said dryly. ‘You really are spe
cial. And if I’ve upset you I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you felt this way about staying here. We’ll go back to your apartment now.’
‘What about dinner?’ She looked at him with wide eyes.
‘We’ll eat when we get to the apartment—if we feel hungry.’ The look in his eyes told her food wasn’t what he had on his mind for when they reached her home.
* * *
It had been strange having Rick about the apartment during his illness, but it was even stranger looking across the room at him and knowing by the look in his eyes that soon they would be in bed together, their bodies entwined as they made love.
The knowledge that she could arouse Rick that easily gave her a glow of satisfaction, and she knew that not even on her honeymoon with Perry had she spent so much time in a man’s arms, feeling cherished and needed. Rick held nothing back, completely honest in his desire for her, and as the days passed, as three weeks passed, she began to wonder when he was going to tire of her. His affairs never lasted long—he wasn’t usually in one place long enough to maintain them!—and yet he gave no indication of wanting to leave her. It was then that Shanna really began to worry, to know that she might have to be the one who ended their relationship. She had envisaged a brief affair with Rick, and hadn’t wanted any more than that.
He brought her breakfast in bed on their fourth Saturday together, sitting in the chair and watching her indulgently as she ate the scrambled eggs and toast he had prepared for her. ‘I could quite get used to this.’ He sat back with a lazy stretch of satisfaction.
Shanna looked up from drinking her coffee, hoping the love she felt for this man didn’t glow in her eyes, but very much afraid that it did. ‘To what?’ she asked softly.
There had been a lot of gentleness and pleasure between them the last three weeks, and even working together in the day hadn’t diminished Rick’s consideration for her. Everyone at the magazine was aware of their changed status now, and the curiosity about them faded somewhat as their relationship continued to flourish.
Undying Love Page 15
