Illusive

by Nina Levine

  As I anticipated what was to come, I squeezed my legs together. And then he spanked me. The vibrations that shot through me from the ball inside were exquisite.

  I truly am in heaven.

  His hand rubbed my ass again for a little while before he spanked me again. Closing my eyes, I let the pleasure take over.

  “Does that feel good?” he demanded to know.

  “Yes,” I moaned.

  His hand ran up my back, and traced patterns over my skin before moving back down to rub my ass. Then he spanked me again, a little harder than before.

  “I think you need more,” he said. “Three spanks aren’t enough punishment for those text messages.” I could hear the need in his voice, mirroring my own.

  He ran his finger through my wetness again and found my clit. Massaging me there, he brought me close to orgasm, but stopped just before I came. Then he moved his hand back to my ass, and without any warning, spanked me again.

  I jumped, and the ball inside me vibrated, sending another wave of pleasure through me. Oh, God, he was going to drive me wild with need. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying out for him to fuck me.

  “Stand up,” he ordered, and I did what he said.

  He remained seated and gripped my hips as I stood in front of him. Pressing his mouth to my stomach, he trailed kisses down until he reached my clit, and then he ran his tongue over me in circles, building my orgasm again. And again, he stopped just as I was nearing the edge.

  Looking up at me, he said, “You won’t ever send me messages like that again, will you?” The lust in his gaze hit me in my core and I was momentarily distracted, so I didn’t reply to him as fast as he wanted. Standing, he grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. Licking his tongue along my collarbone, he demanded, “Will you, Sophia?”

  “No, I won’t,” I moaned, my legs turning weak when he sank his teeth into my neck and began sucking and licking me.

  My hands moved to his body and my arms wrapped around him as he continued marking my skin. When I moved closer to him, he hissed and let my neck go. His eyes held mine for awhile before he said, “Fuck, I can’t wait any longer. My dick is so goddamn hard for you, and I need to be inside.” He paused for a moment, and then continued, “I don’t want to fuck you with a condom anymore.”

  “I’m clean,” I assured him.

  “Good. I am, too.” As he said this, he took hold of my ass, lifted me, and backed me up against the wall. My legs and arms were wrapped around him, holding on tight, and my gaze was pinned to his. He reached down between us and pulled the ball out of me. “Next time you will wear both balls,” he said, but I hardly heard him. My body was lit from head to toe with pleasure and I needed him to hurry this up or I was sure I would go crazy with lust.

  When his lips found mine a moment later, I kissed him with a hunger that caused a growl to come from him. And as he kissed me back with that same hunger, I dug my fingers into his back, and squeezed my legs around him tighter. He growled again, and thrust inside me.

  Oh, God, yes.

  I squeezed my pussy around him each time he thrust inside, and I knew he loved that from the noises he made as he kept kissing me while fucking me.

  As I inched closer and closer to the edge, my mind began to switch off to all thoughts except for the building release. Griff had stopped kissing me, and was saying words, but I had no idea what they were. It was like a hazy cloud surrounded me, and the only thing of any importance was my pleasure.

  And then he slammed into me hard, one last time before stilling and roaring out, “Fuck!”

  We came at the same time, and my orgasm took over me completely. Thankfully, Griff held me up because I’m not sure my body could have managed to support me. I wasn’t even sure how long we stayed there, but eventually he moved us to the bed.

  I was exhausted, and fought through the fog to gather my thoughts again, but I couldn’t. The last thoughts I had were that sex with Griff was amazing and that dinner could wait. And when I heard Griff say, “Go to sleep, baby,” I finally succumbed and let sleep claim me.

  * * *

  “Hey, Sophia,” Magan answered her phone when I rang her first thing the next morning after Griff had told me about his encounter with her in the shopping centre car park, and what her boyfriend, Brody, had done.

  “Magan, Griff told me about what Brody did. Are you okay? Because I’m worried about you, honey…in fact, I think I should just get in my car and come straight over to your house. Blow work, and if they want to say anything about me being late today, that’s their problem.” My words all rushed out in my anxious state.

  “No, I’m not okay,” she confessed, and I heard all her fears in her voice.

  She needs me.

  “I’m coming over now. Hold tight.” I grabbed my keys and began walking out of the house while we kept talking.

  “Thank you,” she said quietly, and I knew I was doing the right thing. And it was just another reason to be mad at our mother.

  It should be her holding Magan’s hand through this.

  It should be her ready to catch her if she falls.

  I hung up and drove to her house. She lived about twenty minutes from me, and when I arrived there, she greeted me at the front door with tears in her eyes. I pulled her into my arms and comforted her while the tears fell.

  “Have you heard from him?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “No, he hasn’t called,” she said through her tears, and I wanted to kill the asshole for breaking her heart.

  I frowned. “Magan, this guy treated you badly. Why do you want him to call? Wouldn’t you rather move on and find someone worthy of your love?”

  She swallowed hard and looked at me through eyes that gave her fear away. “I was lucky to find Brody, Sophia. I’ve never had a boyfriend who cared about me the way he does.”

  My heart hurt for her. I knew where this kind of thinking stemmed from because I’d been there, done that in my life. The vicious cycle of not wanting those we loved to leave us, so we let them walk all over us in order to keep them.

  Our mother really has a lot to answer for.

  “You’re scared to lose him, I get that, but you’re better off without a person like that in your life. It’s not really him you’re scared of losing…it’s the love you think he gives you that you desperately want. Trust me, I know, because I’ve had asshole boyfriends, too, and I put up with a lot of shit before I realised I was worth more than that. He’s not giving you love, honey. He’s trying to control you by taking advantage of your insecurities.”

  She stared at me as if she was trying to wrap her head around what I’d just said. I figured she wouldn’t come to fully understand the truth in what I’d said until she’d lived her life some more. Unfortunately in life, we usually had to make our own mistakes and learn from them before making better choices.

  Eventually, she said, “I’m going to go and clean my face, and then I’ll be back.”

  I let her go. She probably needed a little time to herself to have a think.

  Looking around her foster home, I remembered how much I disliked her foster mother. Sure, the woman worked a full-time job, but she hardly cleaned the house, and she pretty much never cooked. She took on older foster kids and made them do all the chores, and that pissed me off. I was counting down the days until Magan could leave, and as far as I was concerned, she could come and live with me then if she wanted.

  Magan came back and sat with me at the kitchen table. She fidgeted, and I reached out, and stilled her hands. “Whatever happens, we will figure it out, okay? You and me – I’ll be there for you every step.”

  Tears pricked her eyes again, and she reached out, and put her arms around me. She hugged me for a long time, and when she pulled away, she said, “I’m so glad I found that photo of you and your address in Mum’s stuff that day I found out about you.”

  I frowned. “Wait, you never told me that. I thought you got my information from her sister.”

 
; “No, she sent me a box of photos from when I was a kid, and on the top when I opened it, she had a photo of you and a post-it note with your address on it. That’s how I found you.”

  My heart skidded to a stop.

  She kept track of me.

  “Did I say something wrong?” she asked.

  “No, I just didn’t realise she’d kept track of me,” I said softly.

  She smiled. “See, she does love you, Sophia.”

  I still didn’t want to burst her bubble, so I changed the subject. “Do you want to come to dinner tonight? I’m going to get Griff to fire up my barbeque.”

  “Steak! I’m in.”

  “I knew I could totally bribe you with steak,” I said with a wink. Standing, I said, “Okay, I gotta get to work, but I’ll see you later. Do you want me to pick you up?”

  “Nah, I’ll catch a bus. See you then.” She paused for a second before adding, “I love you, sis.”

  She didn’t tell me that very often, so my heart swelled hearing it. “I love you, too.”

  * * *

  I took a sip of wine and laughed at Magan’s joke. She’d met me at home after I finished work, and wanting to take her mind off the fact her boyfriend was an ass, we’d turned the music up and baked some cupcakes. She loved baking as much as I did, and we often made cakes. They were our downfall, as both of us had a sweet tooth.

  We’d moved into the lounge room and were almost rolling around on the floor in stitches of laughter when Griff arrived. I’d left the front door open for him, so he’d entered and now stood shaking his head at us, a grin fixed firmly on his face.

  I jumped up and threw my arms around him. “Hey, handsome,” I greeted him and then planted my lips on his in a long kiss.

  When I pulled away from him, he raised his brows, and said, “I see you started without me, sweetheart.”

  I indicated with my fingers that I’d only had a small amount. “Just a little bit, I promise.”

  “’Just a little bit’ she says as she slurs her words. Lucky I’m cooking dinner tonight.”

  “We made cupcakes!” I said a little too enthusiastically. “Oh, shit, maybe I did have more than a little bit…I kinda am slurring my words, aren’t I? But, I had a good day at work…no, scratch that, I had a great day at work, and then I had you to look forward to seeing tonight. Oh, God, I’ll just shut up now…I’m rambling, aren’t I?” I slapped my hand over my mouth in an effort to stop the flow of words.

  His arm slid around my waist, and he pulled me close. Brushing his lips over mine, he murmured, “I fucking love it when you ramble, in case you hadn’t clued onto that, baby, so feel free to do it whenever you want.”

  Oh my.

  A smile spread across my lips. “I’ll take that under advisement,” I said softly.

  He let me go and left us to head into the kitchen. Once we were alone, her eyes widened, and with very expressive hand motions in the direction he’d gone, she mouthed, “Dude! He’s amazing! Where do you find men like that?”

  While also making expressive hand motions, I mouthed back, “I have no clue! I got lucky for once in my life.”

  Griff cleared his throat and we both snapped our heads to face him. He smirked as he said, “Sorry to interrupt what I presume is a female kind of communication that I never need to be enlightened on, but I need to know what you want cooked.”

  Magan burst out laughing and I did my best to keep a straight face. Swallowing back my laughter, I said, “Sure, I’ll come and show you.”

  As he followed me, I said, “You’re never gonna ask me about Magan’s and my female communication style, are you?”

  “Nope,” he said.

  I grinned. My tummy somersaulted just from having him near, but also because I loved the way he’d grown from being so standoffish to now just going along with whatever I threw at him. “Good, ‘cause it would confuse the hell out of you. You don’t need to know girl stuff.”

  His arm hooked around me from behind, and he spun me around to face him. “Just to be clear, I’m interested in knowing about anything you think is important.” His voice had changed from fun to serious, and my alcohol-riddled mind hurried to catch up to the conversation.

  When I finally realised what he’d said, happiness whooshed through me.

  Treasured.

  That’s how I feel with him.

  Nodding, I said softly, “Okay.”

  His eyes searched mine for a moment, before he said, “Good. Now show me this food, woman. I’m hungry.”

  * * *

  The next morning, I stumbled out of bed to find him sitting quietly at the kitchen counter, drinking coffee. “Why didn’t you wake me?” I asked.

  “Baby, you drank a fair bit of wine last night, and I had to put you to bed without even getting my hands on you. I figured that seems as though you’ve got the day off today, you might enjoy a sleep in.”

  “Thank you,” I murmured as I made myself a coffee. “What have you got on today?”

  “I thought I’d spend some time at my place. The yard needs some work which will probably take me most of the day.”

  “And then do I get to see you tonight?”

  He eyed me with an are-you-fucking-kidding look, and said, “Try and keep me away.”

  I grinned. “I’ll make you dessert. It’ll be good, I promise.”

  He leant across the counter and gave me another look like the one he’d just given me. “Sophia, you are my fucking dessert. And tonight, we’re skipping the main course,” he said, his voice all gravelly, just the way I loved it.

  Before I could say anything else, he stood and rinsed his mug. Then he gave me a long, deep kiss before placing something in my hand. “I’m gonna need one for your place,” he said, and when I looked down, I found a key in my palm.

  My head snapped up and I stared at him. “You want a key to my house?”

  “Yes.” His eyes held mine, and the certainty I saw in them hit me fair in the chest.

  “This is serious to you, isn’t it?” I held my breath, hoping he would say yes.

  He didn’t blink, and he didn’t think about it. Instead, he said firmly, “Yes.”

  I smiled, and moved to where my handbag sat on the kitchen counter. Removing my spare house key, I handed it to him. “This is serious to me, too,” I said softly.

  He slipped the key onto his key ring, and then paused for a moment, watching me. There was so much unsaid between us, and yet so much of that had no need to be said out loud. Our souls spoke, and understood every ounce of pain and hope stitched onto our hearts. Bending to place another kiss to my lips, he said, “I’ll see you tonight.”

  After I’d watched him go, I sat on the stool to regroup. His belief in us meant so much to me. It had been unexpected, but I was the happiest girl in the world today.

  * * *

  My day after he left consisted of more sleep and then domestic goddess work. As much as I disliked housework, I had a good day, and was sitting on my patio with a glass of wine in my hand later that afternoon when Magan called.

  “Hey, honey,” I answered as I took a sip of wine.

  Silence.

  And then a sob tore through the phone, and she managed to say, “Sophia…” and I knew something very terrible had happened.

  I shot up out of the chair. “Where are you? I’m coming.” My heart raced in my chest, not knowing what had happened, but fearing something bad.

  “At home,” she said in an almost whisper, her sobs coming harder now.

  I was already in my kitchen with my car keys in my hand. “I’ll be there soon. Will you be okay until I get there, or should I phone an ambulance or…” Having no idea what she needed, I was at a loss. All I knew was I had to get there fast.

  “I don’t need anyone. Except you.” The way she said those last two words slayed me.

  I will hunt down whoever did this to her.

  We ended the call and I headed out to my car. And I drove as fast as I could to get to my sister. We
may not have grown up together or even known about each other until six months ago, but I would do anything for her. She was my only family, and family doesn’t let family down.

  * * *

  I found her curled up into a ball, sobbing on her bed. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen anyone sob the way she was. Tears pricked my eyes as I realised how devastated she was over whatever had happened.

  Sitting on the bed, I dragged her into my arms and held her. Running my hand over her hair, I remained silent while she let her hurt out. We must have sat like that for about half an hour, and when she finally told me what had happened, I knew the hurt and pain she was in would never leave her. This level of heartbreak would sit deep in her soul and cause wounds that would never heal.

  I should know because I had those same wounds.

  She lifted her head and looked at me. The tears still tracked down her face, and she just let them fall. It would have been pointless to even try to wipe them away because fresh tears would only replace them straight away. “Mum’s gone.”

  Those two words pierced my heart, and I was sure it stopped beating for a moment. A shiver ran over my body as the cold chill of disappointment and abandonment filled me. Again.

  “From the hospital?” I asked as I tried to swallow the dryness from my throat.

  She nodded. “Yes. I went there today and she wasn’t there. When I asked the nurse where she went, they gave me an envelope from her…” A sob escaped from her lips, stealing her words.

  “What was in the envelope?” I knew. Deep in my heart, I knew what was in that envelope, but I needed to hear it from her lips. Even after all these years, and all this hurt my mother had caused, I still clung to a tiny sliver of hope that she would change. That she would want me again. And asking silly questions like the one I’d just asked Magan proved how much I clutched that hope.