by Jamie Magee
Madison bit her bottom lip as she looked at the woman next to her. The woman offered a soothing smile , but it didn’t seem to help. I stood there as they all left. I glanced past the woman to see Brady talking quietly to Austin in the hallway below the short stone steps.
“And you, Willow,” the older woman said , walking to me. “You are going to take a hot shower while I fix you something to eat.”
I turned my head slowly from side to side in a weak protest. “There isn ’t time for that. I have to go. Austin will bring them to me.” I needed to put some space between me and Madison. I couldn’t hurt her, and I knew I could not continue to hold my emotions down. I felt like I was holding my breath.
The woman held my stare as she walked slowly to me. It wa s like she was reading my soul. Her emotions reflected mine; only they showed hope where mine had faded. “If any one of the children that call me ‘Nana ’ appeared at your mother ’s doorstep , I hope that she wouldn ’t let them leave her weakly. I hope she would make sure that they were well cared for.”
My eyes glassed over as I thought of not only my mother, but each of the s trong mother figures in my life. I thought of Rose.
“I’m out of time , ” I whispered , feeling weaker by the moment.
“It’s been at least four days since you ’ve eaten . Your mind is fighting to grasp a direction , and it cannot do that because you ’re denying the temple your soul is in the nourishment it needs . Come , ” s he said , extending her arm around me. “I’ll get you some of Charlie’s clothes. I want you to take a shower and wash those dried tears away.”
“More might come , ” I muttered as I tried to understand this ‘seeing’ thing t hey all seemed to be capable of. I t made me feel fragile, like I had no secrets I could hide.
“That they may , ” s he said as she reached for Olivia to come as well , “b ut let’s hope they are of joy because right now your tears are blinding you.”
When we reached the bottom of the short stone staircase , Brady stood up straighter – almost defensively. This woman who I assumed was called ‘Nana ’ had her arm around me, and he didn’t like that.
“Austin, take your friend to the kitchen. I’ll fix you something to eat , ” Nana s aid as she guided me to the right .
Brady ignored Nana and followed me. Nana stopped and turned to look at him. “Now,” she said , putting her hand on his chest. “I have no doubt Landen would want you to stay at her side, but I do doubt he wants you to watch her shower. Go on now, to the kitchen ; she’ll be in there soon.”
Brady stared at me with a painful mistrust. Nana patted his chest. “She’s not leaving without you . She ’s going to openly acc ept your protection and guidance.” Nana looked at me and said in a calm but firm motherly tone. “Isn’t that right, Willow?”
I nodded once , t hen looked down. I should have told him I was leaving Esterious.
“Stay with her,” Brady said to Olivia. She didn’t have to openly say that she would ; the promise was in her eyes.
As I turned to walk down the hall with her and Nana , I quickly became aware that this wasn ’t a building. It was a home, a beautiful home that held an eccentric modern style. Nana opened a bedroom door at the end of the hall. There was a double bed in the center of the room with nightstands on each side . A small dresser was by another doorway that led to wh at I assumed was the bathroom. She led me there and pulled out two large towels and soap and shampoo from beneath the counter.
“I know Charlie has clothes here. I’ll find you something to wear , ” Nana said once she was sure I had everything else I needed.
“She doesn’t live here?” Olivia asked .
Nana smiled weakly. “This is Aden and Draven’s home . They ’re my only grandchildren, but I ’ve helped raise both Madison and Charlie. I was there when they were born, when they spoke their first words , and when…and when they began to see the darkness.”
“You see it?” I asked , leaning against the counter , trying to find balance.
“I do, and the light , ” s he said as her eyes cascaded over me.
“What happened to Draven?” I asked , knowing there was a tension between him and the others.
She pulled out a brush and some lotions for me. “He ’s fighting his demons , just like you… and Charlie will help him get through that , ” s he said , looking up at me.
“They love each other , ” I mumbled , almost angry that I hadn ’t remembered the intensity of that love that I saw before in the image that Preston had showed me. I knew then that Nana was right : I was weak , and my body was blinding my insights.
“Beyond the air they breathe, they are a very passionate couple. Always have been.”
“Is Madison in love?” Olivia asked faintly.
Nana smiled slightly. “Very much so .” Nana walked to the door . Just as she closed it , she looked down , then back at me. “She just hasn’t seen him outside of her dreams yet.”
I felt all the color leave my face as I stared hopefully at Nana.
“Hurry, I wan t you to eat. I t will help you focus , ” s he ordered , then closed the door.
Olivia and I locked stares. “Is it her?” she whispered to me .
“Do you think she looks like me?” I asked , turning to the mirror. My skin was pale. Dark circles were under my eyes. I could see white lines outlining dried tears that weaved to the base of my neck , looking like traces of ash. My hair was tangled as it lay across my shoulders. My eyes , which would normally be a bright emerald green , seemed dark . Lost. Around them , there was a deep red color from the tears that had fallen. I almost looked demonic. I felt grateful that Charlie and the others hadn ’t fled the moment I appeared.
“She looks healthier, that’s for sure , ” Olivia said , reaching her arm into the shower and turning it on.
“Seriously , though,” I asked again.
Olivia came to my side and ti l ted her head as she gazed at our reflection. “It’s not goin g to matter what she looks like. A ll that matters is how he will feel about her or whoever else passes his path…I remember.” Her words began to quiver as she leaned forward and looked down. “I remember when I first met Drake, when h e saved me from that raging sea. He wanted to see something in me, he really did. He craved the feeling he felt when he looked at you, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t because I was not her. I already belonged to Chrispin , even though we had never met. Drake understood that ; you need to understand that.”
“Understand what?” I asked , laying my head on her shoulder as memories of every time I’d broken Drake ’s heart came to me.
“That you can’t make you r heart feel something it won’t. If this is her…don’t say a word. Not to her. Not to him. Let them see each other that way.”
I had no doubt that both Madison and Drake would argue with me if I pointed out their fate. Didn’t matter, though. I was right. He’s been in love with someone else this entire time. I ignored the guilt that rumbled in my core when I thought of every time his lips had touched mine.
“I think Charlie knows something – Draven and Aden…they were blocking Madison , ” I said as I tr ied to clear my thoughts. To replay what had just happened – how easily they understood who I was, how easily they expected me to understand who they were. I t w as like they had been waiting. Waiting for this moment. And like me, they did not turn from the fate they felt coming, they embraced it.
Olivia let out a deep breath. “Willow, there is no telling what they s aw when your defenses were down. There is no telling what they already know. They are protecting her , and we are going to let them do that.”
I raised my head and pushed my way out of my shoes and unbuckled my belt.
“We are going to let them do that, Willow,” Olivia said firmly.
“Right,” I mumbled as I pulled my clothes off. They needed to protect her from me. I get it.
As I stepped into the steaming water , I fought with grief. Grief for Drake . Grief for the idea that I had found the g
irl I was looking for. I found her a moment too late.
Olivia was right , though, so was Nathaniel – Preston , w hoever I was with when I was trapped in the Utopia place. I cannot force anyone to love another. I didn’t have time to. Right now , I had to hope against all hope that I loved Drake enough to save him. I knew no matter what , my soul would find Landen’s. I craved his touch. His voice. His energy now more than ever.
Chapter Six
Nana had managed to find not only a change of clothes , but also a travel pouch that h eld a few cosmetics and visine . I pulled on the jeans she had left with Olivia. They f it almost perfectly. The waist was a little loose , but I was sure once I’d eaten that I wouldn’t even notice. There were a few tank tops , one black and one dark purple. I layered them on , then slid my arms through a dark gray ho o die.
Olivia handed me the brush as she sat on th e counter Indian style. She stared at me as I brushed out the tangles in my hair and dropped the eye -drops in my eyes. The cool liquid burned at first , then I felt a cooling sensation as the red t i nt went away. The emerald green shade of my eyes was still absent , but it was coming back slowly. Olivia handed me a tube of con c ealer.
“I don’t care what I look like , ” I mumble d, pushing it away as I squeezed the towel over my long hair , drying it a little more.
She stood and pushed me against the counter and pulled out the conce a ler. “Listen to me,” she said as she started to cover the dark circles under my eyes. “I have no doubt these people see you as a powerful person, someone that can help them fight their demons . I t wouldn’t hurt for you to look more human.”
“I won’t fight them. I’ll kill her , ” I promised , wincing as she pulled out mascara.
“I’m sure there is more than one,” she said as she brought my eyelashes back to life.
“How many ?” I asked , feeling the truth in her words. It was as if she knew for sure. “How do you know?”
“I feel it,” she said as she looked over me , making sure she had done all she could do.
“If I…” I hesitated , not wanting to speak the words that would forecast my death. “If I can’t , I need you to help them. A ll of you , ” I said as I closed my eyes and flashes of everyone Landen and I would leave behind came to me.
All at once , I felt a numbing calm. I t was just as beautiful as the calm I always felt from Landen. The peace I felt in Pe lh a n’s world. It was sustaining, powerful , and wise, but I felt something else: disbelief and fear. Defensively , I opened my eyes and saw an image.
Not one of my images, but a ghostly image of a woman. Olivia was staring at her with broad eyes and her mouth wide open. The woman was beautiful, angelic. Her long hair flowed on an invisible current, and everything about her glowed. She reached for my face and cradled it gently. I didn’t pull away or even flinch. She was to o peaceful, to o beautiful.
With her touch , images came to life in m y mind. I saw her very pregnant. I saw her death. I saw Aden and Draven, their childhood , every moment of it as Nana and their father raised them . I didn’t need an explanation ; this was their mom , and she had died giving birth to them. Through the visions of their childhood , I saw them fight darkness. I saw them question their sanity as shadowed images came to life in front of them, they would speak, they would say random words that seem ed to make no sense, like colors or ph r ases in other langu ag es – even scents, and the dark images would turn to light and fade as if they had been redeemed.
I saw Charlie th rough this ghostly woman’s eyes. I saw Charlie convince the others that they were not cursed, but that they were meant to red eem the damned. They used music. They used music like I used art to channel what they witnessed. They had no idea what they were doing or how they would face their fate. I watched countless conversations abo ut us – about Landen, our world. How they thought it would be their escape.
Then I saw Draven. He was in every image. She showed me h ow he fell to his knees in pain. The image was a cruel reminder of when I’d seen Drake do the same thing. Though in this image I neve r saw the darkness leave Draven. The images showed him fighting in a world that could only be a nightmare. I t wasn’t a fight with guns or muscle, it was a fight with his mind… the things he saw tempted him , and he had to fight to remain sane, he had to fight the addict ion of the illusions before him. Charlie was his way out. He thought of Charlie , and butterflies would appear a round her – glowing butterflies. He would try and refuse her , but she was relentless and made him focus on her, on the emotion between them.
This woman was showi ng me what was in store for me. She was showing me that Charlie had fought this demon. The fact that Draven was here with Charlie gave me hope. But at the same time , I was afraid that little boy – the young man I’d seen in these visions and the young man I’d met a moment ago , had changed. His time in that place had seeped into his soul , and he was fighting this war inside of him. Draven was fighting not to give in and become what the darkness wanted him to be.
I knew the message was not only a plea to help Charlie save Draven, but a warning that the men I bring back from this hell…may not be the same when they return.
“I won’t rest until the darkness has escaped them, all of them , ” I promised this ghostly image.
Her eyes smiled as she faded , taking the peace with her. In her absence , I felt drained, more drained tha n I was when I came here.
“What – what just happened?!” Olivia asked breathlessly.
“That was Draven’s mom. They need us just as much as we need them.”
Butterflies , I thought. What is it with butterflies? I made a mental note to ask Charlie about them, to see if they were a doorway for her to go back like they were for me. Maybe she knew how to make them come back, maybe I could do that instead of this seeing thing. It took all the strength I had , but I stood up and walked toward the emotions of the others in this house.
Olivia was at my side instantly. She balanced me when I would begin to sway. “I can’t believe i t’s been four days since you’ve eaten , ” s he said in a frustrated tone.
“Food is the last thing on my mind , ” I mumbled as we reached a staircase that led to the bottom floor.
“You of all people should know that you have to keep your body strong , ” s he scolded a s she braced her arm around me. “You can’t think like this.”
I swallowed the fury I had with myself. I could have been here hours ago if I had just been able to focus. I guess food would have helped with that.
I focused on the emotions and intent of this house. I heard muffled voices and looked to the den that opened up beside the stairs. I saw Aden, Monroe , an older man, and two other boys in there . One of the boys was the one I saw upstairs , and t he other I could only assume was his brother ; he was just as lanky and seemed like a younger version of the other. I felt Aden’s intent on explaining to them where they were going – why they were going. I knew he didn’t need to convince them to go ; they already had the intent to go. The smaller boy seemed fearless to me , and I felt a concern from the others about him. I knew they loved him , but they were worried about him, how daring he was. The older man , who could only be Aden’s dad , seemed to carry the biggest concern for all of them. I felt h is desire to go, but he was holding himself back, fighting with the idea of someone else taking care of his family. I didn’t want to get into the middle of a topic that was obviously sensitive.
I led Olivia past the den , knowing Brady was just ahead. At the end of the entry hall , there was a kitchen. The walls were stone , so were the counter tops ; it was a very modern , edgy look that I found myself admiring.
Brady, Austin , and Draven were sitting by a bay window at a table in the nook of the kitchen. Nana was at the stove , stirring a big pot of what looked like soup. She looked over her shoulder when we walked in. She smiled slightly. “I see my daughter brought you up to speed.”
I raised my eyebrows , questioning these people, how they could see darkness, live with a gh
ost , and not be the slightest bit bothered by it, but then I realized that was nothing compared to what I’d witnessed in the last few months. Crazy attracts Crazy. No doubt.
Brady looked up at the sound of her voice , and I felt his relief. Austin and Draven both stared at me as if I were some kind of royalty that had just graced their presen ce . Brady stood and helped Olivia guide me to the table. I felt foolish letting them do that , but I was so weak that fainting was only a breath away.
I sat down , and Brady and Olivia sat protectively on each side of me.
“Feel better?” Brady asked quietly.
“Not yet,” Nana said , bringing a bowl over to me. “She will.” She placed a spoon next to my bowl. “Eat slowly. I don’t want you to get sick.”
My trembling hand reached for the spoon and brought a small taste of the steaming vegetable soup to my lips. As I swallowed it , I savored each seasoning as if it w ere the first time I’d tasted such bliss. I eagerly took another spoonful, feeling my stomach cramp at the anticipation of be ing feed.
“I should have made sure you had eaten , ” Brady said in a disappointed tone.
I smirked , feeling energy seep through me. “I think that saving Delen from Mother Nature was a good priority for you to have.”
“How did you do that?” Austin asked curiously .
Brady looked at him as he moved his head from side to side. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
I felt Draven’s eyes on me , and I looked up at him to see him reading me like I was some kind of epic novel.
“It doesn’t scare you, what you see in me?” I asked , noticing his calm emotion as I dared to take another sip of the soup.
He tilted his head , and his soft lips turned into a sardonic smile. His eyes seemed to turn darker for an instant. “Not as much as it scares you.” The truth in his words forced me to realize how scared of myself I really was. I had no idea what I was capable of.
I f elt Austin’s regret as he glanced between me and Draven. “I should have tried ha rder – made Landen listen to me. Maybe then. Maybe then--”
