He gave me a half-hearted lift of the lips. He took the bag and headed into the kitchen. The house was charming, small, but then again it was only Jake and his mom. Everything looked… perfect. Neat, tidy - like no one actually lived here. It creeped me out. I let go of Hades’ leash; we followed Jake into the white kitchen. He was still only in his flaming-hearts pj bottoms. He put the ice cream away then grabbed the tissues and the chocolate before he led me to the living room couch.
“What happened?” I asked gently as I sat down on the couch facing him. Hades sat near my feet, watching Jake.
Jake sniffed. “He was tired of me being jealous.” He opened the tissue box. “I apologized and everything. I even told him I knew I was being stupid.” Tears started falling down his face.
“What did he say to that?” I asked carefully.
His breathing grew faster. “He - he said, ‘If you don’t trust me by now, you sure as hell don’t know me.’” His shoulders shook.
“Oh, honey.” I opened my arms. He hugged me. held him tight, tears running down my face as sobs racked his body. He hurt so much. I didn’t know how he could stand it. “Just breathe, Jake,” I whispered to him. “Take a deep breath for me and let it out slowly.” I kept holding him tight, my hand running up and down his back. Even Hades put his head against Jake’s leg.
“I fucked everything up. He was one of my best friends,” he said between gasps.
“It’s going to be okay,” I told him. I didn’t know how, or if it was even true, but what else could I say? I rocked him side to side and tried to think of something to say. I couldn’t say it wasn’t his fault, or that Derrick was an asshole. That would be lying. Which I normally didn’t mind, but… I didn’t know what to say. So I held him close and listened as he poured his heart out. I rocked him, dumped the waste basket of tissues, got ice cream, and listened. Eventually, we put a comedy on. He fell asleep with his head in my lap while we watched it.
It was over an hour later when the front door opened. Hades’ head snapped up and he moved to my side. Dylan stepped around the corner and went still. His eyes met mine, his face grew strained. Great. I put my finger to my lips to tell him to be quiet. He raised an eyebrow. I pointed at the couch. He moved closer so he could look over the back of the couch. Hades started growling a low growl.
“Heel,” I whispered. Hades looked at me as if he was going to argue, but did as I said.
Dylan sighed and then looked at me. “You can get up. He sleeps like a log,” he whispered.
I eyed Jake. He did seem to be out cold. “You’re sure?” I whispered.
He nodded, his eyes full of shadows. “Unless you start banging pans together, he’ll stay asleep.” He moved around the couch. Hades moved so he could watch him, keeping his body between me and Dylan.
“He’s gotten huge,” Dylan muttered as he carefully lifted Jake’s head off my lap. I moved off the couch. Dylan lowered Jake’s head to the pillow that had been behind me. When he stepped back, Jake was still asleep.
“Thank God, ’cause I’ve had to go to the bathroom for half an hour,” I muttered before walking down the hall to find the bathroom. Hades was hot on my heels; he even insisted on going into the bathroom with me. Odd.
When I was done, I looked in the mirror. Okay, Dylan was here. Would I be a bad friend if I bailed on Jake? I didn’t know. I sighed. I was going to have to stay as long as I could. With Dylan in the house. Great. I took a deep, calming breath before stepping back out into the hall.
When we walked back into the living area, Dylan was in the kitchen pouring two glasses of ice tea. He picked them up and handed me one.
“Thanks,” I said, keeping my voice quiet.
He tilted his head to the porch, then headed for the glass back door. I debated how smart it would be to go onto the porch with my ex. I looked at the couch. Then again, Jake was asleep and right here. Not to mention Hades was with me. Shit.
I followed him outside onto a large, shady deck. It wasn’t too hot in the shade at least. I sat down on a chaise and crossed my legs under me. Hades sat next to me, watching Dylan. Dylan hesitated a moment before sitting down at the end of the chaise.
“How is he?” he asked, his voice still quiet.
I turned my head to look through the window at Jake’s sleeping form.
“He’s hurting.” I didn’t know how else to explain it.
He nodded his gaze on Jake. “Did he tell you what was going on?”
I nodded and turned back to Dylan. “That he was being jealous and an ass? Yeah, I heard about it the other day.”
His lips half grinned at me. “You’re the one who told him he was being an ass, right?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged then looked back at Jake. “It was too late though.”
“How bad is he hurting?” he asked.
I turned back to him. He was serious. “His heart’s broken, and it was his own fault for pushing Derrick away. I’d say pretty bad.” I scratched Hades’ ears. He leaned into it.
Dylan looked down at the glass of tea between his knees. “I remember,” he muttered. It took me a moment to realize what he meant. He was thinking of our break up. I tried to ignore it, but he wasn’t going to.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice soft.
“For?” I asked carefully.
“All of it.” He met my eyes. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. And I sure as hell should have listened that night at the hospital.”
But not the rest of the time? I looked down at the tea in my hand. “Thank you.”
He got to his feet and moved to look over the railing to the backyard. “I want us to be able to talk. It’s a small area, Lexie.” He turned and leaned on the railing. “We’re going to run into each other. It’d be nice if you didn’t run away every time.”
I raised an eyebrow at that. “I’m not running away from you, Dylan. I just don’t have a reason to talk to you.”
“We were friends,” he reminded me.
“Yeah, we were,” I admitted. “But then you said what you said, and that made me not trust you.”
He frowned. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”
I met his gaze and told him the truth. “I already have. But that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten what you did.”
“Was what I did that bad?” he asked. Was he serious? He seemed to realize what he said. “Not the hospital thing, or things I said that night. I was way out of line. But… everything else?”
Didn’t he get it? “Dylan, I asked you not to call. I told you to leave me alone, and you didn’t listen.” I shook my head, not believing that I had to explain this to him. “The way you were acting… I didn’t even think twice about it when Rory said they arrested you.”
His face grew dark as he looked away. “I wasn’t thinking back then. I was… I was hurting and stupid.”
“That’s not a good enough reason to act the way you did,” I told him honestly.
He came towards me, his shoulders blocking out the sun as he stood over me. “I’ve said I’m sorry—”
I flashed on the cabin. Ice on my face.
“Dylan, back up,” I told him.
Hands gripping my sweater, yanking me to my feet.
“I’m not trying to touch—”
“It’s not an ex thing, it’s an Ordin thing,” I snapped as I scrambled to my feet on the other side of the chaise and backed up several feet. Hades came with me, jumping over the chaise, keeping himself against my legs and between me and Dylan. I focused on the present and took deep breaths. I was at Jake’s. Hades was here. It was June. The feel of Hades’ fur under my fingers. The sweat running down my back. It took a little time, but when I opened my eyes I was okay. A little shaken, but okay.
I met his eyes. “That is why I can’t be friends with you.”
“What just happened?” he asked, his brow drawn down.
“You just triggered a flash.” I took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m not the same person that you knew. I need
people around me who will listen when I tell them to back up. And that’s not you.” I picked up Hades’ leash. “I’m going to head out.”
I walked around the chaise and past him to the door.
“I didn’t know,” he reminded me.
I sighed. I didn’t bother to turn around. “You didn’t have to. You just had to listen.” I opened the door and closed it quietly behind me. I picked up my keys and left Dylan on the deck.
* * *
I was in my bedroom working on a drawing when my phone rang. It was Riley.
“Hey, make-out girl,” I answered with a smile.
"Not funny,” she told me, though her voice made it clear she was smiling.
I burst out laughing.
"Lexie!"
I decided to let it go. “Tell me what happened and why didn't you tell me you liked Ryan?"
She sighed. "Because, I didn't know if he liked me."
"Well, from the look of that kiss I'd say he does,” I chimed, grinning from ear to ear.
"Yeah, well, shit,” she said, her voice embarrassed. "Yeah, okay, he asked me out, I said yes and... we..."
"Started making out in the doorway of a church?" I asked, my voice helpful as I grinned wickedly.
"It wasn't that bad!" she insisted. I started laughing again. "Lexie!"
"Sorry, sorry." I tried to get control of myself again.
"He's sweet, Lexie,” she told me. "He's funny, he's sexy as hell and, well, when he looks at me..."
I smiled, remembering that feeling. "Oh, it's like that, huh?"
"Yeah. It's like that,” she admitted. "He even holds my hand around other people."
"Then you better hold on to him," I said. "And kiss him, and make out in a church—"
"Shut up,” she snapped, laughing. "I'm going to be busy for a bit; Ryan has a bunch of dates planned out."
I snorted.
"He plans dates, Lexie!" she practically squealed.
I shook my head. "I'm happy for you, hon."
"Oh, shit, that's him on the other line,” she said in a rush. "Talk to you later."
I hung up the phone still laughing at her. I couldn't blame her for being so giddy. When Riley was dating Zeke she was constantly unsure about where she stood with him. Now, with Ryan, she was getting what she needed. My dirty mind came out to play. I snorted at myself.
I continued working for an hour, until Hades got up and whined at me. Smiling, I put down my colored pencil and headed downstairs.
Rory was on the phone in the living room when I took Hades to the back door and opened it for him.
While he went out I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
"Yeah," Rory muttered. "I understand."
I ignored it while I waited for Hades at the door. Eventually he lumbered in and went to his food dish. I went into the living room and dropped into the chair near the door. I was taking a drink of water when Rory hung up the house phone with a frown on his face. His eyes met mine and I knew this wasn’t going to be good.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Tired,” I admitted.
“Dr. Peltier said that would happen. Your body is fighting to keep the black spot from spreading. At least, that’s what he thinks is going on.”
I nodded. I figured it was something like that.
He nodded as if he expected it. “That was the doctor. He needs to know if we’re doing surgery.”
I scoffed. “You know as well as I do that it won’t do shit.”
“It might act as a stop gap,” he offered.
“It’s brain surgery,” I countered.
“It’s an option no one’s ever tried before,” Rory pointed out.
Shit. He was right, but…. I met Rory’s eyes. “It’s brain surgery. What are the chances that there’ll be a fuck up? That it will cause more damage than they fixed?” I focused on the coffee table and tried to make him understand. “They don’t know what this is. They don’t know how to handle it. And…” I let out a breath and met his eyes. “Honestly, I’m not going to be their lab rat when I could be doing something fun.”
His eyes searched mine before he nodded. “I’ll tell the doctor. But that means there are some other decisions to be made.”
I looked away from him. “I know. I’m trying to figure it out.” Needing to get away from this conversation, I got to my feet and headed upstairs. I paused on the steps. “Thanks, Rory.”
“No problem, kid,” he replied. I started up the stairs again and went into my room. Having made one decision was a relief, as if I had been carrying a weight I didn’t know about until it was gone. One down, a few more to go. I sat on my bed and tried to figure out who I was going to hang out with tomorrow afternoon.
Alexis: Hey, what are the plans for tomorrow?
It took a minute or so to get an answer.
Miles: Your first day is tomorrow.
Alexis: I know, I meant after.
Ethan: I’m free late in the afternoon.
Asher: Working all day.
Miles: I’m working on my RPG, but I can change my plans.
Alexis: Miles, you don’t have to change your plans. I’ll probably stop by anyway.
Miles: Alright, come over anytime.
Ethan: Come over around four tomorrow.
Alexis: You’re on. Thanks, guys.
Hmmm, no Zeke. He must be working right now. But… why didn’t Isaac answer?
I sat looking at my phone. There was someone else I wanted to see tomorrow too. I found her number in my contacts and called.
“Hello?” Laura’s voice was hesitant.
“Hey, it’s Lexie,” I said cheerfully.
“Oh, Lexie. Hi,” she said, surprised.
“I was thinking we could hit the dog park tomorrow afternoon?” I asked, hoping she’d finally say yes.
“Oh, um. Yeah. I-I can do that,” she said, her voice shaking around the edges. “What time?”
I should be out of work by one according to what Meghan told me. “Around three.”
“Okay, I’ll see you at two,” she said quickly before hanging up.
Okay… I was tired of trying to be friends with Laura when all she did was dodge me. But at the same time, she was so shy I didn’t know if that was the case or she was just being… shy.
Putting it out of my mind, I got up and gathered my pajamas before I went to take a shower. When I came back my phone had a message.
Zeke: I’m working right now.
I snorted. Zeke messaging - short and to the point. I shook my head before pulling out the futon and climbing in. I was about to fall asleep when my phone dinged again. Expecting it to be Isaac, I checked.
Zeke: I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow.
I sent him a smiley face emoji before putting my phone down and falling asleep.
Isaac
* * *
Metal smashed metal. The car jerked again. I held Sophie tight to my chest.
“Izzy.” She coughed. I looked down to find blood trailing from her mouth. Her amber eyes were wide, tears filling them. “Why didn’t you save me?” Her voice shook. My heart split in two. I bashed on the door, slamming my shoulder into it over and over.
“Hold on, Sophie, I’m getting you help,” I told her, my voice thick as desperation took control. I slammed and hit the door over and over. “Let us out!”
“Izzy…” her sweet voice called. I looked down into my arms. Bright red blood poured from her mouth onto her chest. “Make it stop.” She coughed a wet cough that ended with her gasping for breath.
“Sophie…” I begged.
“Make it stop…” she pleaded.
Oh God. I moved my hand over her face and covered her mouth and nose. I screamed at myself as I watched Sophie fight my hold.
STOP! STOP!
I was helpless as I watched myself smother my little sister. Sophie’s movements slowed, and then stopped altogether.
No. No. NO. NO!
* * *
I bolted up in bed, my heart pounding, sweat running down my chest as I struggled to breathe. Sophie… no… everything was foggy and… did I…? No. No. I didn’t. No way in hell.
Maybe you just now remembered.
My eyes burned as my stomach rolled. I couldn’t have… I loved her… I was begging for her to stay…
Were you really? Or did you hold your hand over her face and finish her off?
Bile rose in my throat as I ran from my bed to the bathroom. I was sick over and over, my body shaking, tears running down my face as that voice filled my mind.
Chapter 8
Monday
Isaac
I climbed to my feet and picked up my skateboard. It was early. There weren’t many people at the park yet, even though the best time to skate was before it got too hot.
After that nightmare, I couldn’t get back to sleep. Doubts kept swimming through my head. Did I do that to Sophie? I couldn’t have… but what if I just didn’t remember? A deep pit burned in my chest as I tried to remember. I rubbed my hand over my eyes and started to head across the street to the gas station. Coffee. Coffee was what I needed.
I had just crossed the street when my phone rang. It was Ethan. I sent it to voicemail immediately. Oh, good. They had ice coffee. I quickly made my drink, went to the counter and paid before I headed back to the park.
I spent most of the day in the park. I skated, watched others, and sat in the shade when it was too hot. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to be around anyone right now. Leaning back against the tree, I wanted to disappear.
Joshua eventually showed up and came over. “Hey, man.” His eyes ran over me. “You look like crap.”
“No shit,” I bit out.
“Whoa. You’re in a shitty mood,”
I met his eyes. “Just… leave me the fuck alone, man.”
Josh eyed me. “You fighting with what’s her name?”
I sighed. “Yeah, and I want to be left alone,” I lied. Anything to get him to go away.
Josh nodded and headed towards the park. Good. I just needed to… figure this out.
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