by Connie Mason
“Until Abner’s no longer contagious,” the doctor said. “Two weeks, perhaps longer, depending on Abner’s progress. There’s nothing more I can do right now, so I’ll leave Abner in Chad’s capable hands. Send someone to town for me if the lad takes a turn for the worse,” he called over his shoulder.
That’s all Sarah had to hear. She made a mad dash for the bedroom. Chad stepped in front of her. “For once in your life follow orders, Sarah. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you or our child. Smallpox is a serious illness. You’re going to have to trust me to take care of Abner.”
“Trust you!” Sarah spat. “I don’t even like you, Chad Delaney. Unfortunately I have no choice in the matter. You’re all I have right now. Until Abner is out of danger, I’m going to park myself outside this door, so get used to it.”
“You’ll make yourself sick,” Chad warned. “Dammit, Sarah, I love you. You’re carrying my child. I’d do anything to protect you and our children. Once we marry, Abner will be as much mine as the new baby you carry. I’ve gone through hell to work through my demons. I wouldn’t have succeeded without you. I’m not going to lose you no matter how difficult you make this for me. However,” he warned, “if you try to get into Abner’s room, I won’t hesitate to have you forcibly restrained.”
“You can’t…”
He stopped her complaint with a kiss. He kissed her until her head spun and her blood thickened. Until she melted against him, forgetting everything but the heat and hardness of his body, until she forgot exactly why she was angry with him.
Chapter 20
Sarah broke off the kiss while she could still recall her own name. She had been seduced by Chad’s intoxicating kisses before and knew how fatal they were. She didn’t want to fall in love with him all over again. She couldn’t bear the pain of loving him.
“Sarah,” Chad murmured when Sarah pushed away from him. “Don’t do this to us.”
Sarah sighed and gave him her back. Her words were crisp and to the point “I’m going downstairs to see about getting some broth for Abner. He needs plenty of nourishing liquids to strengthen him until he can take solid food.”
Chad watched her walk away, sick at heart and unable to do anything about it. If he had to play the villain in order to keep Sarah from catching smallpox, then so be it.
Sarah was pleased to learn that Cookie already had a pot of chicken broth simmering on the back of the stove. She sat down to wait for it while Cookie bustled about the kitchen preparing supper for the family.
“You missed lunch, Miz Sarah. Would you like a sandwich to hold you over till supper?”
“I couldn’t eat a thing, Cookie. Perhaps later. Do you suppose the broth is finished yet? I’d like to take it up to Abner now.”
“You can take it to the door and no further,” Cookie warned.
“I know,” Sarah said, disheartened. She had finally resigned herself to the fact that she wasn’t going to see her son until he was no longer contagious.
Sarah languished in profound anxiety during the following days. She knew Abner was feeling better when the sound of his voice drifted to her through the closed door. Doc Adams returned twice. The second time he had pronounced Abner out of danger and praised Chad and Ryan for taking such good care of the lad. Abner continued to be contagious, however, and Sarah was still barred from his room. Though she talked to him through the door, it wasn’t the same as seeing his dear little face.
Sarah saw little of Chad during the days and nights he spent nursing Abner. Chad and Ryan had taken turns sleeping on a cot in Abner’s room. On the rare occassions she encountered Chad, she thought he appeared drawn and exhausted.
Sarah had no complaints about the care Abner was receiving. She couldn’t have done better herself. But it was galling to have to depend on others to do things she should be doing herself. She still believed a mother’s care was the best medicine, and she fumed ceaselessly at being denied access to his room. But more importantly, she should have been with Abner when he had first fallen ill. She was still upset with Chad for forcing her to desert her son. True, she might have become ill herself, but she’d been willing to risk exposure to the disease for Abner’s sake.
One evening Chad joined her for supper. He was freshly shaven; his hair had been trimmed and was wet from a dunking. He looked tired but happy as he took a seat at the table.
“I hope you cooked a lot, Cookie,” Chad said, eyeing the pot roast sitting on the stove. “I could eat a good-sized steer tonight”
“I didn’t cook the whole steer, but I don’t think you’ll go away hungry,” Cookie said with a twinkle. He set the dish on the table with a flourish, revealing a succulent cut of beef surrounded by potatoes, turnips, and onions.
Chad’s mouth watered as he sliced the beef into man-sized slices. “You’ve outdone yourself, Cookie.” He placed a slab of beef, along with a portion of potatoes and turnips on Sarah’s plate, then served himself.
“I’ll take something up to Ryan,” Cookie said as he filled a plate and departed.
“Is Ryan with Abner?” Sarah asked, toying with the food on her plate.
“It’s Ryan’s turn to stay with the boy tonight,” Chad said. “Actually, Abner is well enough to get up now. He’s made a remarkable recovery. We’re all pleased with his progress.”
Sarah leaped from her chair, her face suffused with joy. “Does that mean I can see him now?”
“I suspect it does, but the final word has to come from the doctor. He’ll be out tomorrow. I know how anxious you are, sweetheart, but one more day isn’t too much to ask, is it?”
“One minute is too much!” Sarah exclaimed. “I’m going up there now.”
“Ryan won’t let you in. Sit down and enjoy your supper. You’re eating for two, remember?”
“How could I forget?” Sarah said bitterly. “If I wasn’t carrying this child, I wouldn’t have been denied my son.” She touched her stomach. “This baby has brought me nothing but grief.”
Chad’s face contorted with anguish and his eyes went cold. Sarah saw and wanted to call back her words. She’d been overwrought and worried and hadn’t been aware of what she was saying. Her words had tumbled out before she realized what she’d said. She wanted this baby. She loved it already, and she’d be as fiercely protective of it as she was of Abner.
“I’m sorry my baby is such a burden to you,” Chad said with cool disdain. “After it’s born, you may leave it with me and go wherever you please. I’d prefer to keep Abner, too, but unfortunately I have no say in his future.”
Leave her baby? Sarah shuddered at the thought “No one is taking my children from me,” she said fiercely.
“We’ll see. Finish your supper. I know you don’t care for my child, but I intend for you to deliver a healthy babe.” His expression hardened and he turned away.
Sarah knew exactly what he was thinking and it frightened her. She couldn’t let Chad revisit the past, to succumb to those terrible demons that had plagued him for so long. He’d fought a fierce battle to banish them and she prayed that her careless words wouldn’t return him to his former state of self-loathing.
Sarah managed to consume enough food to satisfy Chad. From the corner of her eye she watched him chew and swallow his own dinner, his fork moving mechanically from his plate to his mouth. Sarah wondered if he tasted anything as he stared off into space.
“Chad, I didn’t mean what I said about the baby. I’ve been upset, you know that.”
Finally he looked at her, but Sarah wished he hadn’t. His eyes were dark with pain and shadowed with disillusionment. She hadn’t seen that particular look in a long time. Not since the day they had visited the Doolittle house and made love on Cora Lee’s bed.
“You hate me, don’t you, Sarah? And you hate my child. I made you leave Abner with the Indians and kept you away from him during his illness for a very good reason. Why can’t you understand that? I should have learned my lesson where women are concerned. Trying to do what is right n
ever pays off. I listened to my heart instead of my head. Love is for fools, and I’m the biggest fool of all.” He pushed his chair away from the table.
“Chad, wait! I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. Pregnant women often say things they don’t mean.”
Chad sent her an inscrutable look, then turned away. “Good night, Sarah.”
Speechless, Sarah watched Chad stride from the room. She was stunned at the change in him. It was true that Chad had taken her from her son and kept her away during his illness, but she realized now that he had been right to do so. God, what had she done to him? How could he believe she hated him when she was crazy in love with him? No other man would have nursed Abner back to health as tirelessly and with as much compassion as Chad. Only a stupid woman would become upset with a man who had done so much for her. He’d dragged her from the depths of poverty and despair, even though he was fighting a battle of his own at the time.
Cookie walked into the kitchen, took one look at Sarah, and poured her a fresh cup of coffee. “Are you all right, Miz Sarah?”
Sarah shook her head. “I’m afraid not, Cookie. I’ve been stubborn and foolish and realize now that I said tilings I didn’t mean. I don’t think Chad will ever forgive me.”
“I thought Chad looked a mite green around the gills when I passed him in the hallway just now. You can always make things right.”
“I might have gone too far this time,” Sarah said on a sad little sigh. “I owe Chad so much.”
“He don’t want your gratitude. I can’t tell you what to do, Miz Sarah, but I sure would hate to see Chad lose all the ground he’s gained since he returned to Dry Gulch.”
“Thanks, Cookie,” Sarah said as she scraped her chair back and rose. “I’m going to try to undo the harm I’ve done. I hope it’s not too late.”
Sarah remained thoughtful as she climbed the stairs to her room. She undressed by lamplight, donned a nightgown, shoved her bare feet into slippers, and sat down in the windowseat to contemplate her next move. She’d acted hatefully toward a man to whom she owed her very existence. She’d flung words at him she regretted and didn’t know how to make amends. Chad deserved her gratitude, not the sharp edge of her tongue. She wouldn’t blame him if he wanted nothing more to do with her.
This tension between them couldn’t go on, Sarah decided as she opened her door and stepped into the hallway. Their problems would only grow worse with each passing day, widening the gap between them until it was too large to mend. She searched her heart and discovered that her love for Chad was secure, that it had never really been in jeopardy. She prayed they still had a future together, and hoped her careless words hadn’t destroyed Chad’s love for her.
Chad lay in bed, arms folded behind his head, recalling every word Sarah had spoken in anger. Sarah didn’t want their child. She hated him. She had flung those words at him too many times for him to disbelieve them. He’d been crazy to think his life had changed for the better, that he’d found a woman he could trust… one he could love, one who’d love him in return.
Of one thing Chad was certain. Sarah wasn’t going to take his baby with her if she left. No child of his was going to be called a bastard. He’d force her to marry him for the child’s sake. Then, if she wanted to leave without her child, he wouldn’t stop her.
Chad’s ruminations were so distracting he didn’t hear the metallic click as the door opened and closed, or the soft footsteps approaching. He sensed Sarah’s presence before he heard or saw her. His head turned toward the door, peering through the darkness to find her.
Sarah stepped into the pool of moonlight spilling through the window. “Are you awake?”
Chad sat up, his gaze riveted on the slender figure poised in a beam of golden moonlight. “What are you doing here?”
“I… I want to talk.”
“I’m listening.”
“You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you? About tonight…” She shivered and hugged her arms across her breasts. “I didn’t mean what I said.”
Exasperated, Chad heaved a sigh and held up a corner of the blanket.“You’d better get under the covers if you intend to make this a lengthy visit.”
He moved over and she slid beneath the blanket, pulling it to her chin. “I’m still listening,” Chad said coolly. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? If you’re going to tell me you hate me, don’t bother. I’ve heard it countless times in the past few days.”
“I’ve been a fool.”
Chad’s eyebrows spiked upward. “Like hell! I thought I was the fool.”
“Maybe we’ve both been a little foolish. You’ve been my salvation and my rock. I don’t know what would have become of Abner and me if you hadn’t walked into our lives.”
Chad snorted in derision. “You wouldn’t have an unwanted baby in your belly if I hadn’t walked into your life.”
Sarah found his hand and placed it over her stomach. It was still so flat he found it difficult to believe a new life was growing inside her.
“We made this baby together, Chad. I don’t regret it. I believe it was conceived that day we made love in Cora Lee’s bed. The day you banished your demons for good.”
Chad reached over to the nightstand and struck a match to the kerosene lamp. Light flared, and he searched her face in the revealing glow. “What is it you’re trying to tell me, Sarah?”
“I love you, Chad. Nothing will ever change that. I tried to hate you, but when I searched my heart I found nothing but love for the caring, compassionate man that you are. I don’t want you to go back into your shell because of words spoken in anger.” She touched his face in a gentle caress. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and Abner. I’d be a fool to leave you.”
“I wasn’t going to let you leave me,” Chad confessed. “No matter how much you professed to hate me. You’re carrying my baby. Even if you couldn’t love it, I was prepared to love it enough for both of us.
“I don’t regret taking you away from Cunning Wolf’s camp. You could have caught smallpox and died.” That horrifying thought made him shudder. “I could have lost you.”
“You’re never going to lose me. You promised Abner a complete family. I can’t wait to see him. Do you think the doctor will allow me inside his room now that he’s nearly recovered?”
“I’m certain he will. I’m sorry for the anguish I caused you.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, not after the way you took care of Abner in the sickroom. I couldn’t have done better.”
A heady sigh rushed past Chad’s lips. “I was so afraid you’d leave me, sweetheart. I feared I’d never hold you in my arms again, or make love to you.”
Chad’s arms came around her, cuddling her against his chest, reveling in the sweet warmth of her pliant body. He groaned as she moved sinuously against him, molding them together, breast to breast, thigh to thigh. Shifting to make a space between them, he trailed his fingertips across her stomach, moving lower, delving into the fine curling hairs between her legs. He traced the outer edge of the triangle, then slid into the moist folds of her female flesh.
“Oh Chad, yes,” Sarah said on a sigh. “Love me. Please love me.”
“Let’s get rid of this first.” Deftly, he pulled off her nightgown and tossed it aside. Then he simply stared at her, his heated gaze slowly traveling the length of her body. He rubbed his knuckles against her tender nipples, then he began to knead her breasts, pulling and lifting them to his hungry mouth.
Sarah whimpered in delight as he drew a nipple between his lips and suckled her. She touched a kiss to his chest, then slid her hand down to stroke his hardening manhood. He retaliated by caressing the aching flesh of her ribs, belly, hips, and thighs. He stroked every inch of her he could reach as she pleasured him with her hands. Her titillating rhythm kept him on the sharp edge of passion as he panted and groaned in an effort to control the savage instinct to spew forth his seed.
His eyes reflected his erotic agony a
s he lifted his head from her breasts and fastened his mouth on hers, his tongue delving deeply into her sweet warmth. He shifted between her legs and her thighs opened wide in loving welcome. He could feel the throbbing of her body as he probed against her wet entrance. Then he drove inside, jerking her hips against him. He nearly lost it as she arched up sharply, drawing him deeper into her hot center. Buffeted by elemental emotions ripping through him, his movements grew fierce, uncontrolled. Then she cried out, clenching him as if trying to absorb all of him into her body.
The wildness of her response, the bold thrust of her loins against his, were almost more than Chad could bear. His hands tightened fiercely around her hips as he plunged in and out, the violent friction of their joining sending him toward mindless oblivion. He was painfully swollen, ready to burst, and he hung on through sheer dint of will.
Sarah was nearly insensate with pleasure. Her body thrummed, her heart pounded, and her skin burned. Her blood thickened and pooled in the place where they were joined. The violent roar of pleasure reverberated like thunder in her ears. Then she was soaring upward, reaching blindly for the most incredible rapture she’d ever experienced. When she reached that lofty paradise, she hung on for dear life and waited for Chad to join her.
“I’m coming!” he cried as he raced to catch up. He held her tightly as his own release tore through his body.
They rested briefly. The next time they loved, Sarah was the aggressor. She kissed him all over, teasing him unmercifully, her hands, lips, and mouth moving over him in loving exploration. When she closed her lips over the rounded tip of his staff, he arched up violently, nearly toppling her off the bed. With a fierce growl, he carefully removed her and settled her atop him. She opened her thighs and he slid inside. Once again they found that place where only lovers dared to venture.
Chad awoke with a smile on his face and was smiling as he quietly dressed and went downstairs to join Ryan and Cookie in the kitchen the next morning. Cookie poured him a cup of coffee. Chad sipped the scalding brew, unable to wipe the smile from his face.
