by Julia Blake
Flustered and confused, not daring to look in Scott’s direction, feeling Caro’s glare of disapproval, I stumbled backwards and sat on the sofa, listened with interest as he answered Annaliese’s questions about his journey, his work, how long he intended to stay, what his plans were, all the time aware of his glance occasionally flicking my way.
Later, we all had dinner together. Mrs Briggs surpassing herself with a stupendous meal, which Luke praised to the skies, making her flush with pleasure and ensure he got the lion’s share of pudding. As I looked around the happy smiling faces, I realised Luke’s presence had almost jolted us back in time to the way we were, before the tragedy. When an evening spent together would always be a time of much laughter and shared pleasure in each other’s company. I felt myself relax; thinking how nice it was for Caro her son had seemingly turned out so warm and friendly, so normal, given his mother had more or less abandoned him when he was only one.
I beamed at her, got a suspicious glare in return and hastily looked away, catching sight of Scott’s face. He stared at me. It was as if someone had painted a disapproving face onto a slab of granite. I looked at my plate, feeling a prick of tears, my previously good mood deflated.
Luke stayed a week with us. During that time, I found my emotions going through abrupt three point turns. He flirted outrageously with me and I’d find myself enjoying it, then catch sight of Scott or he’d suddenly pop into my head and I’d pull away, feeling confused and guilty, although over what I wasn’t too sure. Not that we saw much of Scott that week, pressure of work, he urbanely explained to Annaliese when she questioned him about his absence.
Long hot days... Luke spent a lot of time with his mother. I fancied I saw a softening in her manner, once or twice caught her looking at him with an expression of wonder, as if marvelling such a man could be her son. Annaliese, Mimi and I took him to lunch in town, showed him around. He took photos of things that caught his eye, things I’d seen before, dozens of times, but never taken any notice of until Luke showed me them through the lens of a camera.
And still the temperature rose... went beyond being pleasantly warm to being unbearable. Sightseeing was abandoned, heat bounced at us from broiling pavements, increasingly we sought refuge in the cool of the Hall, its shady woodland, or on the island, dangling feet in the coldness of the lake, filling buckets with chilled water to keep our wine cool.
It grew steadily even hotter. As the temperature rose, so did the confusion within my heart. I knew Luke liked me a lot. Given the slightest encouragement, knew he would make a move. It was intoxicating and heady, his admiration and blatant lust, especially as he kept it so well hidden from the others. In front of them he behaved himself, yet if ever he caught me alone, then his voice would drop to a husky murmur, his eyes would intensify and his hands would touch me in innocent, suggestive ways. He would brush a stray hair off my cheek, gently grasp my wrist to check the time on my watch, drop his hand to the small of my back as I preceded him through a door, and I would feel it, burning through my dress, branding my skin.
The days slipped into one another. My confusion growing as Luke’s flirting became more blatant. I liked him, I did. It was immensely flattering to have such a handsome and personable man so interested in me. In any other circumstances, I’d probably have succumbed to his advances, after all, I was young, free and single, had no ties or commitments, except... Scott.
It’d been eight months since we’d made love, eight long lonely months since that amazing, frenzied, hurried coupling. I thought about it all the time. He’d completely withdrawn from me to a point I could barely label him a friend anymore, but still I ached for him. My heart burned with a longing to be his beloved Eve again. A tiny portion of me continued to hope, it was that hope which stopped me from giving in to Luke.
Luke’s last day came, temperatures reached record breaking levels. It was like being inside a pressure cooker. We’d arranged to meet for a picnic on the island and I wandered down to the shore a little early, desperate to reach the cool shadiness of the island, maybe have a swim in the lakes icy waters. Luke was there, looking at one of the boats with interest.
‘Jump in,’ he ordered at my approach. ‘I’ll row us across.’
‘Are the others there?’ I asked, feeling a reluctance to be alone with him, knowing, with a strange clutch of excitement, what would inevitably happen if I was.
‘Yeah, they’ve already rowed across,’ he replied. I scrambled into the boat, laughing as he took the oars and competently rowed us over the short expanse of dark green water.
‘You look pretty expert at that,’ I commented, as we landed on the other side and splashed through the shallows, pulling the boat behind us up onto the beach.
‘I guess you could say I’ve turned my hand to pretty much everything,’ he replied, held out a hand to me. I hesitated, placed my palm within his, feeling as if I’d sealed my fate. We walked to the clearing. As I’d somehow been expecting, no one was there. I looked at him in silence, brows raised, and he shrugged sheepishly.
‘You’ve caught me,’ he confessed. ‘I wanted to be alone with you, Eve, and this seemed the only way to do it.’
‘Oh?’ I mumbled, through suddenly dry lips. ‘Why?’
‘I think you know,’ he replied, and gently pushed me against a tree trunk, his arms enfolding, his mouth moving hungrily over mine. I resisted, briefly, but was so tired of waiting and hoping, of being rejected and looked at as if I was less than nothing. A moan rose in my throat and suddenly I was kissing him back, feeling explosions of lust in the pit of my belly.
‘Eve,’ he groaned. ‘I’ve never met anyone like you, I want you, now, here...’
Did I agree? I can’t remember, all I know is when his hands moved over my breasts, stroking and arousing, I cried out from the pleasure of it, making no move to stop him as his large hands undid the buttons at the front of my sleeveless blouse, maybe I even helped him.
He slipped the blouse from my shoulders and it fell to the ground. I shuddered as he bent his head, pulled down the bikini I wore underneath. His mouth closed over one erect nipple, gently biting and pulling on it, all the while massaging the other one into a throbbing, wanting peak.
My head fell back against the tree, could feel its rough bark against my spine, closed my eyes, savoured the explosion of need and lust, my hands fisting in his hair, urging him on. I would do this, deserved this. I would make love with Luke and to hell with Scott. I opened my eyes, looked down at Luke’s dark head at my breast. He was so like Scott and I knew it was no good. I couldn’t go through with it.
‘No,’ I whispered, brought hands up to push him away. ‘I’m sorry, no Luke, please stop.’
He raised his head, eyes intense with lust, stared at me in disbelief. ‘What?’
‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this, I’m so sorry Luke, but you have to stop.’ Gently, I moved away from his grasp, pulled my bikini straps back over my shoulders.
‘But, Eve, I don’t understand, what’s wrong? You wanted it too, every bit as much as I did.’
‘I know, and I’m sorry, I should’ve stopped you earlier, shouldn’t have come to the island with you, I’m so sorry, Luke, I really am... but, there’s someone else, and I can’t have sex with you while I’m still in love with him.’
‘You picked a hell of a time to remember you have a boyfriend,’ he snapped angrily, and I flushed with shame.
‘I know. I’m sorry... he’s not really a boyfriend, at least, we’re not a couple. I don’t think he even loves me anymore, but I still love him, and until I stop loving him I can’t be with anyone else, and... and I’m sorry,’ I finished miserably, picking up my blouse from the ground and attempting to pull it back on.
‘I see,’ Luke’s expression softened. He stepped back, rubbing away the sweat beaded on his forehead. ‘Tough call,’ he commented, and I heard a rough kind o
f sympathy in his voice.
‘Yeah, tell me about it,’ I nodded. ‘I’m so sorry, Luke.’
‘Aw hell,’ he stuffed his hands in his pockets and for a moment looked about twelve years old. ‘It’s ok, I guess I understand, my pride’s just a little wounded...’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said again helplessly.
‘Will you please stop saying you’re sorry.’ He grinned at me, and I realised he was joking, that the moment had passed. He was ok with it and with me.
‘You know,’ I began slowly. ‘You really are a nice man, Luke.’
‘I am,’ he agreed with false modesty. ‘Look me up when you’re over this other guy, who, by the way, is a first class loser for ever letting you go.’
‘No, he’s not a loser,’ I replied. ‘The situation’s... complicated.’
‘A situation’s only as complicated as you make it,’ he said, then a thoughtful look crossed his face. ‘Look, this may be a completely off the wall suggestion, but when I leave tomorrow, why don’t you come with me?’
‘What?’ I gasped.
‘Sure, why not?’ he said, warming to his idea. ‘I’m flying out to meet a camera crew in New Zealand, come with me.’
‘I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,’ I replied slowly.
‘Sure it is,’ he insisted. ‘Look, Eve, I won’t lie to you, I want you, if you ever decide you’re bored of waiting for this other guy to make up his mind then I’m quite happy to be a means of mending your broken heart, hell, I’m not proud, I’ll take what I can get. But it would be your decision, Eve. I like you, really like you, you’re interesting and funny and I enjoy your company. If you tell me you’ll come with me for a holiday and it’s to be separate rooms, I’ll respect that.’
‘I don’t know what to say,’ I murmured, stunned by his offer.
‘Say yes,’ he suggested. ‘Or, at the very least, say you’ll think about it.’
I smiled and finally nodded. His face cleared in a big beaming smile and when he stepped forward and pulled me into a brotherly hug, I went easily, drawing strength and comfort from his embrace, laughing when he whispered suggestive nonsense into my ear.
I opened my eyes, looked straight into Scott’s shocked gaze, realised what it must look like, what he must think. Hastily pulled away from Luke’s arms as Ferdie came crashing through the trees, eyes widening as he took in the situation at a glance.
‘Well, well,’ he exclaimed in delight. ‘What do we have here?’
‘Nothing,’ I stuttered guiltily, feeling colour stain my cheeks, stumbling over tree roots in my haste to move away from Luke.
‘You naughty people,’ Ferdie wouldn’t let it go, his face screwed up in a chortle of mirth.
‘Who’s being naughty?’ asked Mimi, arriving in the clearing behind him, closely followed by Miles, Robert and Caro. ‘It’s far too hot to be naughty.’
‘Our little Eve and your big strong son, Caro,’ declared Ferdie. ‘That’s who.’
Several pairs of eyes swivelled to look with interest in our direction, Mimi, Miles and Robert were laughing, obviously not taking Ferdie very seriously, although I fancied Mimi’s gaze narrowed thoughtfully as she took in my flushed face.
Caro’s expression was one of complete and utter fury. As she stared at me in blazing eyed contempt, I was suddenly very grateful looks really couldn’t kill. As for Scott, I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him, was intensely aware of him, frozen at the edge of the clearing, staring at me as if I was something disgusting he’d found on the bottom of his shoe.
‘Give us a break, guys,’ Luke protested, laughing as Ferdie began making kissing noises in his direction. ‘It was just a hug, in a sort of brother sister kind of way.’
‘Is that so?’ exclaimed Ferdie, his eyes wide. ‘Then why,’ he insisted innocently. ‘Is Eve’s blouse on inside out?’ Everyone stared at me with renewed interest.
‘So it is,’ remarked Robert mildly, and I shot him a furious glare.
‘Where’s Annaliese?’ I asked, desperate to change the subject. Instantly, the amusement left his face to be replaced with anxiety.
‘She’s got another one of those headaches,’ he replied, and I frowned in concern.
‘Again? You really must persuade her to go to the doctor, Robert, it’s not right, all these headaches, she needs to get them checked out.’ He nodded in agreement, turned to help Miles unload the bags. Thankfully, attention then turned away from me and Luke onto more important things, like wine and food.
The day progressed. The heat showed no signs of abating, if anything it grew hotter. The whole time I could feel Caro staring at me, her expression one of tightly controlled fury; was miserably aware of Scott ignoring me, his face still, unreadable. Guilt crawled along my spine.
Although we were protected from the worst of the heat by the dappled shade the trees on the island formed, we could still feel its power. Several times we went down to the lake and dived in to cool off, staggering back to the clearing, shaking with cold, only to be bone dry and too hot again within twenty minutes.
‘This heat,’ moaned Mimi, lying back against a cushion, her face flushed. ‘It’s too hot, what’s the matter with the weather, this is crazy.’ Miles fanned her with a rolled up newspaper, glanced up at the darkening sky.
‘I think we may be in for a storm,’ he replied thoughtfully. ‘It’s not possible for things to get this intense without there being an explosion.’
How right he was.
All too soon, Robert decided he was going back to the Hall. Concerned about Annaliese, worried about leaving her for so long, he began to collect up things to take back. Ferdie, Miles and Mimi too staggered to their feet, declaring their intention of going with him.
I helped them load up the boat and they rowed to the other side. I stood, gazing over darkening waters, unable to shake the sense of impending doom. I wandered along the lake’s edge, unwilling to return to the clearing, sensing even Luke’s friendliness wouldn’t be enough to offset the blatant hostility of Caro, the monolithic disdain of Scott. I walked, stumbling over tree roots rising up in my path, confused thoughts colliding in my brain. Why had I rejected Luke? As for his offer to go away with him, tempting though it was, knew I wouldn’t be taking him up on it.
I stopped, felt sudden anger at myself. What was the matter with me, did I have no pride? I was wasting my life, eating my heart out for a man who wanted nothing more to do with me. A man who maybe, once upon a time, had had feelings for me, but now regarded me as a heartbreaking tease; after today, probably considered me little better than a slut.
By now, I’d walked the entire circuit of the island and was approaching the beach from the opposite side. I sank down onto its pebbly surface, pulled my knees into my chest; rested my cheek on them, tried to think what to do.
‘Eve?’ I looked over my shoulder as a shadow loomed from the darkness, saw it was Scott, scrabbled to my feet and turned to face him. Was unable to read his expression in the gloom, but knew from the unyielding stiffness of his posture he was still angry with me. A chill wind suddenly gusted across the lake; I heard the ominous rumblings of thunder and shivered.
Miles had been right, there was going to be an explosion.
‘Where are the others?’ I asked.
‘Caro wanted to spend some time alone with Luke on his last night, so they’ve gone back to the gatehouse. I said I’d wait for you.’
‘Oh,’ I replied, and turned towards the boat, then gasped in shock when he stepped forward and violently grabbed my arm.
‘Just what game do you think you’re playing, Eve?’
‘Game, what do you mean? I’m not playing any game.’ I cried out in pain as his grip tightened, ‘Scott, let go, you’re hurting me!’ He released me with an exclamation.
‘You and Luke!’ he spat th
e words in disdain. ‘It was pretty obvious to everyone what you two had been up too. How could you, Eve?’
‘How could I what?’ I demanded hotly, my own temper flaring. I was sick of it, sick of tiptoeing around him and his crippled emotions. ‘I don’t owe you an explanation, Scott.’
‘The two of you, pawing at each other, it was disgusting.’
‘How dare you, you have no idea what really happened.’
‘Well, your blouse had obviously been off at some point, so you tell me, what did happen?’
‘That is none of your bloody business,’ I snapped.
‘Oh, I think it is...’
‘Why?’ I demanded crossly. ‘What business could it possibly be of yours how many men I’ve slept with?’
‘Have you?’ he snapped.
‘Have I what?’ I replied in confusion, having lost the thread of my own argument. Thunder rumbled again, almost directly overhead, seconds later followed by lightning, its brief flash showing me the steely set to his jaw.
‘Slept with him?’
‘How dare you,’ I shrieked, shaking with outrage. ‘I’ll sleep with whoever I please, and if I decide to have sex with Luke, then that’s what I’ll bloody well do...’
‘So you haven’t then,’ he stated, if I hadn’t been so far gone in my tantrum I might have heard the relief in his voice.
‘Not yet,’ I yelled defiantly. ‘But he’s asked me to go away with him to New Zealand tomorrow, so I’ll have plenty of opportunity too.’
‘You will not go away with him,’ he stated flatly, and I flailed at him with my fists, my anger spilling over into frenzy.
‘Don’t you dare tell me what I can and cannot do,’ I screamed.
‘You’re not going with him,’ he declared and grabbed my arms, dragged me to him, his mouth closing furiously over mine. The kiss was brief, savage, his teeth scraped over my lips and I fought him, struggled like a trapped wild animal in his grasp. My heart breaking as I realised there was no love behind the kiss, just possessive passion. I fell away from him, crying out at my shattered dreams, wiping at lips that bled from his roughness.
