by S. J. Dalton
Breathe in
Breathe out
Just breathe
And let it all out.
I open my eyes and he is still staring I stare back locking our eyes. ’’Are you ready to leave?’’ cammy snaps me out of my thoughts I drag my eyes away from him .’’ huh… oh yeah sure ‘’I get up and gather my things and walk out the door I don’t look back. ‘’ why were u staring at colt Dallas back there?’’ I look at her in horror shit I got caught. ‘’ uh I was just looking at him …you know him?’’ she rolls her eyes. ‘’ everyone knows colt Dallas I went to high school with him .but he was looking back at you like he wanted to eat you girl.’’ Ha-ha good one…what’s he like?’’ ‘’well...colt is one of the nicest people I know he’s just in with the wrong crowd, and he loves his girls or many the girls love him I’m not sure but probably the girls love him or both’’ I don’t respond to her answer I just keep walking and think about those translucent eyes.
16
Chapter 16-Cody’s here
Today Cody arrives home from being on tour I’m so excited to see him I have butterflies in my belly when I think about seeing him good thing it’s the weekend and I get to stay here for two nights before I head back to campus. He should be hear any minuet to pick me up so I walk outside to wait for him. I walk out into the fresh air taking in the rays of sun against my skin. I see his car pulling into to the road and heading towards me I get so giddy and excited as I hop into his car I can’t hide the big smile I’m sporting as I look at him ‘’hey baby’’ he leans over and gives me the most awkward yet loving hug u can give in a car. ‘’hey you’’ I say threw a smile. ‘’god… I missed you blue.’’ ‘’ I missed you too so so much you wouldn’t believe how much’’. ‘’oh I believe you alright’’ he winks and turns away. Boys can be so vain sometimes I think to myself , I laugh out loud not realizing I’m doing so until Cody leans over and starts to tickle me ‘’what’s so funny huh lil?’’ ‘’ahh stop stop I hate being tickled’’ I yell as I try to get away from his grasp. ‘’okay okay I’m sorry relax ‘’ I’m sitting here like a big child sucking in my bottom lip while giving him puppy eyes and he starts bursting out laughing I get agitated as to why he’s laughing and I’m being serious here, I decide to distract him as we are already at his house and the car is stopped I climb over trying to be all sexy but no I do it so awkward that I end up falling across the two front seats face down how embarrassing (oh god Lily get up you can fix this) I say to myself , I pull myself up and stare into Cody’s face not knowing what to do, I close my eyes as I feel his hand cup my cheek running his finger ever so lightly across my cheek and down my neck…you know that moment when you realize now is the right time to let go? Well I’m feeling it now and I think tonight it will happen just me and Cody and noting but the sounds of our beating hearts in the background. I open my eyes and look into his there’s nothing but love in them slightly glisten as he knows this it is too .we go inside Cody’s house and to his room the original plan was to be lazy and watch movies but we both have other things on our minds. I take one of his t-shirts and head into the bathroom to change , when I come out he’s already in bed with the lights off and a movie playing ‘’ uh…I decided on the best of me, since you love all ofNicholas sparks books and ,movies’’ . I smile because I remembered my love for those books and movies. ‘’that’s perfect , thank you’’ I climb into the other side of the bed and cuddle into Cody he slides his hand around my waist and pulls me closer I feel his breath on my shoulder and I shiver but not in a bad way but an exciting way. I turn around and face him I raise my hand up and touch his lips ever so softly, he sucks in a breathe as I do so… knowing that I have this much control over him makes me feel powerful,wanted,loved.That night we made Love actual love.
17
Chapter 17- the game
After the most perfect weekend with Cody I’m finally home …we never said the 3 words I love you but we both know that our feelings are strong for each other but those three words were left unsaid. I take a quick shower and dry my hair and tie it up into a messy bun god these are so handy I thought to myself I throw on a simple pair of skinny jeans and a shirt no makeup today as I don’t have much time before I have class I lock up our dorm and head straight out stopping for my morning coffee fix on campus. Hmm first class English literature I arrive to class and end up being the first year so much for running late huh I decide to take a seat at the back since I have the choice to sit anywhere. I haven’t had this class before as the teacher has been out and is only back now I pull out my notebook and pen just to be ready for when class starts. The classroom starts to fill up quite quick all the seats are took up well… accept for the seat next to me thank god I love haven my own personal space. Just as I thought I was getting away with it in walks colt firkin Dallas him great just bloody great and here was me thinking I got away with sitting alone oh god why did u put me in this position I grab my bag off the seat next to me in case he sits there. Oh what the hell am I saying of course he’s going to sit there I mean when else is he going to sit on the professors lap? I giggle to myself at my thoughts. I feel his cold stare on me as he walks up the isle towards the only empty seat. I put my head down to keep to my own business when he sits down I let out a breath.
Breathe in
Breathe out
Just breathe
And let it all out.
Hell why does he always make me breathe funny when he’s around I keep reaping my comforting words in my head. When I calm down I sneak a quick glance at him but he’s already staring back at me I feel myself going red as I stare into my eyes well his eyes but they remind me of mine accept his seem to have flecks of white in them kind of like a full moon with stars around it so beautiful. I look down to his full lips the perfect shade of red he licks them as I study them I look back to his eyes and turn away . Lily why are u so damn stupid checking this guy out when you’re dating Cody teller huh huh? But those eyes and lips…oh yum I could dream of him all day long… I push those thoughts out of my head as I fall back to reality. ‘’so please class turn to the person next to you introduce yourselves as you will be partners for the remaining of the semester. Yep! Just what I needed that’s great nice one sir! I turn to colt and give him my biggest shit eating grin to show how happy I am to be his partner (not). ‘’ I’m Lily nice to meet you’’ I put out my hand to shake his when I look at his face he is now copying me with his fake grin. ‘’well hello there Lily, I’m colt great to meet you too’’ he take my hand into his and a shock of electricity runs through my body what the heck? I think he felt it too because we both pull away at the same time. ‘’okay’’ he mumbles under his breathe. ‘’okay’’ I whisper and smile to myself.
***
When I arrive back to my dorm after an eventful day I take out my fortune cards as I’ve quite a few questions that I need to be answered. Strength, friend,luck,that’s my first line I turn over my next three cards man,coffin,sithe, I focus on these three as they are not making sense. I turn over the last thee witch read Love, road, tree. I read over them all the first row is telling me to be strong about something, that I have good friends around me, and luck … but the next three are what scared the living shit out of me it reads a man that’s close to me and a death I think for a minute I don’t know anyone that’s ill at the moment I may ring my mam on that one but the last three explains there’s love and a whole new path for me and the tree is telling me that’s everything will work out and I will be fine but I just don’t get it . I snap a quick picture of the cards as I always keep an eye on my readings just so I can look back at them If I need too … I put them back into their box ’’stupid cards’’ I say out loud talking to myself. I decide to call my mom as she knows a lot more about the cards than I do ‘’hi Hun, is everything okay?’’ ‘’oh hi mom, I was just calling because I’ve a question about my fortune cards’’ ‘’ umm… well go ahead then what did they say?’’ I explain to her what they read and I
hear her take a deep breathe at the other end of the line ‘’ I mean is someone sick back home mom?’’ ‘’ no no Hun everything’s fine back here … well there is a death there just be careful okay? It might be just something sudden maybe someone over there or back home just wait and see but please be careful’’ I think about her words for a few seconds and I know she’s lien to me she read my cards as something else and she’s not telling me I decide to let it go this time ‘’ okay mom I promise I’ll call again tomorrow, love you bye.’’ ‘’Love you too Hun be safe’’.
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Chapter 18-friends.
I grab the things I need for class thank god I’ve only one class today. I take my seat in my new seat and wait…wait for his arrival hell I shouldn’t even be thinking about that right now but I can’t help myself he’s pulling me in…fast. He strolls in acting as if everything is perfect but I know that it’s just a mask him trying to keep up his popularity I watch as all the girls bat there eyelashes while looking at him there basically purring looking for his at… but they don’t get it because he’s staring at me, his eyes piercing into me ripping down my gates of protection.
Breathe in
Breathe out
Just breathe
And let it all out.
There I go again I seem to not be able to breathe when he’s around what is this I think to myself. I keep reaping those words in my head… just breathe. After I finally calm down I turn to him but he’s looking at me already, what is his deal with staring at me I mean I’m noting compared to the girls he’s been with why me? Then again I always thought why me when Cody fell for me what is with these guys in California they seem to fall for anyone. ’’What?’’ that seems to pull him out of his daze he looks at me confused ‘’why are you looking at me like that?’’ I coughs and ticks his jaw … god I love it when guys do that especially with a jawline like his. ’I’m not looking at you in anyway’’ oh this little shit. ‘’uh yes you are and you have been since you sat down’’ I state the fact.’’ you’re different’’ ‘’how so?’’ ‘’I don’t know, you just intrude me you pull me in sucking the air right out of my lungs and I know you felt it too I see you do that weird breathing pattern when I’m around.’’ Hmm he caught that? Okay act relaxed Lily. I’m not going to deny and say I didn’t feel it because I did I just don’t want to believe it or feel it. ‘’ hmm you saw that? It comforts me I guess, I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t feel it because I did. But I don’t want too, I can’t.’’
***
A week has passed and not one day goes past that I don’t think about this death I still haven’t heard of anyone passing away let alone a man. I head to the closest coffee shop to relax and get some writing done.
CODY.
I decide to drive my own car to collect Lily I can’t wait to see her…fuck I missed her so much her perfect smiles, eyes, lips everything. I love her and I’m going to tell her to her face I mean we both know we do but we just never got around to saying it. I pull out of my drive and head towards Lily’s dorm. No words can describe how I feel for her she’s just the right one I can feel it. I pass the campus coffee shop and there I see her looking so beautiful writing minding her own business perfect she’s my girl only mine. Then that’s when time slows and my life flashes before my eyes I try to maneuver from the jeep that’s coming towards me but it’s too late time freezes, I hear glass shattering, Lily screaming. I try to move my body by but I can’t. I hear the door open to the car and I’m being pulled at I’m on the ground now everywhere is hurting me I open my eyes slowly looking into my little blues eyes mine, tears are streaming down her face as she screams for help she lifts my head onto her lap and pulls me close while she shakes from fear and sadness. I lift my hand up and touch her smaller one ‘’blue’’ I whisper … ‘’shh baby its okay I have you, please don’t leave me…please’’ I try to focus on her words don’t leave me, her voice comforts me ‘’keep talking baby’’ I try to smile at her but I know that I won’t make it.’’ I love you Cody, I love you so damn much’’ she loves me god she really does this girl kills me every time. ‘’ I love you too blue forever’’ tears stream down my face as I look into her eyes there like a stormy ocean ’’hey you want to know a secret she whispers nod my head’ ’well I used to have a crush on you when I was like sixteen I have posters of you at home and I’ve been to all of your concerts back home, who would have thought we would be here like this today huh?’’ she tries to laugh but she cry’s some more. I smile at what she told me I would have never have thought that well hell you really don’t know what faith holds. Well for us it sucked. I hear sirens in the background but I can’t hold on god give me this strength to hold on. so I use all my strength to say these words to the woman I love ‘’ Lily ,blue…I…I love you with my whole heart I have since I first saw you .you made me feel wanted and loved. Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world… ‘’ I suck in a breathe and continue ‘’ please listen carefully …we both know we don’t have much time…as much as it kills me to say this I need too don’t be afraid to love again Lily someday someone will make you happy and treat you like you’re the only woman in the world , I just didn’t have enough time to show you but I do I love you so much it hurts … but faith is decidingour time is up … I love you don’t ever forget that bluene me quittee pas‘’ I see a guy come up behind Lily and he tries to pick her up she looks up and sees him and something passes there I decide this is the guy that will love her she leans back to me and kisses my lips in the most gentle kiss ever’’ I love you Cody I always will, je suis a toi’’ she cries and lets the guy pick her up . He looks back at me and I motion him over he says something to Lily and he walks over to me ,he bends down so he can hear me I look him in the eye ‘’ please colt…mind Lily for me, love her until it hurts I know you like her I see the way you look at her. Just give her the world and never hurt her, look out for each other’’ he’s shaking his head as he holds my hand I know colt has a good heart I can feel it and he’s right for her, at least he will give me piece.’’ I’ll love her someday, don’t worry I’ll give her everything, and you look after yourself.’’ I nod my head feeling a weight fall off my shoulders I couldn’t leave Lily here alone she barely knows anyone. But now that she’s with colt I feel like it’s okay she will be okay one day. I close my eyes slowly until I see black and I hear noting I drift off into an unbreakable sleep and I dream of blue.my blue.
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Chapter 19- in my heart.
The days go so slow …so damn slow. They say time heels, but it’s getting worse. My heart has been ripped out of my chest taking half of me with it and leaving behind this hollow person. I might be strong but I do break, and this broke me. I think for a few minutes taking a sip of my coffee, then it hits me. The cards, my cards….they they no no no It can’t be. They warned me but I didn’t believe. Maybe I knew I just didn’t want to believe.
