“Come on,” Josh said. “I live nearby. We can grab my car, and I’ll drive you home.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Okay.”
As they walked, his shoulder bumped into hers and she almost froze on the spot, but then forced herself to keep going.
It was getting dark, but the street lamps illuminated their path.
“Shit,” Josh said suddenly.
“What?” Taylor asked.
“You didn’t feel that? I swear there were a few raindrops.”
“You’re delusional.”
Taylor felt a raindrop hit her face. “Shit.” She looked to the sky and they started to come faster. Josh tugged on her arm, trying to get her to move.
“We aren’t far.”
Taylor started to run with him. Her glasses tried to slide from her face, but she pushed them back up her nose, her feet never slowing. She couldn’t remember the last time she ran.
Her clothes were soaked, her lungs burning, but it felt good, free. The realization hit her that she was having fun. That’s what the feeling was.
She knew Josh was holding back beside her, so she sped up and looked sideways at him in challenge. He matched her stride as he turned down another road. She followed him.
By the time he stopped, her legs felt like rubber, but her lips were turned up in a smile, surprising even her.
“If I knew that all it took to get you to smile was a little rain,” Josh started. “I would have planned it sooner.”
He punched a code in to let them into his building. Taylor knew she was right. He must work in one of those high-rises to afford a place like this.
They rode the elevator to the top floor and stepped out into a wide hallway. Leaving a trail of water in their wake, they walked towards a door at the opposite end.
“My roommate is probably out,” Josh said, gesturing her inside.
She walked into a large living room with a massive TV at one end, surrounded by leather couches. Large windows looked out over Columbus, the arena being the prominent feature in the view. Taylor quickly turned away.
The kitchen sat open to the rest of the apartment. It was a little messy. Taylor raised an eyebrow at Josh and he shrugged.
“Roommate’s a slob,” he explained.
“Got it.” She held her arms across her chest and shivered under the blast of air from a vent overhead.
“Let me get you some dry clothes.” Josh disappeared into one of the bedrooms and returned with a pair of sweats and an over-sized t-shirt. “Bathroom’s over there.” He pointed behind him.
It had never felt so good to be dry. When Taylor returned to the living room, Josh had already changed. He now sported a Columbus Blue Jackets shirt. It’s just a shirt, she told herself. Her breathing quickened, so she took three deep breathes to calm it. That didn’t do the trick. Josh’s stare did. Concern deepened in his eyes at her strange reaction. He reached out and took her hand, instantly soothing her.
“I don’t want to go back to the dorms yet,” she said before she could stop herself. Normally, that would have embarrassed her.
He squeezed her hand. “Then don’t.”
He led her to the couch and then sat next to her as he flipped through TV channels, looking for a movie. She settled in, but jumped every time their thighs touched. They were too close. She shifted away from him slightly. There was something about Josh that drew her to him, but it made her uncomfortable so she wanted to keep her distance.
As they watched the movie, he glanced at her every few minutes. His arm rested on the back of the couch, stretching towards her.
“You’re going to mess up my hair if you keep doing that,” Taylor said after he had been playing with the wet strands for a few minutes.
“Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but it’s already messed up.”
She started combing her fingers through it self-consciously. It had started to dry funny, and there was no helping it.
“Maybe if it was as long and pretty as yours, the rain wouldn’t ruin it. Can I use some of your product? You must have tons of it.”
“Oh,” he said, cupping his hands around his mouth. “She makes a joke, ladies and gentlemen.”
“I make jokes!”
“Nah, you’re always so serious.” He touched her cheek lightly. “I just want to see you smile.”
Taylor’s stomach clenched as she looked into his eyes. “I want to smile,” she admitted, finally looking away. “I just …”
“Can’t,” he finished for her. “We’re going to change that.”
“How do you expect to do that? I barely know you.”
“You know me.” His voice grew quiet and it was his turn to look embarrassed. He shook it off. “You had fun running through the rain, didn’t you?”
“I guess I did.”
“Then that’s how we do it. I don’t want you to think right now. I just want you to say the first spontaneous thing that pops into your mind. Something you want to do.”
Something I want to do? She thought. Then she remembered she wasn’t supposed to be thinking.
“Come on. Give me a quick answer,” Josh said.
Before she knew what she was doing, Taylor leaned over and pressed her lips to his. His eyes widened in surprise, but he didn’t pull away. His arms snaked around her back as she continued to kiss him. Her brain was yelling at her to stop, but she just wanted to feel something. And Josh made her feel everything.
Tears slid down her face, leaving a salty taste on both their lips. It brought Taylor back to reality. She pulled away and scrambled off the couch.
“I’m sorry,” she said, trying to hold in the sobs that were threatening to break free. “I have to go.”
She ran towards the door with Josh calling her back.
“Taylor, are you okay?” he asked, confusion clouding his voice.
“Fine.” A sob broke free as she stepped into the waiting elevator.
“At least let me drive you home,” he pleaded.
“Please, Josh. Just let me go.”
The elevator doors closed, leaving her alone in the silence. It was late now and still raining buckets. She was soaked within seconds of leaving the building behind, but she didn’t care.
The rain washed the tears from her face, but her chest convulsed with painful sobs.
Taylor looked to the sky, letting the rain drops sting her eyes and roll down her face. “I’m so sorry, Danny,” she cried. She dropped to the curb and put her head in her hands. “I love you, so much. I’ll never stop, but I need your help. I want to live my life again. Help me get over you. Please.”
###
The rain started to let up by the time a car pulled up in front of Taylor. She was huddled under the overhang of a nearby building. She shivered as she slid into the passenger seat.
“You’re soaking wet,” Abigail said.
“It’s raining.” Taylor shrugged and held her arms closer to her body to try for a little warmth.
As if reading her mind, Abigail adjusted the vents so warm air could circulate inside the car. She then looked sideways at her passenger, expecting some kind of explanation. They still barely knew each other, so Taylor wasn’t exactly wanting to bare her soul. She hadn’t known who to call to come get her. Her parents would’ve freaked, and she hadn’t made any friends at school yet. So, she called her roommate, hoping she was still sober.
“I was surprised you weren’t out at some party.” Taylor said, trying to change the subject.
“I was tired,” Abigail answered. “I know what you think of me, but if you gave me a chance, you’d see that you’re wrong.” She looked straight ahead and started to drive.
Taylor couldn’t have felt worse. She used her fingers to brush away the wet hair that clung to her forehead and looked out her window. “I’m sorry,” she said. “There are just some things – “
“Hey.” Abigail reached over and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. I’m a good listener, you know.”
Taylor sig
hed and leaned her head against the cool glass of the window. She thought of Sarah back in Portland, and all the things they used to talk about. Their girl chats were epic, but that was before everything changed. She wanted more than anything to be that girl again. Only hours ago she’d run through the rain, laughing and having fun for the first time in a long time. It was a start. But then …
“I kissed someone tonight,” Taylor finally admitted. It was something she wasn’t going to tell Sarah because she’d be so proud of her, thinking it was a step to getting back to normal. No, it was easier to talk to someone who only knew this version of herself.
“That’s awesome.” Abigail grinned. “Please tell me he was cute.”
“The cutest.” She sighed.
“Then why did I have to come find you in the rain?” She dropped her voice. “Are you a virgin?”
“What? No!” How did Taylor explain that the guilt she felt for kissing Josh threatened to consume her? She wasn’t ready to explain Danny to this new friend. Was she a friend yet? How could Taylor explain that at nineteen years old, she felt like she’d never be able to love someone again, not like she loved Danny? That she thought it’d be a betrayal if she did. Abigail wouldn’t understand.
“It’s just complicated,” Taylor explained.
“Sure it is.” She didn’t try to pry any further, and Taylor appreciated it.
Abigail went off to meet up with Colin when they got back. They were in the early dating stages. This left Taylor on her own, just as she liked it. She took a hot shower to try and wash the entire night away. When she was finished, she put on her warmest pyjamas and crawled into bed. She rested her laptop on her knees and powered it up. There was only one face she wanted to see.
There was a longer video that Taylor’s Dad had pieced together from some of the short ones she had. It played at his funeral. Danny’s face appeared on the screen, a familiar foolish grin on his face.
“My name is Danny,” he said. “And I am an addict.” He was standing outside in a field near Taylor’s house. When the weather was nice, they’d spend a lot of time together out there. The camera panned towards Taylor’s sleeping figure as she sprawled across one of their blankets. She was his addiction.
The image changed to a clip of Danny with a few of his teammates as they sang at the top of their lungs, arms slung over each other’s shoulders. There was highlight reel stuff, some of Danny’s best moves on the ice.
Then it was back to just Danny and Taylor. He had a guitar in his lap. Closing his eyes as he sang, his voice was sweet. Taylor sat next to him and held the camera out to get both of them in the shot. He stopped singing long enough to kiss her.
“Maybe you should be a singer instead of a hockey player,” she told him.
“Babe, why can’t I do it all?” He looked into the camera one last time and winked.
The video ended, and Taylor pushed the computer off her lap so she could pull her knees up to her chest. Tears rolled down her face as she buried it in her arms. She wanted more than anything to stop this feeling. She wanted to be able to move on, but every time she tried it struck her. He was still gone. She was still left behind.
Maybe if he had wanted to be a singer he’d still be with her.
Taylor wiped her face on her sleeve and grabbed her phone from where she had it drying near her bed. The rain hadn’t spared it, so she was hoping it could be saved. Popping the battery back into place, she powered it up and was relieved when the screen lit up.
She had two missed calls and a text from Josh. He was worried about her, wanting to make sure she got home. She sent him a text that just said I’m OK.
Her family had tried everything over the last year to get her to smile or to cry or to just feel something. Josh had done it in one night. Taylor didn’t know what that meant. She didn’t know if it could mean anything. Not when she still loved Danny with everything she had.
Six
“About damn time we get to start playing some real games,” Mack said, sitting in the locker next to Josh’s.
“Yeah,” Josh responded.
“Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?” Mack shoved his shoulder, trying to get a reaction. “You’ve been morose all week.”
“Morose?” he faked a laugh.
“Sad. Pain in the ass. A regular kill-joy. That better?”
“Whatever, man.”
The coaches walked in and stared around the room.
“Opening night,” Coach Peterson said. “We’re on Hockey Night in Canada. You ready?”
“Yes, sir,” they all said.
“Well, you know I’m not one for speeches,” the coach continued. “So just go out there and start the season right.”
Carter sat on the edge of his locker with his head in his hands. “Man up, Neiler!” Mack said. “This is the biggest night of your life, kid.”
Carter shook himself and then looked up at Josh.
“Just remember what I told you,” Josh said. “Play your game. You’ve got this.”
Carter made the team out of camp as a fourth-liner, but Josh knew he was too good to stay there for long. He was just young. Young guys had bad habits. They didn’t play defense. They took penalties. Josh was young too, but he’d been in the league a couple years and had those habits coached out of him.
They filed out of the room single file and marched down the hallway. It was Toronto’s opener as well and they were making quite a show of it. The arena was dark, except for the spotlight that followed the Toronto players to their spot on the blue line.
The roar of the crowd was deafening. Josh’s stomach clenched. He still got nervous every time he stepped out onto the ice in front of thousands of people. It wasn’t something he thought he’d ever get used to. He looked back at Carter and grinned, knowing the kid was feeling the energy for the first time.
Toronto finished up their opening-night show, and it was time for hockey. The starting line-up was announced overhead and Josh stood next to Mack on the ice as both the Canadian and American national anthems were sung.
Mack bent down to take the opening face-off, and the game was underway. Toronto scored on the very first shift, deflating the Jackets’ bench a bit.
On his next shift, Josh raced after the Leaf player who controlled the puck. He hit him into the boards, but not before the Leaf passed the puck off to his teammate, who had come streaking down center ice.
By the end of the second period, the Jackets were down 3-0. The third goal had come on a power-play. Josh was on the ice for all three goals.
Coach Peterson didn’t bother to come into the locker room during second intermission. He sent a fuming Coach Scott instead.
“You’re embarrassing yourselves out there,” he said, obviously trying not to explode on them. “Do you really want to start the season on this note?” He paused. “Walker, I don’t know what is wrong with you today, but you need to get your head in the game. It isn’t like you to have that many turnovers. Everything outside of this building stays out there. You got that? That goes for everyone. Leave your problems out of this room and off of that ice. You are professionals, for Christ’s sake. Mack, you need to start winning more of those face-offs or I’ll have Olle take yours. Now, there’s still time to win this. Let’s get ourselves the win and try to forget the first two periods.”
They didn’t forget the first two periods, losing the game 5-1. The locker room was quiet as the players showered and donned their suits. Originally, they’d planned on staying the night in Toronto, but now Coach had them boarding the plane for Montreal. Their coach said there was one good thing about the game - that it wasn’t at home where their fans could see them shit the bed.
Josh settled into his seat on the plane next to a glum Carter, but his mind wasn’t on the game. That had been the problem all night. His mind had been invaded by a certain girl he hadn’t heard from all week. He called, but she didn’t answer. The last thing he heard from her was the text saying she was OK after she’d run ou
t into the rain.
He’d screwed up tonight. He knew that. It was probably his worst game since his rookie year, and he hated it. It just reinforced his view on distractions. There was nothing he could do about it now, though. He’d just have to figure out a way to have her in his life that wouldn’t interfere with his game. He knew he had to be careful with her after everything she’d been through and for now, he just wanted her to let him be her friend. He got the impression she could use one of those.
He sighed and closed his eyes, letting himself succumb to the post game exhaustion he was so familiar with.
###
The rest of their road trip was just as rough, and they’d started the season with three straight losses. No one was happy and no one was playing well. It wasn’t anything new to them. Last season the Jackets started off on a losing streak. It took months for them to play themselves back into the playoff race.
It was late when the team got through customs at the Columbus airport and everyone was anxious to get home to their own beds. Luckily they had the next few games at home before heading out on the road again.
The coaches gathered the team around them.
“Push the last week from your minds, Gentlemen,” Coach Peterson said. “Get home and get rested. You have tomorrow off, and then it’s back to work. We’ve got three days until our next game, and we’ve got plenty we need to work on. Practice is at nine on Tuesday. Tuesday night, we’re doing the annual coaches’ dinner. Coach Scott is hosting this year. We’ll have a team meeting there at four, and then we’ll eat. I expect you all there on time. Now, get out of here and go see your families.”
Dinner at the Scott house. Josh wondered if Taylor would be there. Coach rarely mentioned her to the team. His youngest, Evie, had been around the locker room a few times during training camp. The guys on the team adored her, but he wasn’t sure many of his teammates even knew Coach Scott had another daughter - one who was beautiful, with a heartbreaking smile, sad eyes, and the softest lips.
He shifted his bag higher on his shoulder and pulled his phone out of his pocket. The screen lit up and he scrolled through names until finding hers. His thumb hovered above it in hesitation then pressed down lightly. There was only one ring before her voice-mail came on. He hung up and climbed into Mack’s truck.
Dreams (New Beginnings Book 3) Page 5
