Josh turned back and then looked away from his coach’s blunt stare. “Yeah. I got it.”
“Good. Now, go enjoy the win. It’s back to the grindstone on Saturday.”
###
The next morning was Friday, and Josh wasn’t sure what to do if he wasn’t going to train. He could have hit the gym in his building, but decided to listen to the coach. His body felt sore from the bruising game the night before.
Pulling on a pair of sweats over his boxers, he walked out into the kitchen. As he was cracking eggs into a bowl, a woman came stumbling out of Mack’s room. Josh glanced towards her and recognized her immediately. She quickly tried to tame her wild blond curls with her fingers when she saw him, but then stopped, her mouth hanging open as she openly assessed his bare chest.
“Abigail, right?” Josh asked, trying to halt her obvious ogling. He set the bowl of eggs down on the counter.
“Yep.” Her lips turned up in a smile. “That’s me.”
“You hungry?” It was the first time he’d ever offered breakfast to one of Mack’s sleepover buddies, but she was a friend of Taylor’s and that made her different.
“Starved.” He knew she didn’t mean the food as her eyes scanned his broad chest once more.
He scratched the back of his head, but stopped as he realized it only made it worse, flexing the muscles in his chest as he raised his arm. “I’m going to grab a shirt, then I’ll make us some eggs.”
“Oh, you’re shy,” she said to his retreating back. “That’s cute.”
He returned a moment later, T-shirt in place. She smirked at him as he picked the bowl back up and continued to scramble the eggs.
“Does Taylor know you’re here?” he asked.
“She knows I’m okay, if that’s what you’re asking. But, no, she doesn’t know I hooked up with a super-hot hockey player last night. That story has to be told in person.”
“You know … Mack …”
“Stop,” she interrupted him. “You don’t have to say it. I know what this was. Plus, I have a boyfriend.”
Josh grunted.
“Before you get all judgy, like I know Taylor will be, we haven’t been together long and we made lists.”
“Lists?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
“You know, people you’re allowed to sleep with. You never expect to actually meet people on the list. I mean, come on, Colin has Emma Watson on his. After meeting Grant, I put him on it.” She shrugged. “Colin won’t be mad. It’s not like I’m going to fall madly in love with a hockey player. No offense.”
He set a plate in front of her. “None taken.”
She took a bite and her eyes widened. “These are the best eggs I’ve ever had.”
“Josher’s a great cook,” Mack said, walking in wearing only his boxers. He took the other plate Josh had prepared and sat across from Abigail.
“Guess I’m not hungry,” Josh sighed.
“That’s good,” Mack replied with a mouth full of food. “Because there aren’t any more eggs.”
Josh swatted him on the back of the head then looked at Abigail. “Is Taylor in class all day?”
“Yeah,” she replied. “But Fridays are her easy days. I can give you her schedule.”
“Great. Write it down while I jump in the shower.” He walked towards the bathroom. Before shutting the door, he heard Mack’s voice.
“I thought we could head back to bed after this, if you know what I mean.”
“Can’t,” Abigail said. “I’m busy today.”
Josh couldn’t help but smile at the exasperated sigh that left Mack’s lips as he closed the door. He wasn’t used to being turned down.
###
Taylor’s passion for drawing died with Danny. Before him, it was a hobby, not something she could have ever dreamed of doing in the future. Then he came along and dreamed it for her, made her believe. He thought she was special, so she felt special. Now she didn’t know what she wanted.
The professor dismissed the class and she walked out of the building into a rare gorgeous day. They were having a rainy fall, and she’d missed the sun. There was still a lot she didn’t know about her new city, but she’d learned quickly that an overcast sky was pretty typical.
Today it was warm, with a brilliant blue sky dotted by puffy white clouds. Taylor walked around the corner of the building in the direction of the student union. She had an hour to grab lunch before her next class.
“Taylor.”
She stopped at the sound of her name and turned back towards the building she’d just passed. “Josh? What are you doing here?”
He jogged the few feet between them and pushed his sunglasses up into his hair. “Thought you might want to get out of here.” He smiled hopefully.
“I have classes,” she said regretfully.
“I know. I just thought …” He stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans and looked down at his feet. “I haven’t seen you since the dinner at your parent’s house. I thought we could give this ‘friends’ thing a whirl.”
Taylor had wanted to call him all week, but knew he had games. Now he was standing in front of her, vulnerable and unsure. He’s unsure and adorable, she thought.
“Yeah,” she finally said. “Okay.”
He raised his eyes to meet hers and a smile spread slowly across his face. “Yeah,” he repeated. “Okay.”
He led her to his parked car - again, not what she expected. It wasn’t some hundred thousand dollar sports car. He drove a Lexus, still expensive but not showy. Just … nice, like him.
“You sure you’re not missing anything in class?” he asked as they drove away.
“Positive.” She looked sideways at him. “How’d you know where to find me anyways? Stalk much?”
“Abigail told me.” He laughed and she didn’t know why.
“When did you see Abigail?”
“Look, she’ll kill me if she doesn’t get to tell you the story. So, let’s just say I made her breakfast at my place this morning.”
“She didn’t,” Taylor said. “Mack?”
“I didn’t say a word.”
“I wonder if she’ll tell Colin.”
“Apparently, it’ll all be okay.” He shrugged.
Taylor was surprised to find herself laughing. “Whatever she says. We all know that kind of thing always ends well.”
Josh smiled sideways at her and then looked back at the road.
“So,” Taylor began. “Where’re we going?”
“My favorite spot by the river. It’s the perfect day for it.”
“Ew, didn’t a dead body wash up there?”
“Wrong river.” Josh laughed. “Although, the Scioto is pretty gross too. Just don’t get close to the water.”
“And you like that place?” She looked at him skeptically.
“Just trust me. It’s great. Plus, I picked up some sandwiches on my way to get you.”
“You were that sure I’d come?”
“I hoped you would.”
When Josh smiled, there was an uncertainty behind it that Taylor could relate to; a shyness.
She thought one of the reasons she was comfortable around Josh was because he wasn’t always on. She could see the vulnerability in his eyes. It matched her own.
Josh parked the car and they stepped out into the parking lot.
“Just wait,” he said. “Follow me.”
There was a road running between the river and the stretch of parks. Tall trees loomed overhead, providing small amounts of shade as they walked. Smaller trees and bushes lined the edge of the water. Taylor could see the river as they got closer, its brownish water rushing towards the dam downstream.
“That’s disgusting,” Taylor said as Josh put a hand on her back to steer her aside for a passing cyclist.
“I told you not to get close.” His lips were close to her ear as he spoke. She jumped away from his touch. “Anyways, we’re here.”
Taylor followed his gaze to an old stone st
ructure on their left. “Looks like it’s about to fall down.”
“Don’t judge it quite yet,” he said.
They walked closer and he steered them around to the side. It was a stage that had been built right in the middle of the park.
“It looks like —” she started.
“A castle.” He grinned and took her hand. “Come on.”
“It’s roped off,” she protested as he pulled her closer. “Probably because it’s falling down.”
“It’s fine.” He lifted the rope for them to pass under and she acquiesced. “I come here all the time.”
“Why?”
“You’re going to think it’s stupid.”
“Try me.” She released his hand and sat down in the middle of the stage, not caring about the dirt covering the surface.
Josh sat and faced her with the bag of subs balanced on his knee. “Okay, but first I need to warn you, it has something to do with hockey.”
Taylor closed her eyes and released a sigh before opening them. She knew she couldn’t completely separate her worlds, but something in Josh’s eyes told her this was important to him. “Fine. Just tell me.”
“There’s a certain peace that exists in a hockey arena.”
“I always thought it was chaos,” she said. What she didn’t say was that at one point, that chaos was her favorite thing in the world.
“To the fans, yes. But, from down on the ice, it’s different. At least for me. My mind clears, and I’m just… there.”
“What does that have to do with this place?” she asked.
“Can’t you feel it?” He looked around. “It’s that same peace. Here, on this crumbling stage, it feels like you could do anything.”
She met his gaze and when he smiled, she found herself answering in kind. A true, genuine smile. There was no adrenaline eliciting the reaction this time. No, this was just her and Josh and a feeling that for the first time there was hope. Josh was right about this place. She felt like she could do anything, even be herself again. It had been too long.
###
“Was hockey always your dream?” Taylor asked once they’d finished eating.
Josh leaned back on his elbows and looked towards the sky. “I think so,” he finally said. “It’s all I’ve ever really known. I started playing when I was so young that I never thought of doing anything else.”
“I used to draw,” Taylor admitted. “For a little while, I even thought I could get an art degree.”
“You used to draw?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.
“Things happened. I quit.” She looked away from his questioning gaze and busied herself by picking up the trash from their lunch.
Josh sat up and reached out to still her hand. She stared at their touching hands but didn’t speak.
“Taylor,” he said. “Tell me about him.”
She didn’t know how this boy she barely knew could read her so easily.
“I’ve never had to explain him to anyone before,” she whispered. “Everyone in my life already knew him. All they want to know is how I’m dealing.”
“I met him once,” Josh said. “But it was brief. If you want to talk about him, I’d love to listen.”
“I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Just tell me what you loved about him.” He released her hand and scooted around so he was sitting next to her.
A tear fell down her cheek and she felt Josh’s arm come around her; friendly, comforting. It gave her the courage to speak. She wiped the tears from her eyes.
“He was infuriating.” A small laugh rumbled in her chest. “We were opposites. I was shy and quiet, preferring to hang out at home and read or draw. He liked parties and noise. He could get along with anyone. He was a goof, but everyone loved him. For some reason, he loved me.”
“Did you like him right away?”
Taylor laughed harder as she looked at him. “No. Not at all. He moved there around the same time I did. That’s when I became friends with Sarah. He lived with her, so I saw him a lot. I found him way too full of himself. He must have asked me like a million times before I agreed to go out with him.”
“He saw something in you,” he said quietly.
The words were suddenly stolen from her lips as she studied her friend. His kind eyes, crinkling at the corners as he smiled. His blond hair that constantly fell past his eyebrows. And those lips, thick, inviting. Taylor sucked in a breath and got to her feet. This wasn’t right. Danny. Danny was still on her mind.
“We should go,” she said.
“You’re probably right.” He stood beside her and brushed off his pants.
The walk back to the car was silent, and the ride to campus was almost unbearable. When they reached her building, Josh surprised her by getting out and walking her inside. Standing in front of the row of elevators, he finally turned to her.
“Taylor …” He ran a palm over the top of his head nervously before putting a hand on each of her shoulders. “It’s okay to miss him.” He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his strong arms around her. ”And it’s okay to move on.”
Eight
The team’s plane got in late from Detroit where they’d beaten the Red Wings in overtime. Mack had his third career hat trick, so the media scrum after the game was insane. Other than that, it was your average game. The odd thing about Detroit is that they never failed to sell out their games, but the arena never felt full. Josh found he missed the energy of the Jackets’ arena when they traveled that short distance north.
Throwing his bag on the ground near the door, he pulled his phone out before heading straight for his room to get some much needed sleep. The screen lit up and the phone chimed to alert him to a new voicemail.
“Son,” his dad’s message started. “I’m sorry to miss you. You probably have a game right now.” There was a note of pride in the man’s voice. He’d always bragged about his professional athlete son. “I have a triple bypass to perform, so I’ll be quick. I’m going to be in Columbus in a couple of weeks to do a talk at Ohio State University. I’ve already checked your game schedule and you’ll be home, so I’d like to catch a game. I’ll have one of the girls send over the information for you.”
Josh winced. ‘One of the girls’ meant one of the two receptionists that worked for him and were rumored affairs of his father’s. It was why he loved the man, but couldn’t respect him. The rest of the world didn’t agree as they stumbled over themselves to get the great surgeon to do lectures at their universities.
“I’ll see you soon, Josh.”
The message ended as a tired grin stretched across Josh’s face. He plugged the phone in and kicked off his shoes before collapsing onto his bed. It would be good to see his dad. In contrast to the rest of his family, the man was free with his affections and easy to please. He didn’t have disapproval streaming from his pores like Josh’s mother.
As excited as he was for his dad to see him play, exhaustion won over and Josh fell into a dreamless sleep.
###
“Hey, Mom!” Taylor called as she burst through the front door and ran up the stairs.
Her mom yelled something back, but Taylor didn’t hear her as she reached her room. She didn’t know what possessed her to come, but talking to Josh suddenly made her realize she had it all wrong. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to draw since Danny’s death. He’d loved watching her, and he’d been her favorite subject. It hadn’t felt right to just carry on doing what she loved when he didn’t get to. But, that’s not what he would’ve wanted.
She’d had a dream once. He’d been a part of it, but he hadn’t been the whole dream.
It’s okay to move on.
Josh wasn’t the first person to say that to her. Her parents had been saying the same thing for over a year, but she hadn’t wanted to listen. She didn’t understand why it suddenly made sense. She’d spent the last couple days trying to figure it out. Then she realized why she couldn’t.
Her sketches
were how she’d always made sense of the world. With the charcoal in her hand, her mind would clear. Peace. It was that peace Josh had talked about. It gave her the space to think, to create her own reality. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it was time. Time to try to make sense of a world that didn’t have Danny in it. Time to find something in it other than the cruelty of death.
But it wasn’t there. Taylor started rifling through the piles on her desk. She opened each drawer, throwing notebooks and papers out onto the floor to continue her search. The last drawer came up empty.
“Damn it,” she grunted, slamming the drawer shut with her foot.
Looking around the room, trying to figure out where to look next, Taylor noticed her mom watching her from the doorway.
“Are you okay, Taylor?” she asked, concern drawing down the corners of her mouth.
“Yes,” Taylor barked in frustration. “Please don’t ask me that. It’s been a year with nothing but that damn question.”
Her brow furrowed as she regarded her daughter. “I’m going to let that tone slide because you’re obviously upset.”
Taylor leaned back in her desk chair and breathed deeply, trying to calm herself down. She didn’t know why she was so upset, but the sketchbook she’d never wanted to see again suddenly felt like a lifeline and she had to find it.
“Sorry, Mom,” she said quietly. One nod acknowledged the apology. “Do you know where my sketchbook is?”
Her mom’s lips tilted up, a new hope in her eyes. She walked forward slowly and bent down to fold her arms around Taylor. She sighed and squeezed tighter.
“Uh,” Taylor said after a long moment. “Mom.”
“Right,” she released her and straightened up, wiping a tear from her eye. “I caught your sister with it last week, so it’s hidden in your father’s desk downstairs.”
“Thanks.”
She found the spiral-bound book on the bookshelf in her dad’s office. Pulling it down slowly, she ran a palm over the smooth blue cover and closed her eyes, remembering.
Dreams (New Beginnings Book 3) Page 7
