by Joe Zito
March 22nd 1978
So I turned 26 today and oh my gosh dear diary it was one hell of birthday, thanks to Jess. She did something really special for me today. We’ve been having a lot of fun for about two years now. And that’s all it is really, is fun. I do love her though. She has a life outside of this place. She’s not a prisoner here like me. She works here and can clock out and go home. This is my home. She always talks about her parents giving her a hard time about doing well in school. And of course her boyfriend. Yes, dear diary, she does have a boyfriend and I’m ok with that. She’s twenty and free, I’m twenty six and locked up. But I am so grateful for her friendship and that’s why I am so happy that she agreed to this thing for me on my birthday. It took some convincing on my part but she smiled that sexy smile of hers and gave me a hug and said yes. It actually started this morning dear diary when she got to work and by the end of her shift it was all ready to go. After lights out I let her into my room just like always, being extra quiet and sshhing and laughing at one another feeling butterflies in my stomach. We kissed and made out for a minute on my bed, just to get warmed up and when we were done we stripped down bare ass naked and could already smell her and that sexy perfume she was wearing. She was wearing a necklace around her waist. She said it was a belly necklace. She told me she would get me one. Anyway dear diary, we were naked and so excited and I took her by the hand and we went into the bathroom and closed the door. Luckily I had a dimmer light in my bathroom. It was better than having some bright surgical light shining on us. I dimmed the light so it wasn’t bright but we could still see each other. We were standing next to the toilet. We lowered ourselves down next to it. We were on her knees and we both smiled at one another and put our hands together. Her fingernails lightly scratched at my wrists and I almost had a small orgasm. We both looked at the toilet and then each other. Are you ready she said dear diary, with an excited smile on her pretty as hell face. I said yes and got into position with my hands wrapped around the near sexy roundness of the toilet bowl and my face buried inside, just inches away from the pee filled water. Since this morning Jess had used my bathroom whenever she had to pee and I used it as well, but what I asked her was not to flush the toilet all day. I wanted to inhale both our scents at the same time. I want to smell me and her all at once and that’s what we did dear diary. I could feel her behind me grabbing my hips and ass. I could tell by the way she was touching me that she was having fun putting her hands all over me. I popped my ass out as far as I could and then I felt her face melt into my center. As she indulged herself dear diary I indulged in our combined scents as I inhaled our pee. I could smell her body all around the toilet bowl where she sat on it earlier. I could smell her skin, her soap from her shower, her vagina and her pee all at once, forming and intoxicating, rich feminine odor that was beyond arousing dear diary. I put my face in a little more. The tip of my nose touched the water. I wanted to dunk my whole face all the way in but decided not to. I didn’t want to ruin the delicious smell of our feminine parts. I could feel her face and tongue behind me as I enjoyed our fragrance. She was just lapping me up and I began to orgasm. Her mouth never left my vagina as I did. Then something amazing happened dear diary. After my orgasm, I felt Jess remover herself from me. I lifted my head from the toilet to see, but she gently pushed me back into the toilet bowl and told me to just wait. I had no idea what she wanted to do. She then put the palm of her hand flat against my vagina and began to rub. I could tell she was rubbing herself too at the same time. I could hear the squeaky, clicking sound of our moist vaginas. I didn’t know what she was planning to do until her hands came into my view. She put both her hands in front of my face with my head still in the toilet. I could smell both her and me at the same time, plus all the sexy, female scent lingering inside the toilet bowl. It was heaven dear diary and oh how I love her for doing that for me.
May 4th 1978
They had to inject poor Fred this afternoon with the sleepy shot. He kinda lost it during group therapy. The fucking lady asking us questions dear diary kept pushing him. I don’t even know who this supposed counselor is. Anyway he started throwing chairs and hitting himself on his head and pulling at his hair and acting all crazy………..sorry dear diary, I just had a weird thought right now. The scene from earlier reminded me of something, although I’m not sure what it is.
June 18th 1978
So I had my yearly blackout again. Anita told me as usual that I didn’t say a single word to anyone yesterday. I think they’re making it up.
July 12th 1978
Hi dear diary. Guess what Ms. Angel just did? I fucked a virgin. It was the new housekeeping guy. He was acting really nervous around me and I think I freaked him out when I said I wanted to fuck him. Well, I didn’t just come out and say it like that. I told him to take his pants off and he said why. Can you believe that dear diary, he asked why. I told him because I can’t fuck you with your pants on silly ass. Anyway, I realized he was a virgin because he said he’s never done it before. That got me so wet dear diary. I told him to lie down and I got on top on him and slid down nice and easy. He came after only about five strokes though. I felt him get really big inside me so I jumped off of him and used my hand on him. It was a huge load too. I had to wipe my hand off before we started again. Sorry for the gory details dear diary, but you are my best friend now.
September 22nd 1978
I wonder why Margret never talks. I know she has a tongue because I sit by her all the time at lunch. She is so sweet and quiet and is always smiling at me. I talk to her dear diary, even though she doesn’t respond verbally. She just shakes her head and smiles. I’m not even sure why she is in here. I guess we have something in common.
November 25th 1978
My best friend’s mom brought me a sugar cream pie, and yes dear diary it is nearly all gone. She said the little girl ate like a horse on thanksgiving. She’s six now and in kindergarten. I should let you know dear diary that my best friends mom has been visiting me for a couple of years now. She visits about once a week, sometimes twice. I really do like her visiting me and I’m sorry I don’t talk about her much. I know I should but it’s hard sometimes dear diary.
December 11th 1978
His name was Eldon. The little boy’s name was Eldon dear diary. I dream about him often but never knew his name. I know now, because I just dreamt about him and he told me his name. I still don’t what he wants and why he is in my dreams dear diary.
December 31st 1978
Goodbye ’78 you weren’t that great. Still in the crazy house.
February 9th 1979
Oh my goodness dear diary, Jess fucked me with her tits last night. I’ve never felt anything like that. Her boobs are so big that when she squeezes them a small nub pops out in between her hands. She used it on me and then rubbed her nipple on my clit and that was insanely arousing. The best part was when she let me suck on them when she was finished. I could smell myself all over them.
March 12th 1979
What is this disco bullshit? These assholes look ridiculous dancing like that. No thank you. I’ll just keep listening to Led Zeppelin and the Ramones and Ki……..
March 22nd 1979
Happy Birthday to me! Twenty seven and I ain’t in heaven.
April 3rd 1979
I fucked Larry for like the millionth time last night. He’s the electrician here at the nuthouse, dear diary. Oh, I know what you’re thinking. What about Jess? Look, dear diary, she has a life outside of this place. I can’t tell her how to live her life outside of here. Besides, Larry has been a regular since the bloody Pete days when I first came here. I also have been seeing that kid whose virginity I stole from him last year. It was fun. The little shit came within a minute of me going down on him and I still joke about it with him when he stops in to say hi.
May 12th 1979
Dr. Stone snuck in his daughter tonight so I could fix her hair up for her prom. I guess I’ve made a name for myself around her
e as the girl with the hair skills. And I guess it was a lot cheaper for Dr. Stone to have me do it than taking her somewhere and spending too much money. I’m really flattered that everyone on the second floor lets me do their hair and makeup. It’s all for fun though, it’s not like these ladies are going out on hot dates anytime soon. They’re only playing bingo down in the cafeteria every Thursday night. Heather and I were going to have our own beauty shop called Sis dear diary and I was going to……sorry.
June 18th 1979
Another year, another blackout.
July 21st 1979
Oh my god, dear diary! No, no, no, no! I can’t be. It’s not true. I never killed anyone! What is Dr. Stone talking about? He says that’s why I’m here dear diary. He said I murdered my best friend! No, no, no!
August 5th 1979
We stopped at this outside flea market today. We usually go out on Saturdays but it was raining too hard, so they let us go today on a Sunday. There really wasn’t much there on the tables. Mostly junk. There was an older looking guy and some kid sitting in lawn chairs looking at us like we were crazy or something. I guess the writing on the bus gave it away.
September 5th 1979
Hi, dear diary. You know, I was thinking about something today. You wanna have some fun with me? You’ve really been a great friend to me all this time. I want to do something nice for you now. Just you and me, no Jess, no doctors. I think it’ll be a lot of fun, what do you say? You deserve it. I want some alone time with you so we can truly become one in the same. I make myself feel good all the time and you should get to experience it with me too. I mean, I’m always writing about all the sex I have and how good it feels. I never stopped to think that it must be torture for you to hear it all the time and never get to experience it. It’ll be our private little moment together. I’ll let you go with me in the bathroom later and I’ll show you what I can do. Sound fun? It’s a date dear sweet diary.
September 5th 1979
Sorry dear diary, some of your pages are stuck together, but it was fun wasn’t it? You made me orgasm three times. Now my scent is part of you forever.
September 14th 1979
I look hot in blue fingernail polish.
October 22nd 1979
Jess worries all the time about getting caught with all the dirty things we do. I tell her not to worry. No one here notices anyway. All of our fun is done under the cover of darkness and Mac the security guard is sleeping half the time anyway.
November 13th 1979
Jess and I had sex with the housekeeping kid, ya know dear diary, the one I deflowered. Jess was visiting me last night as all the docs and staff were leaving. The kid was just finishing up cleaning his rooms. He’s seen Jess before, actually a few times. He was doing his stuff and Jess and I were sitting on the bed watching TV. I looked at her and nodded to the kid and she knew what I was thinking. Hey maid boy, I said. Do you wanna have sex with us? I like getting to the point dear diary. Jess leaned back on the bed, shrugged her shoulders at him and smiled and kicked off her shoes. Don’t be a little baby I told him. I patted the bed in between me and Jess. He started to walk over to us and I was smiling at him the whole time dear diary. He sat down in between us. I crossed my legs and put my hand on his leg dear diary and told him, are you ready to have some fun? Jess and I both stood up and started taking our clothes off. I kept me bra and panties on just to tease him. Jess exposed those large, beautiful breasts of hers with no problem. We must have been thinking the same thing because she kept her panties on too. We sat down again. Both our hips were snug up against him. I’m sure he didn’t mind two females sitting close to him like that. We started undressing him and then I stood up and began to take my panties off and I could tell how excited he was when he saw me do it and even more excited when he saw my black patch. But, dear diary, he did have this confused look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and I can’t believe he asked what I was doing. I told him, what does it look like I’m doing, I’m taking my panties off. Why? He fucking asked me why dear diary! I laughed so hard and then told him because we’re going to have sex. Duh. Do you still want to? I asked him. Then he got that excited look in his eyes again. Boys. We made it easy on him and just took turns being on top. I especially liked it when it was Jess’s turn. He laid his head down in my lap and I watched Jess fuck him. She is so good dear diary. When she was fucking him I took my panties and rubbed them all over his face so he could smell me. I think he really liked that. We ended with both our hands stroking him as he sat in between us dear diary. The little shit came all over our hands and it was a mess, but we had fun, actually it was a whole hell lot of fun. When we were done I had to pee. I pulled Jess by her hand and led her into the bathroom with me. As I sat down and let my stream loose dear diary, she straddled me and we kissed. She put three fingers inside her and then put it to my face so I could smell her as I peed. She knows me so well. The kid was standing in the doorway watching us and I laughed and said, well get in here and of course he did. Jess sat down on the toilet to pee and I kneeled down and gave him a blowjob all while never taking my eyes off of Heath………………………
December 1st 1979
The Ramones are coming dear diary! I know, there’s no way Dr. Stone would allow me to go. Maybe if I offer him a blowjob he’ll let me go.
December 19th 1979
THERE WAS SO MUCH FUCKING BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!
I BATHE-……………..
December 20th 1979
Dear diary, did I really write that. That is terrifying.
December 31st 1979
Goodbye ’79, you weren’t that fine. I’m still here.
January 5th 1980
My record collection has grown since they started letting my go out every weekend. They’re getting to know me at the record shop in the mall. The manager knows my name and he usually suggests stuff to me that I’ve never heard. Last weekend he talked me into buying this new band called Motorhead and they are freaking loud and fast and I fucking love it dear diary!
February 12th 1980
Dear diary, sometimes I wonder why what I’m doing here. I don’t belong with these people here. I’m not like them. I feel normal. I don’t pull my hair out or talk to myself or think the government is after me. Ok, so I have a touchy feely problem. Big deal. I often wonder if I would still touch myself if I had a normal life outside of this place.
March 2nd 1980
I’m a street walking cheetah with a mouth full of napalm. That, dear diary is Iggy Pop and he is so hot! I use to listen to him all the time before I came here. Heather and it would dance around and sing in her roo…………………..
May 3rd 1980
Jess and I had sex tonight while listening to the Ramones, Gimmie shock treatment, such and appropriate song don’t you agree dear diary. It was thunder storming like mad when we were doing too. Fun times at the crazy house.
June 12th 1980
They need to do something about the food here dear diary. You can’t even call it food. It is the worst shit in the fucking universe.
June 18th 1980
I am so freaked out right now dear diary. Dr. Stone just told me that all I did yesterday was stare out my window. They tried getting me to talk and eat but I didn’t do anything but stare out the window of my room. He told me I had this haunted, scared look in my eyes. And as usual dear diary, it’s June 18th. One day a year I go completely blank the day before the 18th. What happened dear diary?
July 15th 1980
I caught a member of the staff giving a blowjob today down in the laundry area. I see things like that all the time dear diary. One time I caught one of the cooks fucking an RN. He was going to town on this gal from behind. I could see her ass shaking and rippling. Oh, jesus. I gotta go in the bathroom for a minute dear diary. Wanna come with me? Mama wants to play, and pee, but mostly play. C’mon let’s go.
July 15th 1980
That was so much fun dear diary. Anyway, I see crazy sh
it like that all the time. It’s mostly the staff cheating on their spouses I guess. Hell, I’m the one some of them cheat with. I could just see the looks on their faces after hearing the news of their husband fucking the hot crazy girl with black hair that supposedly killed her best friend in a bloody rage.
July 20th 1980
Dear diary, I get a little confused now and then. I get the names and pictures of people I use to know mixed up in my mind. I know I had a best friend named Heather, but I don’t know what happened to her. And then I see that I wrote many things in here about her but then I would apologize for mentioning her name. What is going on? And whenever I talk to Dr. Stone, it’s like I’m talking to him for the first time about certain things, things like what happened before I came here, and this garage he keeps talking about and three of my friends that died. The strangest thing though dear diary is, Anita always tells me that whenever my best friends mom visit’s, I always talk about Heather and I don’t remember talking about her at all.
August 10th 1980
Help me dear diary…….please……I’m so frightened at the moment. I have all the lights off in my room. The curtains are shut. It’s 1:30 a.m. I saw something bad dear diary in the mirror tonight. Oh my god, I can’t stop shaking. Jess was with me when it happened but I haven’t seen her since I fell to the floor, shaking uncontrollably in terror. I didn’t mean to scare her and I’m not mad that she just left, but I am so terrified right now dear diary. I apologize for going on and not really explaining everything that happened.
August 10th 1980
Sorry dear diary, I’m back. It is now 2 a.m. I just got out of the shower. I had to get all the blood off. Goodnight, dear diary, I’m sorry.
