She touched his face, wishing she could express the words that begged to be spoken. She was so new in the world beyond the convent walls, and she had not yet learned the rules by which others lived.
"If I have caused you pain in any way," she said, "then I am truly sorry. If there is anything I can do to help you, you have only to ask."
He stared into blue eyes that seemed to have caught the reflecting moonlight. She was leaving. He would not be able to touch her, to watch the gentle way her hips swayed when she crossed a room. He would miss the sparkle in her eyes when she laughed, the kindness she had shown his sister and others in need. Poor Cassandra would be devastated when Jilliana left.
"Have you told my sister you will be leaving?"
"I have not said so, but she knows it will be soon. She and Netta know about the baby."
"You told them before you told me?"
She smiled. "They told me."
"There can be no mistake?"
"Netta is positive." She shook her head. "I will miss Cassandra. She has become like a sister to me."
He tilted her chin upward. "And what about me; will you miss me?"
Why did she feel the tightness around her heart? Why did she want to lie her head against his shoulder and have him hold her so tightly and never let her go?
"I— Yes, Ruyen, I shall miss you."
She turned back to the window, fearing she would cry.
Ruyen moved just behind her, his hands resting lightly on her waist.
"What if I ask you to stay?"
There was regret in her voice. "You know I cannot. You have your duties and I have mine. Our lives were ordained from the beginning and we cannot turn away from those who depend on us."
One of Ruyen's hands moved to Jilliana's abdomen, resting there gently. He was overcome with an emotion he had not expected to feel. Together, he and Jilliana had created a life. His child, whether it be male or female, would one day be the ruler of Talshamar. He would not see the child grow to adulthood, would not be a part of its life. Was he expected to forget that he was a father?
"What will you tell the child about me?"
She placed her hand on top of his and they shared a beautiful, heartbreaking moment before she spoke.
"I will tell her that her father is brave and noble, and that he is a man whose word can be trusted. I will tell her that her father is the Golden Falcon."
He had not known that she thought of him in that way. They had never spoken of their feelings, and it was difficult to do so now. Perhaps it was because they had both known from the beginning that they would have so little time together.
"You said her, Jilliana?"
"I feel it is a daughter."
His hand pressed tighter against her stomach. "I hope it is the daughter you crave."
"I would not mind if it were a son."
That thought was even more painful to him. A son that he would never know. "How will you answer the child when she asks why her father is not in her life?"
"I will make her understand that you gave her life, and then let her go." She turned to face him, her eyes filled with sadness. "Do you think I am so unfeeling that I do not know of your torture? When this all began, it seemed so simple. I would save your life and in return you would give me the child I need to save mine."
"We were just strangers at the plan's conception, Jilliana. That is no longer true."
"I would like to think ours is a friendship that will withstand the sands of time, Ruyen. I shall always remember you with great… affection."
"Will you?"
"Yes. Ruyen, please remember that this child is the only hope for Talshamar. Without an heir, do you think King Philip would allow me to live?"
"Will she be bastardized when the pope decrees that our marriage is annulled?"
"She will be the future queen of Talshamar, and none of my people will question her legitimacy."
"I know all the reasons for what we have done. But I did not consider the child as a real person."
Her eyes softened. "And now you do."
He pressed his cheek to hers. "And now I do." He brushed her tumbled hair away from her face and touched his lips to her forehead. "Would that I could have you once more before we part."
She took his hand and led him toward the bed. "On parting, I will give freely of my body."
His voice was gruff. "It will not harm the child?"
She smiled, lying back on the bed and holding her arms out to him. "This child will cling hard to life, and nothing, not Henry and not Philip, will shake it from my womb."
This time their lovemaking was impassioned and somehow pure. There was sadness in Jilliana's heart, for this would be the last time they would be together in this way. She wanted to remember this night for the rest of her life.
Gently, Ruyen held her to him, impressing the feel of her upon his mind. His lips moved over her face, then he sealed her mouth with a long kiss. She seemed to burrow into him and he took what she so willingly offered.
The moon was now directly over the window, and its golden light spilled on the bed, allowing him to see her face clearly.
He asked the question that had been haunting him all night. "Will you remarry?"
"1 never shall. I want no other child save this one, and I will have no other husband."
He pulled back and looked at her. "Suppose something should happen to the baby? Have you considered what you would do in the event that should come to pass?"
She smiled. "Nothing will happen to this baby. You have my promise that she will grow up healthy and happy. The people of Talshamar will love and protect her, as will I."
Jilliana could see that Ruyen was still troubled, but he said nothing more. His eyes drifted shut and she pressed closer to him.
Long after Ruyen had fallen asleep, Jilliana lay awake, watching him. She carefully touched his dark hair, then pressed a kiss on his lips, which drew a sigh from him, but he did not awaken. She took his hand and held it in both of hers.
She tried not to think of Ruyen lying like this with Katharine.
The one thing she wanted most of all she could not have—she could not have Ruyen or his love. It was not meant that they should be together.
When the sun rose, she quietly dressed. Leaving the room, she went in search of Humphrey so she could tell him to arrange their journey home. It would be a bittersweet journey for her. Happy because she was going home at last; sad because she would never again see Ruyen.
Ruyen's life was here on the Isle of Falcon Bruine, and hers was in Talshamar, and the distance between the two could not be spanned.
24
It was still early, therefore few people were about as Jilliana moved down the path toward the stables, where she knew she would find Humphrey. He always rose early, and his first duty of the day was to visit the stalls where their horses were stabled.
Humphrey watched Jilliana's approach with a frown on his rugged face. "Is something the matter, Your Majesty?"
"Nay, good Humphrey. I have merely sought you out to tell you that we will be leaving as soon as you can make the arrangements."
He looked at her carefully, reading much in her expression. If she was ready to leave, it would mean she was with child. He smiled and took her hand, raising it to his lips.
"Then all shall be ready on the morrow." He dropped his voice so only she could hear. "I am ready to be quit of this island."
"As am I," she said wistfully. "The journey is to be mostly by sea, is it not?"
"Indeed, Your Majesty. It is hoped that you shan't suffer from seasickness as you did on the voyage from England."
"Have no concern on that, Humphrey. It was not the voyage that made me ill."
He nodded in understanding.
"Instruct the others that I will want to leave without delay. Is our ship still anchored off the island?"
"It is, Your Majesty. I will begin loading supplies immediately."
Humphrey watched her turn her gaze toward
the castle. There was sadness in her eyes, and he guessed the reason for it—for had he not known her longer and better than anyone? She had been in his care for so long that he knew what she was thinking almost before she did.
"Your Majesty, are you certain that this is what you want?" he asked softly.
There was no pretense between them. "It is the way it must be. Ruyen and I must keep to our bargain."
She reached up and stroked the mane of a white stallion. "I am certain that Cardinal Failsham will be happy to see us. His health is not good, Humphrey."
"Aye, Your Majesty, that did not escape my notice. But you will soon take the burden of power from his capable but frail shoulders."
She turned to him. "I will see that the trunks are packed."
Humphrey watched her walk away with her head held high, but he knew that she was feeling pain. Had she discovered that she loved Prince Ruyen? Yes, she knew, although she might not yet have put a name to her feelings.
He would have given his life to keep her from harm. But he was helpless to protect her from a broken heart.
* * *
Ruyen stood before his mother, dressed in chainmail, his helm tucked beneath his arm.
Melesant was puzzled. "You look as though you are off to do battle. Against anyone I know?"
"I thought it only fair to warn you, Mother, that I will no longer tolerate your neglect of my people."
"Your people? Your association with the little queen must have muddled your thinking. I am regent here. Do you really believe that you can raise an army to come against me?"
"I can, and I shall."
There was a smirk on her face. "Foolish Ruyen, I have powerful friends."
He looked at the woman who had given birth to him, feeling no kinship with her. As a child, he had rarely seen her. He had heard her say often that she had an aversion to children. He could not remember a time when she had visited him in the nursery. When he was a young boy, he had wanted so desperately to please her so she would take some notice of him, but she never did. Now it no longer mattered.
"I will do what I can against you, Mother. I may face defeat, but you will not win either."
Melesant suddenly felt a sinking sensation. "I have no desire to war against you, Ruyen. Would it not be better if you left Falcon Bruine for a time?"
"And desert the people who need me most? I think not."
Her eyes were keen and probed deeply into his. "Will you leave your bride? Do you think I cannot see how your eyes follow Jilliana about? Poor Katharine. Think you she knows that you have fallen in love with your wife?"
"We were not speaking of my wife. I am asking you to yield to me, Mother, or face the consequences."
"My dear son, would you do harm to me?"
"I will do what I must. If you leave me no choice, I will crush you and your Castilians."
Melesant could see that he meant what he said. Henry had made her regent, but she wanted more. She wanted to be queen.
"What is to keep me from throwing you in the dungeon, Ruyen? You know that you speak treason."
"You will not do that, not just yet. You like the smell of the hunt, and that will be your downfall."
"You have more of me in you than you would like to admit, Ruyen. That is why you know me so well."
"I know that you do not care about the populace of this island. Power is all you want, but you will not take it at the expense of the people."
"Perhaps we can reach a compromise. I admit I have been neglectful of the villagers. Suppose I allow you to help them. Do whatever it takes to pacify them."
"Tis too late for that, Mother. The time when you could have helped them has passed. Do you not see their suffering? Do you care so much for yourself that you cannot hear the cries of those in torment?"
"God, but you are a son to be proud of, Ruyen. We could have obtained greatness together. Band with me now. We have Falcon Bruine and we can also take Talshamar."
He felt sick inside. "Your ambitions have made you mad. You cannot take Talshamar."
She laughed. "Can I not? With your help, it would be easy. Without it, it will be more difficult, but I shall succeed."
Suddenly his eyes were sad. She would never relent, and he could not allow her to win. "We have nothing further to discuss."
Melesant turned her eyes on her son, trying to see him as a young woman might. He was a handsome devil, perhaps too handsome. There was hardness in his eyes and a proud tilt to his chin.
"You are strong, Ruyen, and you owe that to me. Had I coddled you, you would not be nearly so fierce and unyielding."
His lip curled in contempt. "What fine gifts you bestow on your children, Madame."
"You should be grateful to me."
"Indeed."
Melesant started to reach out to him, but he pulled away from her touch. She smiled. "What of your wife?"
"I gave her my word that she could go when she was with child."
"Yes, yes, I know tha—" Her eyes widened. "Is she then with child?"
"It would seem so."
"I begin to understand. She is leaving?"
"Yes."
"So, you gave your word," she mimicked, "and you are allowing her to leave with my grandchild—the heir to the throne of Falcon Bruine."
"Remember this, Mother, Jilliana's baby is not the heir to Falcon Bruine. When the annulment is granted, I will relinquish all claims to the baby."
Melesant's face grew red with rage. "Annulment! You think to bastardize the child who will one day rule Talshamar! The pope will never agree to this."
"There you are wrong, Mother. There is an old law that allows annulment if there is close kinship between the married couple."
"You have no kinship with any Talshamarian."
"But I have, Mother. It seems Cardinal Failsham has discovered that our grandmothers were distantly related."
"Tis too distant a kinship to matter."
"The pope has agreed that he will use this to give Jilliana her freedom."
Melesant's mind was spinning, everything was happening at once. She must do something quickly—but what? "You are certain that you will have the marriage put aside?"
"I am."
"Pity."
"I take leave of you now, Mother. When next we meet, it will likely be the downfall of one of us or the other."
"Does your bride know you are waging war against your own mother?"
"I saw no reason to tell her. She will be safely away before I come against you."
They both stared at each other and no warmth passed between them.
Ruyen's lips twisted in disgust. "I give you this one last chance to yield."
"Do you hate me so much?" She sounded almost regretful.
His voice was detached and devoid of feeling. "You are responsible for my father's death."
"I wondered how long it would take you to accuse me of that. Your father was a weak man and unfit to rule. You, of all people, should know this."
"He was my father. I have not yet spoken to you about your betrayal of me or how you allowed Henry's men to take Cassandra to England as a prisoner."
"You will not believe me, but I did not know that you and Cassandra were to be condemned to death. I tried to free you, but Henry is a stubborn man."
"You should be grateful to Jilliana then, Mother, for accomplishing what you could not."
She smiled and offered him her hand, which he barely touched, then dropped. "Pity it has come to this."
He turned and walked away, and she stared after him. She was almost sorry for what she must do next.
Escobar stepped from behind the brocade screen where he had been hiding. "Shall I have the guards stop him?" he asked.
"No. I want his movements watched so I can discover all those who would oppose me. Be discreet and find out where they are hiding and how strong they are."
Escobar bowed and hurried from the room, his dark eyes gleaming in triumph. The prince would soon be sorry he had treated him with
such contempt.
Jilliana had been told that she would find Cassandra at the mews where the falcons were housed, so she walked in that direction.
Cassandra had not heard her approach, so Jilliana watched with fascination while Ruyen's sister trained a young falcon to return a lure. The bell attached to the bird's leg gave a tinkling sound when it glided on a strong wind current and disappeared from sight.
"That was quite fascinating," Jilliana said, shading her eyes and trying to locate the bird.
"Jilliana, have you noticed that our falcons are golden? Some have black on the tips of their wings, but most are solid gold. Nowhere in the world will you find falcons like the ones on our island," Cassandra said with pride.
"Is this where Ruyen draws his name?"
"Partly. But mostly because he won the name in battle. He is very brave, you know."
"Yes, I do know." Jilliana changed the subject. "I have read about this sport, but have never participated myself."
"I shall be happy to teach you," Cassandra said zealously. "I have just the right falcon for you. She is quite gentle. You may have her as your own."
Jilliana shook her head. "I will not be here long enough to train her, Cassandra."
The girl's eyes clouded with distress. "Are you going away soon?"
"Yes . . . tomorrow. I wanted to tell you myself before you heard it from someone else."
Cassandra dropped her head. "I have known that you would one day leave. I just did not think it would be so soon. I suppose Sir Edward will be leaving with you."
Jilliana had not realized until now that Cassandra had feelings for her young knight. She thought it best to pretend ignorance. "Talshamar is his home. He has family there."
"Aye, and the woman he is to marry."
"I believe so."
The falcon's bell tinkled louder and Jilliana could not reply because the bird had returned. Cassandra held out her hand and the falcon landed, its sharp talons gripping her padded glove. To calm the bird, Cassandra covered its eyes with a hood and handed it to the falconer.
She turned back to Jilliana, looking forlorn and lost. "I shall miss you. You have become my friend." Her little face was a mask of misery and tears gathered in her eyes. If only ... if only—"
Once Upon A Time (Historical Romance) Page 20
