by Noelle Adams
“Yeah.” He wiped his damp face with the bottom of his t-shirt. Then he gave Bear a quick pat on the head, since the dog had come over to greet him eagerly. It seemed more like a gesture than a genuine greeting on his part, but it was better than nothing. “Do you feel okay?”
She drew her brows together in confusion until she realized he was asking about how she felt after sex the night before. She felt a shudder of self-conscious pleasure at the memory of how she’d let go the night before and at how Daniel had let go too. “Yeah. I feel pretty good.”
“Good.” He gave her a little smile. “I’ve got to shower.”
Something about him seemed a little strange this morning. He was as kind as always, but also a little distant. Not like the Daniel she was used to. “Okay. I’m going to take Bear for a walk.”
When she got back to the house forty-five minutes later, Daniel was dressed for Sunday, doing his devotions, and eating a protein bar with his coffee in the study, so she didn’t disturb him.
She turned on the oven and wished she could bake. Lila had always been a wonderful cook. She’d also sewn her own pillows and curtains, and she’d been an amazing hostess, even for casual get-togethers. Her home was always beautifully cleaned and welcoming—the perfect pastor’s wife.
Jessica knew she couldn’t equal Lila’s domestic prowess. She was anything but amazing in the kitchen, and her cleaning was mostly perfunctory. But she was excited about the new challenge and didn’t want Daniel to regret his decision to marry her, so she was committed to doing everything she could to be the kind of pastor’s wife she’d always seen.
As a first step, she pulled out pop-out cinnamon rolls from the refrigerator. Then she lined them on the baking sheet and stuck them in the heated oven.
As they cooked, she fixed herself a bowl of cereal and ate it at the kitchen table, with Bear for company.
She was icing the rolls when Daniel returned to the kitchen, his suit jacket draped over his arm. “Something smells good.”
“I made cinnamon rolls for Sunday morning.”
“Yum.” He reached over her shoulder and snatched one she’d just iced.
“Wait! It’s hot.”
He ate it in three bites. “Not too hot. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She smiled, since he seemed to genuinely appreciate her effort.
He washed his hands, which were sticky from the icing, and then pulled on his jacket. “I’ve got to get to church.”
“Already? It’s barely seven-thirty.” Sunday School didn’t start until nine-thirty, and the church was just over a mile away.
“Yeah. I’ve got some prep still to do. I’ll see you at Sunday school.”
“Okay,” she said as he left the house. She wasn’t going to be annoyed or frustrated. Sunday morning was the climax of the work week for pastors, and maybe Daniel needed some privacy to get himself prepared and together.
He’d hadn’t been at the church for very long, after all, and he would want to do a good job.
This whole thing wasn’t about her. He’d been perfectly nice to her this morning. She wouldn’t be upset because he’d felt a little distant.
She sighed as she looked down at the four remaining cinnamon buns. Then she glanced at Bear, who was begging patiently just beside. “Do you want a cinnamon roll?” she asked the dog. “There’s no way I can eat all of these.”
Bear didn’t have an answer for her, but she wasn’t about to leave the food.
***
Daniel had been installed as pastor of the church for a few weeks now, but this was the first Sunday Jessica had attended since he’d arrived.
Everyone greeted her warmly, repeating that she and Daniel really should have taken the Sunday off.
Despite all the comments, Jessica figured it was just as well to jump right into figuring out their life together.
She’d heard Daniel preach before—many, many times—since she’d often attended the small church outside of Charlotte he’d been pastor of before. No one was like Daniel in the pulpit. He made the Bible come alive—with intelligence and deep knowledge and passion and gravity and authority. Somehow, all of those things at once.
He might be tired this morning, but there was no evidence of fatigue in his manner or voice. She felt an odd sense of possessive pride as she watched him.
He was her husband. Her husband. This amazing man.
They went to the house of one of the elders for lunch after the service. Jessica would not have chosen to spend the afternoon socializing, but Daniel said they needed to go, since the elder—Chip White—still wasn’t fully convinced Daniel had the wisdom and experience to pastor the church.
It was part of being married to a pastor. You had to have Sunday lunch with families from the congregation when they invited you—whether you felt like it or not.
So she didn’t complain at all on the half-hour drive to the farmhouse where the White family lived. And she didn’t make any of the hints about leaving she was tempted to make, even when the visit lasted well past three o’clock and she was aching with fatigue.
Finally, they made it home just after four, and Jessica was ready to slump to the floor.
“Thanks for going with me,” Daniel said, obviously recognizing she was tired. They were in the bedroom to change out of their Sunday clothes.
“Of course, I’d go. What did you expect?”
“Well, I appreciate it anyway. It’s been a really long weekend. You look like you need some rest.” He took off his jacket and tie and started unbuttoning his shirt.
She felt a jittery excitement as he undressed in front of her, evidently not even self-conscious about it. It felt intimate in a way she just wasn’t used to. “You do too. You must be even more exhausted than I am.”
She sat on the bed and slid off her shoes.
“I’m not that tired.”
“You had to preach this morning, and you didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“You’re not going to start nagging now that we’re married, are you?” He pulled his white t-shirt over his head, baring a very attractive abdomen, and undid his pants.
“I’m not nagging.” She tried very hard to focus on the topic at hand and not on the sudden desire to pull Daniel into the bed with her. “But it’s Sunday. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t rest.”
“I don’t take naps.”
“Well, then at least—”
“Jessica, enough.” The words weren’t harsh or angry, but they were much terser than she normally heard from him.
She jerked back in response to his tone.
Obviously seeing her reaction, his expression changed immediately. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” She was more upset than she should have been, mostly because she didn’t know what had prompted his sudden shift in mood. He’d felt a little distant today, but nothing that would explain such an unusual response. “I guess maybe I was nagging a little.”
“You weren’t really.” He sat down on the bed beside her and put his hand on her knee.
She relaxed, feeling like she knew him again. “So what are you going to do this afternoon?”
“I’ve got some reading to do.”
“Oh.” That didn’t sound bad. Reading was restful, after all. “Okay.”
“And I’ve got some a project to do out in the workshop.”
He’d turned the shed in the yard into a kind of workshop, where he’d put all his tools. As with cars, he liked to fiddle around with carpentry. Jessica wasn’t sure how good he really was at it, since his projects didn’t always turn out the way he planned. Micah, who was a contractor, never got tired of mocking his brother’s efforts. But Daniel enjoyed his attempts anyway.
“What are you working on?”
“This and that,” he said noncommittally as he pulled on a pair of worn jeans. “Thanks again for coming to lunch with me.”
“You don
’t have to thank me for that.” She tried not to sound frustrated, but surely he hadn’t expected her to be his wife and then not perform any of the duties that came with it.
He half-smiled. “Okay.”
When he left the room, she picked up the suit he’d tossed on the bed. It was still in good shape and didn’t need to be dry-cleaned yet, so she hung it up. His shirt was not in good shape, so she put it in the laundry. Then she changed into something more comfortable than her skirt and sweater set.
When she went downstairs, she saw Daniel’s study door was closed.
Evidently, he was going to read in there.
***
The next day, Jessica stopped working in time to fix a lunch for her and Daniel.
He’d said he would just grab something for lunch, and she knew enough about his habits to understand this meant he would eat a protein bar or a bag of nuts for lunch.
So she made a sandwich—one she knew he liked with turkey, ham, bacon, lettuce, mayonnaise, and Dijon mustard on it—and a salad, and then packed it all up with some cookies in a baggie to take over to the church.
Despite his study at home, he also needed to keep an office at church to work and meet with members of the congregation. He’d set up his with a good computer, a wall of bookshelves with all of his biblical commentaries and sermon preparation books, and a conference table.
He was working at the computer, with a big commentary and his Bible open on his desk, when she tapped on his half-opened door.
He turned in his desk chair and looked surprised when he saw her. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“I brought you lunch.”
“Why?”
She frowned. If every nice thing she did for him was going to be treated to an inquisition, it was going to get old fast. “Because you didn’t have a lunch.”
Daniel gestured toward a bottle of water and a protein bar, untouched on the surface of his desk.
“That’s what I thought,” she said, coming over to unpack the bag she’d brought.
She pulled up a chair and sat down near the desk so he wouldn’t go back to working and forget about eating.
He smiled as he unwrapped the sandwich. “Did you make this for me?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you need to be working?”
“I’m allowed to stop for lunch.”
“I guess so. But you really didn’t have to go to the trouble. You work too, so you don’t have to always get meals for us. I’d never expect you to—”
“What trouble? It took exactly five minutes, and then two minutes to drive over here.”
“I guess so. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He slanted her a look. “Are you annoyed with me?”
“No.”
“You look like you might be annoyed.”
“I’m not annoyed. As long as you actually eat your lunch.”
He closed his Bible and commentary and moved them out of the way. Then he gave silent thanks for the meal and started to eat.
Jessica relaxed and pulled out her own sandwich.
His mouth twitched slightly when he glanced at her. “You better be careful. I might start to expect you to bring me lunch every day.”
“Some days you’ll have to come home for lunch, and then it will be hit-or-miss about what you get.”
“I have lunch meetings a lot anyway. A lot of men in the congregation can only meet to talk at lunchtime.”
“So that’s fine. Occasionally, I might bring you lunch.”
He smiled at her as he swallowed a bite, and she smiled back—feeling like he was her friend again and not this slightly unknowable husband he’d become.
“What are you working on?” she asked, gesturing toward the computer.
“Next week’s sermon.”
“How’s it going?”
“I’ve not done as much as I hoped. People keep stopping by to talk.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“I didn’t mean you.”
“Okay. Good. Are people just congratulating you on the wedding?”
“Mostly. Chip stopped by though.”
“Was he complaining again?”
“Not as directly. He just wants to cut back on the programs for Christmas.”
“Why? People will be disappointed if we don’t do everything we usually do.”
“I know. He thinks it’s too much logistically with the transition. He means he doesn’t think I’m up for the job.”
“Well, that’s ridiculous. Doesn’t he know all the balls you kept in the air at your church before?”
Daniel gave a half-shrug. “In his mind, leading a small church isn’t nearly as challenging as a church this size.”
“You’re not going to cut back, are you?” She felt annoyed and indignant about Chip’s slight to Daniel’s leadership and abilities. How could anyone think he wasn’t up to the job?
“Not if I can help it. The Session meets on Friday. We’ll talk about it then.”
In a Presbyterian church, the Session—made up of the elders of the congregation—was the decision-making body for individual churches. A pastor’s role was obviously one of authority, but they weren’t the only or the final authority.
“Some of the programs have already been planned, right? The kids’ pageant and the choir concert?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you can’t pull back on those at this point. It wouldn’t be fair to the people who’ve been working on them. And you have to have the Christmas Eve service. What does he think you can cut?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know what he’s thinking.”
Daniel looked discouraged, so she reached out to put a hand on his knee.
They sat in silence for a moment, but then she pulled her hand back when he shifted. “Eat your salad,” she said, pushing the container toward him.
He made a face at her, but she gave him a steely glare so he obediently started to eat.
“Speaking of the choir,” he said, “you should think about joining.”
Her eyes widened. “Me? Why?”
“Because they can use some more members. I think you’d enjoy it.”
“I can’t be part of a choir.”
“Why not? You’ve got a good voice.” When she opened her mouth to object, he spoke over her. “I heard you. Remember? At the reception.”
“Yeah, but…” She trailed off, mostly because she didn’t have a good excuse.
“It might be good for you.”
“Why would it be good for me?” She was starting to feel a familiar defensiveness. She didn’t like the idea that Daniel might think she wasn’t doing everything she needed to do as a pastor’s wife, when she’d been going out of her way for the first couple of days to fill the role.
“Because you like to sing and you can contribute. And because you have a tendency to hide.”
“I do not have a tendency to hide.” Now she was feeling defensive for another reason. She hated it when he brought this topic up, and it didn’t matter whether he was right or not. She hated the idea of having everyone stare at her and listen to her in the choir.
“Yeah, you do.”
“I’m not a super-social person, but I don’t hide. I talk to people plenty.”
“So then the choir wouldn’t be a big deal for you.” He twitched his eyebrows at her, in a way that was supposed to get her to smile.
She rolled her eyes at him instead of smiling.
“What’s that look for?”
“That’s for you being annoying.”
He chuckled. “It was just a suggestion.”
“Right.”
“So are you going to do it or not?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“They practice on Wednesday evenings. Just for an hour.”
“I said I’ll think about it.”
“Okay.” He paused for a beat. “Do I get any of those cookies?”
She passed the bag to him, mu
ttering, “Not that you deserve them.”
Maybe Daniel thought she needed to be more involved in the church, participate in a lot of activities because she was married to him. Maybe the rest of the congregation expected it too, and he didn’t want her to give them any reason to doubt he was a good fit. If she needed to, she would do it—whether she wanted to or not.
She was getting up to leave a little while later when Daniel said, “Oh, Martha said she was bringing by a casserole this afternoon.”
“Why is she bringing a casserole?”
“Just being nice, I think.”
“But why do we need a casserole? We’re not sick or anything.”
“What’s the big deal? She’s trying to be nice. I think they’ve arranged to bring us dinners all week.”
“I’m perfectly capable of making something for dinner.”
She actually wasn’t perfectly capable of cooking dinner, but she was certainly planning to try. And it made her feel stupid and helpless that the ladies of the church had evidently decided she needed extra help—that she wasn’t equipped to even be a normal wife, much less a pastor’s wife.
“What are you so sensitive about? People are trying to be nice.”
“I know.” She bit back her initial response, since she knew it was irrational, but it bothered her unduly.
She’d wanted a husband and family and now she had one, thanks to Daniel. She wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. She was going to be a good wife, and in a traditional community like this, part of that role involved cooking dinner—at least some of the time. She couldn’t even try if all the church ladies insisted on bringing over dinner.
She was still bothered when she went to spend the afternoon at her mother’s nursing facility, working on her laptop while her mom dozed and then taking her outside for a walk when she was awake.
And she was still bothered when Martha came by late that afternoon with an entire delicious meal and stayed for an hour to chat and repeat the preparation directions six times.
The poppy seed chicken casserole, salad, rolls, and chocolate cake were wonderful, of course, and Jessica tried to feel grateful for it as she and Daniel ate at the kitchen table that evening.
