The important thing was that she remember, at all times, that she could under no circumstance give into the temptation to start believing that Justin was going to be around in the future to take care of her needs, either physical or emotional. Start depending on that idea, and the next thing you know, he'd be gone in a flash, and she'd have to live through the searing, unbearable pain of losing him yet again. Keep him at arm's length, and she could buffer the pain of that inevitable grief.
She sighed. Still. No reason not to accept a ride from him. She was exhausted, utterly drained in fact, and it would feel heavenly to sit back and relax while he sat in the driver's seat, both literally and metaphorically. That couldn't hurt anything. Could it?
Justin drove them to Amanda's house, and helped her make trip after trip between the kitchen and the car, carrying tightly sealed dishes containing appetizers, casseroles, and desserts.
When they pulled up outside the Riverside Recreation Area and saw a bustling crowd milling around and talking, Amanda sighed and turned to Justin. “I had kind of hoped that people wouldn't bother taking my advice. I was nursing this fantasy where we would drive up to find the parking lot totally empty, and I could just drop off this food at the soup kitchen and go home and climb into a hot bubble bath. Selfish?”
Justin opened his mouth to answer, but could only shake his head. He had been rendered speechless by the image of her naked body, slipping down slowly into the hot water, luxuriating in the fragrant bubbles.
Amanda looked at him strangely. “You OK?” she asked, the look on her face telling him that she thought he might be losing it a little.
Justin did his best to laugh it off, although the laugh sounded husky and thin, even to his own ears. “Nah, I'm good, I think that the whole emotion of the day must have gotten to me as well. I don't blame you for wishing you could just relax, I wish you could, too. So let's do this. Let's have a signal. We can go with a classic, the ear tug. If I see you tug your ear, at any time, even if we've only been here for ten minutes, I will make an excuse and hustle you on out of here. Deal?”
Amanda nodded gratefully. “You bet that's a deal. That sounds amazing.”
Justin gave her a cocky half smile, and she recognized it as his Trademark Smile #321, the I-Can-Conquer-the-World-if-I-Put-My-Mind-To-It smile. She felt her confidence grow. As much as she was trying to avoid leaning on Justin emotionally, she could feel herself becoming stronger in Justin's presence. It was happening without her permission, but she honestly didn't have the strength to fight it. Consequences be damned, she was just going to sit back and enjoy the results.
Hey, she reasoned, since it seemed like her best efforts were not going to be enough to control it anyway, she may as well just revel in the fact that taking strength from Justin's presence was helping her make it through one of the most difficult days of her life.
She gave him a small half smile that almost mirrored his own. “Let's do this,” she said, and the two of them got out of the car together and started unloading the food.
It felt good to have a task for her hands to focus on, something concrete and mindless to be doing, something that felt almost automatic – making trips back and forth between the car and the tables, unpacking the food – it fit perfectly into her nature, taking care of people, nurturing them through food. She actually found herself starting to enjoy the event, in a way. Her father had been so important to these people, and giving them a place where they could talk to each other about him, and where they could talk to her, tell her their stories, begin to heal – it felt significant. It felt real. And Justin being right by her side through all of it? Well, that just felt right. There was no other word for it. It felt perfect, and natural...and 100% right.
Amanda looked up and saw Sue Ann Perkins, the owner of Hope Falls' most popular eating establishment, coming toward her. Sue Ann was dressed in the same basic outfit she had worn every day of Amanda's life – a long floral skirt with a button down shirt and matching cardigan sweater. Today's ensemble was in muted tones of black and grey. Sue Ann gave her a hug and then began helping her unpack and lay out various food items.
Sue Ann looked at Amanda sympathetically. “How are you holdin' up, sweet girl?” she asked.
Amanda smiled, “Oh, about as well as can be expected, I guess. It's hard. But everyone in town has been so supportive.”
Sue Ann winked conspiratorially and inclined her head toward Justin, who was standing across the plaza talking to a group of his friends from high school. “And how is that situation shaping up?” she inquired.
Amanda laughed, “I see your plan, lady. You didn't come over here to help me. You came to dish the dirt!”
Sue Ann looked at Amanda, her expression of innocence comically exaggerated, “Dirt? Who? Me?”
Amanda bumped her shoulder into Sue Ann's companionably. “That's OK, if I were on the outside looking into my crazy situation, I'd be dying to know what was going on as well. Heck, I'm on the inside of the situation, and I'd love to have the slightest clue.”
“Well,” Sue Ann said, leaning her head towards Amanda in full on gossip mode, “I will tell you what folks are saying, if you'd like to know.”
Amanda's head whipped around to look at Sue Ann. “Are people talking about us?' she asked, shocked.
Sue Ann chuckled, “Oh, honey, this is a small town. There's nothing that happens here, no matter how tiny, that doesn't get discussed to death. And, baby girl, this is about as far from a tiny happening as you can get!”
Amanda shook her head to clear it, “Well, yes, I guess so. What are people saying?”
“Well,” Sue Ann began, “you know I hear what most folks say on pretty much all subjects, because they talk to me when they come into the cafe, so I have a pretty good idea of the variety of takes on the situation that most people have, and here's the breakdown.
“First of all, some people are saying that Justin just came down here for the will reading, to find out if Parker left him any money, and that before you know it, he'll be up and gone again.”
“That's not a concept without precedent,” Amanda said regretfully.
“Well, that's the minority opinion, to tell you the truth,” Sue Ann continued firmly, “to hear most folks tell it, they think Justin will be around a good long time. They think he's come home where he belongs, and that it's for good.”
She put her arm around Amanda's shoulder and said quietly in her ear, as if to keep the juicy observation just between the two of them, “And I'm sure their convictions were more than strengthened after watching the way he's been looking at you all day. Heavens, I'm certainly convinced he's sticking around for good after watching him moon after you for the past couple of hours.”
Amanda chuckled slightly, “From your lips to God's ears, Sue Ann.”
“Honey, I'll pray for Justin to stay around with you all day long if you want me to, but mark my words – those would be wasted breaths. That boy is out of his head for you, and there's no bringing him back down from that. That boy loves you.”
Amanda smiled to herself. Maybe Sue Ann was right. And, hey, maybe Sue Ann was wrong. But there was one thing Amanda knew for sure, and that was that the words “that boy loves you” sounded oh so very sweet to her ears.
Chapter 10
Karina walked up to Justin at the food table, where he was loading a plate with a towering pile of food. She smiled and said, “I was going to give you my usual shoulder-to-shoulder bump greeting, but I'm afraid if I jostle your arm even a tiny bit, enough roast beef to feed a small nation will come cascading off your plate.”
Justin laughed, “I know. I'd blame it on the mountain air, but I've been living in the mountains, so that would be BS. I don't know what to tell you. I'm a pig.”
Karina barked out a short laugh, “Nice segue, and you didn't even know it.”
Justin furrowed his brow in a puzzled expression, “Segue?”
“Yes,” Karina smiled, “I wanted to talk to you about something, and i
t's actually about the possibility of you being a pig, or possibly not, although in a different sense than you just meant.”
Justin groaned. “Lemme guess. Is this the 'don't hurt Amanda' speech?”
Karina nodded, “You bet your ass it is.”
Justin sighed, “OK, go ahead.”
Karina looked at him sharply, “Hey, Justin, I know we kid around a lot, but I'm serious about this. Amanda's one of my best friends. I love her to death. I'm not joking right now.”
He nodded, “You're right. Come on, let's sit.” They moved over to one of the park benches and sat, putting their plates down between them.
Justin began, “Look, Kar, I know you're serious about protecting Amanda. I want to protect her too. I take that seriously. I only groaned because it seems like you're the thousandth person to come up and warn me about the exact same thing tonight. 'Don't hurt Amanda!' It's like the theme of the day.”
“Good, I stand behind that theme one hundred percent,” Karina affirmed.
“And, believe me, it's not like I want to hurt her. My God! That's the last thing I want. I just don't get it.”
“What don't you get?”
Justin shrugged, “Well, I mean...I know that the town loves Amanda. Like how they say so-and-so is 'America's Sweetheart' – Amanda is Hope Falls' Sweetheart. So they're protective of her, I get that.
“I also get that her Dad just died, so everyone knows she's feeling vulnerable, so they would be extra eager to protect her, and warn me off if they thought I might hurt her. Again...I get that.
“What I don't get is that she's an adult. She's not a child, she's not incapable of making her own decisions. And it's not like I'm some sort of manipulative predator. I would never set out to hurt her. So why does everyone feel like I'm such a danger to her?”
Karina looked slightly surprised, “Well, it's not like they feel like you are a dangerous person, per se. It's nothing personal. It's because you broke her heart before.”
Justin scoffed, “When we were kids? Seriously? She had a crush on me! When we didn't get together, she was pissed off at me, I think, more than anything. Yes, it must have sucked that I left after that, believe me, I've missed her too. But a broken heart? I highly doubt it was that deep.”
Karina looked at him in amazement, “Wow. You have no idea the depth of feeling that you engender in her,” she stopped and sighed, “Look, if I didn't have so much faith in you as a truly good guy, I would never tell you this. This information, in the wrong hands, could be used to really hurt her...but I don't think you'll use it that way.
“When you left ten years ago, she wasn't pissed. She was devastated. Destroyed. Utterly bereft. She cried for days. She wouldn't – or maybe couldn't – eat or drink. She got so sick that her Dad almost had to check her into the hospital. Not to mention, she was so broken up about it that she wouldn't even tell me or Sam or Lauren what had happened to you! It hurt her too much even to talk about it.”
Justin was visibly paling as Karina told this story.
“It took her almost a year to work her way out of the grief caused by missing you...and I know she still feels it, even all these later.
“Honestly, if you break her heart now, I don't know if she'd survive a second go-round. She's a strong girl, but she has a blind spot in her heart for you.
“If you're going to lead her down a path, Justin, damn it you had better be ready to stay. That's all I'm saying.”
Justin nodded slowly, processing this information.
Karina put her hand on his shoulder, and said gently, “Look, it's nothing against you. I really like you, you know that. We're friends. In fact, I'm rooting for the two of you to get together, I think you belong together. And taking the keys from her and making her let you drive was a good start. Lauren and I were on our way over to her, but you beat us to it. I think even Lauren was a little impressed.
“So it’s not like no one recognizes that you’re making an effort. All I'm saying is...take it seriously. Don't play games with her.”
Justin nodded again. “I won't,” he promised, “Thanks for telling me all of this. I have a lot to think about.”
--- ~ ---
As Justin pulled up to Amanda's house that evening, turned off the car, and glanced over at her peacefully sleeping form in the passenger seat. He shook his head, considering his options, none of them good.
He definitely didn't want to wake her. She had had such a long day, and she deserved every single minute of peace and sleep that she could get. She had stayed in the park until every last person that wanted to speak with her had had the opportunity, hours after the majority of people had left. Even the Fabulous Four had headed home when Justin assured them that he would stay with her until the bitter end.
The consequence of her caring actions, however, was that now she was utterly exhausted. Justin certainly didn't want to disturb her peaceful slumber for something as mundane as just getting up and going into the house.
By the same token, they obviously couldn't sit out here in the car all night, so something needed to be done.
Making an executive decision, he picked up Amanda's purse from the floor below her feet on the passenger side of the vehicle, rummaged around until he found her keys, got out of the car, and then bounded up the front steps of the porch and unlocked the front door. He then returned to the car, opened the passenger door, and lifted Amanda into his arms as gently as possible, easing the door closed quietly behind him.
Teddy padded in sleepily from where he had been curled in his warm bed in the kitchen, and walked over to Justin, rubbing his head against Justin's leg so that the top of his head also rubbed against Amanda's back. Justin didn't think it was a coincidence that the Lab took opportunities to snuggle in ways that he was touching both Amanda and Justin simultaneously – he was happy to see the two people that he considered both of his “parents” back together again. He wanted them to stay that way, and so made little efforts to bond the three of them more firmly.
Justin smiled down at the handsome, happy dog. “Let's get our girl to bed without waking her up, OK, boy?” he whispered, and Teddy swished his tail back and forth in agreement.
Justin carried Amanda into the house and laid her down on the couch, propping the couch pillows beneath her head as smoothly as he was able, trying with each small movement to jar her only slightly, so as not to wake her.
He moved ninja quiet to the front hall closet, from which he took an afghan, the one he remembered was her favorite, because her mother had made it before she died. Justin carried the warm knitted blanket over to a sleeping Amanda on the couch and spread it over her, sitting down next to her on the couch as he did so.
In a movement that seemed almost beyond his control, he reached out and brushed a golden curl from her forehead, stroking his fingertips through the silken swirl of her hair. Her eyes opened slightly and she inclined her head slightly so that she was looking up at him. He froze. All the trouble that he'd gone to not to wake her, and now this.
“Oh, hi, it's you,” she said sleepily, yawning, and it was clear to Justin from her tone and affect that she was not really conscious, but was still in deep in slumber, “You should stay this time I missed you...” she trailed off into a whisper and her head fell back to the pillow as her eyes closed again. He stared at her, frozen, for a few more moments.
Suddenly, he heard Karina's whispered voice, coming from the stairs. He had been so completely entranced by Amanda's sleeping form, and her unconsciously mumbled words, that he hadn't heard Karina's soft footsteps padding down the stairs.
“So, if she's Joey, does that make you Pacey or Dawson?” she whispered.
He turned and gave her a puzzled look, not certain he had heard her correctly.
“Dawson's Creek? The WB? Long running show? Launched the careers of Joshua Jackson, Katie Holmes and James Van Der Beek? Good God, people who have no cultural reference point are impossible to deal with!” she smiled.
He shook his hea
d uncomprehendingly.
“Well, are you her soul-mate, or are you the person she's meant to end up with?” Karina clarified. After giving this a moment to sink in, she shrugged and, with a mischievous half-smile, trotted back up the stairs, adding, “Food for thought.”
Justin looked back down at the sleeping Amanda and brushed her golden hair back from her forehead. The decision to stay and fight for Amanda, no matter how strong his inner instinct to run and no matter what external obstacles blocked his path solidified within him, and he whispered decisively, “Why can't I be both?”
Chapter 11
Justin stood in the kitchen, preparing to make coffee, thinking about how happy he was that today was a new day, one that wasn't going to be filled with the emotional roller coaster goings on which had been keeping him on the edge of his seat from the moment that he had entered Hope Falls.
Nope. This was a new day. The morning looked to be dawning clear and bright, and the plan was, in Justin's mind at least, that a clear and bright day would follow it – and in more ways than just the weather. Justin was determined that this day was going to be drama and incident free.
Justin reveled in the everyday routine act of making coffee because it symbolized what his intention for the day was – a completely normal and unremarkable day, just like any other. Well, not like the ones that had been happening lately, but just like most of the days he had spent here as a young man. Uneventful, routine – but oh so comforting in their predictability.
In fact, if Justin were hard pressed to search his memory, he would probably say that a good old-fashioned workday at Mountain Ridge Outdoor Adventures was the closest thing he'd ever felt to something that could be called “home.”
As he was carrying the bag of coffee grounds over to the coffee machine, all of his ruminations on the normality that he so desired were shattered, however, when he heard a terrified scream emanating from upstairs in Amanda's house. Not just a small squeal, either, but the full-out, ear-splitting, top-of-the-lungs kind of shriek that you would hear in a horror movie.
Sweet Reunion Page 8
