**
Sarah was crying, crying like she hadn’t cried in years. Jax held her naked body, murmuring to her, trying to soothe her. He could still taste her sweetness on his tongue; he still heard her screams of release in his ears. But right after her orgasm, she’d burst in to tears and she couldn’t seem to stop crying.
Slowly, her sobs stopped, and her shaking calmed. Jax held her away from him, scared to death that he’d done something wrong, maybe even triggered some kind of traumatic memory in her.
“Why are you crying, baby?” he asked softly. “Did I hurt you? Scare you?”
She shook her head.
With his thumbs, Jax wiped the tears still gathering in the corners of her gorgeous eyes. “Tell me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing.” Sarah took a deep breath. “Nothing’s wrong. I just – I’ve never felt so… close to anyone else. Not ever. I didn’t realize that it would be so… so beautiful. To be close to someone.”
Jax was silent, stroking her back, thinking. He’d never thought of sex as a way to be close to someone – beyond all the obvious, physical ways. It was always about fast, easy, available pussy. Taking one of the bar chicks to one of the crash rooms. Unzipping his fly and pulling out his cock and rolling on the rubber; raising her skirt or tugging down her jeans, giving her a fingering and making her come, bending her over the sofa. Just removing the minimum in terms of barriers and going for it, then coming quick and hard. Zipping up again and leaving the crash room and downing a shot of whiskey after.
Honestly, he couldn’t actually remember the last time that he’d been with a woman like this. Completely naked, lying down in a bed. Skin to skin, eye to eye, heart to heart. Slow and gentle, taking his time, watching a woman’s face as she came. Kissing every inch of her body, holding her close after, caring how she felt about being with him.
Sarah was right, actually. It was beautiful, and he didn’t want it to end. The thought that he had to take her home in a few minutes was killing him. Over the past few weeks, he’d fallen slowly and surely in to the tiny miracle that was Sarah.
The time they’d spent together – and he meant all the time, from drinking coffee fully-clothed to giving each other amazing orgasms all over his house – was the highlight of his life right now. And when she was in his arms, sweaty and panting, screaming his name, it was nothing less than heaven.
At this exact moment in time, all he wanted was to go to sleep with her – right here, right now, in this bed. He wanted to crack open his eyes tomorrow morning and see her right there next to him, to slowly kiss her awake, to make love to her before their feet had even hit the floor.
Is this what you meant when you realized that you wanted ‘something more’ from her? It may have been, and in that case, open your mouth, man, before you talk yourself out of saying anything.
Jax took a deep breath. “There’s something I really want from you, Sarah.”
She raised her head to look at him, surprised. This was the first time that Jax had actually asked her for anything, and that fact alone made her want to give it to him.
“What is it?” she said.
“I want you to start spending the night with me.” He ran his fingers over her back. “I want you to sleep at my place, wake up with me in the morning.”
“Oh.” Sarah felt her chest tighten. “Oh, Jax, I don’t know if I can…”
“I know.” His voice was resigned, quiet. “I know what the situation is. But can you at least think about it? Talk to your Mom about it?”
She paused, surprised all over again. The want in his voice was amazing – she could feel how much he desired this. It was coming off him in waves.
Maybe he needs this?
“Yeah, OK. I’ll talk to Mom.”
“Thank you.” He stared down at her. “I don’t mean every night, you know, or even every week. Just once in a while, if you can. I’d make sure to get you home in time to give Noah his breakfast, so don’t even worry about that.”
Sarah nodded. The truth was that somehow things between them had changed in some deep, permanent way, and she’d love to stay with Jax overnight. The thought of staying curled up in those amazing arms all night, and waking up to those eyes gazing at her, took her breath away. More and more over the past few weeks, she had come to hate that moment when she had to sit up, pull away, untangle herself from his embrace.
And that moment is here again now, unfortunately.
“I’ve got to go, Jax,” she said reluctantly. “Mom has to leave for work in about thirty minutes. I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry.” He kissed her forehead. “This was the deal between us, and I knew about your responsibilities from the word go. I guess I just didn’t expect to want this. To want you to stay in my bed.” He flushed, suddenly hearing his words. The implication was that he’d assumed she would merely be someone he’d get off with and then send on her way. “Damn, baby. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded…”
“No, it’s OK. I didn’t expect to ever stay over, either. I never thought you’d even ask.” She smiled at him. “But I’m glad you did.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah. And if I can find a way, I will.”
“You promise me?”
She kissed him, slow and deep. “I promise, babe.”
Chapter Eleven
Three weeks later
Sarah handed the envelope over to the courier, signed the proffered confirmation slip. She shut the door and took a deep breath. She’d just sent off the last few printed materials – and the project for Lemongrass was done. She had to prepare her final invoice, and that was it.
Thank God…now I can take a breather.
“You sent everything off?”
Sarah turned around and smiled at Helen. “Yep.”
“Congratulations, hon,” Helen said. “Must feel good. That was one hell of a big job.”
“Yeah, it was.”
Helen grinned. “And you’re sleeping at Jax’s tonight for the first time?”
Sarah dropped her gaze. “Uh. Yeah.”
“Hmmmm.” The older woman’s tone was teasing. “You think you’ll actually do much sleeping?”
The problem with having skin as fair as Sarah’s was that any blush at all was pretty damn dramatic. Helen laughed to see it, then she turned a bit more serious.
“You feeling OK about tonight?”
“Yeah. I mean – yeah.”
“Really?”
“Well… maybe a bit nervous.” Sarah stuck her hands in her jeans pockets. “And not just about it being my first time to – to you know. I’m worried about tomorrow morning.”
“You mean the morning after you guys first have sex?” Helen shrugged. “It’s not like this is a one-night-stand, Sarah. You two are together, and this is all planned. It’s not like the man will kick you out, or treat you like a drunken mistake.”
“Oh.” Sarah shook her head. “Oh, no. I’m not talking about tomorrow morning with Jax. I know that’ll all be fine. I’m worried about Noah.”
“Ah.” Helen sighed. “Hon, we have spent three weeks preparing for me to be here two mornings a week. He’s fine with it, and you know that.”
“Yeah.” Sarah sounded uncertain.
“OK, what?” Helen said. “What are you really all freaked out about?”
“I’m not sure.” Sarah thought about it. “I just – I suppose I feel selfish.”
“Why on earth would you feel that?”
“I guess because I’m putting my wants first. I mean… I want to sleep at Jax’s place, and I want to wake up next to him. It feels weird and wrong to just do what the hell I want. You know?”
“Sarah.” Helen’s voice was gentle. “You have done every single thing humanly possible to prepare Noah for this change. I switched my schedule from afternoons to mor
nings twice a week. I know his whole breakfast routine – God knows you’ve drilled it in to my head over the past few weeks. I’ve prepared his breakfast without you hovering over me, and Noah was totally fine with it. He is ready.”
Sarah sighed.
“The real question here is – are you ready?” Helen said. “Ready to let go of control, even just a little bit?”
“I – I thought I was. But now that it’s here… I’m not so sure.”
“Sarah.” Helen was stern now. “You have the right to enjoy things, you know. You have the right to be a young woman in a relationship with a good man. You have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to feel guilty about. Enjoy Jax, enjoy your time with him.”
“I – I just…”
“No. No, ‘I just’. Go over to his place, stay the night. Drink some wine and celebrate finishing a massive project. Sleep late tomorrow. Hell, stay in bed all day tomorrow, if you want… it’s not like you have any work to do right now, and me and your Mom have Noah covered until tomorrow night. Just relax.”
“OK.” Sarah took a deep, calming breath. “I’ll try.”
**
Jax stared at Sarah, feeling worried about her. She’d been nervous and jumpy ever since he’d picked her up, and he was trying to decide how best to broach the subject. Was she worried about making love with him for the first time? Was she thinking about Noah? Knowing Sarah, it was probably both.
“Hey, Red?”
Sarah jumped a bit, startled out of her thoughts. “Yeah?”
“You OK?”
“Sure.”
“Sarah. Look at me.”
She met his eyes and right away, she started to melt. God, the intensity in that green gaze never ceased to amaze her. Jax had the ability to strip the flesh clean off her bones with just one look. It was impossible to hide from him, and she didn’t even want to. He saw everything; he saw all of her.
“You want me to take you home?”
“No!” The force of her response surprised them both. “No, I want to stay. I want…” Her voice trailed off.
“What?” He walked over to her now, and her whole body tensed at his nearness. “What do you want?”
She bit her lip, trying to collect her thoughts. She was worried about Noah, she was worried about losing her virginity, she was worried about disappointing Jax. How much of this internal melodrama to dump on him?
“I want to make love with you.” Her voice was small. “But I’m scared of it, too.”
He stroked her hair. “You’re scared it’s going to hurt?”
“Partly.”
“And the other part?”
Oh, God. Just tell him the truth.
“I’m scared that I’ll disappoint you.”
Jax was stunned. “You think that I’d ever feel that way about being with you?”
“Well.” She was squirming now and staring at her feet. “It’s just that you’ve been with lots of women, and I’m sure they knew exactly what they were doing with all the positions and how to move to satisfy you, and I… well. I don’t. I’m sure that I’m not going to be – good in bed.”
“Oh, my God.” Jax lifted her chin with his forefinger. “I want you to listen very carefully to what I’m about to tell you, ‘cause I’m only going to say this once. You paying attention, doll?”
She nodded.
“OK, yeah, part of what makes someone good in bed is experience. No doubt about that. But – and this is a big ‘but’ – what makes someone fucking amazing in bed is them really wanting to be there. You hear me? Being naked and all wrapped up around someone who’s crazy-hot for you is the biggest turn-on ever.” His eyes were on a slow burn. “So, baby, what I really need to know is this: do you want to be in my bed, with me moving deep inside you? Do you want to be under me, all wet and wild, as I hold you down and make you come on my cock?”
Her breath caught and her pussy turned to liquid flame. He saw it in her face and his own arousal flared.
“Sarah? Answer me.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, I want you deep inside me…” She swallowed hard. “I want to come on – on your cock.”
“Then let’s go and do that. Now.”
Sarah was hit by a wave of desire so strong, her knees literally gave out under her. Jax caught her, lifted her to his mouth. There was nothing tender about his kiss, and she didn’t want there to be: she was fully in the grip of pure lust, and all she could feel was this man against her. Hard, strong, demanding. And he wanted her.
Jax thrust her up against the wall, used one hand to wrap her leg around his waist. She immediately brought her second leg up and around, and goddamn, he could feel her blazing heat through their clothes. She was moving on him, riding him, his hands under her ass, her head thrown back to expose her throat. Without a second thought, he sank his teeth lightly in to her delicate flesh, nipped at it. She gave a cry and shuddered, and Jax knew he had to be inside her.
He spun now, carrying her down the hall to his bedroom. She buried her face in his broad shoulder, so ready for this. Over the previous five weeks, she and Jax had explored every inch of each other’s bodies, really taking their time and finding out what they liked. But she was done waiting now – this was the man to take her virginity, and take it now. Sarah didn’t doubt it for one second.
Jax lowered her to the bed, staying with her the whole way. She was clinging to him, her legs and arms holding him tight to those amazing breasts. He gently removed her arms so he could start to undress her, but she was impatient and eager, and she sat up. Her hands were all over him, pulling off his shirt, moving to yank off his jeans. In less than a minute, they were both naked and moving to the middle of the big bed.
Sarah gave a small shriek when his mouth found her soaked center, lapping and licking. He slid a thick finger inside her, wanting her as ready as possible for him. He’d never been with a virgin in the whole of his life, but he knew it was going to hurt no matter what he did, and he’d minimize the pain, if at all possible. Her first orgasm was on his finger and mouth, and he rose on her right away, holding her as she panted and gasped.
She opened her eyes, saw the look on his face: worry mingled with desire. She smiled at him, reached up to kiss him.
“I’m ready,” she whispered. “I’m ready for you.”
“You sure?” It killed him to hold off any longer, but he had to be sure that she was sure. This was one of those things in life that couldn’t be undone once it was done – and no fucking way he was going to have Sarah regretting it after. He didn’t want to be sorry, either, and if she had any doubts about being forced or pressured, then he’d be a real dickhead. It’d be unforgivable.
“Totally sure.”
Jax nodded, leaned over and took a condom from the nightstand. She watched, fascinated and a bit frightened, as he rolled it down his length. God, he was just so big, and she still had her doubts about being able to take all of him.
He looked up at her, and he must have seen something on her face. “Sarah… I’m going to be so, so careful with you. I’m going to go slow, and we stop if you say.”
“I know.”
Jax covered her body with his, then spread her long hair over the pillow, a slow, sexy seduction that took her aback with its sweetness. She watched his eyes as he arranged her curls just-so, a small smile on his gorgeous lips.
“There.” His voice was a low rumble. “Perfect.”
“How do I look?”
“Like a summer sunset,” he said. “Blazing and beautiful.”
Tears sprang to her eyes at those gentle words uttered in his rough voice. This man never stopped taking her by surprise.
God, this feels like something more. More than temporary.
Jax kissed her again, gently at first, but the passion between th
em sparked and rose quickly. Soon she was almost mindless with want, and she reached between them, grasped him in her hand. She tugged him closer, longing for him to take her.
“Please, Jax. Please now.”
“OK, baby. Nice and easy.”
He took his cock, guided it to her lower lips. Carefully, slowly, he rubbed the swollen head against her clit, and Sarah arched in to his chest. Her soft, gasping sound of pleasure was almost his undoing, and he took a deep breath, trying to stay in control. She was clutching at his upper arms, begging for him to come inside her, and Jax wasn’t about to refuse her.
He pushed in, just an inch, and he loved how she stretched to take him, then clamped down. She was so open and at the same time, so fucking tight. He moved again, deeper, and Sarah stared up at him, amazed at how this felt.
“You OK?” he said.
“Yes. Oh, yes. More…”
He pushed again, then again. He was almost halfway inside her body now, and she felt incredible, better than anything he’d ever known. He gritted his teeth, fighting the urge to just plunge as deep and hard as possible. Jax kissed her, a fire of possession burning in his chest.
Another few inches, and she’s all mine.
Sarah was feeling things she’d never known were possible. Welcoming a man in to her body was raw, primal. They were one being, at least for a little while, and she was stunned at how much she loved this connection. She needed him to finish taking her, and she needed it now.
“Jax?”
“Yeah?” He sounded breathless.
“Just do it… all the way.”
“It’ll hurt, baby.”
“I know. But I want you. All of you.”
He groaned, but he nodded. He took her mouth, kissing her deeply, and then he gave one hard thrust. She froze at the burning stab of pain, and suddenly all her desire was gone. Fuck, it hurt, it hurt far more than she’d anticipated, and that was a shock. She gave a scream, and Jax leaned on his forearms, anxiously looking down at her. Her eyes were shut tight, and pain had made her face whiten and close in on itself.
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