by Lena Skye
Right after those paparazzi took those photos, I felt no sense of accomplishment. In fact, I felt miserable. You were on my mind every day, when you left London early, there wasn’t an hour I didn’t wish I could have taken that flight with you. It was a terrible last ditch effort to get rid of these feelings I’m not used to. I also get afraid, even if I’m like this, even if I’m used to making corporate decisions- this whole thing, it’s all new to me.”
“You’re telling me this now? Do you think I’m a total idiot to even believe what you’re saying? You could have said this while I was there!”
“I was a coward!” he exploded. “I was a goddamned coward. And I still am now. It took all of my strength, my pride, everything—just so I could garner that least amount of courage to see you. I had to see you.”
“Why did you make things hard for me? Couldn’t it have been easy to be nice at least?”
“I did all those things for you,” he said. “The shopping, this apartment—”
“Only on loan,” she cut him off. “Even your kindness was on loan. The moment you figured you’d tire of me.”
“I haven’t tired of you, that’s why I’m here. I’m trying to explain the shitty stuff I did to you,” he reasoned angrily.
She stopped. He had cursed, he had said the first profanity she had ever heard from his mouth. He saw her face and continued.
“So yes, I said shit, yes, I was an idiot for doing that to you, yes, it was lame I tried to protect myself from falling in love with you, but I couldn’t.”
Mikaela said nothing and waited for him to continue.
He took a deep breath, never breaking eye contact with her. “You heard me right, I fell in love with you, only I didn’t recognize it earlier. The moment I did, fear was in place as well. The fear that I could never become who I molded myself to be, the fear that if I lost you, I’d feel so abandoned, I’d never allow myself to fall in love again. I prided myself in getting any woman I wanted, and I prided myself in getting you. I coerced you into signing that contract, I made you a part of the routine I’d always wanted to have. The sex was great and I wanted more of you because of that—”
“Is that why you didn’t sleep with me that night? When we had our first real date? We spent hours talking and talking and I believed every word you said—”
“Every word I said was true. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with you that night because I wanted every waking moment with you to be real, far more real than that contract. I wanted to hear what you had to say, I wanted you to ask about me, so you could get to know me better.”
“I already have. And you’ve hurt me so much it’s enough to last me a lifetime,” she told him, glancing at something on the table.
He picked the newspaper up. “Is this what’s bothering you?”
She didn’t say anything again. Everything about him bothered her.
“If this is, I told you, it was a stupid decision. I was selfish and only sought to protect myself.”
“That’s damn right, you’re selfish.”
“You have every right to be made at me, you have every right to send me away—”
“Take back your money. I didn’t touch any of it.”
“Money is a trivial thing.”
“Of course it is for you! You know why I’m angry? I’m angry because I believed in you, I’m angry because I put so much hope into you, thinking you just might have that shred of real kindness in you for me—”
“It’s there. You have all of me!” his voice rose. “I’m not the expressive type so this must be coming out wrong.”
“You were wrong from day one. I shouldn’t have ever allowed that first dinner. You were manipulative from the very start and I didn’t see that—”
“I only wanted to keep you.”
“Like an object? Like you owned me. I told you before, just because you’ve got that contract doesn’t mean you own me. And you know what the worst thing is, I allowed it to happen. I lost my pride, I lost my freedom for you. I couldn’t date other people because you didn’t want me to, even if I only wanted you.”
He remembered the flirting at the hotel and how he hated it. He didn’t want anyone else near her. “So what if I’m selfish? I wanted you in my life, I still want you now.”
“You think it’s that easy to forgive you, huh?” Mikaela looked up with tears in her eyes. “You come back here, all dramatic, with a speech ready? And you think I’ll be the same idiot I was five days ago?”
“I’m inclined to say yes but I know you’ll take it against me. And you’re not an idiot. I saw something in you. You stood out from the crowd. You in your blue dress and those heels. And that smile. Who could forget that smile? I didn’t forget it the moment I saw it in the coffee shop. And you want to know another thing? I kissed you in your sleep.”
“I know,” she said, unable to control a few tears.
“You know?” he looked surprised.
She looked embarrassed but soldiered on. “I was looking at you while you were asleep. It was something that had never happened before, you actually sleeping beside me.”
“I meant for that. I didn’t want to leave right away.” He remembered it well. He saw her lying there, and he couldn’t resist the urge to leave without kissing her cheek at least.
“You wanted to stay?”
He nodded. “I allowed that to happen. I wasn’t too afraid, maybe it was because it was just the two of us. No one else could see. But even if I allowed that, I still didn’t want to seem vulnerable. Love isn’t a weakness, but I’ve learned to keep away from it, except when its family. You -- you’re the first person to do this to me. You screwed me over and you screwed me good.”
Mikaela took a step back away from him. “Justin, I’m tired. I know it’s been only two months and a week since this whole disaster, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m too traumatized from this, from you. I humiliated myself, I did things I never thought I’d do, all because I wanted you to like me. I didn’t expect it would go beyond that, I didn’t expect I’d fall for you.”
“It worked, Mikaela. Who wouldn’t fall in love with you? Who wouldn’t want to be with you? That smile alone snagged me. I tried to stay away, but no, I can’t, I couldn’t.”
Her heart pounded, that same feeling she felt seeing him sleep beside her ever so soundly. That same feeling she felt when he smiled at her as she persistently asked questions.
Justin looked at her, knowing she was still debating about this whole scenario. “Mikaela, you make me feel like I’m on top of the world, like I’ve stepped up my game. When you left, Louisa called me. She dropped so many hints about you, it was clear they wanted you for me, and she was trying to tell me that. That I wanted you and I was in denial. I guess I’m an idiot for relying on practicality too much. There is not practicality when it comes to love, it was something I wasn’t used to. I had wanted to be rational, but you make me irrational.
“I’ve known you less than three months, and you told me earlier it isn’t about the time. You’re right, it isn’t. And it’s strange to fall for you when I prided myself on never doing that. I guess there’s a first for everything, and for that I’m glad.”
She blinked and looked at him, her tears began to dry on her cheeks. “You are?”
“You were quite persistent,” he smiled at her.
“I don’t think I still will be.”
“I’m asking for a chance.”
“At what? Forgiveness?”
“A shot with you.”
“I’m not for you. I’m no model, I’m not a millionaire. Do I look like I have a trust fund? I’m not a celebrity either. I’m just some barista with small time dreams.”
“No dream is too small and I admire you for that. You know what my dream is? To get to date you, permanently date you. If you would allow me to. Why did you come back, anyway? Did you know I was going to be here?”
She shook her head. “I came back to get something.”
“The a
partment’s been stripped clean.”
She fished something out of her pocket. In her hand was the charm bracelet he got her, the first gift he had ever gotten her. She still kept it. He felt his heart leap. Was this a sign? But he didn’t believe in signs. Although, now he suddenly wanted to. He felt desperate and it was a desperation that he had never had in his whole life. It was a desperation to be liked, to be loved.
He looked at her, not expecting much, but there was that little shred of hope left in him, a hope that she would reconsider him. Would she? He would practically grovel at her feet for her forgiveness at least…
“It won’t work,” she sighed.
His heart sank.
“I’m moving to Santa Monica and you’ll be here.”
The corners of his mouth curved and then he found himself laughing, a feeling he hadn’t had in the last three years. He was actually laughing. And that was when he knew that she was the one.
“We’ll figure something out. The important thing is that you finish school and that you’re just an hour’s drive away, or a fifteen-minute helicopter ride away.”
“You’d really do that to visit me? Take a helicopter every day?”
“Or I could move there, buy a unit.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Try me.”
“I already have,” she said with an impish grin.
“Come here,” he pulled her close to him, unable to believe this was really happening.
She smiled, surprised at this sudden display of affection. “I think I’m too close to you.”
“I guess it’s time to renew that contract,” he murmured. “Something that borders on kissing in public, mandatory romantic dates and maybe a good old romp on whatever we get to lie on.”
“I’m game for that,” she replied, moving her face closer to him and tiptoeing.
“Good,” he replied, near breathless. He looked at her and he was looking at the world. He would never let go of her, ever again.
Justin couldn’t wait to kiss her every day, and he would start now.
THE END
Authors Personal Message:
Hey hey hey!
I really hope you enjoyed my novel and if you want to check out all my other releases then just head to my Amazon Page and see them all!
Remember
Peace, Love & High Heels
Lena x x
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