by Sara Mack
LB jumps up next to me and starts to knead the comforter to make herself a cozy spot. She turns around twice then lies down, pressing her body against mine when I raise my arm.
“You’re an animal LB,” I say. “You’re supposed to sense things, right?”
She looks at me as she purrs.
“Can you tell if I’ve changed into something freaky?”
She stares at me for a moment then decides to clean herself, licking her paw and pulling it over her ear and across her face.
“So I take it that’s a no?”
My question doesn’t interrupt her grooming.
I start to absentmindedly pet her as I consult the time on my alarm clock. James will be back in an hour to stay the night since he won the coin toss. I stare at the ceiling and grit my teeth. If I’m not going anywhere I shouldn’t need a sitter.
I close my eyes and take advantage of the silence. Maybe I can nap, get rid of this headache, and wake up in a better mood.
My brief slumber helped, but a hot shower sealed the deal. After James arrived, I left him in the living room and retreated to the bathroom to wash away this day. The ache in my head went down the drain with the water, which left me slightly more optimistic about my evening.
“This is kind of weird,” James says when I eventually join him, handing over the blankets that Dane used last night. “I’ve never spent a night here that wasn’t in your bed.”
I shoot him a look. “This is weird for you? Try being me.” I cross my arms. “If you can’t get comfortable here you’re more than welcome to go back to Garrett’s.”
He gives me half a smile. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t need supervision.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
He pauses, regarding me. “And what if Kellan returns for you?”
I sigh. “He wouldn’t know where to look.”
“Yes, he would,” James says. “Meg and Thomas, Jenna and Joss. They’ve all been here.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “All of the Guardians who are being held have been in my apartment?”
He nods emphatically.
“What was this? Guardian central?”
He smiles. “Something like that. Especially with Garrett next door.” He turns away from me and places the blankets on the couch. “Besides,” he says, “don’t you think it’s fair that you get to know me again, too?”
I had a feeling this was about more than just some peeved Allegiant. I move my hands to my hips. “That’s not what I was saying.”
He faces me. “So what are you saying?”
“Normal people get to know each other by going out on dates. Not living together immediately.”
“Our circumstances are slightly different.” He smiles and takes a step back, allowing himself to fall against the couch. “Consider this our first date.”
I eye his sweatpants and t-shirt. “I’m so glad you dressed up for the occasion.”
He shrugs. “I don’t mind what you’re wearing.”
I immediately wrap my arms around myself, although my yoga pants and Henley shirt leave plenty to the imagination. “Don’t start with that crap.”
He looks confused. “What crap?”
I give him a sarcastic look as I walk around the table to sit in the chair.
“What? You can’t sit next to me?” he asks.
“I…” I hesitate. I guess I can, I wasn’t really thinking about it. I push myself off the chair and move to the opposite end of the couch. “Better?”
“Much,” he says and leans forward. His eyes lock on mine, and he doesn’t say anything. His expression softens, and it looks as if he’s seeing me for the first time.
After a few uncomfortable seconds I ask, “Everything okay?”
“There was a time when we would have killed for this moment,” he says. “It was our plan to live in this apartment. To finish school and start the rest of our lives together.”
I swallow.
“But, my accident changed everything. When I think of what I put you through…” He closes his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
It upsets me to see him sad. “Hey.” I scoot closer and face him, crossing my legs in front of me. “What’s done is done. The accident was just that. An accident. You didn’t kill yourself on purpose. Even I realize that and I don’t remember any of it.”
He opens his eyes and reaches for my hand, which I allow him to take. “I’m grateful,” he says as he runs his thumb across my knuckles. “There are things I’m glad you can’t remember.” He looks into my eyes again. “But so much more I wish you did.”
I sense a kiss is imminent and my stomach knots. How inappropriate is this? Hours ago I kissed Dane! Granted it was an experiment, but…
I create a diversion. “Tell me something you want me to remember,” I say and sit up straight, putting another inch of distance between us. “Something good.”
“There’s a lot.”
I tilt my head in thought. “You said to consider this our first date. What was our real first date like?”
He smiles. “It was prom.”
I frown. “I thought we’ve known each other since we were kids?”
“That’s right.”
“And you waited until prom to ask me out?”
He laughs. “I didn’t even do that.” He turns his body to face mine and takes my other hand. “We’d been good friends for years and did practically everything together. We went to the movies, did homework, just hung out, you name it. I came and went at your house and you did so at mine. Everyone thought we were together, but we weren’t, and I was comfortable with that. But, by junior year, I started to get uncomfortable and realized I’d waited long enough to make things official. The only problem was I had no idea if you felt the same about me. I asked you to the dance under the guise of going as friends.”
I stare at him. “And I fell for it?”
He shrugs. “I would say so. You seemed pretty shocked when I kissed you on the dance floor.”
My mouth falls open a little. “I hope I got the message after that.”
He grins. “Yeah, you did.”
“Huh.” I smirk as I dig for memories of prom. They’re fuzzy. I remember Shel and me spending a lot of time together dancing. That’s about all.
James releases one of my hands and touches my face, running his fingers from my temple to my chin. “You looked so beautiful,” he says quietly.
My skin tingles under his touch, taking me by surprise. “Uh…” What do I say? Thank you?
“Not that you don’t every day.” He drops his hand and collects mine again.
This feels so awkward. I search for something to say. “I’m sure you looked pretty good yourself.” I squeeze his hands. “I wish I could remember.”
“Me too.”
I concentrate on our entwined fingers. “Tell me something else. Another memory.”
James twists his mouth in thought. After a moment his eyes light up and he laughs to himself. “This is a good one. The day I left Ferris.”
“What were you doing at Ferris?”
“They gave me a scholarship to play hockey out of high school,” he explains. “I went there first, then came here after…” He pauses and gives me a wary look. “Do you remember someone named Patrick?”
Patrick? I think back. “He was my lab partner, right?” Yep, I remember him. “He was nice enough, but he started to creep me out a little. Then he left school.”
James looks concerned. “That’s all you remember?”
Hmmm. Something is up with Patrick. Great. “Is there more?”
“A lot more.” James’ eyes flash and his jaw tenses, his grip on my hands tightening. “He attacked you this summer. He’s the cause of your concussion.”
What? I was told I had a concussion to aid in my “I-was-really-in-Ireland” excuse, but I don’t know how I got it.
James can tell I’m confused. “Three years ago he started
harassing you. Following you around, taking all the same classes. It made you nervous, so I came here to ask him to back off. We ended up getting into a fight.”
“A physical fight?”
“A bad one,” he confirms. “He disappeared after that, but I left Ferris and transferred here to be with you. Just in case he came back.”
My stomach starts to feel queasy. “So what happened?”
“When I hit him I really messed up his face. I partially blinded him in one eye, which I never meant to do. In his messed up mind he blamed you instead of me, convinced himself that you put me up to it while in reality all you had asked me to do was talk to him. When he found out I died he started to stalk you; he ended up confronting you at your house.” James shudders. He looks into my eyes, his filling with pain. “He tried to force himself on you…”
Oh, this is bad. “Stop,” I say. I don’t want to remember this if I don’t have to. “He didn’t, did he?”
“No. You fought back. But he hurt you.”
I reach up and rub my forehead. Why don’t I remember this? Patrick has nothing to do with Guardians.
“Dane saved you,” James says, “and I was there, too. We both took care of Patrick, although Dane was able to do a lot more than me.”
My mind scrambles to wrap around what he’s telling me. I was almost raped and James and Dane stopped it. Thank God for the both of them. “What would I have done without you?” I ask. Impulsively, I lean forward and hug James, wrapping my arms around his neck and setting my chin on his shoulder. “Thank you so much,” I whisper.
I feel his arms circle my waist then move up my back, pressing me to him. “No thanks necessary,” he says quietly.
As we stay wrapped around one another his heartbeat falls in rhythm with mine. I know this because I can feel it beating through his chest. It feels comfortable and safe here, and I close my eyes as I relax into his arms. One of his hands brushes up my back to move my hair away from my neck, and he turns and plants a soft kiss against it.
My eyes pop open and I lean back, so we’re inches apart. “What are you doing?”
“What I’ve always done,” he says and searches my face.
I place my hands on his shoulders and push myself back to where I was. “I don’t know if I’m ready for what we’ve always done.”
He looks alarmed. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he says, even though his hands have fallen from my waist and linger on my knees. “I couldn’t help myself. You feel so good.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Come again?”
He absentmindedly rubs my knee. “I only regained my humanity a week ago. I haven’t truly felt anything in months,” he says. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to feel the real you beneath my hands again and not just your temperature.”
The sincere way he looks at me almost makes me wish I didn’t have a conscience. I grab his hands and lace my fingers through his. “Will this do for now?”
“I’ll take whatever you can give me,” he says and tightens his grip around mine.
I study our hands. “So what was the good memory you had about the day you left Ferris?”
He chuckles. “You were helping me get settled into my dorm and helping me unpack. Let’s just say the idea of us living so close after a year of driving back and forth got the better of us.”
“Really?” I purse my lips. “Your good memory is of us getting it on?”
He gives me a sly smile. “I have lots of those. This particular time was interesting.”
“How so?”
“We were carrying boxes down the hallway. We were almost to my room when I looked at you and you looked at me. Without a word we both dropped the boxes and started making out.”
“In the hall?”
He nods. “You pushed me up against the wall…”
My jaw drops. “I pushed you?”
“…and things started to get a little out of hand. You reached around me and ended up pulling the fire alarm.” He grins. “The whole building had to be evacuated.”
My face flushes even though I recall none of this. “Did they find out it was me?”
James laughs. “No, we got out of there pretty quick.”
I can’t help but laugh with him as I picture the scene. I stare at him for a moment, realizing we have countless memories together, and smile. “Keep talking.”
Hours later I try to hold my eyes open. It’s well past one a.m. and James has been filling me in all night. I want to hear more, but I’m so tired.
“Why aren’t you sleepy?” I yawn.
“This turning human thing has left me with some lingering Guardian traits,” he says. “It’s weird. I’ve only slept twenty four hours since it happened.”
“Is that normal?”
He shrugs. “The same thing happened to Garrett, but he’s turning gradually. He thinks all of my human traits should have returned by now because of the way I was Reborn.”
“All of your traits? What else are you missing?”
“Hunger. I eat maybe once a day.”
Nice. I wish I had that problem. I remove my hand from his and flex my fingers; they’re cramped. “Anything else?”
“I’ve only used the bathroom twice since last week.”
I make a face. “Okay. I don’t need to know anymore.”
He smirks. “I do shower and brush my teeth if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I raise my hand to cover my mouth as I yawn again.
“Come here,” he says and tugs on the hand he still holds. He scoots back into the corner of the couch, shifts his legs, and pulls me to lie down beside him with my back to his chest. “Do you think you could sleep here? With me?”
It feels so good to lie down; I stretch out and bury myself against the cushions beneath me. “Umm hmm,” I mumble.
James grabs the blankets that sit on the back of the couch and covers us with them. He rests his arm over my side. “What time do you have to be up tomorrow?” he asks.
“Not until ten.”
“Go to sleep,” he says and pulls me against him. “I’ll wake you when it’s time.”
I lean against him knowing that this is exactly where I’d be if his accident had never happened. It feels odd, but it feels good, too. I allow myself to fall asleep, relaxed and content. Maybe this bodyguard thing isn’t so bad after all.
Chapter 5
“Surprise!”
I almost lose my balance as Shel launches herself forward and hugs me tightly. “What are you doing here?” I ask, grinning over her shoulder.
“I thought you might want to see a friend,” my mother says as she follows her through the door.
I squeeze Shel tight then step back. Instantly we start laughing for no reason. God it feels good to see her! I feel like it’s been eons.
My mom walks around Shel to hug me as well. She rocks me side to side for a second and then steps back, holding me at arm’s length and inspecting me.
“What?” I smile.
“You look great,” she says. “Have you been tanning?”
I frown. “Why would I go tanning?” I would never pay to sit under artificial cancer-causing light.
“You look different,” Shel says coming forward. “You must have picked up some color in Ireland. Was it sunny? I thought it mostly rained there.”
Shoot! I’ve only been back from the Irish Caribbean for five days; I didn’t think about having a tan! I race for an explanation. “We had a week of unnaturally warm weather,” I lie. “I spent as much of it outside as I could. Maybe I did get a tan.” I lift my arm pretending to inspect it. “I really didn’t notice.”
“Oooo, what’s that?” Shel asks and reaches for my wrist, noticing my bracelet. “Did you get this over there?”
“Yep,” I lie again. “Do you like it?”
She lifts my wrist higher to get a better look. “It’s so intricate,” she says and spins it around. “I love it.”
My mother takes a turn to eye
it as well, nodding her approval. “It’s pretty.”
“Well, come in and sit down,” I say, backing up.
“Where’s LB?” Shel asks as she takes off her coat and tosses it over the back of the couch.
“On my bed.”
She takes off to bother her as my mom takes a seat. “Give me that.” I reach for her coat and place it next to Shel’s. I wish I had somewhere to hang them. “I guess I could use a coat rack, huh?”
My mom smiles. “I’ll remember that; Christmas is coming. You should make a list.”
I shake my head. “You’ve started shopping, haven’t you?” My mom always starts her holiday shopping in October, I swear.
“You know I shop year round,” she says and starts to dig through her purse. I sit down next to her as she pulls out a small beat up pocket calendar and pen. She flips to the back and writes down coat rack. “What else do you need for this place?”
“About that…” I drift off. I’ve been saving my big moving home secret until now. “Shel!” I call into the bedroom. “Get in here!”
She reappears holding LB. “What’s up?”
“I emailed Matt this morning,” I tell her. “My advisor signed off yesterday.”
She breaks out into a beaming smile. “Yay!”
“What’s going on?” my mom asks, confused.
I turn toward her, excited. “I won’t be living here next semester.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Emma Lynn. What are you up to now? Where will you be?”
“Home.” I smile. “I’m moving back home.”
It takes a minute for my revelation to register. I see her let out a breath of relief. “How?”
“I have three classes left,” I explain as Shel sits next to me. “I talked to my advisor, and I can complete an internship in place of two. Based on my friend’s brilliant suggestion,” I look at Shel, “I’ll be working at Mr. Randall’s clinic. The other class I’ll take online.”
My mom takes my hand and clutches it. She has tears in her eyes.
