My heart twisted painfully at the thought of him, and I squeezed my eyes shut again.
“Are you awake?” Karin whispered.
“Yeah.”
“Remember back in San Juan, when I used to sneak into your room during thunderstorms?”
“Yeah.” I smiled faintly. “You'd bring your stuffed rabbit along.”
Karin turned on her side to face me. “We'd turn off the lights and crack the windows open, just enough to let the cold air in.”
“Then we'd get under the covers and listen to the rain outside. Those were some crazy storms back there.”
“Yeah.” Karin's gaze fell. “I shouldn't have thrown the rabbit away, it was the last thing he got me. But I think I wanted to forget him.”
“I tried to forget him too,” I confessed. “It was easier to lose myself in work.”
“Do you think anyone thinks about him anymore? What about his relatives? He had an uncle who came to the funeral, right? And a few cousins.”
“They were only there for the money,” I told her softly.
It was only occurring to me now that maybe our father had been as lonely as us.
“Do you think he would have liked us now if he were alive?”
“I don't know. Maybe.”
“I think I would have liked him,” Karin said hopefully, tracing the faded floral patterns on the covers.
I didn't know what to say to that.
I knew that death didn't automatically sanctify a person, and my father hadn't been kind when he was alive. But even so, a part of me still ached for the missed opportunities with him.
“What should we do now?” my sister asked.
“Go on with life, I guess.” I swallowed. “And maybe...get justice for Dad? I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far yet.”
“And what about Ryland?”
“I don't know either. Maybe—” my voice cracked, and hot tears spilled out the corners of my eyes and fell into the pillow.
“Oh, Allie…” Karin huddled closer to me. “We'll get through this together like we always do, right?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “But right now it really hurts.”
“You care for Ryland, don't you?” At my firm shake of my head, Karin exhaled. “Does he know where you are?”
“No, but I don’t want to talk to him right now.”
Karin sucked in her lips. “He was blowing up my phone when we were in the taxi earlier.”
“Because I turned mine off,” I said morosely.
He must be going out of his mind by now.
And as much as I hated him, a part of me also rebelled against the thought of him worrying.
I was such a fool.
I eased up and hesitantly reached for my phone, turning it on. Pale white light streamed from the screen.
A second later, the phone began buzzing.
Twenty-one text messages, four voicemails, all from Ryland, but before I could read any of them, the phone vibrated again.
He was calling.
I stared at his name for long moments, watching the screen grow blurry from the tears gathering in my eyes. He had to have been calling non-stop for his call to come through the moment my phone was turned on.
But I shouldn't care.
This was a guy who had lied to me from the start, who would have kept me in the dark for longer if he could get away with it.
A guy who had made me care for him, against my sense of self-preservation.
The phone continued to vibrate in my hands, as if begging me to answer.
“You don't have to if you'd rather not,” Karin said softly.
But I knew I had to.
Drawing a deep breath, I pressed the green icon on the screen and held the phone to my ear.
“Allie?”
My heart wrenched when I heard Ryland's hoarse voice. He was breathing heavily, as if he had just sprinted a mile.
“Where are you?” he demanded. “Are you safe? Shit, I can't find you anywhere. Just let me know you're safe. I won't come over if you don't want me to.”
I couldn't manage a word, and instead pressed the back of my fist against my mouth to stifle my sob.
“No, don't.” Ryland's voice turned anxious. “Fuck. Don't cry, Allie. Please.”
I clutched the phone as hot tears streamed down my face. I hated him for how he'd hurt me, but part of me still wanted him to beg me to let him make it right, even though I didn't see how he could.
“Don't ever contact me again,” I choked. “We're over.”
“Allie, wait—”
I cut the call before I could hear the rest, letting the phone slip from my nerveless fingers onto the covers.
Karin quickly took it and turned it off, and I closed my eyes and curled into myself like a fetus under the covers.
Every part of me hurt so goddamned much, as if my chest and lungs were on fire. I wanted to go to sleep forever and never wake from this nightmare.
“It'll be okay,” Karin whispered, patting my hair. “It'll be okay.”
But it wouldn’t.
Because nothing could mend this trust that Ryland had broken, and nothing could bring our father back to us.
***
“I brought you your favorite,” Karin sang as she cracked the door open. “Can you guess?”
“Duh.” I tried forcing a smile, and failed. “The whole room already smells like cheese.”
“Guess,” Karin insisted.
I exhaled through my nose. “Pizza?”
“With pineapples,” she finished proudly as she toed off her sneakers, balancing the two pizza boxes in one hand. “I don't get how you freaks can stand fruits on your pizza. It's gross as heck.”
“And yet you have tomato sauce all over yours.”
“I don't care what the world says, tomatoes are vegetables.”
I got up to take the boxes from her. “Did you see anything weird on your trip? Anyone following you?”
I was done with Ryland, but it didn't mean that Estelle was done with us. Now that we weren't under his protection, nothing was stopping her from taking her shot at us, literally.
“Other than a man walking his parrots, which is more awesome than weird, no.” Karin took off her coat, draping it over the ancient box TV.
“Thanks,” I told her quietly. “You've been out and about while I'm still holed up in here.”
“If my GPA didn't depend on my being up and about, I'd be right here with you.” Karin sat cross-legged on the bed and dragged her box of Meat Lovers over. “And you've been working your ass off for years. Three days of moping is nothing.”
Then she gave me a sidelong look. “Have you turned on your phone yet?”
I had, for a short minute that morning. There were several more voicemails and texts from Ryland, none of which I could bring myself to read.
“Yeah,” I mumbled, busying myself by pulling a steaming slice of pizza from my box.
“Did he call again?”
“Uh-huh. I'm not going to call him back, if that's what you're wondering.”
“I wasn't,” Karin protested. Then, when I didn't reply: “But why aren't you?”
“Because he lied to me,” I said sharply. “Dad's murderer is out there walking free and living off his money, and all along Ryland knew but did nothing.”
“He did try to find ways around it, I wouldn’t call that nothing,” Karin said thoughtfully. “And he wouldn't have known how we'd take it. Maybe he thought we would try to pin it on him.”
I scowled at her. “Why are you taking his side?”
“Just trying to be fair,” she shrugged. “He was eighteen when it happened.”
“Not exactly a young boy.”
“No, but he was also just starting to be his own person.” Karin bit her lip. “Was he remorseful about it, though?”
I recalled the pain in Ryland’s eyes that night, when I pulled away from him.
“I think so,” I whispered.
Karin set aside her p
izza and took my hand. “Allie, maybe he's just a good man who made bad decisions. Decisions that hurt us, but maybe if you let him make amends—”
“It's not just about what happened with Dad,” I cut in. “I trusted him with everything I had, and it was all lies.”
“I think he cares about you too,” Karin said softly.
“Which is why letting go of him is so hard.”
“Then don't let go just yet. Hear him out, and if you don't like what he has to say, you could always leave then. It's not like you'd be worse off.”
“But I would.” My throat tightened. “Just seeing him would break my heart all over again.”
“But isn't that the great thing about being a woman?” Karin cocked her head. “Even when we're broken, we will always find the strength to put ourselves back together.”
My next morning was spent trawling through articles about Dad's accident on my phone.
Unsurprisingly, there was nothing that pointed to foul play. Ryland had been right—Estelle did know how to cover her tracks.
Sighing, I switched over to the news websites, dispassionately browsing through the sections.
I hadn't left the motel room for the fourth day in a row, and the inactivity was starting to make me feel trapped. I badly wanted to head out and do something, anything to feel normal again.
But what did ‘normal' even mean now? Was it going to get groceries like it was a regular Wednesday morning, pretending that everything was okay?
Articles flashed on my screen as I scrolled blindly through the business section.
Then one of the headlines made me do a double-take.
Wyatt Corp CEO calls for press conference Friday morning.
I blinked.
From what I recalled, there weren't any conferences scheduled for the next month.
What was going on?
I bit my lip and spent the next few minutes debating if I should call Ryland.
In the end, worry edged out my grief and anger just a fraction.
Before I could change my mind, I turned the phone on. It vibrated immediately as usual, but I ignored the alerts and called Ryland’s number.
He answered within two rings.
“Hey.” His voice ran over my skin like velvet, and I hated how much I missed it.
I cleared my throat. “Hey. I just saw the news. What's up with that?”
“I can't explain over the phone.” He paused. “How are you?”
“I'm fine,” I said curtly. “By the way, if this is a trick to get my attention, it's not going to work.”
“It isn't. I called the conference for another reason. A reason I need to explain to you in person,” Ryland added.
“Nice try. Say it already, or I'm hanging up.”
“I'm stepping down as CEO.”
“What?” I burst. “Why!”
“Like I said, I can't explain over the phone. Meet with me, Allie. Your time and place.”
I floundered for a reply, and Ryland added in a low voice, “Please. I need to see you.”
Jerk. He knew what that did to me.
I paused.
Could I meet the guy who had broken my heart without breaking off another piece of it?
I'd find out soon enough.
“Fine,” I said shortly. “I have something to tell you too. I'll be at Brooklyn Bridge Park in an hour. Meet me at the waterfront.”
Ryland was already waiting when I got to the boardwalk overlooking the Manhattan skyline.
He was standing by the railings with his hands in his coat pockets and his collar turned up against the biting wind. His breath misted in the crisp air, and his gaze roamed over the few other groups of people around. I knew that he was looking for me.
My heart ached as I took in his profile.
I hadn't seen him in four days, but it felt longer than that. Every warning I'd told myself about not caring evaporated with every step I took towards him.
It was all I could do not to run to him, and yet here I was, going forward with the aim of letting him go.
Ryland spotted me from afar and straightened. His gaze heated me even with the distance between us.
I had not been prepared for the way he looked.
There were dark smudges under his eyes, which were red-rimmed and bloodshot. His cheekbones were in even sharper contrast now, as though he had lost some weight in the past few days.
Ryland's gaze followed me all the way until I stood in front of him.
“You have fifteen minutes,” I said quietly. “Use it wisely.”
Ryland reached a hand out slowly, as if I were a wild animal that might bolt at any moment. My breath caught when he caressed my cold cheek with his warm fingers.
“I miss you,” he said solemnly.
I knew I should step away, but I couldn't force myself to move from his touch any more than I could stop breathing. The October air that blew in from the East River was biting cold, and my body drew all its warmth from his hand alone.
“Where are you staying?” Ryland asked next.
“As if I'd tell you.”
Ryland exhaled silently, the white puff of his breath lingering in the air between us. “It's in Brooklyn, since you told me to come here. Probably a hostel or a motel.”
I scowled at his accuracy. “I said I'm not telling.”
“I'm not compromising on your safety, Allie cat. I'll arrange for you and Karin to move into a proper place. It doesn't have to be one of mine, just somewhere I know you're safe.”
“In other words, somewhere you can keep an eye on me. Where I stay is not up to you, Ryland.”
He let his hand fall from my cheek, and I had to bite back a sound of protest.
“This discussion isn't over,” he informed me.
“Yes, it is. What did you want to tell me, about you stepping down from your position? You have twelve minutes left.”
Ryland checked his watch with a small lift of his brow. “Thirteen.”
“Ten,” I said shortly.
Ryland watched me, his expression inscrutable.
“I was an asshole,” he finally said. “Am, an asshole. I wanted to fix it first. Tie it up in a neat bow, and ask your forgiveness after I did.”
“That's not how it works.” I stared up into his beautiful, heartbreaking face. “You lied to me. My father died, and I didn't even know how or why.”
“I know. It was fucked up.” Ryland thrust his hand into his hair. “I fucked up. When I saw you that night,” he said haltingly, “at the exhibition, I thought that you were something I deserved, for all those years I'd given up. For all the shit I had to do for Wyatt Corp. I thought you were my reward.”
My brows drew together. “I'm more than that, Ryland.”
“You are, and I should have done everything differently from the start.” Ryland watched me with intent blue eyes. “I came to tell you just one thing, Allie cat. I'm not giving you up.”
My breath caught in my throat.
“I know that makes me a selfish bastard,” he said grimly, “but fuck, that's who I am. And I can't stop wanting you any more than I can stop breathing. If I have to, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, chasing you down.”
My stomach did a flip at Ryland’s solemn confession, even though I was uneasy.
Was he stepping down just so he could make it up to me? That wasn't what I wanted at all.
Ryland watched me with an inscrutable expression. “After I make the announcement that I'm stepping down, I'll go to the police and turn Estelle in for your father's murder.”
I stared at him in shock. “But she has the weapon with your fingerprints on it. Won't she just pin it on you?”
“She'll try,” Ryland agreed, “but the fact that she bribed a member of the force will play a role in the case. If it works out, I'll only go down as her accomplice. It's not as good as her taking full responsibility for it, but at least she isn't getting away scot-free, and Cam and Gabriel will also be clear of it. And most importan
tly,” he tugged my hair from the wind and tucked it behind my ear, “I can give you closure.”
“Closure?” I echoed dumbly.
“For your father's death.” Ryland’s gaze was grave. “I can't return him back to you, but I can give you justice for his murder, and the life you deserve.”
Then his lips curved ruefully. “It's been a long time coming, Allie cat. You won't worry about making rent and bills anymore. You can travel the world, or go to college. I already have the finances in order.”
I blinked, struggling to form a coherent sentence.
Ryland raised a brow expectantly. “So? What do you think?”
“What do I think?” I repeated, dumbfounded.
Then I shoved hard at his chest.
Ryland was so surprised he stumbled back a step. His stunned expression would have been funny if not for the fact that he had just offered to throw his life away, and for what?
For closure?
“What do I think! I think that for a Fortune 500 CEO, you can be so…” I choked as I searched for the right word, “dense!”
Ryland blinked, but he wisely held his tongue.
“I don't want you to take the fall just so I can have closure! Sacrificing yourself is not closure! What am I going to after you go to jail? Live happily on your money?”
He frowned. “That was the idea—”
I beat a fist against his chest, angry tears building. “Don't ever, ever, say something like that. You can't throw everything away for such a dumb reason—”
Ryland grabbed my hand in his, forcing me to meet his intent gaze.
“I can,” he said in a low voice. “If that's what it takes to earn your forgiveness, I can give that up and more. Allie, it was hell seeing you cry and knowing I caused it. Knowing I could do fuck-all about it.” His expression turned dark. “I won't let that happen again.”
“You're doing it right now!” Frustration pricked at my eyes. “I don't care if Estelle is right there beside you in prison, I'd let her walk free for my father's murder if it meant keeping you out of it.”
“Allie—”
“You don't get to ruin your life just so I'll forgive you. It's not that easy, you selfish, stupid jerk!”
Ryland tugged me into his arms. I struggled weakly, but he held me firm in the warm cage of his body.
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